


Oh, Humanity

by vinegar-and-glitter (vinegarandglitter)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Roswell (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Gen, IN SPACE!, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Non-Canonical Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-12 02:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 47
Words: 92,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12949428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinegarandglitter/pseuds/vinegar-and-glitter
Summary: Evan fell out of a tree and broke his arm, and no one was there. Right? There are things that don’t add up - like blood on his shirt and a mysterious silver handprint on his abdomen. Oh, and Connor Murphy won’t stop staring at him.A Dear Evan Hansen/Roswell crossover.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Obscure crossovers? That's kind of my thing. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, but I guess we'll see. Let's get weird.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor tries to get high at Ellison State Park and gets more than he bargained for.

Ellison State Park is nice in summer. It’s nice all year round, actually, but there’s something about it in summer that’s just… better. The trees create a canopy that hides the sky from view. It’s warm, but not too warm. The rays of the sun sneak in as tiny lines, rather than beating down harshly. The grass smells good. The trees feel solid. It’s peaceful.

 

It’s also really fucking stupid. Communing with nature, getting in touch with Mother Earth and shit like that… doesn’t make a fuckload of sense when Earth’s not even home.

 

Connor rolls a joint and settles down under a tree. He’s gotten used to figuring out the places you’re less likely to find other people over the years, and this place is no exception. Weirdly enough, he knows that this particular tree is the tallest tree in the entire park. He fumbles in his pocket for the lighter he was sure he put in there this morning, to no avail. Looking around to be completely, utterly, 100% sure he’s alone, he _focuses_.

 

A small flame bursts forth from his index finger. He uses it to light the joint, and then it’s gone.

 

Connor takes a hit of the joint and tries not to think of what Zoe’s reaction would be if she could see him now. Zoe’s always on about not using their powers, how it’s not safe, how someone could find out about them. (She’s so full of shit. Zoe totally uses her powers to play vinyl records in her room. The turntable is in Larry’s study.)

 

She’d be pissed about the pot thing, too, but more about the power usage. He thinks she’s starting to understand why he’s high all the time. It’s better than having his powers go completely out of control. He was never good at controlling his emotions, and that resulted in broken lights, unexplained power outages, things melting for no good reason… the time he “threw” a printer at a teacher in second grade. At least when he was high, things didn’t go wrong. When he was high, it all didn’t hurt as much. Knowing he was a freak. Knowing he didn’t belong. Not as part of Larry and Cynthia’s game of happy families, not in this stupid town, not on this whole damn planet.

 

Zoe never seemed bothered by it and it drove Connor crazy. As far as she was concerned, their non-humanness was something to be hidden and ignored at all costs. Aside from the moments where having alien powers came in useful - copying her friends homework, doing her makeup, listening to vinyl, putting indigo streaks in her hair, all with a wave of her hand. She wanted to be normal. To fit in. And she did it perfectly.

 

No one would suspect that perfect Zoe Murphy was an alien. Granted, most people wouldn’t exactly think ‘alien’ when they looked at Connor. They’d think other things. Things like ‘psycho school shooter’ and ‘loner’ and the ever popular ‘freak’. He chuckles without meaning to. ‘Freak’ is at least an accurate statement.

 

He doesn’t belong here.

 

But he doesn’t know where he _does_ belong.

 

So he just doesn’t belong anywhere.

 

The wind rustles the leaves in the trees. No, wait. There’s rustling in the leaves above him, but not anywhere else. There’s something in the tree. The familiar fingers of paranoia tickle his spine and he stands up, stubbing the joint out between his fingers. Someone might be there. Someone might be watching him. Someone might have seen him light the joint without a lighter. Someone who’s looking out for people like him.

 

People who aren’t people at all.

 

Before he can fully finish that thought, he hears a crack. The leaves shake as something begins to fall, hitting and breaking branches as it goes. It all takes less than a minute and before Connor has even had time to process it properly, a crumpled body falls at his feet. The body is bruised and bloody, one arm at an unnatural angle. But what’s more concerning is a broken branch piercing the abdomen. Right through the body. Which is moving.

 

The body rolls over and Connor’s heart sinks into his combat boots as he sees a familiar face.

 

“It didn’t work?” asks Evan Hansen, voice shaky, eyes barely focused as blood pours out of the wound in his side. Connor sees the branch has dislodged itself and realizes almost immediately what about to happen.

 

Evan Hansen is about to bleed out and die.

 

Connor makes a very quick decision.

 

He pulls up Evan’s shirt, puts his hand over the wound in Evan’s side and tries to make eye contact with the dying boy. “You have to look at me, Evan,” Connor says. “You have to let me help you.” Evan’s eyes are glazing over but he looks up.

 

Their eyes lock.

 

Connor _focuses_.

 

_Eight-year-old Evan sits in the front seat of a truck, behind the steering wheel, a wide toothy grin as he happily beeps the horn_

_Eight-year-old Evan cries in his mother’s arms as she assures him she’ll never, ever leave him. That he’ll never ever be alone._

_Thirteen-year-old Evan is left home alone for the first time._

_Thirteen-year-old Evan is left home alone for the hundred and seventeenth time._

_Fourteen-year-old Evan is alone._

_Fifteen-year-old Evan is alone._

_Sixteen-year-old Evan is alone._

_Evan turned seventeen alone._

_Evan is alone. Evan is alone. Evan is alone._

 

Connor thinks his heart might be breaking, but he tries to fight through the overwhelming tidal wave of thoughts and feelings, focusing everything on Evan’s injuries. He pours everything he has into his task, commanding the injured parts to knit themselves back together. Evan’s eyes are brimming with unshed tears.

 

_Evan tries to talk to Jared, who blows him off without bothering with a fully formed excuse._

_Evan tries to start a conversation with someone, only to find his words won’t come out right._

_A room full of people laugh as he tries to give a presentation._

_Zoe Murphy draws stars on the cuffs of her jeans._

 

With a jolt, Connor understands what he’s seeing and snaps out of the connection. This isn’t news, not really - he’s seen Evan watching his sister. He’d have to be blind to have missed that, considering the amount of time he spent watching Evan. He could have done without such vivid confirmation, though.

 

Evan’s breath is still coming out in panicked bursts and Connor snaps back to reality. Biting his lip so hard he tastes copper, he focuses on Evan’s injury.

 

_Zoe walks down the halls, indigo in her hair and the sun in her smile._

_Zoe plays the guitar and everyone stops to listen, because how could you not?_

_Zoe fills in quizzes in magazines and furrows her brow, taking them more seriously than he’s ever seen before._

_Evan tries to talk to her after the jazz band concert._

_Evan fails to talk to her after the jazz band concert._

_Evan is at every jazz band concert._

 

All the energy seems to drain out of him at once. Connor looks down at his hand to see smooth skin and knows he’s done it. Knows Evan is safe.

 

Evan tries to sit up and winces. Connor looks at his arm, jutting out unnaturally, and goes to touch it gently, only to stop himself as he gets light-headed. He’s done too much. He can’t fix this.

 

Evan is looking at him, his face completely panicked. Something occurs to Connor like a bolt of lightning.

 

“What do you mean ‘it didn’t work’?”

 

“You… you, you, you, there’s blood on your hands, am I bleeding, oh my god, I was… I was going to… I was…”

 

Evan is hyperventilating. Connor is helpless.

 

“I let go,” says Evan. “I let go, I let go, I let go. It didn’t work. It didn’t work.”

 

Evan is barely breathing through his panic. Connor doesn’t know what to do. So he does the only thing he can.

 

He puts his hand on Evan’s shoulder and _pushes_ with his mind.

 

Evan falls asleep.

 

Connor picks up his phone and dials Zoe’s number.

 

She answers after three rings.

 

“What the fuck do you want.”

 

“You need to get here right now.”

 

Zoe doesn’t reply straight away. When she does, her voice is cautious.

 

“You know I can’t do that, Connor.”

 

“I’m not fucking kidding,” he says fiercely.

 

“Connor-”

 

“You know I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important.” He pauses, then continues. “Jalapeño pancakes.”

 

Zoe hangs up. Moments later, she materializes in front of him, her face tight with fear. The fear only increases when she catches sight of the unconscious Evan, covered with blood. Then she sees Connor’s equally blood-covered hand.

 

“What did you do?” she asks softly.

 

“I saved him.” Connor looks down at his hands. “He freaked out. He can’t know what I did.”

 

Zoe frowns. “I’m not… it’s been so long since I did that, Connor, I don’t know if I can make him forget something like this.”

 

“He jumped out of that tree,” Connor says. “He wanted to die. He fucking impaled himself on a tree branch and I… I brought him back. His arm’s still broken, I didn’t… I don’t have enough energy left to fix it. But… fuck. He wanted to die. He’s gonna fucking hate me when he wakes up.”

 

Zoe opens her mouth and closes it a few times, clearly choosing her words carefully. “Why did you save him, if you knew he wanted to die? Why would you risk him knowing what you can do?”

 

“Because I’ve been fucking in love with him since we were kids,” Connor snaps bitterly. “I couldn’t just… I couldn’t just watch him die. Even if he wanted to.”

 

“What’s to stop him from just trying again?”

 

“You.”

 

Zoe blinks. “You want me to… what, mind-warp him into not doing it again?”

 

Connor shrugs. “If that’s what it takes.”

 

Zoe hesitates. “I don’t know if I can even do that. If he… I don’t want him to die, I don’t want anyone to die, but if anyone found out about us… you know what would happen.”

 

Connor’s sick of his sister standing over him. He gets up and extends himself to his full height, towering over her as usual. “Look, just convince him that he fell out of the tree, it was an accident, he’s fine but he has a broken arm.” The next few words have a bitter taste as he says them. “Make him think he was alone.”

 

Zoe looks like she’s about to say something, but then nods and kneels down next to Evan. She shakes him awake gently, then takes his hand.

 

Connor doesn’t want to watch his sister holding Evan’s hand. He doesn’t want to be watching this at all. But he can’t seem to pull his gaze from what’s unfolding in front of him. Zoe’s hand begins to glow and Evan’s confused eyes lock onto, glazing over as she begins to speak.

 

“You fell out of a tree. It was an accident - the branch just gave way and you lost your grip. When you wake up, you’ll have forgotten all of this. You’ll get up, you’ll get to a hospital and you’ll get your arm fixed.”

 

Zoe grips onto Evan’s hand tighter, her hand glowing more intensely as she sends a stronger suggestion. Connor feels like he’s going to throw up at her next words.

 

“No one was here when you fell. You were alone.”

 

“No one was here when I fell,” Evan repeats quietly. “I was alone.”

 

“That’s right,” Zoe says softly. “Go back to sleep.”

 

Evan passes out again. Connor notices that Zoe gently squeezes his hand before finally letting go and climbing to her feet.

 

“Did you drive here?” Zoe asks. Connor shakes his head. Zoe sighs, then grabs his hand. A moment later, they materialize in Zoe’s bedroom.

 

Zoe lets go of his hand. “We’ll talk about this later,” she says warningly. “Right now I need to sleep for, like, a week. That was exhausting.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Connor mutters, heading toward his room. He flops down on his bed and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

 

His dreams are full of blood-soaked trees, sprinkled with the rays of the sun.


	2. The Handprint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan tries to take a shower with a broken arm and make a discovery.

The cast is heavy and awkward. His arm hurts, and he’s brimming with nervous energy and the tickling sensation at the back of his brain that he’s missing something. Evan feels like a hot shower would really help things right now, but he’s not a hundred percent confident in his ability to get undressed and keep his cast dry and all the things you have to think about when you’ve got a broken arm.

 

He knows his mom would help if he asked. He can hear her pottering around downstairs, home early due to his injury. For some reason, being around her right now just brings up this unbearable feeling of guilt. She’d been a complete mess when she’d met him at the hospital. Her supervisor had cut her shift short immediately and she’d been there through the whole process of getting his cast on and getting checked over for concussion and anything else that might be wrong with him, seeing that his memory of what happened right after he fell out of the tree was a little fuzzy.

 

In the end, they decided he didn’t have concussion, he was probably just a bit disoriented. On the way home, his mother held onto the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white and just rambled on about how relieved she was that he was okay, and what was he doing in such a high tree, and did he realize how dangerous a fall from that high up could have been, and she was so glad he was okay and felt so lucky.

 

Evan had just kind of nodded in agreement when it seemed appropriate and tried to keep his thoughts in line.

 

His thoughts. They were all over the place. It was like someone had reached inside his brain and stirred all his memories with a big spoon, scraping the old bits to the top and making them new again. He kept remembering weird things from when he was a kid. Beeping the horn of the moving truck the day his dad left. Not being able to find his class on the first day of kindergarten and crying in the hallway. The day that Connor Murphy made the printer fly.

 

Evan fiddles with the edge of his shirt and frowns. He remembers that day, and he remembers being  _one hundred percent, completely sure_ that the printer flew. But everyone said Connor threw it at the teacher, and that’s what had to have happened, right? Because printers can’t fly. Somehow it was Connor’s fault, but Evan _knows_ he didn’t touch it. No one ever explained it or even talked about it, but Evan thought that maybe Connor was like Professor X and moved it with his mind.

 

Evan resists the urge to bang his head on the wall. What the hell is wrong with him? And why is he thinking about Connor Murphy, of all people? It’s not like he thought about him a lot, except in relation to Zoe. Zoe, with her kind and subtle smile, her confidence, her fearlessness, her beauty, her talent. Yeah, Evan had kind of been in love with her since he was a sophomore. So having her brother on the brain was… a little weird, and a lot unexpected. It wasn’t like he’d seen either of them since school finished.

 

Evan sighs. School. In just a few days. He’ll be that loser with the cast, which of course no one will sign, because Evan doesn’t have any friends to sign his cast. Evan doesn’t have anyone. Evan is alone.

 

_Connor wants the teacher to see that it isn’t fair, to understand that he doesn’t want to be left out. He wants to be like the other kids and have his turn as line leader. He wants to be normal. He wants to belong._

_Connor is so angry._

_Connor is alone._

 

Evan jolts and tries to shake himself out of his weird, weird brain. He heads down the stairs to the kitchen where his mother is drinking a cup of tea.

 

“Hey sweetie, are you hungry?” she asks, voice full of warmth and optimism that’s just so slightly unconvincing. “I could make you some eggs. I think we have eggs.”

 

“I just wanted to get some saran wrap,” he replies quietly. “So I can keep my cast dry and have a shower. I think it’ll make me feel better, I’m kind of achey.”

 

“Do you want me to help you?” she says, putting the cup down and reaching into the drawer. “I can wrap it up for you - it’ll be hard to do it with just one hand.”

 

“Actually, that’d be great. Thanks, Mom.”

 

His mom gets to work quickly, wrapping the cast gently and efficiently. It’s times like these where it’s so obvious she’s a nurse - she’s got the technique down like she’s wrapped an arm a hundred times before. Which she probably has. Not with saran wrap, though. Actually, the fact that she’s doing this with saran wrap is more impressive. Because regular bandages don’t stick to themselves, but saran wrap always does.

 

Evan doesn’t know why he’s getting so worked up about saran wrap.

 

His mother pats his arm lightly and smiles. “All wrapped up. Do you need a hand getting changed?”

 

Evan tries not to groan in embarrassment. “I’m all good. Thanks Mom.”

 

He heads up the stairs and into the bathroom, then locks the door. It’s not like his mom would come in, but he doesn’t like not locking the door when he’s showering, because what if a burglar came in and wanted to steal stuff and walked in on him naked? At least if there was a burglar, they’d have to kick down the door and hopefully that would make enough noise that Evan would have a chance to get dressed before he came in. Except getting dressed is going to take way more time than usual thanks to his broken arm, so even if he did hear, it wouldn’t make any difference. The burglar would still break the door down and would still see him naked.

 

Weirdly, thinking about a burglar possibly seeing him naked is a much more normal, reassuring thought than Connor Murphy and the flying printer from second grade. Except that leads him to thinking about Connor Murphy naked and oh my god, this is not what he should be thinking about as he’s taking off his shirt.

 

Weirdly, his shirt doesn’t seem to want to come off as smoothly as normal. It’s like it’s stuck to his skin. Evan pulls a bit harder and it comes loose. He frowns at the sensation of his skin pulling, then shrugs it off and pulls the shirt over his head as gracefully as he can with a cast on his arm.

 

When he looks down at his stomach to see if he can figure out what was causing it to stick, a cold feeling settles down his spine. He rushes to the mirror to get a better look. His abdomen is covered in smears of something reddish brown that looks uncomfortably like dried blood, but that’s not the most shocking thing.

 

What’s more shocking is that there’s underneath the smears, shining as though lit from within, is a glowing silver handprint.


	3. The Jalapeño Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Connor make and consume pancakes.

Zoe stumbles into the kitchen to the sight of Connor dicing jalapeños. A burst of affection for her brother seeps through the ice cold panic that’s had a hold of her ever since they left the park the day before.

 

“The parents are out?” she asks, grabbing a jalapeño and taking a bite.

 

“Yeah,” says Connor, swatting her hand away as she reaches for another jalapeño. “Stop eating the fucking peppers or else you won’t get pancakes.”

 

“We need to talk about what happened.”

 

“And we will. After I’ve made the pancakes.” He gestures to the cupboard. “Make yourself useful and grab the pancake mix.”

 

They fall into the familiar rhythm of making their favourite breakfast food. It’s been awhile since they’ve done this together, but it used to be a fairly common occurrence. For whatever reason, their alien tastebuds had a real thing for food that was extremely sweet and extremely spicy. In their early teens, they’d done some experimenting to find the perfect sweet and spicy food and the result had been jalapeño pancakes.

 

So when he had brought them up on the phone, Zoe knew something serious was happening.

 

She wants to grab her brother and shake him for his own stupidity. Exposing his powers to someone like that - it’s exactly what they were warned not to do. And they were warned. They were very much warned.

 

Despite not really knowing how old either of them are, the social workers decided when they found Zoe and Connor wandering along the highway as kids that Connor was six years old and Zoe was five. They’d been adopted by the Murphys almost straight away, which was more or less unheard of in the foster system. It had been a happy childhood, marred with the occasional therapy visit to deal with the fact that neither Zoe nor Connor could remember anything prior to being found.

 

(They both remember emerging from pods, pushing their way through thick goo, finding their way to each other. They remember the warmth of the softly glowing blue chamber. They remember stepping out into the sun and walking with no destination in mind. But pods and goo and glowing blue chambers aren’t something you tell a social worker. Or anyone, for that matter.)

 

They began experimenting with their powers a few years into being adopted. It started small - Zoe changing the colour of her socks, Connor fixing a broken lamp before the parents got home. But they were curious kids and Connor had a pretty extensive comic book collection, so after awhile they just decided to… try things out.

 

Here’s what they discovered. Neither of them could fly. But Zoe could teleport, as long as she knew where she was going or had Connor to track. (Zoe would always find Connor.)

 

Connor was really, really good at making things blow up, and couldn’t always control it. However, he was pretty good at fixing things, too. Which helped. They could both make things move with their minds. Telekinesis, Connor said it was called.

 

Zoe could convince people of whatever she wanted them to, as long as she touched them. She talked her teacher into a better grade. She talked her friend into giving her a bracelet she liked as a gift. She talked their mother into buying a ridiculously expensive new guitar. (Zoe is incredibly ashamed of what she made people do. She was young. She was stupid. She was insanely, insanely curious to know the limits of what she could do. It wasn’t an excuse.)

 

Connor could heal. They found an injured dog on the side of the road near their house. The poor thing had a broken leg and could barely move. Connor had put his hand on the broken leg and moments later, the dog was up and about like nothing had happened, barking excitedly and licking Connor’s face.

 

It was after Connor healed the dog that the nightmares started.

 

Always the same place. A white room, full of figures in hazmat suits, with scalpels and drills and prods, tearing and prodding at their flesh. They couldn’t move. Sometimes they were strapped to a gurney, sometimes they were in an electric chair, but wherever they were, there was always pain.

 

PAINPainpainpainpain.

 

Pain, and a disembodied voice, repeating itself over and over.

 

**_This is what they’ll do to you if they find out who you are._ **

**_This is what they’ll do._ **

**_You have to hide._ **

**_Your lives depend on it._ **

**_We wish we could help you._ **

**_Keep each other safe._ **

**_Protect each other._ **

**_Don’t show anyone what you can do._ **

 

Both Zoe and Connor would wake up at the same time, screaming. A full week of the same nightmare went by, and then abruptly stopped, much to Cynthia and Larry’s relief. After that, they stopped experimenting.

 

At least, not together. Zoe still used her powers for little things - playing records, doing her makeup. Little things that no one would notice. But Connor had a harder time giving it up. His powers were wild and unpredictable, just like him.

 

Zoe is terrified he’ll slip up in front of the wrong person. And it turns out she had every reason to be terrified.

 

Connor flips the first pancake onto a plate and hands it to her. There’s already Tabasco on the bench, as well as extra sugar and maple syrup. She loads her pancakes with more sweet and spicy but pauses before digging in. “How are you doing?” she asks hesitantly.

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “Eat your pancake.” “I’m serious, Connor. What you did yesterday-”

 

“Was stupid, I know.” He frowns as he pours more batter into the frying pan. “You don’t have to tell me that. I know it was stupid.”

 

“I was going to say it probably took a lot of energy,” Zoe half-lies. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

 

“Peachy,” he replies snarkily. “Look, can you just eat and yell at me later?”

 

“I’m not here to yell at you,” she says with a sigh. “I just… fuck, I don’t know what I would have done if I’d been there. I’ve never… it’s not something I’ve done or tried, so I don’t know if I can, but… that was so dangerous, Connor. What if someone saw?”

 

“That place was completely abandoned,” Connor argues. “No one else was there. It was miles away from anyone or anything. It was basically the perfect place for a demonstration of weird alien powers.” He looks down at the pan. “Our stove top sucks.” He puts his hand over the pancake batter and it cooks immediately. Zoe drops her fork in shock.

 

“Oh my god, Connor! We are legit in the middle of a ‘don’t use your powers’ talk and you’re using your powers for breakfast?”

 

“It’s just us here!” he argues. “I know we can’t show anyone, I’m not stupid. It’s just us. We should be able to… you listen to music and do your makeup, I know you do. You’re being fucking ridiculous about this.”

 

“You don’t have as much control as I do and you know it,” Zoe snaps.

 

“Maybe if I practised more-”

 

“You’re not going to distract me from what you did,” she interrupts. “We need to figure out what to do about that kid from the park.”

 

Connor looks at her with an expression she can’t quite place straight away. For a moment, it looks a lot like disgust. “You didn’t recognize him, did you.”

 

Zoe’s heart plummets to her stomach as she recalls her brother’s words from the day before.

 

_I’ve been fucking in love with him since we were kids._

 

“I’m guessing he goes to our school,” Zoe says feebly. “He looks vaguely familiar, I think I’ve seen him at jazz band concerts."

 

Connor scowls. “Yeah, you probably have.” He moves the pancake onto a plate, rolls it up and takes a bite. He chews. He swallows. “Evan Hansen.”

 

The name sounds vaguely familiar to Zoe but it’s pretty obvious it means everything to Connor.

 

“He’s not going to remember us being there if you told him not to,” Connor says. “He’ll have no reason to. We’ll just stay out of his way and not bring attention to ourselves and… it’ll be fine.”

 

Zoe bites her lip. “You said he was trying to kill himself.”

 

Connor’s expression darkens. “Yeah, well, if I’m stuck living in this crapsack world then he can be stuck, too.”

 

The words hit her with a jolt. “Connor…”

 

“I’m not going to kill myself,” he says flatly. “Sure, most of the time I want to, but I’m not going to do it, and you fucking know why.”

 

Zoe knows why. It’s because of her. It’s because if he kills himself, there’ll be an autopsy. And if there’s an autopsy, they’ll find out he’s not human. And if they find out he’s not human, it won’t take long before they connect the dots and come after her.

 

It’s sickening to know that your brother’s only staying alive to protect you.

 

It’s heartwarming to know that your brother loves you more than he hates being alive.

 

It’s confusing to have those two feelings exist in tandem.

 

“I haven’t… I haven’t used my powers like that in a long time,” she says, changing the subject. “I can’t be sure what I suggested to him will stick. He might start to remember.”

 

“He won’t have any proof,” Connor points out. “He might just think it was a dream. I mean, to regular people like Evan Hansen, the things we can do are completely in the realm of science fiction.”

 

“You went to all that trouble to save him,” Zoe says softly. “What if he tries again? Shouldn’t we… I don’t know, do something about that? Try to get him some help?”

 

Connor pours more pancake mix into the pan and doesn’t answer for a long moment. When he does, he’s not looking at her. “You could talk to him.”

 

Zoe’s lost. “Me? Why me?”

 

Connor looks up, his expression guarded. “When I healed him, I saw into his head. He’s in love with you. I’m pretty sure you just acknowledging his existence would give him a reason to live.”

 

Zoe feels her heart break. “Connor, I’m so sorry…” He shrugs.

 

“Not your fault. Do you want another pancake?”

 

She nods. “Yeah.”

 

Zoe traces patterns in the leftover maple syrup and Tabasco sauce on her plate, going through her brain and trying to remember any detail she can about Evan Hansen. Trying to make sense of it all.


	4. The First Day of Senior Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things gets weird in biology class on the first day of senior year.

On the first day of senior year, Evan is exhausted. He’s spent the last 48 hours frantically Googling “silver handprint” and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Mostly he’s getting results about weird baby jewellery. Apparently, new parents are really into silver jewellery with tiny handprints on them. He didn’t know it was a thing until he started Googling. He still doesn’t really know exactly what the point of it is, but he does know it’s apparently a thing that happens.

 

The one other thing that comes up when searching ‘silver handprints’ is an article about some guy dying in 1959 and the local sheriff’s department finding a silver handprint on the body. There’s very little information. The article is really, really grainy, a lot of it is redacted and to top it all off, it’s posted by a website that claims that aliens are real.

 

The website doesn’t make a lot of sense. It looks like someone made it sometime in the late nineties, it’s mostly pages and pages of incoherent rambling about how aliens are among us and every now and then a link doesn’t work. Also, weird pop-ups keep showing up the more links he clicks in the site, and he thinks his computer is probably going to get some kind of virus if he keeps going. So for the time being, he’s given up on his silver handprint research.

 

His mother, as expected, is super excited about the whole ‘first day of senior year’ thing and tries to encourage him to get the other kids to sign his cast. He makes some kind of positive noise of agreement in the hopes it’ll keep her happy. Or at least less worried.

 

Evan knows she worries.

 

Evan hates that she worries.

 

Walking through the halls of school, Evan’s distracted by Alana Beck cheerfully greeting him. She goes on about community service and volunteer hours, barely giving him a moment to get a word in edgewise, but it’s nothing new. He does manage to explain how he broke his arm (even though ‘falling out of a tree’ still feels kind of weird to say, for whatever reason) and she barrels into a story about her recently deceased grandmother. She’s talking and she’s talking and she’s talking and all of a sudden, Evan just feels overwhelmingly sad.

 

He knows, somehow, that Alana is lonely.

 

That feeling of sadness and empathy washes over him like a wave on the tide, then disappears suddenly, leaving him not quite sure if he’d ever really felt it. Alana’s still talking, and then she’s leaving, and he keeps going towards the lockers, where he finds Jared waiting for him.

 

 _Jared’s good with computers_ , Evan thinks suddenly. Jared would probably be able to find way more information about this weird handprint thing if he talked to him. But for some reason, he’s hesitant. It’s definitely a weird thing that’s happening, and he’s definitely sort of (kind of) (completely) freaking out about it, but for some reason there’s this… barrier there. Something that means he doesn’t want to talk about it with Jared. Or with anyone.

 

_Connor’s in a white room, strapped down. Men in white lab coats slice at his flesh._

_Zoe’s in an electric chair. They shock her over and over again._

_PAINPainpainpainpainpain_

**_This is what they’ll do to you if they find out who you are._ **

**_This is what they’ll do._ **

**_You have to hide._ **

**_Your lives depend on it._ **

**_We wish we could help you._ **

 

“Earth to Hansen!” Apparently Jared’s been talking the whole time.

 

Evan tries to calm his rapid-fire heart. “Sorry, I just… haven’t been sleeping.”

 

“Ah, so you _have_ been up all night with Zoe Murphy’s Instagram, even with the cast-”

 

Evan blushes bright red. “Can you please shut up.”

 

Jared grins, then turns his attention elsewhere. “Loving the new hair length, Connor. Very school shooter chic.”

 

Connor stops and looks at Jared, his eyes full of cold fury. His eyes scan briefly to Evan, but they're focused back on Jared so quickly that Evan's not sure he was looking at him at all. 

 

_Connor is afraid._

_Connor is so afraid._

 

“That’s n-not funny, Jared,” Evan says, only slightly stumbling over his words.

 

Connor stops and looks at him, his expression guarded. Evan has no idea why he said that.

 

“Well hey, didn’t realise you were going for the 2 for 1 deal!” Jared says, his tone full of mocking delight. At least, Evan’s like 90% sure that’s the tone he’s going for, and 0% convinced that Jared’s not actually completely terrified of Connor. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

 

As Jared leaves, Connor seems to deflate. He looks exhaustingly sad. The wave of emotion Evan had felt earlier with Alana comes back, only this time twenty times worse, crashing through him over and over again.

 

**_You have to hide._ **

**_Your lives depend on it._ **

**_Don’t show anyone what you can do._ **

 

“Is he bothering you?”

 

Evan doesn’t know what kind of weird alternate universe he’s entered where it’s possible for him to have not noticed that Zoe Murphy is standing next to him. Oh my god.

 

“No, no no no, it’s fine-” Evan stammers.

 

“Can I talk to you for a minute, Connor?” Zoe says, taking her brother by the shoulder. She begins to lead him away, then stops for a minute and turns back. “I hope your arm heals soon, Evan. See you around.”

 

The Murphys head down the hallway together at what seems like a supernaturally fast pace and Evan’s left to grapple with the dawning realization that Zoe Murphy knows his name.

 

The day goes by in a blur until biology class. He finds a seat near the back of the classroom keeps his head down, as usual. Just as the teacher is about to start talking, someone sits down next to him and before even looking, he knows someone that it’s Connor.

 

Connor doesn’t acknowledge him, he just pulls a pencil out of his bag and chews on it absently. Evan tries not to think about germs and lead poisoning and focuses on what the teacher is saying. There are microscopes on top of the benches, along with slides and carefully wrapped cotton swabs, and the teacher is droning on about using the microscope to view human cells.

 

“Use the swab and swipe the inside of your cheek gently,” she instructs. “Wipe it in the center of the glass slide, then use the microscope to see the cells. I want you to draw them and examine their basic structure.”

 

Evan’s used to the feeling of panic. Panic is a constant companion, something that’s always there, simmering in the back of his mind, ready to boil over at a moment’s notice. But there’s something about this feeling of panic he’s experiencing right now.

 

Somehow, he knows it’s not his.

 

Connor’s white as a sheet and frozen still. Evan’s trying to figure out what to do, what to say, how to reconcile this feeling of panic inside him when all of a sudden, Connor picks up his microscope and throws it on the ground. There’s a loud crash and the whole class sits in stunned silence.

 

The teacher is the one to break the silence. “Mr. Murphy. Principal’s office, NOW.”

 

Connor storms out of the room. The door slams and the teacher lets out a breath. “I’ll clean that up. The rest of you, please continue with your swabs.”

 

Evan unwraps his cotton swab and dutifully wipes the inside of his cheek, then transfers it onto a glass slide. He puts it under the microscope. He focuses the lens and copies down the cell structure as quickly as he can. Then he catches a glimpse of the pencil Connor had left on the bench.

 

He’s not sure why he picks up the pencil.

 

He unwraps a second cotton swab, wipes it on the end of the pencil, then transfers that onto a new glass slide. Evan’s hands are shaking as he puts the glass slide with Connor’s cells under the microscope. It takes him a few goes to get the lens focused, but when it does he tries not to choke.

 

Connor’s cell structure is completely different to his. It’s completely different to what the textbook says normal human cells should look like.

 

Evan can’t quite remember what happens next. He’s having a panic attack, struggling to breathe, and there’s noise and bright lights and Alana Beck is escorting him to the nurse’s office as he desperately tries to calm down.

 

“It’s okay,” Alana says soothingly as they walk down the hall. “You’re having a panic attack. I’ve read about them. It’s really important that you keep breathing.”

 

They turn the corner and there’s Connor, ducking into an empty classroom.

 

“I’m okay,” Evan manages to get out. “I’m okay, I’m fine. I just need to… I need to go.”

 

Alana starts to protest but Evan breaks into a run and follows Connor into the classroom. He shuts and locks the door behind him and looks around to where Connor is sitting on a desk, face still ashen.

 

They stand there looking at each other for a moment. Evan’s mind is whirring. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to say.

 

Until all of a sudden, he does. He pulls up his polo shirt and shows Connor the silver handprint. “This is your handprint, right?”


	5. The Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan have a conversation.

Connor can’t stop staring at the silver handprint on Evan’s abdomen. It’s glowing, pulsing, emitting a strange silver light that illuminates the dimly lit classroom. He stares at it, transfixed, until Evan lets go of the edge of his shirt.

 

“I jumped out of a tree,” Evan said slowly, like he was piecing things together. “I didn’t fall, I jumped. And you were there.”

 

“I was there,” Connor agrees, because what else is he going to say at this point? Zoe is going to flat out murder him. Which might be preferable to having this conversation.

 

“There was… blood. Lots of blood. I’m not sure what happened, but I knew I was dying,” Evan continues, and it’s like he’s talking to himself, even though he’s looking straight at Connor as he speaks.

 

“You impaled yourself on a branch on the way down,” Connor says by way of explanation. “It came loose, and you were losing a lot of blood from the wound, so I… you know, stopped the bleeding. Pressure. Basic first aid and whatnot.”

 

Evan looks incredulous. “Basic first aid? Is that what you’re calling it? Apart from this handprint, there’s not a scratch on me, Connor.” He pauses. “Apart from the broken arm.”

 

“Sorry you have to deal with a broken arm,” Connor says snarkily. “I didn’t quite get round to fixing that because I was too busy healing the wound that was actually life-threatening. You’re welcome, by the way.”

 

“That’s not _possible_ , Connor,” Evan says, eyes so wide Connor half expects them to come rolling out of his skull like marbles. “You can’t just… heal people.”

 

Connor crosses his arms. “You don’t have to believe it for it to be true.”

 

“Human beings don’t have those kind of abilities,” Evan continues. He takes a deep breath. “But you’re not human, are you?”

 

There is ice in Connor’s veins. He wasn’t expecting that kind of leap from Evan. Except… Connor puts it together. “You’re pretty good at biology, huh. Where’d you get a cell sample?”

 

Evan pulls a pencil out of his pocket. “You were chewing this.”

 

“That was phenomenally stupid of me.”

 

Evan half smiles. “Kind of.”

 

Connor sighs. “Look, I didn’t just throw the microscope across the room for shits and giggles. If someone had seen my cells…” A thought occurs to him. “Fuck, you left the slide there in the classroom.”

 

Evan frowns, then fumbles around in his pocket. He pulls a glass slide and a cotton swab and puts them on the desk in front of him. “I don’t even remember picking these up,” he comments lightly. “I kind of had a massive panic attack once I saw. Everything’s a bit blurry. But I knew no one could know.” Evan looks at him, his eyes full of pity. “I saw what they’ll do to you if they find out who you are. You have to hide. Your lives depend on it.”

 

It’s Connor’s turn to frown. “You can’t… you can’t know that. How did you know that?”

 

“I’ve been getting these… I don’t know, weird flashes of stuff,” he tries to explain. “You and your sister… if anyone finds out that you’re… different… they’ll torture you. I saw it.” Evan shakes his head. “This is all making zero sense, I know, but ever since the fall, I’ve… I don’t remember much of what happened, but I know it was you. But I also… I also know I was alone, so I… I don’t really know what I know, you know?”

 

It’s a completely inappropriate time to muse on the fact that Evan Hansen is adorable when he rambles.

 

“We have… abilities,” Connor says finally. “Zoe and I. We were there when you fell, and I saved you, but… we had to protect ourselves. So we made you forget.” He let out a deep breath, suddenly completely furious with himself. “And it was a complete waste of fucking time, because you’ve got this big fuck off handprint glowing on your stomach, like a fucking bat signal of weird.”

 

“I tried to figure out what the silver handprint meant by looking online,” Evan says tentatively. “Once I got past a whole bunch of stuff about baby jewellery, the only thing I found out about a silver handprint was from some alien conspiracy website. That plus the cells… you guys aren’t human, right?”

 

“You are taking this remarkably well,” Connor muses.

 

Evan laughs. “I think someone gave me a Xanax when I freaked out in biology class. Like, I’m kinda numb right now, but I’m still definitely freaking out.”

 

Connor moves closer to Evan. To Evan’s credit, he doesn’t flinch. Connor then looks at the pencil, the slide and the swab on the table. He waves his hand over them and they dissolve into nothingness. Evan’s mouth hangs open in shock and wonder. “The perks of alien powers,” Connor says dryly. “Great for getting rid of evidence.”

 

“Your powers,” Evan says hesitantly. “What are they?”

 

Connor shrugs. “I can move things with my mind. Healing, as you know. I’m not… great at controlling them. I’ve blown up a fuckton of stuff.” He smirks. “One time I tried to turn coriander into pot.”

 

Evan laughs. It’s sharp and involuntary, and he looks like he’d do anything to take it back. “Did it work?”

 

“Eh, the joint kind of tasted like soap but it did the trick.” Connor takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. “Can I… can I see the handprint again?” Evan looks startled. Connor tries to soften his tone. “Please.”

 

Evan pulls up his shirt and Connor’s gaze is once again drawn to the silver handprint. He doesn’t know why he’s so drawn to it. Maybe it’s because it’s tangible proof that something he did made an impact. That who he is - that what he is - can be something good. He saved someone.

 

No, he reminds himself. He saved someone who didn’t want to be saved.

 

“You jumped out of that tree,” Connor says softly, still looking at the handprint. “Why?”

 

“Why do you think?” The reply is sarcastic, but the tone is gentle.

 

Connor tears his eyes away from the handprint and looks at Evan’s face. “Because you were alone. Because you thought no one would care if you were gone.”

 

“Yeah.” He looks back to the handprint and without even thinking, reaches out to it. Evan stiffens and Connor pulls back, feeling oddly guilty. “Sorry, I…”

 

“I’m sorry- ”

 

“It’s just I’ve never… I didn’t know this could happen,” Connor tries to explain. “We don’t… we don’t have much from where we’re from. We don’t even know where the fuck it is. We’re just… we know we’re not from this planet. This is… maybe it’s one of the few connections to home we’re ever going to have.”

 

“It’s fading,” Evan warns him. “I don’t think it’s going to stay forever.”

 

“Do you mind if I… do you mind if I touch it?” Connor asks. Evan blushes deep red and Connor rushes in to take back his words. “Never mind, that was stupid, I’m sorry-”

 

“You can if you want,” Evan interrupts. He’s still very red, and his voice is wavery, but there’s something like resolve in his eyes. Connor reaches out to lightly touch the handprint - his handprint. And all of a sudden, the world splits open. 

 

_Connor wants the teacher to see that it isn’t fair, to understand that he doesn’t want to be left out. He wants to be like the other kids and have his turn as line leader. He wants to be normal. He wants to belong._

_Connor is so angry. He’s so angry, he loses control and the printer flies across the room and hits the teacher. Everyone in the classroom says they saw him throw it and he’s in so much trouble. Everyone says they saw him throw it._

_Except for Evan Hansen. He looks at Connor like he’s some kind of superhero and Connor somehow knows, he knows that Evan knows that he never touched it._

_That’s the first day Connor Murphy notices Evan Hansen, and from that moment on he’s lost._

_Evan doesn’t look at him a lot, but when he does, he doesn’t look afraid like the other kids. He doesn’t call him names, he doesn’t make fun of him, he just keeps to himself. He’s quiet. He’s kind._

_He’s the most beautiful thing Connor’s ever seen on this whole stupid planet._

_Evan keeps to himself and doesn’t have many friends. People don’t tend to violently dislike Evan, the way they obviously do with Connor, but people just don’t notice him. He fades into the background and people occasionally snigger when he tries to talk and can’t quite get the words out but Connor never laughs._

_Connor’s trapped, you see. Connor’s trapped on this planet that isn’t home, that could never be home, and he’s got no way of getting back to where he belongs. And Zoe loves her life and her friends and her guitar but Connor’s just trying to survive until he’s old enough to figure out a way home. A way home that probably doesn’t even exist._

_And Connor sees that Evan so desperately wants to connect, but he’s trapped, too. Trapped behind anxiety and a stammer and a whole lot of awkwardness that makes it hard for him to reach out. Makes people overlook him, even when he’s trying._

_Connor wishes he knew how to talk to him because he thinks they’re kind of the same, even though they’re not even the same species._

_Connor wishes he knew how to talk to him because maybe they could make each other feel less alone._

_They get older and Connor watches as Evan becomes more and more withdrawn, and Connor gets more and more angry, and the two things have nothing to do with each other. But it’s still sad, because he feels like somehow he’s missing out on something, except he’s not sure what it is, and how you can miss something you never had and don’t even understand._

_And Evan is still beautiful and Connor is still lost. And Connor realizes that thinking Evan is beautiful isn’t the way most boys think about other boys, and it’s not like he cares that it’s one more thing that makes him different, except he kind of does because people are such dicks about it. If human beings can’t even deal with boys who like boys, then what are they going to do if they find out he’s not human?_

_He wonders what Evan thinks about him, until the day he sees Evan’s eyes following his sister and realizes that Evan’s completely normal. He’s a boy who likes a girl, the way people on this stupid planet like to call ‘normal’ even though that’s complete bullshit, and maybe he’s alone but at least he’s not a freak like Connor. Connor hopes that the knowing will make what he’s feeling go away, but he also knows it won’t, because the entire fucking universe is against him and he doesn’t even know if it’s his universe._

_He sits under a tree and Evan falls. Evan is broken and bloody and babbling but still beautiful. And Connor sees how just how lonely and broken this boy is, and that’s not beautiful in and of itself but Evan still is. And Connor wishes he could have connected with him sooner, and wishes there was another way, and is heartbroken and jealous is so many ways._

_He’s jealous of his sister because she has Evan’s heart and doesn’t even know._

_He’s jealous that Evan jumped because he’s damn well thought about it but would never, ever condemn Zoe to a witch hunt if his body was ever found._

_He’s heartbroken that Evan jumped, because as much as Connor wishes he weren’t stuck on this planet, he can’t imagine being stuck on this planet without Evan Hansen._

_He is heartbroken and stupid and jealous and selfish and oh, if he could tell Evan just how much he means to him, would it make a difference? Would it save him from falling? Or would he run away? Would he be scared, would he be disgusted?_

_Is there enough humanity in him to love Evan the way he should be loved? What if he doesn’t understand love because it’s a human emotion and he’s not human? What if what he’s felt for so many years for Evan isn’t real?_

_What if Evan sells him out? What if Evan tells everyone that he’s not human?_

_White room. Hazmat suits. Scalpels. Drills. Prods. Ripping. Tearing. Incisions. Darkness. Light - too much light. Electric chairs. Gurneys. PAIN. Painpainpainpainpain._

_This is what they’ll do to you if they find out who you are._

_You have to hide._ _Your lives depend on it._

_But you failed._

_You didn’t hide well enough._

_They are going to find you._

_They are going to find you._

_They are going to find you._

 

“No, no, no! I’m not going to tell! They’re not going to find you!”

 

Connor pulls his hand away from Evan’s stomach, breaking the connection. They’re both breathing heavily. There are tears streaming down Evan’s face and it takes a moment for Connor to realise that he’s crying, too. “Did you… do you…”

 

“I remember the printer,” Evan says, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He chuckles weakly. “I thought you had superpowers.”

 

Connor snorts and waves his fingers in a feeble attempt at jazz hands. “Ta-da.”

 

“They’re not going to find you,” Evan says fiercely. “Not because of me, anyway. Not if I can help it. I won’t tell anyone. I… saw what they showed you would happen to you, and I couldn’t let that happen to you.” He blushes. “To either of you.”

 

Right. Zoe. He wants to protect Zoe. Connor’s not surprised. But he can work with that. “She has to be safe,” Connor reiterates. “I don’t give a fuck what happens to me, but we’re connected. If anyone ever found out about me… it’s a hop, skip and a jump to her, and that… that’s unacceptable.”

 

Evan sighs. “You should have just let me die.”

 

Connor doesn’t even have to think about his response. “No.” He takes a deep breath and doesn’t look at him as he continues.. “And if you think about doing anything that fucking stupid again, I will drag you back to life kicking and screaming if I have to.”

 

“I didn’t…” Evan’s struggling for the words. “I didn’t plan to go up there for, like, ages or anything. I was climbing the tree and sitting up the top and I just… a branch broke, and I held on for a bit and then I suddenly thought… and I let go.” Connor can hear Evan draw in a shaky breath. “I’m not going to try again. I’m not that much of a dick. After what you risked to save me… I’m not going to try again.”

 

“Good,” Connor says, finally looking back at him. “That healing shit is super exhausting and I’d rather it not have been a total waste of time.”

 

Evan laughs at that. Connor drinks in the sight of him. Evan’s not exactly an attractive crier - he’s bright red, his eyes are swollen, he’s disheveled as all hell and there’s what looks like a snot bubble right under his nose. But he still thinks he’s beautiful.

 

Connor is so, so, so fucked.

 

“Can I sign your cast?” he finds himself asking suddenly.

 

Evan blinks. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Can I sign your cast?”

 

Evan searches through his pockets, which _have_ to be empty by now. “Uh, yeah, I just… don’t have a pen.”

 

Connor resists the urge to roll his eyes. “I could just… you know.”

 

Evan looks confused, then his eyes widen. “Oh. Oh! Yeah, okay, sure.”

 

Connor takes Evan’s casted arm and waves his hand over it. His name appears in huge capital letters. He frowns. “Sorry, I should have gone for something more subtle. I’m not great the whole detail thing…”

 

“It’s fine,” says Evan with a small smile.

 

“Now every time you look at your arm, you’ll think of me,” Connor jokes, and immediately regrets.

 

“I already do,” says Evan, and it looks like he immediately regrets his comment as well.

 

Two peas in a pod.

 

Except one’s a human, and one is literally from a pod.

 

And neither of them are peas.

 

“Do you… maybe want my phone number?” Evan says, almost hesitantly. “I know this, like, massive secret about you, but other than that we don’t really know each other, so I thought maybe we could… I don’t know, hang out sometime? Be friends?”

 

Connor tries not to let on that his heart is exploding inside his chest. “That’d be cool.”


	6. The Deep Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared visits the deepest parts of the internet.

Jared’s known Evan for long enough to know when something’s up. And something is definitely up. And that something has to do with Connor Murphy and how all of a sudden he and Evan are best friends.

 

Evan tries to play it off by saying they’re partners in biology and got talking and found they had a lot in common, but Jared’s not an idiot. Evan doesn’t just make friends like that.

 

Evan doesn’t make friends at all.

 

And yeah, Jared feels a bit guilty about that, because he’s always quick to remind Evan that they’re family friends, not real friends… but that’s kind of a joke, in that their friendship doesn’t count because they’ve been basically forced on each other since they were kids, and Jared is like eighty percent sure that if they hadn’t grown up together, Evan wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

 

Because he’s kind of an asshole.

 

But you know who else is kind of an asshole? Connor Murphy. And Jared’s insanely curious about what’s going on there.

 

At the end of the third day of school, Jared finds Evan and Connor standing at the lockers. They immediately stop talking the minute he arrives and Jared tries not to be super offended. Without even acknowledging Connor, he takes Evan by the arm (the non-casted one, of course) and loudly proclaims that his mom wants proof they’re still friends so Evan’s coming round to play video games.

 

Evan begins to protest and exchanges a glance with Connor, who looks annoyed but shrugs and tells Evan to have fun. He fixes Jared with a cold glare before turning around and leaving.

 

Jared’s more than a little freaked out by Connor Murphy.

 

He drags Evan to his car and starts ranting about Call of Duty in the hopes that if he talks enough, he won’t have to hear himself think.

 

Evan politely greets Jared’s mom, who gives him a big hug and fusses over his arm. She makes them a pile of snacks and helps them carry them to the living room, despite Evan’s insistence that he can carry them himself.

 

Jared’s pretty sure that his mom likes Evan a whole lot more than she likes Jared. She probably wishes that Evan was her kid instead - quiet and polite instead of loud and obnoxious.

 

It’s warmer in the living room than the rest of the house, as per usual, and Evan’s wearing a sweater for some reason. It’s when he takes off his sweater and accidentally pulls up the polo shirt he’s wearing underneath that Jared sees it.

 

A silver handprint on Evan’s stomach.

 

“What the fuck.”

 

Evan pulls the polo shirt down as quick as lightning and goes completely pale. “What?”

 

Jared moves toward him and Evan defensively wraps his arms around himself. “There’s something on your stomach.”

 

Evan laughs nervously. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I saw something silver on your stomach,” Jared insists. “A silver handprint.”

 

“There’s nothing on my stomach,” Evan lies blatantly. “It was just a trick of the light.”

 

“Oh yeah? Then prove it,” Jared challenges. “Pull your shirt up.”

 

Evan looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He wraps his arms around himself tighter. “What? No.”

 

“I know what I saw,” Jared says, growing more and more frustrated.

 

“You didn’t see anything,” Evan says firmly. “You’re imagining things.”

 

“Then why won’t you let me see your stomach?”

 

Evan’s eyes are wide and terrified. “Because… because that’s super weird, Jared. You don’t just go around asking to see people’s stomachs.”

 

“Evan, come on.”

 

“Just drop it, Jared,” Evan snaps. “It’s nothing, it’s not important. Can we just play Call of Duty?”

 

“Fine,” Jared replies, picking up the controller and handing it to Evan. When Evan lets his arms down to take it, Jared grabs the edge of Evan’s shirt and pulls it up to reveal that yeah, he definitely didn’t imagine a silver handprint.

 

“What the fuck, Jared!”

 

“I’m not imagining this so stop bullshitting me.” Jared gestures to the silver handprint. “What the everloving fuck is that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Evan lies.

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“It just showed up,” Evan says quickly. “I don’t know, maybe I was near some paint or something. It’s fading, so it’ll be gone soon, it’s just… not washing off quickly. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know where I got it.”

 

“How long has it been there?”

 

“About a week,” says Evan nervously. “Look, can we change the subject?”

 

Jared takes in a deep breath. “That’s not… that’s really fucking weird. Like, how do you even get something like that? The only way to get a handprint on you would be for someone to… you know, touch you with silver paint or whatever.” A thought occurs to him. “Oh my god, you had sex with Connor Murphy.”

 

Evan goes bright red. “What? No!”

 

“It’s some kind of kinky sex thing,” Jared theorizes wildly. “I mean, I don’t get why silver paint is involved, but Murphy’s a complete freak, there’s bound to be some kind of weird reason for it-”

 

“Connor’s not a freak,” Evan interrupts. He blinks. “And he had nothing to do with this.” Evan laughs nervously and wraps his arms around his stomach. “I told you, I don’t know what it is, and how it got there, and… it’s not a big deal.” He picks up his sweater. “I have to go. I just remembered I have homework, I can’t play video games with you.”

 

“Evan, come on.”

 

“Thank your mom for me,” Evan says as he picks up his bag and practically races to the front door.

 

Jared sits down on the sofa.

 

Jared grabs the packet of Oreos his mom gave them for their game.

 

Jared heads upstairs to his room and boots up his computer.

 

Jared Googles ‘silver handprint’.

 

The first zillion results are for jewellery, which is completely fucking ridiculous as far as he’s concerned. But he’s got more tricks up his sleeve than just Google. If there’s anything anywhere on the internet about weird silver handprints, he’s going to find it.

 

There’s a police report of a dead body with no obvious cause of death aside from a silver handprint from 1959. That’s weird. He digs further and finds another death from 1970. Same silver handprint. Same dead body. A woman, three months pregnant. There’s a name on this one - Sheila Hubble. A bit more digging links Sheila to her husband Everett, who was, apparently, an alien hunter. Who was killed near Roswell, New Mexico.

 

By the time the next morning rolls around, Jared’s been up all night, reading about UFOs and alien conspiracies and government cover-ups. Which isn’t a completely uncommon occurrence for him - he’s researched this kind of shit for fun before. But now the stakes are higher. Now he’s got skin in the game. He prints out everything he finds and puts it in a folder.

 

It could be the complete lack of sleep, but Jared is like, seventy-five percent sure that Connor Murphy is an alien, and did something to Evan. He doesn’t know what and he doesn’t know why, but what he does know is that if this handprint shit is anything to go by, Evan could be in danger.

 

And yeah, Evan’s a total nerd, but he’s a family friend. No, he’s a _friend_. And he doesn’t deserve to be abducted or mind controlled or… whatever it is that aliens do with weird, anxious teenagers, Jared doesn’t fucking know.

 

He gets to school, folder in hand, and walks determinedly to his locker, only to run straight into Alana Beck. His folder goes flying and scatters papers all over the floor. Shit.

 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you come around the corner,” Alana babbles as she helps him pick up his papers. “I was in a hurry, you see, as I’ve got a student council meeting later today and need to finish making some flyers, and… why are you carrying around autopsy reports, Jared?”

 

“I’m doing a project?” Jared says feebly. “For extra credit.”

 

“That sounds really interesting!” Alana says encouragingly. “Is this for biology? I didn’t realize you were interested in biology - I remember that you didn’t do too well on the end of year exam last year. I got a 93.” Alana picks up another piece of paper and frowns. Jared’s heart stops as he sees her looking at Sheila Hubble’s dead body, a silver handprint on her chest.

 

Jared snatches it away from her. He puts all the papers back into the folder and hurries to his locker, ignoring Alana calling out after him.

 

Evan walks down the hallway and freezes when he sees him. Then he turns around and scurries off back the way he came.

 

“Fuck it,” Jared says under his breath. He heads down the hallway in the opposite direction. Then to the car park. As the first bell rings, he gets into his car and drives home.   



	7. The Tabasco Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is ice cream, and a confrontation.

Zoe’s spent her entire life hiding. Making sure that no one knew what she was and what she could do. She knows she deals with it better than Connor. She’s better with people than Connor, that much is true. She’s better at being ‘normal’, making friends and getting good grades and all the things that parents expect of their children.

 

But even though she’s trying so hard to be normal, she’s still hiding. It’s just a different kind of hiding to Connor. It’s a hiding in plain sight kind of hiding.

 

As frustrating and sad as it was to know that Connor didn’t have any friends, there was at least comfort in the knowledge that if he wasn’t close to anyone, no one would ever get close enough to find out he wasn’t human.

 

Of course, Connor had to ruin things completely with two simple words: “Evan knows.”

 

They’re in the car on the way home from school and Zoe pulls over at his words because if she doesn’t she is probably going to drive the car straight into a tree or something. “He what?”

 

“He knows about… all of it,” Connor says, gesturing vaguely. “I guess your mindwarp thing didn’t hold.”

 

“How do you know that he knows?” Zoe asks, trying to keep calm. “Did he talk to you about it?”

 

Connor runs his hand through his hair absently. “Yeah. We… we talked about it.” Connor looks at her seriously. “He’s not going to say anything.”

 

Zoe grips the steering wheel. “We have to go.”

 

Connor frowns. “Go where?”

 

“Anywhere. If he knows, then we’re screwed. We have to leave town. Start over somewhere else. If he knows, then it’s only a matter of time before someone else knows, and it’s going to snowball and before you know it there’ll be men in white coats and scalpels and electric chairs and oh my god-”

 

There’s a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Zo, just… breathe, okay?” She’s shaking. When did she start shaking? “Evan’s not going to say anything. I trust him.”

 

“How can you trust him?” Zoe spits out. “You don’t know even know him. You’re just… you’re blinded by your stupid crush, and you’re… we can’t trust anyone except each other with this.”

 

“Trust me, he’s not going to say anything,” Connor says firmly. “I promise.” He sighs. “When I saved him, I guess we kind of… I don’t know, made some kind of… weird connection. He… saw the white room. He knows what would happen if someone found us, and he’s… he’s a good guy, he’s not going to say anything.”

 

Zoe frowns. “How can we be sure?”

 

Connor sighs. “Remember how I said he’s in love with you? He’d never do anything that would hurt you. And he knows that telling anyone about us would hurt you.” Connor pulls his arm away from her abruptly and leans his head against the window. “And, I don’t know, I guess we’re friends now or whatever.”

 

Zoe lets out a breath. “When did this all happen?”

 

Connor doesn’t look at her. “First day of school.”

 

“Jesus, Connor!”

 

“I didn’t want you to freak out!” Connor says defensively. “And, oh, look, you are.” He sighs. “Look, I have it under control.”

 

“Forgive me for not being totally convinced.” Zoe lets out a deep breath. “It’s kind of concerning that apparently my powers don’t work.”

 

“It wasn’t that your powers didn’t work,” Connor explains. “It’s that there was… evidence.”

 

“What do you mean ‘evidence’?”

 

Connor sighs. “Okay, so don’t freak out more, but… when I healed him, apparently I left a silver handprint on his stomach. It, like, glowed or some shit. He did some research, and there’s apparently something about a dead body and alien conspiracies on the internet when you Google silver handprint, so… and then there was biology class and the cells.”

 

Zoe’s eyes widen. “The cells?” Something clicks into place. “So that’s why you smashed the microscope.”

 

“Yup,” said Connor flatly. “So you might want to… I don’t know, be sick that day next year.” He sighs. “Anyway, I’m an idiot and left a pencil I was chewing behind, and Evan’s really good at biology, and did a sample and looked at the cells and… yup, I’m not human.” At Zoe’s horrified expression, he continues. “And yeah, he freaked out, but he took the pencil and the slide and the swab and everything that had my cells on it with him when he left the classroom and I got rid of them.” He looks at her intently. “Don’t you see? He covered for me. He covered for us - he could have just, I don’t know, shown the teacher the weird cells and blown the whole thing, but he didn’t.”

 

Zoe loosens her grip on the steering wheel just a little. “I think you’re being naive about this,” she warns. “I think you’re letting your feelings for him cloud your judgment.”

 

Connor sighs. “Look, if you really want to skip town, we’ll skip town. I’ll come with you, no questions asked. But I honestly, truly believe that he’s not going to betray us.” He looks at her, an unreadable expression on his face. “Plus I know that you don’t really want to leave town. You have a life here. You don’t want to be on the run.”

 

She really doesn’t. But if she has to, she will.

 

“I’m reserving the right to change my mind at any given moment,” she warns him. “But for now, we’ll just… we’ll see how it all goes.” Zoe shoots him a stern look. “But we’re not telling anyone else.”

 

Connor laughs hollowly. “Who the fuck else would I tell?”

 

Zoe turns the ignition and pulls back out onto the road. They drive in silence for a few moments until once again, Connor breaks it.

 

“Anyway, the reason I told you now is that Evan’s coming over in, like, an hour.”

 

Zoe resists the urge to pull over again. “He’s what?”

 

She looks over at her brother, who’s curled up against the window, not looking at her. “I invited him round to, like, hang out or whatever. He wanted to go home and do something first, which is why he didn’t just come with us. It’s not a big deal. I just thought you should, like, know that he knows.”

 

“Thanks for the warning,” Zoe says sarcastically. Then she makes a snap decision. “There’s nothing but weird gluten-free shit in the house. We’re stopping at a store and you’re buying snacks. I want Red Hots.”

 

Connor almost smiles.

 

Forty-five minutes later they settle in at home with a pile of junk food. There’s what looks like a lasagna in the oven (probably gluten-free and vegan) and it smells awful, but no sign of their mother. Connor opens up a carton of ice cream and then proceeds to liberally pour Tabasco sauce on it. Zoe grabs two spoons and they dig in, adding more sauce as they go.

 

“What are you guys gonna do?” Zoe asks.

 

Connor shrugs. “I have no idea. What do normal people do when they ‘hang’ out?”

 

“Says one alien to another.”

 

Connor snorts. “Come on, you’re the normal one of us, you tell me.”

 

“Well, I’m a teenage girl, so it’s apparently different, because of… gender roles or whatever,” says Zoe as she scrapes a bit more sauce onto her spoon. “Make-up. Hairstyling. Talk about boys. Whatever.” Connor snorts again. She waves the spoon at him. “You could do homework.” He makes a face. Zoe grins evilly. “There’s always Netflix and chill.”

 

“I will throw this spoon at you.”

 

The doorbell rings. “That’ll be your boyfriend,” Zoe teases without thinking.

 

Connor’s expression darkens. “It’s not fucking funny.”

 

She immediately feels guilty. “Sorry.” Connor heads to the door and she blurts out, “you know I don’t… like him like that, right?”

 

Connor doesn’t stop. “Yeah, I figured.” He opens up the door and then freezes. Zoe can just make out Evan’s stuttered apology.

 

“I’m s-sorry, he j-j-just followed me and said he had to t-t-talk to you.”

 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Kleinman.”

 

The door is pushed open and Jared Kleinman walks in. He takes one look at Zoe and laughs hollowly. “Sure, you can be here for this conversation too. Your brother’s a freak and he did something to Evan and I want to know what.”

 

Evan’s hot on Jared’s heels and Connor slams the front door.

 

“Jared, what are you talking about?” Evan says firmly. “I told you it had nothing to do with Connor. I _told_ you.”

 

“Lift up your shirt,” Jared says stormily.

 

“I’m not doing that,” Evan says, his voice steadier than Zoe has ever heard him. “Jared, you’re being completely ridiculous.”

 

“No, I’m not,” Jared insists, shoving a folder into Evan’s hand. “Look at this. The silver handprint, just like I saw on you, on these dead bodies. No other cause of death, just a silver handprint. The internet says it’s aliens and you’re suddenly buddy-buddy with Connor - it’s obvious that Connor’s an alien.”

 

“Are you hearing yourself?” Evan blurts out. “Do you have any idea just how crazy you’re sounding right now?”

 

“Lift up your shirt and show them the handprint,” Jared demands.

 

“No.”

 

Connor sighs. “Evan, just do it.”

 

Zoe shoots Connor a panicked look. “Connor, what the fuck.”

 

Evan looks at Connor, his expression confused. “Connor, I-”

 

“Jared’s got his crazy theories, so let’s… fuck, I don’t know, see if he’s right.”

 

Evan slowly lifts up his polo shirt.

 

There’s nothing there.

 

Jared looks at Evan’s stomach, his mouth gaping. “It was there. I saw it. I saw it just yesterday.” He glares. “You said it was fading.”

 

“When was the last time you slept?” Evan asks instead.

 

Jared glares again. “Stop lying, Evan! It was there. I saw it, you saw it, you said it was just… paint or whatever, but I know Connor had something to do with it. Because why else would he be friends with you?”

 

Evan pulls back as if he’s been slapped and Connor almost growls in anger. “Maybe because Evan’s a good person who deserves better than some asshole who constantly reminds him that they’re just ‘family friends’,” says Connor bitterly. “Fuck you, Kleinman.”

 

This time it’s Jared who looks like he’s been slapped. Evan takes a step toward him. “Look, Jared, I know you like all these weird conspiracy theories and stuff. Remember that time you were completely obsessed with what happened to that airplane that disappeared in… what was it, Japan?”

 

“China,” Jared corrects him.

 

“Okay, sure, China,” Evan concedes. “You stayed up all night and were completely convinced that the Illuminati had done something with that plane. Like, totally convinced.”

 

“I wasn’t totally convinced,” Jared says sulkily.

 

Evan laughs. Zoe notices that it’s kind of forced. “You totally were. This whole ‘Connor’s an alien’ thing is a little bit more far-fetched than that, yeah?”

 

Jared frowns. “You saw the handprint, too. You said you didn’t know what happened. Aren’t you curious about it?”

 

Evan shakes his head. “I didn’t see a handprint, Jared. You’re imagining things.” He sighs. “I can tell you haven’t slept in like, 2 days, man. I know what you’re like.”

 

Jared looks lost and utterly confused. “No, I know what I saw, Evan. And you said you saw it, too.”

 

Zoe takes her cue and steps toward Jared. She touches him lightly on the arm. “You didn’t see a handprint, Jared,” she says firmly. “You’re just tired and sleep-deprived, and a little too into conspiracy theories. It was a trick of the light, and you’re imagining things.”

 

Jared’s eyes are starting to glaze over. It’s taking effect. “I’m imagining things,” he repeats.

 

“You’re going to go home, delete your browser history, get some sleep and forget all about this,” Zoe continues. “It’s just your overactive imagination and online conspiracy theories. It has nothing to with Connor, or Evan, or me. Just some weirdos online.”

 

Jared nods. Zoe lets go of his arm and Jared stands still for a moment, then shakes his head a little. “Fuck, I’m tired.” He looks around the room, still clearly confused. “What am I doing here again?”

 

“Leaving,” Connor says flatly.

 

“Right,” Jared says, clearly dazed. “Evan, are you coming?”

 

Evan looks torn between getting his friend home safely and the burning questions he obviously has about what Zoe just did. Zoe decides to bail him out. “Connor and Evan have a bio project due, remember?”

 

Jared nods. “Yeah, okay. I’ll… see you guys at school.”

 

Zoe escorts him to the door, watches him get into his car and hopes like heck he’s got enough presence of mind to get home safely. Then again, if he gets into a crash on the way home, that’s one less thing to worry about. She frowns at the thought.

 

When she heads back to Connor and Evan, they’re looking through the folder of information Jared had given them. Evan’s white as a sheet and Connor’s expression is wild. “He’s definitely done his research,” says Connor as Zoe approaches. “There’s a fuckton of information in here.” He looks at Zoe. “This could help us get some answers, Zo.”

 

Evan looks at Zoe, expression guarded but grateful. “What you did with Jared… it’s what you did to me in the park, right?”

 

Zoe nods. “It was a little easier this time. What you said about his conspiracy theory thing… it’s easier to make people believe things that have a certain amount of truth in them, you know?”

 

Evan nods then shakes his head in dismay. “I am so, so, sorry about this. I… I didn’t mean to show him, I was taking off my sweater and my shirt got caught and… I had no idea he’d drag you guys into this, I never even mentioned you.”

 

“He’s just jealous you have friends that aren’t him,” Connor says bluntly.

 

Evan plays with the edge of his cast. “We’re not actually friends, really. We’re just… family friends. Our moms are friends, so we’re kinda… he’s kind of stuck with me.”

 

“I feel like it’s the other way around,” says Connor.

 

Evan snorts. “Yeah, well, he’s all I’ve got.” He blushes bright red. “Except you, now. I mean, we’re friends now, right?”

 

Connor’s blushing, too, and Zoe’s trying not to crack up at the sight. “Yeah, we’re friends.”

 

The two of them stand there like idiots for a while until Zoe decides to take mercy on them. “Thank you for standing up for us, Evan,” she says. “Connor said you wouldn’t tell anyone and it looks like he was right.”

 

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” Evan replies. “To either of you.”

 

“That makes three of us,” Zoe says with a smile. “You want some ice cream? I’ll get you a spoon.”

 

The ice cream is softer but still good. Zoe hands Evan a spoon and he hesitantly digs in. It’s only after he takes a bite that Zoe remembers. Evan’s eyes bug out of their sockets and he swallows quickly, then starts to cough violently. Connor pats his back and Zoe tries not to smile at the two of them.

 

“What… what kind of ice cream is that?” he asks.

 

“I forgot that we doused it in Tabasco,” Zoe says in apology. “Sorry. It’s an alien thing - extremely sweet and extremely spicy.”

 

“I clearly don’t have the tastebuds for it,” Evan jokes. “Weak human that I am.”

 

The front door opens and in walks their mom. Her eyes light up at the sight of the three of them. “Hi kids, who’s this?”

 

“This is Connor’s friend Evan,” Zoe says before either of them can reply. “They have biology together.”

 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Evan,” their mom says warmly. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

 

“It’s gonna suck, you don’t have to,” Connor says bluntly.

 

“Connor!”

 

Connor shrugs. “Sorry Mom, just not a gluten-free fan.”

 

“Well, going off gluten is supposed to help your mood,” she says matter-of-factly. “So we’re giving it a go.” She turns to Evan. “I promise it’s completely edible. And there’s plenty.”

 

“I don’t… I don’t want to be an inconvenience,” Evan says quietly.

 

“Not at all! We’d love for you to stay.”

 

Evan turns to Connor, who shrugs amiably. “Dinner sounds great,” Evan says finally.

 

Cynthia beams. “I just need to put some things upstairs, then I’ll start working on a salad.” She looks at Zoe pointedly. “You can put that ice cream away, thank you.”

 

Zoe puts the ice cream away as their mother heads up the stairs. Once she’s out of earshot, Evan clears his throat. “Your mom. Is she…”

 

“She’s human,” Zoe says. “She doesn’t know we’re… not of this earth.”

 

“And we’re not going to tell her,” Connor continues.

 

Evan looks at Connor, his expression sad. “That must be lonely.”

 

Zoe swallows a lump in her throat. “Yeah, it is.”

 

Zoe’s starting to wonder if Connor got the completely wrong idea about Evan’s crush on her. Because from where she’s standing, it looks like the only thing Evan can see is Connor.


	8. The Gluten-Free Lasagna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan eats too much lasagna.

Evan has never had dinner at a friend’s house.

 

Well, he’s had dinner at Jared’s, but as Jared is always keen to remind him, they’re _‘family_ _friends’_ , not friends. And he’s known Jared and his family for so long that it’s kind of like being at home - so maybe the _family_ part of family friends is actually kind of accurate.

 

So he’s not really sure what to _do_ during dinner at the Murphy’s. Especially taking into consideration the fact that he knows this massive secret about Zoe and Connor that their parents don’t. Part of him is terrified he’s just going to… randomly blurt it out at the table.

 

The other part of him, the part that effortlessly lied to Jared, knows he’ll take Connor’s secret to the grave. And that’s… kind of terrifying in and of itself. He’s never hidden anything this big from anyone, especially not Jared.

 

Evan thinks about Jared’s eyes glazing over as Zoe uses her alien powers to make him think he’s imagining things and it’s a little creepy to think that she did the exact same thing to him.

 

Because the thing is, he still knows he was alone when he fell. Even though he doesn’t. Whatever Zoe did… it’s still there, in his subconscious. Even though he knows the truth.

 

For a moment, Evan wonders what Connor and Zoe could do if they weren’t trying to hide who they were. What kind of havoc they could wreak on this planet.

 

But that moment passes. He knows they’re not dangerous. He knows. Zoe, with her perfect smile and star-cuffed jeans and guitar, who he’s idolized from afar for so long, still doesn’t scare him even though he knows she’s got abilities he can’t even begin to comprehend.

 

And Connor…

 

He’s seen how Connor sees himself and he’s seen how Connor sees him, and it’s mind-blowing and amazing and too big to fully comprehend. They haven’t spoken about it, but Evan knows that Connor knows that he knows, and… he doesn’t really know what to do about it. His heart races a little every time he thinks about it, but he’s trying to look at things rationally, because… well…

 

It’s normal to have warm and fuzzy feelings toward someone who saved your life, right?

 

And it’s normal to look twice at someone when you find out they like you. Or is it? No one’s ever _liked_ Evan, so he’s not sure how he’s supposed to react, but the fact that he knows for a fact Connor has more than platonic feelings for him is making him consider Connor in a more than platonic way, which is... completely insane. Not because he’s a boy - Evan kind of figured out he’s probably bisexual a few years back, so that’s not the real problem - but because he’s, you know, not human.

 

Also because of the massive crush he’s had on Connor’s sister for, like, forever.

 

Who is also not human.

 

“Do you want more lasagna?” Mrs. Murphy (“call me Cynthia!”) offers.

 

Evan shakes his head. “No, thank you. It was, uh, delicious.”

 

Connor snorts. Mr. Murphy (“Larry Murphy, nice to meet you”) shoots him a warning look, then turns back to Evan. “So, Evan, you’re lab partners with Connor for… biology, was it?”

 

“Yes, sir,” says Evan, trying not to stammer over his words. This guy is intimidating.

 

“So you were there when he destroyed hundreds of dollars of school equipment in one fell swoop,” says Mr. Murphy, glaring at his son.

 

“Um, yes.”

 

Mrs. Murphy loads more lasagna onto Evan’s plate and for lack of formulating a better response, Evan takes a forkful and shoves it in his mouth.

 

“It was an accident,” Zoe pointed out. “Remember? That’s what Ms. Parkinson said. She said she overreacted.”

 

Evan looks over at Connor, who subtly looks back at Zoe, who looks almost bored. Evan knows better. Zoe clearly did something with her powers to clear Connor from suspension.

 

Evan wonders what else Zoe’s getting away with thanks to her powers.

 

Evan wonders if Connor has the same powers and is just… making Evan think he cares about him.

 

His heart plummets a little, and then a memory flashes through his mind.

 

_As much as Connor wishes he wasn’t stuck on this planet, he can’t imagine being stuck on this planet without Evan Hansen._

 

He looks over at Connor again and smiles. Mr. Murphy stabs his salad with his fork.

 

“Evan’s really good at biology,” Connor says suddenly. “I got lucky.”

 

The Murphys all turn their attention back to Evan, who swallows the pasty lasagna as quickly as he can. Mrs. Murphy speaks first. “Are you thinking of studying biology in college, Evan?”

 

Evan nods. “I’m, uh, really interested in… plant biology? So, like, environmental sciences.”

 

“Sciences are a strong choice,” Mr. Murphy says, nodding in approval. “And at least you’ve made a decision. Connor here doesn’t seem capable of that.”

 

“Higher education is a waste of time,” Connor mutters, pouring more hot sauce onto his lettuce and making a face at it.

 

“You’re not going to amount to anything if you don’t go to college, Connor,” says Mr. Murphy sternly.

 

Mrs. Murphy looks at her husband and frowns. “Please, Larry, not in front of our guest.”

 

Mr. Murphy clears his throat and focuses back on his salad.

 

“The jazz band has our first concert next week,” Zoe says, breaking the silence.

 

“So soon into the school year?” says Mrs. Murphy in surprise.

 

Zoe shrugs. “They wanted to hit the ground running, space things out evenly throughout the year. I think it’s a good idea.” She traces patterns in the leftover Tabasco sauce on her plate. “Remember last year with all those end-of-year concerts and exams? It was really stressful. They want to avoid that kind of thing this year. I think it’s really considerate.”

 

“What day is the concert?” Evan finds himself asking. Connor stiffens next to him.

 

“Thursday night,” Zoe replies. She smiles at him genuinely. “Wanna come? I know you like jazz.”

 

“I’ll, uh, see if I’m free,” says Evan, trying to play it cool. Did Zoe just…

 

“You and Connor should go together,” Zoe continues. “It’s not like Connor has anything else to do.”

 

“Fuck you,” says Connor without any heat.

 

“Connor, we have a guest,” Mrs. Murphy scolds.

 

Connor shrugs and looks at his plate. Evan tries to control his rapidly beating heart. “If you wanted to go with me, that’d be cool,” he says to Connor quietly.

 

Connor doesn’t look up. “Maybe.” He licks Tabasco sauce off his fork. Mrs. Murphy sighs. Evan finishes the last of the extra lasagna he’s been given and regrets it immediately. Connor puts the fork down and looks at his mother. “Evan and I are going to do our bio homework in my room,” he announces, standing up.

 

Evan looks at Connor, then to Mrs. Murphy, and tries to figure out if it’s polite to stand up. When Mr. Murphy stands and mutters something about work emails, Evan figures he’s alright so stands up. “Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Murphy,” he says politely.

 

“Call me Cynthia,” she says, overly cheerful. “You’re very welcome, Evan.”

 

Connor takes his good arm and leads Evan upstairs into what’s clearly his room. Evan just kind of stands around awkwardly until Connor gestures toward the bed. “You can, uh, sit if you want,” Connor says. The fact that he’s clearly as awkward about the situation as Evan is kind of endearing.

 

“We don’t have biology homework,” Evan blurts out.

 

The corner of Connor’s mouth curls into a smile. “I know we don’t. But I figured if I didn’t do something, my mom would give you another serving of lasagna and you’d eat it because you think it’d be rude not to.”

 

“Thank you,” says Evan with a grateful smile. “I’m, uh, pretty sure that’s exactly what would have happened.” He tries for a joke. “You sure your alien powers don’t let you, like, see into possible futures?”

 

Connor laughs a little. “No, I just know you.” His face drops as soon as he realizes what he’s said, and Evan’s not sure what to do to break the awkwardness.

 

Because they do know each other. They’re connected, thanks to alien abilities and Connor bringing Evan back from the brink of death. But aside from that, they’re total strangers to each other.

 

Evan should probably do something about that.

 

“What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?” he asks.

 

Connor looks confused for a moment, then seems to get it. “There’s this amazing chilli chocolate stuff you can get at this place I used to go to all the time, A La Mode. A lot of people think the chilli is overpowering, but… it works for me.”

 

Evan remembers the Tabasco ice cream he’d tried before dinner. “Yeah, I guess it would.”

 

“How about you?” Connor asks.

 

“Strawberry,” Evan says. “But, like, fake strawberry, rather than something fancy with bits of strawberry in it? I don’t like bits in my ice cream.”

 

“What’s your opinion on sprinkles?”

 

“Cute, but unnecessary.”

 

Connor looks like he’s about to say something, then stops. He stands up and picks the folder up from his desk. “I guess we should have a good look at this, huh?”

 

“We?” Evan asks.

 

Connor turns slightly pink. “Me and Zoe, I mean. It could, uh, it could help us figure out where we’re from. And how to get back.”

 

_Connor’s just trying to survive until he’s old enough to figure out a way home. A way home that probably doesn’t even exist._

 

“I can help, if you want,” Evan offers.

 

Connor startles. “Really?”

 

“Connor, you saved my life. It’s the least I can do.”

 

Connor looks uncomfortable. “I didn’t… uh, I didn’t save your life because I wanted you to, like, owe me or whatever. I just did it because… well, I didn’t want you to die.”

 

Evan’s not sure how to respond, but he gives it his best shot. “I know what it feels like to feel like you don’t belong,” he says carefully. “I know it’s not the same - I’m not an… alien, I’m just... weird, but I know what it’s like to wish there was somewhere you belonged and you were a part of something. I just… I don’t know what mine is. But you do. You know where you belong, you just… don’t know how to get there. And I want to help you. So… yeah.”

 

Connor’s staring at him in shock and something else Evan can’t quite figure out. Then suddenly Connor’s closing the distance between them and their lips meet.

 

_They are floating through space. Galaxies and nebulas spin around them. Stars are born and stars die._

 

_They are glowing, pulsing a soft blue, hurtling through the blackness._

 

_They are plummeting through the Earth’s atmosphere._

 

_They are crashing._

 

_They are burning._

 

_All that’s left is the children._

 

_All that matters is keeping them safe._

 

Evan’s brought back to reality abruptly as Connor pulls away from him. The expression on his face is of absolute horror. Evan’s heart sinks into his chest.

 

“I had no right to do that,” Connor says shakily. “I’m so sorry, I know you don’t… but I saw…”

 

“You saw the crash that brought you to this planet,” Evan continues, his voice just as shaky. “I know. I saw it, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who's reading: I'm writing a lot at the moment because I'm going through a bit of a rough patch mental health wise, and have a gazillion other things I should be doing, but instead, I'm writing fanfiction as a kind of bizarre coping mechanism. If all of a sudden the updates dramatically slow down, it'll be because of... responsibilities and life and stuff. Although the chances of just writing this until it's done are pretty high at the moment. 
> 
> TL;DR I don't have anything approaching a posting schedule. Please forgive me.


	9. The Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is an idiot. Science is involved.

Connor is the biggest fucking idiot on this entire planet.

 

And probably on all other planets, too.

 

He has no idea what possessed him to kiss Evan just then. Well, okay, the crush he’s had on him for literal _years_ had a lot to do with it, but he knows Evan doesn’t see him in a more than platonic way. He knows Evan has a crush on his sister, for fuck’s sake.

 

Yet for some reason, he kissed Evan, and got launched into the universe.

 

And now he’s back on Earth and has to deal with the consequences.

 

“I am so sorry,” he says again. He doesn’t think he can say it enough. “That was so fucking stupid of me, I know you like Zoe and not me, I know-”

 

“You know I liked Zoe?” Evan interrupts, going completely bright red.

 

Connor nods. “I saw. When I healed you. And… I’m guessing you saw how I feel about you, so… I’m really, really sorry, I just… there’s no excuse and I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s… it’s okay,” Evan says in a way that Connor suspects is supposed to be reassuring but doesn’t quite land because of how freaked out he looks. “I mean, it was… I wasn’t expecting my first kiss to involve quite so much of outer space.”

 

Connor feels like even more of an idiot. “That was your first kiss?”

 

Evan goes even more red. Connor didn’t think it was possible for someone to be redder than Evan is at this moment. “Yes?”

 

Connor lets out a sigh. “Mine, too.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and tries not to kick something in frustration.

 

Of course, he’d hoped his first kiss would be with Evan. He’d dreamed about it for ages. But he’s also hoped that it would be with an Evan who wanted to be kissed by him.

 

“So I guess neither of us can say empirically that normal kissing doesn’t involve visions of alien crashes,” Evan jokes feebly.

 

“Nothing about me is fucking normal,” Connor murmurs darkly. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know you are,” Evan says, looking at his shoes. “You’ve said it like, a hundred times.” He stands up. “I should probably go home.”

 

“I’ve totally freaked out you,” Connor blurts out. “I didn’t mean to do that, I’m-”

 

“Sorry,” Evan finishes. “Yeah, I know.” He smiles slightly. “People always tell me I apologize too much, so I get it.” He shifts uncomfortably. “I really should go home, though.”

 

“Are we okay?” Connor asks without really thinking about it. “I mean, we’re still… you’re not going to…”

 

“Do you really think I’d spill a life-threatening secret about you just because we had an awkward kiss?” Evan asks sharply. “Really?”

 

“I’m not good at this whole… people thing,” says Connor in frustration. “I’ve never told anyone who I really am, I’ve never had a proper friend, I’ve never… I don’t know how it all works and I don’t know what to expect.”

 

“I’m not just keeping your secret because we’re friends,” Evan says. There’s something in his voice that sounds a bit like anger, but sadder than the anger Connor’s used to. “I’m keeping your secret because it is the right thing to do. Because if I don’t, I’m no better than a murderer. And yeah, I get that you’re freaked out about kissing me, and I’m kinda freaked out, too, but that’s, like, a whole separate issue. Even if you decided right now that you… didn’t want to be friends with me because I’m super pathetic, I wouldn’t tell anyone who you really are.”

 

“Because it would hurt Zoe,” Connor finishes.

 

Evan’s eyes narrow. “Because it would hurt _you_ and that’s not what you deserve.” He moves toward the door. “I’ll see you at school, okay? We’re good. We’re fine.”

 

Evan leaves.

 

Connor lies down on his bed and mentally berates himself as viciously as he can.

 

Then there’s a knock at the door, then he hears it open.

 

“What did you do to Evan?”

 

Connor groans. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

He hears the door close. “Whatever. I want to see this weird folder that Jared gave you. You reckon it could help us get home.”

 

Connor relents and sits up to look at his sister. “I honestly have no idea.”

 

Zoe gives him a stern look. “But actually, what did you do to Evan?”

 

Connor groans. “I kissed him.”

 

Zoe’s eyebrows rise comically high. “You did what?”

 

“And I saw stars.”

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“No, I literally saw stars,” Connor explains. “When we kissed, I had, like… I don’t know, a vision of the crash.”

 

If it were possible for Zoe to look any more shocked, she probably would. “What the actual fuck.”

 

“I could… feel it,” says Connor, fumbling for words to describe. “Hurtling through space. Falling through the earth’s atmosphere. They knew they were crashing and they knew they wouldn’t survive. They just… they made sure we were safe.” He swallows. “Whoever was there on that ship with us gave up their lives to keep us safe. I could _feel_ it.”

 

“Then what happened?”

 

Connor sighs. “Then I said something stupid and Evan left.”

 

Zoe rolls her eyes. “Of course you said something stupid. You’re you.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“No, you don’t.” She looks thoughtful. “So you kissed him and saw stars.”

 

“Please don’t joke about this.”

 

“Well done Evan Hansen - your kissing skills are officially out of this world.”

 

“Oh my god, please stop.”

 

“Did you kiss him again?” Zoe asks.

 

Connor throws a pillow at her. “No, I did not. Because I shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Connor sighs. “Because he likes _you._ ”

 

Zoe laughs. “I am yet to see any evidence of that.”

 

“Trust me, he does.”

 

“Yeah, but… you guys kissed and you had a vision of the crash,” Zoe points out. “What would happen if you kissed him again? Would you, I don’t know, see a map to whatever solar system we’re from? A blueprint to build our own spaceship? The possibilities are endless.”

 

Connor groans. “Be serious.”

 

Zoe grabs his hand. “I am. I am actually serious about this. If you saw the crash when you kissed the first time, then what might happen if you kiss again?”

 

Connor feels like he’s talking a brick wall. “Do I have to make you a banner or something? Evan. Likes. You. Not me. We’re friends.”

 

“He let you kiss him,” Zoe points out.

 

“‘Let’ had very little to do with it,” Connor says darkly. “I just kissed him right out of the blue and then all of a sudden we were in space.”

 

Zoe bursts out laughing. Connor throws another pillow at her.

 

“All I’m saying is that if you asked him nicely, he’d probably let you kiss him again,” Zoe says once she’s finished laughing. “You know, for science. He likes science, right?”

 

“Zoe, I swear to fucking god-”

 

“‘Make out with me, Evan. It’ll help me find my home planet.’”

 

Connor flops down on the bed dramatically. “You are no help at all.”

 

“I’m actually serious about this, you know.”

 

Connor sits back up. “Why? You love it here.”

 

Zoe blinks. “You think I don’t want to know where I’m from?”

 

Connor shrugs. “I just kinda figured that when I graduated high school, I’d… I don’t know, go on some weird road trip to ‘find myself’ and disappear off the grid so I could, you know, look for clues and stuff. But you… you’ll go to college and get a real job and get married and have two point five children and be a normal fucking human being.”

 

Zoe stares at him. “Connor… I’m not a human being. I’m just like you. I want to know where we’re from. And you’re right - it’s the kind of thing that’s easier to explore once you’ve finished high school and aren’t dealing with the whole being underage and having parents who worry and all that jazz. But just because I’m doing a decent job at fitting in doesn’t mean that it’s all I want. I want to know who I am.”

 

Connor has legitimately never considered this, and he’s kind of ashamed.

 

Zoe grins. “Plus, I’m completely sure that someone will call child services if I have point five of a child.” Her grin drops. “I probably can’t even have kids with a human anyway. And even if I could, I shouldn’t, because of the whole... you know, possibly being hunted by nefarious government agencies or whatever. I wouldn’t want to do that to a kid.”

 

“I’m sorry,” says Connor slowly. “I just thought… you do a damn good job of fitting in, and I don’t. It makes it hard to remember that we’re in this together, you know?”

 

“We are,” says Zoe firmly. “I want to find out who I really am as much as you do.” She picks up the folder. “Do you mind if I take this for a while? Mom and Dad are less likely to search my room anyway.”

 

Connor makes a face. He hates it, but she has a point. “Yeah, okay.”

 

Zoe takes the folder and heads to the door. “And don’t forget - get Evan to kiss you again. For science.”

 

Connor picks up a pillow and hurls it at the door just as she closes it.


	10. The Janitor's Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor in the closet. Outer space is involved.

Evan spends most of the weekend avoiding all human and extraterrestrial contact. He watches a lot of documentaries about outer space. He thinks about the kiss with Connor. A lot.

 

That’s pretty much the whole weekend. Outer space and Connor. Connor and outer space.

 

It’s pretty weird.

 

At one point, Jared texts him and it’s basically a whole bunch of emojis and something to do with New Coke. There’s nothing about aliens, though, so Evan figures that whatever it was Zoe did clearly worked.

 

Hanging out with Zoe and Connor, albeit briefly, had been a lot of fun. Even if he did end up eating some truly disgusting ice cream. He’d spent so much time admiring Zoe from afar, never really knowing her, that being so close was kind of… well, weird. She’d just seemed so perfect and beautiful and unattainable from a distance, and up close she’s still beautiful but it’s… different.

 

Weirdly, being near her makes her more human. Which is ironic, considering he’s one of the few people on the planet who knows she’s an alien. She’s still beautiful. But he doesn’t freak out and get all nervous around her like he used to.

 

Actually, his anxiety’s been… a lot better since the fall. And that in itself is kind of freaking him out. He’s freaking out that he’s not really freaking out, because everything kind of seems a lot more manageable when compared to having to hide what species you are or someone will lock you up and perform horrific medical experiments on you.

 

Evan’s used to hiding the worst parts of him. And he hates those parts. He really does. He’s awkward and nervous and sweaty and weird. But he’s, you know, human and no one is going to literally cut him open and experiment on him just because he’s nervous and awkward and sweaty and weird.

 

He’s spent all this time envying the way that Zoe Murphy seems to float through life effortlessly and all this time, she’s been hiding something huge. She and Connor must be so scared all the time. Just like Evan.

 

Well, it’s different in that it’s totally justified that they’re scared all the time, whereas Evan is just broken, but… they get through their lives anyway. And if they can, when what they’re scared of is so much bigger than anything Evan has to face, then maybe Evan can, too.

 

The point is, he’s had this crush on Zoe for so long, and he still thinks she’s gorgeous, but the thing that’s really weird is that he can’t really picture kissing Zoe but he can’t stop thinking about kissing her brother.

 

And isn’t that a glorious mess.

 

The kiss itself was kind of overshadowed by the fact that he literally saw stars (oh my god how ridiculous is that) but he’s pretty sure he liked it. Connor’s lips were softer than he thought they’d be. He remembered that much. But the look on Connor’s face when they came back to earth (how many cliches can he turn into reality, really?) was so horrified that it made the whole thing seem wrong.

 

Did Connor regret kissing him? Well, yeah, the hundreds of apologies made that pretty clear. But did he regret kissing Evan because he thinks Evan is gross and kissing him meant that whatever crush he’d had on him completely disappeared? Or was he just freaked out because he knew that Evan liked Zoe?

 

The fact that Connor knows about Evan’s crush on Zoe is toe-curlingly embarrassing, especially since Evan’s not sure if he even still has a crush on Zoe. Because his crush on Zoe might have been replaced with a crush on Connor. Except he’s not sure if that’s just because he knows Connor had a crush on _him._ But it might be a moot point anyway because Connor kissed him and then looked completely freaked out so that probably means that Connor thought kissing Evan was gross.

 

Probably. Right? Maybe? How was Evan supposed to know what Connor was thinking? I mean, he could ask, but what kind of ridiculous idea is _that?_

 

So on Monday morning, Evan goes to school armed with a whole bunch of facts about nebulas (nebula is Latin for ‘cloud’ or ‘fog’ and is made up of dust, hydrogen, helium and other ionized gases) and no idea what to do about Connor.

 

He runs into Alana Beck first thing, who asks him how’s he’s feeling after his panic attack in biology last week. Evan assures her he’s fine, just as Zoe and Connor show up. Zoe beams at Alana. Connor gives Evan a nod but doesn’t say anything. Evan’s not sure if he should say something. He wants to say something but he doesn’t know what.

 

Fortunately, there’s no such thing as an awkward silence when Alana Beck is around.

 

“I’m volunteering as an usher at the jazz band concert on Thursday,” Alana informs Zoe. “I’m looking forward to the performance. You’re very talented.”

 

“Thank you,” Zoe replies, smiling softly. “It’ll be great to see you there.” She turns to Evan. “Evan and Connor are going to be there, too, isn’t that right guys?”

 

“Going to be where?”

 

Evan realizes with a jolt of panic that Jared’s joined them. He looks a bit more well-rested than the last time he saw them, and completely oblivious to any weirdness. Evan can tell that Zoe and Connor are concerned, though. Nervousness is radiating off them.

 

“Jazz band concert,” Alana says.

 

“Oh,” Jared replies, wrinkling his nose. “Lame.”

 

“Fuck off, it’s going to be cool,” says Connor defensively. Zoe looks a bit surprised at his words but smiles anyway.

 

“How’s your extra credit for biology coming along, Jared?” Alana asks. “You know, with the autopsy reports?”

 

Jared frowns. “The what?”

 

Alana looks confused. Zoe and Connor exchange looks. “You had those autopsy reports on Friday,” Alana clarifies. “You dropped them, I helped you pick them up. There was that thing with the weird handprint…”

 

Evan’s trying really, really hard not to hyperventilate. Jared still looks super confused. Then he blinks and cracks up laughing. “Right, right - okay, so I was up all night on Thursday researching conspiracy theories, and I was, like, completely convinced I’d found Area 51,” he tells Alana. “But then I found this messenger board in the weekend and get this: they’re bringing back New Coke and they’re going to put real cocaine in it this time!”

 

“You don’t say,” Zoe deadpans.

 

“I get a little bit carried away sometimes,” Jared says breezily. “But you have to admit, I’d look amazing in a tin foil hat.”

 

“If you put half as much effort into your studies as you do into researching weird stuff on the internet, you might actually be legitimate competition for the valedictorian spot,” says Alana. Evan feels like she’s only half-joking.

 

“I wouldn’t dream of dethroning the queen of academia,” Jared replies with an exaggerated bow.

 

Evan’s breathing again, thank god. At some point in the proceedings, Connor had moved to stand next to him, and Evan can feel his arm against his - not exactly touching, just kind of… there and comforting and that’s a really weird thing to think about but also kind of nice.

 

“Well, I need to see Mr. Barlow before class, so I’d better be off,” Alana says, holding her books to her chest. “It was nice to see all of you, have a great day.”

 

Alana’s off like a rocket, power-walking down the halls like a woman on a mission. Evan can feel a wave of fondness flow through him and he’s once again aware that it’s not his emotion. He frowns. He should probably mention this to Connor. Maybe it’s some kind of weird side effect of the whole ‘an alien brought me back from near death’ thing.

 

“Later, losers,” says Jared, sauntering off and barely looking at Evan.

 

Zoe smiles. “I’d better get going, too.” She turns to Connor. “Remember - science.”

 

Connor scowls at his sister as she leaves with a cheery wave. Evan’s not sure what that was all about. Connor clears his throat. “Listen, I figure we should… talk.” He looks around. “Somewhere private.”

 

A few minutes later they’re in the janitor’s closet. Evan’s uncomfortably aware that this is definitely where kids go to make out if they don’t want to be caught. From the blush on Connor’s face, he’s pretty sure he’s made the connection, too.

 

“I wanted to… apologize,” says Connor.

 

Evan’s heart falls. “I’m pretty sure we covered that. Like, a lot.”

 

“I don’t know if I really properly explained what I apologized _for_ , though,” Connor stresses. “I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you before I kissed you. Like, that’s super shitty of me.”

 

“You’re not sorry you kissed me because you think I’m gross?” Evan blurts out.

 

Connor just looks at him for a long moment. “That’s what you thought?”

 

Evan blushes. “I didn’t say it was a rational thought.”

 

Connor runs his fingers through his hair absently, clearly frustrated. “Fuck. I, uh, I thought you’d… I thought it was pretty obvious that I, uh, really don’t think you’re gross. Kind of the exact opposite, actually.” He sighs. “I just… I saw that you…” Connor trails off and Evan’s completely and utterly confused. Then he blurts out something that makes absolutely zero sense. “Would you let me kiss you for science?”

 

“Uh, what?”

 

Connor’s blushing furiously. “Okay, so Zoe suggested-”

 

Evan’s brain might just explode. “Hold up, you told _Zoe_ about the kiss?”

 

“You saw the crash,” Connor snaps, looking a bit like a wounded animal. “That involves her, too.” He looks at his shoes. “She suggested that if you saw the crash when we kissed, then maybe if we kissed again, we’d get… more information. About where we’re from.”

 

Nope, it’s official - Evan’s brain will explode. Any minute now. “So you think we should kiss so you can… learn more about your home planet.”

 

Connor looks up at him, sheepish. “Something like that.” He hesitates, then continues. “Look, we have very little to go on when it comes to finding home. So we kind of… have to chase up any leads. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense...”

 

Actually, it kind of _does_ make sense. Because of course there’d need to be a good reason to want to kiss someone like Evan. And yeah, kissing Evan to help a pair of alien siblings find their place in the universe sounds weird, but it makes way more sense that someone wanting to kiss Evan for the sake of it.

 

“If it’ll help you find out more, I’ll do it,” Evan says.

 

Connor looks surprised. And embarrassed. And kind of… hurt? But he nods. Evan’s not sure what happens next. “Are we doing this now, or…”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

“If you want to.”

 

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

 

Evan kisses Connor.

 

_They are surrounded by stars. It’s warm and it’s safe and it feels like home in a way that nothing ever has before, but it also feels like being struck by lightning, and it also feels like a storm._

 

_It’s a world of contradictions, of heat and soft skin, like being ripped apart and put back together, like letting the whole sun shine on their faces._

 

_The galaxy swirls around them. Connor’s hands are in his hair. Evan’s arms wrap around Connor. He can feel his heartbeat, fast and steady. There’s a soft blue glow. A gentle pulsing._

 

_Safe. Warm. Here. Now. Home._

 

“Oh,” says Evan softly as they break apart. “That was…”

 

“Yeah,” says Connor. “I guess it… it didn’t work a second time. I’m sorry I dragged you in here.”

 

“No, I-”

 

“I’m just such an asshole,” Connor interrupts. “Because I, like, know you like someone else, and here I am basically manipulating you into kissing me-”

 

“I liked it!” Evan manages to blurt out.

 

Connor’s eyes widen. “Really?”

 

“I liked kissing you,” Evan confirms. “I like kissing you. I think I’d like kissing you even if it didn’t involve outer space.”

 

Connor looks completely shocked. They stand there in awkward silence for awhile. For a moment, Evan is absolutely, a hundred percent convinced that Connor’s going to kiss him again.

 

“I have to go to class,” Connor blurts out, and all but runs out of the closet.

 

Leaving Evan completely confused and more than a little heartbroken.   



	11. The Extra Credit Biology Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Evan have ice cream. Alana does science.

Zoe’s not a hundred percent sure why her brother is in such a foul mood but she’s willing to bet it’s got something to do with Evan. She can practically  _ feel _ the teenage alien angst coming off him in waves. The one time she tries to broach the subject, he snaps up at her, so she doesn’t try again. 

 

Then on Thursday afternoon, Evan shows up at the house. 

 

Zoe’s the one to answer the door. She notices that he’s wearing a button-down shirt and jeans instead of his normal polo shirt and khakis combination, and immediately decides it’s a good look for him. 

 

“Hey Evan,” she greets him. “Is Connor expecting you?”

 

Evan blushes slightly. “Um, no. He hasn’t exactly said anything to me since… the thing on Monday, but since we had plans for the jazz band concert, I figured I’d just… this was stupid, I’m gonna go.”

 

“No, wait,” Zoe insists. “What thing on Monday?”

 

Evan’s pretty much all blush at this point. “He told me he told you about the whole… kissing and space thing,” he manages to blurt out. “We tried again on Monday, but it kind of… I don’t know, it didn’t give any new information, and then I said something stupid, and then he left and he hasn’t talked to me since.” Evan shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I’m not going to make it a big deal but he hasn’t talked to me, so I don’t know if he’s making it a big deal.” He looks at his shoes. “This is really embarrassing.”

 

“My brother’s an asshole,” Zoe says with a roll of her eyes. “Come in and have some ice cream. I’m pretty sure we’ve got some that hasn’t been tainted by hot sauce.”

 

Evan closes the door and follows her into the kitchen awkwardly. Zoe gets out a carton of vanilla ice cream, some bowls and some spoons, then looks at Evan. “What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

 

“Strawberry,” says Evan. 

 

Zoe waves her hand over the carton of ice cream and turns it from vanilla to strawberry. Evan’s eyes widen but he doesn’t look scared - just kind of amazed. 

 

It’s a nice feeling. Someone knowing what you can do and not being afraid.

 

“Hopefully it tastes okay,” Zoe says, pushing the carton toward him and handing him a spoon. 

 

“Thank you,” says Evan. He hands her the bottle of hot sauce that seems to permanently live on the bench. 

 

They eat ice cream in companionable silence for awhile, Zoe pouring liberal amounts of Tabasco on hers. Zoe takes the time to observe Evan Hansen. She’s never really noticed him before his fall. Not really. She’s seen him around and he seems nice and kind and never makes fun of Connor the way most people at school seemed to think was somehow acceptable. But he’s always seemed to exist… outside of everything else. Like there was a sheet of glass between him and the rest of the world. 

 

Zoe doesn’t think a lot of people really see Evan. 

 

But it’s pretty obvious Connor always did. 

 

“If you want to go upstairs and talk to him, you can,” says Zoe. “You don’t have to feel like you’re stuck hanging out with me.”

 

Evan looks a bit startled. “Oh. I’m probably bugging you. Sorry.”

 

“That’s not what I said,” Zoe points out. “You’re not bugging me at all. It’s nice to get to know you.” She smiles slightly. “You’re literally the only human being who knows that I’m… not one, so…”

 

“I’m really sorry about what happened,” Evan says suddenly. “I’m sorry that Connor was there, and I’m sorry that what he did changed everything for you, and I’m sorry that you had to… whatever it is you did with Jared, and I’m sorry you guys are so alone.”

 

“I’m not sorry Connor was there when you jumped,” says Zoe softly. 

 

Evan looks down at his ice cream. “Yeah, well, it probably would have been easier if he wasn’t.”

 

“Easier, but not better,” Zoe says carefully. She takes a deep breath. “Look, I don’t know why you jumped, and I know we don’t know each other that well, but… you’re a good person and I’m glad you’re still here.” She pauses for a moment. “And we’re not alone. We have each other. And we have you. So… don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

 

Evan nods but doesn’t reply. He just stirs his ice cream, which has melted enough to have formed a kind of soup. Zoe’s heart is kind of breaking for him right now. 

 

She stands up. “I’m going to get my idiot brother down here for some ice cream. Then I’ve got to get to school to help set up for the concert. He can drive you both there later. Once you’ve had a conversation.”

 

“What? No, Zoe, it’s probably best if I…”

 

Whatever Evan’s saying fades into the background as Zoe races up the stairs and barges into Connor’s room. Connor’s lying on his bed, a CD hovering just above his head, playing something terrible. Zoe frowns. 

 

Connor scowls. “What?”

 

“Evan’s downstairs,” she says curtly. “There’s ice cream.”

 

“I don’t want ice cream.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t really care what you want,” Zoe snaps. “You need to talk to him. He thinks you’re mad at him.”

 

“I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at me.”

 

“And punishing him for it is in any way fair?” 

 

Connor sighs. The CD stops playing music and falls back onto the bed. “No, but… I just can’t, okay?”

 

Zoe crosses her arms. “He is your biology partner, and your friend, and also the only human being who knows about us. You can’t just… never talk to him again. You need to at least clear the air between you.” She pauses. “He said you guys kissed again but you didn’t see anything useful that time.”

 

“I still saw stars,” says Connor. “But we didn’t, like, find out anything new. It was just a kiss.”

 

“A good kiss?”

 

Connor smiles despite himself. “Yeah, a good kiss.”

 

“And then you left,” Zoe confirms. “After he… he reckons he said something stupid. What did he say?”

 

“He said he liked kissing me,” Connor mumbles. 

 

Zoe feels like setting her idiot brother on fire. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been in love with this guy since you were kids, and you guys have kissed twice, and he said he likes kissing you, and he’s downstairs and you’re up here listening to shitty emo music? What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“He only kissed me to help find my home planet.”

 

Oh my god. “He said he liked it, Connor. He liked kissing you. Get that through your thick skull.”

 

“He wants to help me find home,” says Connor sullenly. “And then when I find home… well, it’s not like I can bring some human back to whatever alien planet I’m from with me. And I just… I can’t kiss him and be with him or whatever, all the time knowing that eventually, I’m going to… fuck, I don’t know, jump in a spaceship and leave him forever.”

 

Zoe gets it. She does. But it’s not exactly helping the situation at hand. “And you think that ignoring him is the way to deal with this?” 

 

“It’s better than just using him until I find a way home.”

 

Zoe picks up a pillow and hits Connor with it. “Get up. Get your ass downstairs. Have a conversation with him. Tell him what you just told me. Take him out for a burger or something, then come see my jazz band concert. Not talking to him is a complete asshole move.”

 

“Yeah, well, I am a complete asshole.”

 

“Oh my god, Connor.”

 

Connor groans. “Fine. 

 

Zoe all but pushes Connor down the stairs. They head to the kitchen to find Evan’s half-eaten bowl of ice cream just… sitting there. 

 

They hear the front door close softly. 

 

Connor stands there for a moment, then rushes to the door and heads out into the street. 

 

Zoe finishes her ice cream. Then she finishes Evan’s ice cream. Then she goes to her room, picks up her guitar and her jazz band outfit (there are honest-to-god  _ suspenders _ involved and it’s awful but kind of fun at the same time) and heads to her car. 

 

Connor’s car isn’t in the driveway. Zoe hopes like heck they’ve taken her advice. 

 

When she arrives at school, she’s one of the first people there. It’s just her, Gavin and his bass and Alana Beck, systematically putting out chairs. 

 

Zoe puts down her stuff and goes to help. Alana greets her with a bright smile. “Hi, Zoe! Are you looking forward to the concert? I heard you in rehearsal and you’re very good. I think it’s going to be a great year for the jazz band this year. I heard they changed the performance schedule so it takes into consideration end of semester exams, which I think is a really healthy way of making sure the students in jazz band don’t get overworked.”

 

“I agree,” says Zoe, her smile equally bright. She likes Alana. Alana’s not afraid to be exactly who she is. Zoe’s envious of that. 

 

“I was actually hoping I’d get a chance to talk to you tonight,” says Alana, million-watt smile still in place. “Remember how Jared said he was doing an extra credit assignment for biology?”

 

Alarm bells start to ring in Zoe’s head. She tries to ignore them and stay calm. “I thought he was just making up an explanation for his weird conspiracy theory fetish,” says Zoe, trying to keep her tone light. 

 

Alana nods. “I know, but it gave me an idea for an extra credit assignment of my own. I’ve got an uncle who works as a geneticist and he said I’m welcome to do some work in his lab on genome sequencing. Ms. Parkinson thinks it’s a great idea, so I’m trying to get DNA samples from different people. And I was wondering… if I could sequence your genome.” At Zoe’s stunned expression, Alana laughs nervously. “I’m sorry, that probably sounds like a strange kind of pick up line. I didn’t mean it to. It’s just that… well, I think you’re interesting, and there are theories about DNA and personality that are fascinating, and-”

 

“No,” Zoe interrupts firmly. 

 

Alana blinks. “No?” She looks… kind of offended, but mostly just… hurt. 

 

Zoe tries to reign in her growing panic. “I’m just really not comfortable with the idea of someone messing around with my DNA.”

 

“Getting a sample is a completely painless process,” Alana assures her. “It’s just hair and saliva. No blood or anything.”

 

“I just can’t,” says Zoe curtly. “I’m sorry, I think it’s great that you’re doing this extra credit stuff, and I hope it goes really well, I just… I can’t.”

 

Alana sighs. “It was weird of me to ask, wasn’t it. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable-”

 

“No, it’s just…” Zoe tries to explain in a way that doesn’t involve blurting out she’s an alien to a pretty girl. “So you know I’m adopted, right?”

 

Alana frowns. “I didn’t know that.”

 

“Me and Connor, we… we were found when I was 5 and he was 6, and we can’t remember anything from earlier than that, so they suspect there’s some kind of childhood trauma we’re repressing,” Zoe lies. “So the whole idea about… looking at DNA and stuff… kind of brings up some painful stuff that I don’t want to think about.”

 

“Don’t you want to know where you’re from?” Alana asks. 

 

_Desperately_ , Zoe thinks. 

 

“That’s not important,” she says instead. “What’s important is my life now and… getting my solo right at the end of the first act.” She offers Alana a weak smile. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

 

“I didn’t know it was such a sensitive topic,” Alana says guiltily. “I’m really sorry, I completely overstepped.”

 

“You didn’t know.”

 

“I’m glad you told me?” says Alana, her voice sympathetic. “And if you ever do decide you want to find out more about where you’re from, I’m sure I can call in some favors with my uncle. Genetics are a great place to start when trying to understand things like this.”

 

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Zoe promises. 

 

Alana smiles, and they go back to putting out chairs. 

 

When the band warms up, Zoe can feel Alana’s eyes on her the whole time. 

 

And she’s not sure how to feel about it. 


	12. The Cheeseburger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan eat cheeseburgers.

Connor has to chase Evan halfway down the street before finally catching up with him. Evan’s surprisingly speedy, considering his legs are like, half the length of Connor’s (but then again, Connor is pretty much all leg). But he eventually catches up, and they power walk in silence for a couple of minutes before Connor finally says something.

 

“Hey.”

 

Evan stops. “Hey?” Connor stops, too, and Evan turns to look at him. “You ignore me all week, then you chase me down the street and all you have to say is ‘hey’?”

 

“It’s not _all_ I have to say.”

 

Evan rolls his eyes. “Well, what else you have to say?”

 

Connor gestures vaguely back toward his driveway. “Can I buy you a cheeseburger?”

 

Evan just blinks. “Fine,” he says finally. “But you’re paying.”

 

“I literally just said I would buy you a cheeseburger,” Connor responds. “I figured the ‘me paying’ was implied.”

 

They turn around and walk back to Connor’s car. Connor’s keys are in his pockets, fortunately, so he doesn’t have to suffer the indignity of going back inside and seeing Zoe looking all self-righteous.

 

He checks his pockets for his wallet while he’s at it. Fortunately, he’s got that, too.

 

When they get into the car, it finally dawns on Connor that he’s not wearing any shoes.

 

Evan hasn’t said anything the entire time.

 

He has, however, gotten into Connor’s car, so… all is not lost.

 

Connor turns up his car stereo and blasts… whatever’s in the CD player, he doesn’t really care. He turns to look at Evan, who’s looking out the window with determination. As though there’s something really fucking interesting in some rich asshole’s garden.

 

Connor drives.

 

He’s heading to a ridiculous out of the way burger joint he and Zoe used to go to all the time when Connor first got his licence. The burgers were amazing, they had an entire selection of hot sauces to choose from and there were plenty of tables far away from prying eyes and listening ears. Basically everything a young teenage alien could wish for in a getaway.

 

Also a great place to have a super awkward conversation with the guy you kissed out of the blue, then freaked out on, then kissed again, then left in a janitor’s closet.

 

Smooth moves, Connor. Really well done.

 

The drive takes about fifteen minutes and Evan doesn’t say a word. Connor sneaks glances at him every now and then - he’s still determinedly looking out the window - and tries to think of something not-lame or ridiculous to say. He doesn’t come up with anything.

 

By the time they arrive at the ridiculously named Burger Burger Burger, it’s almost a relief.

 

Almost.

 

Now they’re actually going to have to have a conversation.

 

They get out of the car and head in. Connor puts his hands in his pockets and looks at his socks.

 

Evan sees him looking down and follows his gaze. “You’re not wearing any shoes.”

 

Connor shrugs. “Leaving the house was a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

 

Evan cracks up laughing.

 

Connor smiles. “So what do you want?”

 

Evan looks at the menu and tenses up. “Whatever’s cheapest.”

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “Fuck that, what do you _want_?”

 

“You said something about a cheeseburger?”

 

Connor nods. “Cool. Cheeseburger, fries and a strawberry milkshake, coming right up.”

 

“I literally just ate strawberry ice cream,” Evan points out.

 

“So you want a chocolate milkshake then?”

 

Evan just stares at him for a moment. “Maybe a Coke?”

 

“Fine. But you’re missing out. These guys make amazing milkshakes.” Connor gestures to a corner. “You can go find us a table and I’ll order.”

 

A few minutes later they’re sitting at a table with cheeseburgers, a mountain of fries and a literal bucket full of different kinds of hot sauce. Evan has a Coke, Connor has a chocolate milkshake. Connor opens a bottle of Tabasco and pours a generous amount into his milkshake. Evan looks utterly appalled.

 

“Your tastebuds make zero sense.”

 

Connor shrugs then rummages through the bucket of hot sauces until he finds his prize. “Aha!” he crows in victory. “They still have it.”

 

“What is that?”

 

Connor grins. “Ghost pepper sauce. It’s, like, 200 times hotter than Tabasco and it’s awesome.” He opens up his burger and pours the ghost pepper sauce on it, then grabs a sugar packet from the middle of the table and empties that onto it as well. Evan looks vaguely ill as he closes the burger and takes a bite.

 

He closes his eyes in rapture. Ghost pepper sauce is the shit.

 

“If you think I’m kissing you after you eat that, you’ve got another think coming,” he hears Evan say. Connor’s eyes shoot open.

 

He doesn’t need to be able to read Evan’s mind to tell that he is clearly wishing he hadn’t just said that. Connor’s swept up in a wave of indescribable fondness for this boy.

 

“Guess that’s something we should talk about.” He puts down his burger. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry for bailing on you.” He chuckles weakly. “Told you I’m no good at trying to be human.”

 

“Well, at least you’ve got a good excuse.” Evan takes a sip of his Coke, then turns slightly pink. “I, uh, I overheard your conversation with Zoe.”

 

Huh. “You did?”

 

“Well, bits of it.” Evan picks up a fry and looks like he’s about to eat it, but then continues. “I’m not exactly an expert on kissing, but I do know that the whole space thing is… probably not a human thing. But you’re not just… using me to find a way home. And, well, if you are, then that’s okay, because you saved my life and the least I can do is… kiss you for a space map.”

 

Connor’s completely horrified to realize that he can feel his eyes starting to sting, and it’s not from the hot sauce. There’s no fucking way he’s crying in this burger place. No fucking way. “Look, Evan, I have some… very not-platonic feelings for you, as you know, and… I want to kiss you for the sake of kissing you - if that’s something you’re okay with, of course, I’m not just going to, I don’t know, demand that you kiss me - but… I didn’t know this was going to happen when I kissed you. And now I feel like… if we kiss and we keep seeing things, things that will help me get home, then every time I kiss you, it’s one step closer to leaving this planet and never kissing you again. And I don’t know if I can deal with that.”

 

“But you want to find a way home,” Evan says softly. “And I want to help you do that.”

 

Connor really doesn’t want to ask the question he’s about to ask, but not knowing is going to drive him crazy. “If kissing me didn’t… involve seeing visions of outer space, if it was just kissing me… would you still want to do it?”

 

Evan smiles. “Yes, I would.”

 

“Why?”

 

Evan takes Connor’s hand. It’s soft and warm and kind of perfect. “Because you always saw me. I’m just sorry I didn’t see you, sooner.”

 

“It doesn’t bother you that I’m… you know, actively trying to find a way off the planet?” Connor asks.

 

Evan shrugs. “Technically, you could say that’s what I was doing when I jumped out of a tree.”

 

Connor’s heart tightens. He thinks about Evan’s broken, bloody body.  “Too soon.”

 

Evan looks guilty. “Sorry.” He squeezes Connor’s hand. “Look, we’re seventeen years old. Well, I am, at least. Who knows what you are in alien years or whatever. But the point is that we’re… you know, young. And yeah, whatever it is between us probably does eventually have an expiration date, but that’s not exactly uncommon. The people who marry their high school sweethearts usually end up unhappy and divorced in their forties anyway. Nothing lasts forever. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy it while you can, right?” Evan looks down. “Plus, I’m like, at least eighty percent sure that you’ll get completely sick of me way before you find a way to your home planet.”

 

Connor doesn’t even have to think about a response to that one. “I highly doubt it.”

 

_I’ve liked you for longer than you could possibly know._

 

Evan just smiles.

 

Connor dips a fry into his milkshake. Evan screws up his nose. “Wanna try?” Connor offers.

 

“I’ll pass.”

 

Connor shrugs and eats the fry. Then he looks at Evan. “So… are we, like, a thing now?”

 

“If you want us to be.”

 

“I want us to be.”

 

Evan smiles again. “Then we’re a thing.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.” Connor gestures to his milkshake. “No seriously, you should try this. It’s actually awesome.”

 

“Weak human taste buds, remember?”

 

They lose track of time and are nearly late for the jazz band concert. Which means that they don’t have time for Connor to actually put some shoes on.

 

Connor doesn’t give a fuck. He and Evan hold hands through the entire concert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, those crazy kids kind of worked it out. For now. 
> 
> This is basically the end of the first “act” of this fic, as it were. We’re potentially moving into more sci-fi centric territory. Let’s get weird.


	13. The Third Wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared tries and fails.

Jared gets the shock of his life first thing Friday morning when he sees Evan Hansen getting out of Connor Murphy’s car. 

 

And then he gets an even bigger shock when he subsequently sees  _ Connor Murphy kissing Evan Hansen.  _

 

“Have I entered some kind of gay parallel universe?” he yells, heading toward them. Evan is bright red and so is Connor, but whereas Evan looks embarrassed, Connor just looks like he’s about to rip off Jared’s head and use it as a decorative vase. 

 

“Fuck off, Kleinman.”

 

Jared ignores Connor and turns to Evan, who’s still red. “When were you going to tell me about this?”

 

Evan looks at Connor, whose expression softens immediately. If Jared wasn’t convinced at the kissing, he’s convinced now. He definitely never thought he’d use the words ‘soft’ and ‘Connor’ in the same sentence. At all. 

 

“It’s, uh, it’s new,” says Evan. 

 

“And none of your business,” Connor adds.

 

Jared ignores Connor again. “Seriously Evan, what gives? One minute you’re lusting after Zoe, the next minute you’re making out with her brother in the parking lot. So what’s going on? Satisfying a Murphy fetish? Or is this like a step-ladder thing - start with one, build up the hotter version?”

 

He’s fully aware that he’s being an asshole. Like, more asshole-ish than usual. He’s pretty sure that Connor is going to straight-up kill him and Evan will probably let him. 

 

Connor looks pretty fucking angry. 

 

But there’s something in Evan’s expression that makes Jared feel like he’s being seen through. 

 

“Connor’s right. It’s not your business,” says Evan, his tone even and, dare Jared say it, kind of confident? (Jared has literally never seen Evan confident. What the actual fuck is going on.) “I’ll see you in Calculus, okay?”

 

It’s only the shock of seeing Evan act like he’s got a backbone for once in his life that stops Jared from chasing them down and demanding answers right then and there. 

 

By the end of the day, Jared has made up his mind that he’s going to get to the bottom of this. 

 

Which would be a whole lot easier if he could actually find Evan. 

 

For the next few weeks, Evan doesn’t answer any of Jared’s texts or Facebook messages. He’s nowhere to be found in the halls, or in the lunch period Jared knows they share. If it weren’t for the fact that Evan does, in fact, show up for classes, Jared would be almost convinced he’s just disappeared off the face of the earth. 

 

Efforts to corner his friend after classes fail miserably as Evan seems to have developed an almost supernatural ability to melt into the stampede of people leaving the room and then vanish into thin air. 

 

Two weeks after seeing them in the parking lot, Jared’s walking down the hall near the end of the day, making up his mind to just show up at the Hansen residence over the weekend and force the issue when he spots a door opening in the corner of his eye. 

 

And sees a very dishevelled Connor Murphy come out of the janitor’s closet. Closely followed by an equally dishevelled Evan Hansen. 

 

Jared catches Evan’s eye. Evan goes pale, then kind of sighs in resignation.

 

He's known Jared long enough to know that Jared's not letting him get away that easily. 

 

Jared heads straight for them. “Well hey there, lovebirds!” he greets cheerfully. “You know, you’ve been almost impossible to find the last few weeks. And now I guess I know why.” He points to Connor’s neck. “You have a hickey, by the way.”

 

Connor scowls. “Shut the fuck up.”

 

“You know, I kind of thought I was being Punk’d when I first saw you guys in the parking lot, but I guess this is, like, a proper thing now,” Jared says to Connor conversationally. “So if you’re dating Evan, then I guess it’s time we got to know each other. What are you doing after school? Besides my bro here.”

 

Evan sighs. “Jared, if you’re just going to be a dick-”

 

“No, I’m serious,” Jared interrupts. “If Connor here is dating my family friend, then I should get to know him better. You guys should come around and play video games.”

 

Evan looks at Connor. Connor looks at Evan. There’s some weird, non-verbal gay communication going on that Jared’s not even slightly annoyed he can’t understand. (Nope. Definitely not annoyed. Not even a little bit. Dicks.) 

 

“Fine,” says Connor, rolling his eyes. “But if you could try to curb your asshole tendencies, that’d be great.”

 

“I will if you will,” Jared shoots back. 

 

Evan looks like he regrets leaving the janitor’s closet. (Heh, Evan’s out of the closet.)

 

A few hours later, Jared half regrets inviting them over because Connor is kicking his ass at Call of Duty. 

 

Jared is not a gracious loser. Connor is not a gracious winner. There’s a lot of swearing involved.

 

Still, it’s probably the most positive interaction he’s ever had with Connor. 

 

Evan’s never been particularly fond of video games (they tend to trigger his anxiety) so he’s reading something for English (nerd) and eating M&Ms on the sofa. Connor’s on the floor in front of the sofa, kind of leaning against Evan’s legs. 

 

It’s kind of adorable. Jared resists the urge to make a joke about it. 

 

When Evan gets up to head to the bathroom, Jared pauses the game and turns to Connor. Who just kind of blinks at him. 

 

“You’re not just messing him around, right?” Jared asks. “You genuinely like him?”

 

Connor’s face is stormy. “Just because everything in your life is a fucking joke doesn’t mean mine is.”

 

Ouch. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he replies, trying to sound like that particular insult didn’t land. “I’m just saying - he’s sensitive, so if this is some kind of game to you-”

 

“It’s not a game,” Connor says darkly. “And you’re one to talk about messing him around.”

 

Jared frowns. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“All that family friend bullshit,” Connor snaps. 

 

Jared’s insides feel like they’re eating him up. He knows he’s a dick to Evan but somehow, he didn’t think that it’s the kind of thing Evan would tell Connor. He crosses his arms defensively. “It’s just a joke. Evan knows I have his back.”

 

“Yeah?” asks Connor bitterly. “Then where were you when he was feeling so alone that… fuck it, never mind, you’re an asshole.”

 

Jared frowns. “What are you talking about?”

 

Connor gets to his feet. From where Jared still sitting on the floor, Connor is impossibly tall. “This was a bad idea. I should go.”

 

“I just want to make sure you’re not going to hurt him,” Jared protests, standing up because fuck having this conversation with a completely ridiculous height difference. “I care about him, you know.”

 

“You do a really shitty job at showing it,” Connor points out. Somehow, he looks a bit more calm, though. 

 

Evan chooses that moment to come back into the room. It’s clear he senses the tension pretty much straight away. “I go to the bathroom for five minutes,” he comments wryly. “If you guys are going to kill each other, you should totally do it in the kitchen. Jared’s mom wants an excuse to replace the tiles, right?”

 

Jared shrugs. “I have no idea.”

 

Evan looks at him incredulously. “Seriously? She’s mentioned it, like, every time I’ve come over.”

 

“Yeah, well, we can’t all be parent pleasers like the almighty Evan Hansen,” Jared snaps before he can stop himself. 

 

“Can we go?” Connor asks Evan. 

 

Evan looks at Connor. Connor looks at Evan. More non-verbal gay communication. Jared’s still not sure how the whole EvanandConnor thing happened, but it’s pretty obvious that it’s not a joke. To either of them. 

 

If Jared were a better person, he’d be happy that Evan had someone’s making him happier, more confident, more relaxed than he’s ever seen him. But instead, he’s just bitter, resentful and lonely. Because he’s an asshole. 

 

Evan starts collecting his stuff from on the sofa and putting it in his bag. Guess that’s the result of that non-verbal conversation, then. 

 

Jared doesn’t care. He was losing the game anyway. 

 

“I’ll see you on Monday, Jared.” Evan’s voice is quiet and even. “Say goodbye to your mom from me.”

 

Evan and Connor leave. Jared flops down on the couch and starts a new online game. 

 

He can’t quite shake the feeling that there is something big he is missing. 

 


	14. The Sample

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana continues to science.

Alana likes to consider herself an observant person. Not observant in the sense that she’s always a hundred percent appraised of every single situation that’s going on at school - she definitely doesn’t have time for that - but observant in that she notices details and patterns where other people might not. 

 

For example, she’s noticed that after years of not really speaking to each other, Evan and Connor are all of a sudden completely inseparable, to the extent where finding one without the other is a rare occurrence. That’s an interesting detail. Alana wasn’t aware that they even really knew each other. 

 

It did make sense that they’d gravitated toward each other. They were both loners, though in different ways, near at the bottom of the school social hierarchy (which Alana still hadn’t really cracked the algorithm of, nor did she really intend on spending too much time thinking about). Birds of a feather, as the saying goes. 

 

Alana chooses to ignore the school social hierarchy and instead focus on academics and extracurriculars. She figures if she’s involved in everything, then she’ll at least be a part of something. And she tries and she tries and she achieves and she achieves and she works and she works and the world keeps turning. 

 

People don’t ignore her the way they ignore Evan. People aren’t openly hostile to her the way they are to Connor. But she doesn’t feel like she fits in, no matter how many places she tries to make for herself. 

 

She just wants to succeed. To excel. To graduate high school, knowing she’s done her best. Knowing she’s made her mark. 

 

Alana’s glad that Connor and Evan have found each other, but she can’t help but be a little envious. Because it’s so obvious that they’ve made a mark on each other. No, she’s not talking about the fact that they’re constantly coming out of the janitor’s closet covered in hickeys - she means that if one of them disappeared, the other would notice. 

 

Sometimes Alana thinks that if she disappeared, it would take an embarrassingly long time for people to realize she was gone. 

 

Alana knows how to balance a chequebook. She knows how to change a tyre. She knows how to do long division. She knows how to explain trigonometry to a bored seventh grader in a way that’ll get them to actually pass an exam. She knows how to correctly format a press release. She knows how to make pasta from scratch. She knows how to write sonnets. She knows how to ski. 

 

But she really doesn’t know how to make friends. 

 

She knows how to talk to people, of course, she doesn’t know how to make  _ friends _ . So she just… doesn’t. She has acquaintances - people she knows. Because she knows everyone. 

 

Her grandmother would always tell her that she needed to make connections with people her own age. She’d always promise to try, but it didn’t come naturally. People just thought she was too much. Too intense, too driven… too much. 

 

Losing her grandmother was getting harder to deal with every day. 

 

She speaks to dozens of different people throughout the day. She’s doing hours of volunteer work. She’s on so many committees. And even though she’s constantly surrounded by people, she feels alone. 

 

Sometimes it’s the only thing she can think of. 

 

Alana’s always considered herself observant, but not really worth observing, even though she does so much in an effort to be seen. So it’s a bit of a surprise when Evan asks her if she wants to join him and Connor at lunch. 

 

She can’t remember the last time someone asked her if she wanted to do something that involved… just sitting and eating food. So she accepts. 

 

The three of them sit in a slightly awkward silence for a few minutes, before Alana launches into a discussion about the book that she and Connor are studying in English. Evan doesn’t say much, but Connor’s got some interesting insights, and is actually listening to her, which is… a huge step up, really. 

 

Alana thinks Evan and Connor might be holding hands under the table but isn’t going to say anything. 

 

About five minutes later, Jared Kleinman shows up. And Connor clams up, effectively ending the conversation. 

 

You didn’t need to be particularly perceptive to know that Jared and Connor are never going to be the best of friends. They seem to be putting up with each other for Evan’s sake, which is nice, Alana supposes. 

 

Alana doesn’t dislike Jared, but she doesn’t know if she really likes him either. He’s always the first to make an obnoxious joke and everything about him just kind of seems… inflated. Like he’d rather try to be a cartoon character than an actual human being. 

 

Then again, Alana thinks to herself, being a human being isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world. 

 

“Do you mind if I join you guys?”

 

All thoughts of Jared the walking cartoon character fly out the window at the arrival of Zoe Murphy. She sits down next to Alana, lunch tray in hand, and smiles at her. 

 

It’s almost blinding. 

 

Alana smiles back. 

 

“How’s your biology project going?” Zoe asks. “You were working with your uncle on… genomes?”

 

There’s a little flutter in her stomach that Zoe remembered, even after their conversation about it had gotten a little weird. “I’m still looking for samples,” Alana confesses. “So if you change your mind, let me know.” She turns to Connor, Evan and Jared. “Or if any of you are interested in donating some DNA samples for me to analyse?”

 

Connor looks at Zoe, then back to Alana. “Hard pass. Sorry, Alana.”

 

“Afraid that analysing your DNA will prove you’re actually part vampire bat?” says Jared snarkily. 

 

“Fuck you, Kleinman.”

 

“How about you, Jared?” Alana asks. 

 

Jared frowns. “What’s this for?”

 

“Genome sequencing for an extra-credit biology assignment,” Zoe says by way of explanation. The little flutter in Alana’s stomach is at it again. 

 

Jared shrugs. “Sure, I guess. What do you need?”

 

Alana rummages around in her bag and pulls out her sample kit. Everyone at the table looks a little taken aback. Alana looks at them reassuringly. “I just need a saliva sample and a hair sample. It’s way less scary than it looks.” She turns to Zoe. “You sure I can’t sequence your genome?”

 

“I’m sure,” says Zoe, not unkindly. 

 

“It’s just that you seem really interested-”

 

“I’ll do it,” Evan volunteers. “You need a cheek swab, right?”

 

Alana hands him a sterile specimen container and a swab. Evan very quickly sticks the swab in his mouth and puts it into the specimen container. It’s obvious he’s done this before.

 

“Jared, here’s a swab for you,” Alana says while passing him over the equipment and collecting Evan’s sample. “Just like Evan did - swab the inside of your cheek, then put it straight into the container and seal it to avoid contaminants. Then I just need a couple of strands of your hair. I’ll let you pull them out yourself.”

 

“Thanks for not just yanking out my hair, I guess,” says Jared, looking at the specimen container dubiously. 

 

Evan yelps and looks at Connor accusingly, who just smiles smugly and hands Evan a few strands of hair. “See, I’m helping.”

 

Evan just shakes his head. “I’d better do it myself. Don’t want your DNA all over my hair, confusing Alana’s experiment.”

 

Alana could swear she saw Connor go pale at Evan’s words. 

 

Jared snorts. “Like your cheek is free of Connor’s DNA,” he says, waving around the swab in a way that makes Alana want to grab it off him because it’s going to land in his macaroni any minute and she’ll have to get him a new one. “He had his tongue in your mouth like fifteen minutes ago.”

 

Jared drops his swab in the macaroni. 

 

Alana can feel Zoe tense up beside her. 

 

“Uh, maybe I should give you a sample another day,” Evan says, sounding slightly alarmed. “I mean, if Connor’s DNA is likely to show up, it’s going to mess up your study.”

 

“I’ll be able to tell what’s yours and what’s his from the hair,” Alana points out. “It’s still a useful sample.”

 

“Yeah, but, Connor and Zoe both really don’t want to-”

 

“Just let her keep your stupid cheek swab,” Jared snaps. “It’s no big deal. Unless Connor here is some kind of vampire bat.”

 

Connor pulls the finger at Jared, who rolls his eyes. Evan is starting to look more and more panicked. 

 

And Alana is starting to feel more and more like there is something very strange going on.

 

Then Zoe’s arm is on hers. And everything feels warm and floaty. 

 

“Evan can give you a new cheek swab another time,” Zoe says soothingly. “And we can get rid of this one. There’s no reason to make your assignment more difficult, right?”

 

Of course Zoe’s right. She’s always right. She’s beautiful and smart and talented and kind and sunshine practically radiates off her. She’s perfect. 

 

Zoe has always been perfect. 

 

“Of course,” Alana agrees. “We’ll just get rid of this one.” She hands it to Zoe, who hands it to Connor (for some reason, but it didn’t really matter). Zoe smiles at her. 

 

“Thanks, Alana,” she says with her perfect smile. 

 

Alana feels like she’s floating for the rest of the lunch, which is a strange sensation. Because Evan still seems freaked out, Jared keeps frowning at Connor and Zoe, Connor has his arm around Evan and is sending death glares at Jared and Zoe just seems really, really, really sad. 

 

Alana’s always considered herself an observant person, but right now what’s going on earth doesn’t matter, because she’s flying. Hovering in the air, launched into the stratosphere by the soft touch of Zoe Murphy’s hand on hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates may become more sporadic as I have a comedy gig to prepare for this weekend. And I should be working on new material instead of writing fanfiction. So I may be out of action for a few days - but I also may just keep procrastinating by writing this fic. 
> 
> What's going to happen? Magic 8 Ball says "Cannot Predict Now".
> 
> As I have mentioned in comments but not in my notes so far, I am what most would consider fandom old. As someone who is fandom old, here is a message for all of you who are fandom young:
> 
> You're awesome. Don't let anyone tell you not to enjoy the things you enjoy. Be super kind to yourselves. You're awesome.


	15. The Coldplay Binge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe listens to sad music. Evan has feelings.

Evan knocks on the Murphys' front door and Connor answers almost straight away. “Thank god you’re here,” Connor says. “We need to get Zoe out of this house.”

 

“Um, okay?” Evan follows Connor into the Murphys' house (which he’s still not really used to, despite having been over almost every day for about three weeks) and vaguely hears something mournful playing from upstairs.

 

“Zoe’s moping,” Connor announces. “She won’t stop listening to old-school Coldplay. Like, first two albums kind of thing, back before they were all stadium rock and shit.”

 

“Do you know what’s wrong?” Evan asks.

 

Connor shrugs. “She’s been acting weird ever since we had lunch with Alana earlier in the week.”

 

Evan remembers the stricken look on Zoe’s face after getting his sample back and it starts to make sense. “I think she feels bad about using her powers on Alana.”

 

Connor frowns. “She did what she had to do. If Alana had tested that sample… I didn’t even think before Jared mentioned it, we need to be more careful.”

 

“Just because she did what she had to do, doesn’t mean she has to like it,” Evan pointed out. “Being able to manipulate people like that… sure, it’s useful, but it must kind of suck as well.”

 

“I don’t know, it’s not something I can do,” Connor says, still frowning. “But… I guess? I mean, Zoe tries harder than I do to fit in and be human, so using her powers in a way that affects someone… it’s probably harder for her.” He looks at Evan curiously. “Was it that obvious?”

 

“I could tell she was upset right after it happened,” says Evan. “She’s friends with Alana. It can’t be fun to manipulate your friends like that.”

 

And that just makes him think of Jared, standing in the Murphys' living room, staring down Zoe.

 

_Your brother’s a freak and he did something to Evan and I want to know what._

 

Things with Jared have been tense, and Evan’s not sure what to do about it. Jared and Connor do not get along in the slightest. Jared seems suspicious of Evan’s relationship with Connor, especially since from his perspective it came out of nowhere - which is totally fair enough, Evan reasons, because it really did happen quickly.

  


Evan hasn’t been in a relationship before Connor, so he can’t really tell you if it’s easier to have a relationship with someone you made some kind of weird supernatural connection with after they brought you back from the brink of death.

 

Explaining that to Jared is out of the question, obviously. For one thing, it’s not Evan’s secret to tell - it’s Connor and Zoe’s, and there’s no way they’re going to trust him with that kind of information. They don’t know him. They have no reason to risk their lives and safety just to keep Evan from drifting away from someone who was once his only friend.

 

If it came to a choice between Jared and Connor… well, Evan knows what he’d choose.

 

Knowing what he would choose doesn’t mean he wants to, though.

 

“Hey, you okay?”

 

Connor’s voice breaks into his thoughts.

 

Evan smiles at him. “Sorry, just… thinking.”

 

Connor’s expression is neutral, but Evan can feel frustration and sadness coming from him in waves. “You’re thinking about Zoe using her powers on Jared, right?”

 

There’s no point in lying. “It crossed my mind.”

 

Connor sighs. “I know he’s important to you - I still maintain he’s an asshole, but he was, like, your only friend for so long. Even though he was a shitty friend.” He pushes his hair off his face. “You shouldn’t have to make a decision between your friends and your boyfriend - like, that’s kind of… I don’t know, a shitty thing to have to do in a relationship. And I’m trying to be civil to him, but he’s just such an asshole, and if he found out about Zoe and I… I don’t trust him, and I can’t run the risk of anything happening to Zoe.”

 

It always comes back to keeping Zoe safe for Connor. Which is nice, and keeps him from doing anything too stupid, but it freaks Evan out that Connor’s not really all that good at self-preservation for his own sake.

 

“It’s not just Zoe who’d get hurt,” Evan points out, trying to keep his voice steady. “You getting dissected by alien hunters would really suck for me.”

 

“Who’d make out in the janitor’s closet with you if I got dissected?” Connor quips with a wry smile.

 

“I’m serious,” Evan says softly. “I get that Zoe’s priority one for you, and that makes sense, but-”

 

“I’m not going to anything stupid if you don’t.”

 

Evan feels like he’s been slapped. “I’m not going to do anything stupid, Connor.”

 

Connor just looks at him. The waves of frustration and sadness are getting stronger, threatening to throw Evan off balance completely. “You jumped out of a tree. I saved you from bleeding out after you got impaled with a tree branch after you jumped. That’s how all of this started. That doesn’t just… go away.”

 

Evan’s heart is racing. “I don’t feel like that anymore,” he tries to assure his boyfriend. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

 

“I need to know you’d still be okay if something did happen to me,” says Connor, his voice shaking more than a little. “Because… if I’m all that’s keeping you from…” his voice trails off and he takes a deep breath. “That’s not okay.”

 

Evan stops and thinks for a moment. Is Connor the only reason he’s still alive?

 

Well… technically, yes. Connor literally saved him from dying.

 

But is Connor the reason Evan hasn’t tried to finish what he started when he let go of that tree branch?

 

… also yes.

 

Because of Connor, he feels _seen._  He feels less like he’s just going through life without making a sound, without mattering at all. Because Connor saw him.

 

If he didn’t have Connor, would it still matter than Connor had seen him? Would that be enough?

 

Evan doesn’t know how to answer that.

 

“I don’t want anything to happen to you,” Evan says finally. Quietly.

 

“But if it did-”

 

“We can stop talking about this now.”

 

Connor sighs. “Evan-”

 

“You said we need to get Zoe out of the house,” Evan interrupts, trying to change the subject. For a moment he’s absolutely certain that Connor’s not going to let it go. It’s then that the wave of frustration and sadness gets so strong, he can physically feel it. He winces in pain and stumbles a little.

 

Connor’s arms are supporting him, quicker than lightning. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Evan lies. “Just a bit dizzy. I haven’t eaten much today.” He stands up, not exactly trying to shrug off Connor’s arms but not exactly leaning into them either. “Maybe we should take Zoe to that burger place. The ghost pepper sauce might make her feel better.”

 

“It’s worth a shot,” Connor says, his tone deceptively light. The frustration and the sadness are still there, with an undertone of fear. Or perhaps the fear has been there all along. Evan’s not sure.

 

The two of them go up the stairs. Connor knocks on Zoe’s door, then opens it to reveal Zoe lying on her bed. Evan can see a vinyl record floating above her head, idly spinning as the lead singer of Coldplay croons that ‘ _nobody said it was easy_ ’.

 

Connor extends his hand. The record stops spinning, Chris Martin stops singing and the record falls on Zoe’s face. “We’re going to Burger Burger Burger,” he announces. “You’re coming with us.”

 

“I don’t feel like burgers,” says Zoe, not moving from underneath the record.

 

“Then get fries and a milkshake,” Connor counters. “You can’t mope all weekend.”

 

“I can, too. You taught me everything I know about moping.”

 

“I’m paying.”

 

Zoe moves the record off her face, sits up and sighs. “Fine.”

 

Evan idly wonders if Connor’s allowance keeps Burger Burger Burger running. The three of them head downstairs. There’s a brief argument about cars, which Connor very obviously lets Zoe win.

 

They pile into Zoe’s car. Evan half expects Connor to take shotgun, but instead, he climbs in the back with Evan. As they pull out of the driveway, Connor takes Evan’s hand and doesn’t let go until they reach their destination.

 

Once they’ve ordered and are sitting at a table far from listening ears, Connor turns to look at his sister sternly. “Is this moping about Alana?”

 

Zoe blushes. “Why would this be about Alana?”

 

Connor raises his eyebrows. “Evan thinks you feel bad about using your powers on her.” He picks up a fry. “I might have a new theory, though.”

 

“And what would that be?”

 

“That you have a crush on her.”

 

Zoe turns red. “I don’t have a crush on Alana.”

 

Connor nods. “Convincing. Pass the ghost pepper sauce please?”

 

She hands over the sauce, then turns to Evan. “Why do you think I feel weird about using my powers on Alana?” she asks, not entirely accusingly. (Okay, it’s a little accusing.)

 

“You just seemed upset about it after it happened,” Evan explains.

 

Zoe frowns. “I didn’t realize I was so easy to read.”

 

“I don’t think anyone else noticed,” says Evan hesitantly. “Alana didn’t, anyway.”

 

Zoe sighs. “She’s been talking to me a lot recently. I kind of feel like… she knows something’s up? But I don’t know what to do about it.”

 

“You could go dream-walking,” Connor suggests, pouring sauce into his milkshake.

 

Evan looks at him in confusion. “She could what?”

 

“It’s another thing Zoe can do that I can’t,” Connor explains. “If she’s got a photo of someone and that person is currently asleep, she can visit them in their dreams.”

 

“It’s how I got over my crush on Noel Sanders,” Zoe says. “Turns out his dreams are pretty much entirely full of clown porn.”

 

Evan’s eyes widen. “Thanks for that mental image. He’s in my Spanish class.”

 

“If Alana’s suspicious about anything… you know, otherworldly, you should be able to tell in her dreams,” Connor points out. He smirks. “You might even find out if she likes you back.”

 

“I highly doubt it,” says Zoe, clearly trying to hide her blush by letting her hair fall in front of her face. She dunks her fries in a pile of hot sauce she’s put on the side of her plate and doesn’t look at either Evan or Connor.

 

Connor looks over at Evan. Evan feels a wave of fondness and affection. It’s warm and it’s comforting.

 

These days, it seems that all Evan does is _feel._

 

And he doesn’t think all the feelings are his.   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ME: Has a gig to prepare for, lyrics to learn and additional songs to write.  
> ALSO ME: Writes more fanfiction while drinking alcoholic milkshakes.


	16. The Dream Waltz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe visits Alana in her dreams and has a nice time.

Zoe’s not freaking out. She’s not freaking out. Really, she’s not.

 

She’s just sitting in her bedroom at 2 in the morning, staring at Alana Beck’s picture from last year’s school yearbook, and trying to get up the courage to… actually visit her dreams.

 

(Zoe doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about how weird her abilities would sound to anyone not used to them, but it definitely hits her from time to time. Now is definitely one of those times.)

 

Her hand hovers over Alana’s picture.

 

Dream-walking is a mixed bag at the best of times and complete nightmare fuel at others. There are a lot of strange thoughts in people’s minds and during their dreams, they manifest in pretty strange ways. In her early teens, Zoe did a lot of dream-walking of fellow classmates, purely for curiosity’s sake, and found out some pretty weird stuff.

 

Tracey in her history class has a recurring dream about being chased through a shopping mall by a baguette-wielding Harry Styles, and that’s kind of weird.

 

Gavin, the bass player in the jazz band, once dreamed that he was scooping ice cream and just kept putting scoops of ice cream on a cone until the ice cream cone was tall enough to reach the sky, and Zoe has no idea what to make of that.

 

Skye, who she had a huge crush on in freshman year because she was adorable, wore long flowy peasant skirts and floated around like some sort of woodland nymph, had the most graphic, horror-movie style nightmares Zoe had ever encountered.

 

And then there was Noel and the clown porn.

 

Zoe shudders at the memory.

 

“Okay,” she says. “I can do this. If it gets weird, I’ll just go. I’m completely in control of this whole situation and… I’m talking to myself, this is totally normal.”

 

She touches Alana’s photo and closes her eyes.

 

When she opens them, she’s in a ballroom.

 

Huh. This is… not what she expected. Zoe looks around, taking in her surroundings. The walls are covered in thick velvet curtains. There’s a full orchestra at the end of the room, playing lilting classical music. Couples float past her, all elegantly dressed. Tuxedos, evening dresses, gloves - the works.

 

Zoe looks down at her paw print pyjamas, shakes her head and waves her hand, changing her attire to a long emerald ball gown. She figures she may as well look the part.

 

Now to find Alana. Zoe makes her way through the room. She thinks she might recognize some of the dancers. At one point, she’s pretty sure she sees Connor and Evan, but they’re gone before she can really be sure.

 

Everything is fleeting and ephemeral, which is par for the course for what’s essentially window-dressing in a dream.

 

Zoe spots a flight of stairs, and her heart catches a bit when she sees a familiar figure standing at the top.

 

It’s her.

 

Arm-in-arm with Alana Beck.

 

Dream Zoe is wearing something pale blue and floaty, and Alana’s in a soft yellow dress that matches. They walk down the stairs together, and it’s mesmerizing, the way they seem to float.

 

They can’t keep their eyes off each other.

 

Zoe’s struck by the weird realization that she’s kind of jealous of her dream self.

 

As they reach the bottom of the stairs, Alana takes Dream Zoe’s hand and kisses it gently.

 

And then they take to the dance floor.

 

There’s something kind of like magic in the way they dance together. The orchestra is playing a waltz. Zoe watches her dream self dance with Alana and the rest of the world falls away.

 

Zoe can see that they’re softly murmuring to each other. She has to know what they’re saying. She moves closer, and their voices float over to her, crystal clear.

 

“We could stay here forever,” says Dream Zoe. “That would be alright, wouldn’t it?”

 

“I’d like nothing more,” Alana replies, smiling at Dream Zoe like she’s something precious.

 

“You know, I always saw you,” says Dream Zoe, her hand tightening around Alana’s waist. “No matter where you were, no matter what you were doing, I always saw you.”

 

“I feel like all I do is fight to be seen,” says Alana, her voice wistful.

 

“Isn’t it time to stop fighting?” asks Dream Zoe.

 

Zoe can’t handle it anymore. She waves her hand and changes her outfit to a replica of her dream-self, then heads over to them. “Mind if I cut in?”

 

As Zoe - the real Zoe - takes Alana by the waist, she sees out of the corner of her eye that Dream Zoe vanishes. Alana looks at Zoe - the real Zoe - and smiles.

 

“It’s really you, isn’t it.”

 

Zoe nods. “It’s really me.”

 

Alana smiles, brighter than anything Zoe’s ever seen. “I knew you were special.”

 

“How?” Zoe asks.

 

Alana’s smile is almost blinding now but Zoe can’t look away. “I just knew. From the first time I saw you, I knew.”

 

 _Think, Zoe_ , she orders herself. _Remember what you’re here for._ “And you don’t think I’m… I don’t know, unusual? Different?”

 

“Of course you are,” Alana says with a laugh. “You’re amazing.”

 

Her heart flutters at Alana’s words. She doesn’t know what to say next. Until she does. “What if I’m not what you think I am? What if I’m… something else?”

 

Alana looks at her carefully. “I know that I only see part of you,” she confesses. “But it’s okay. It means there’s more to find out. I’m sure you’re full of surprises, and I’d give anything to know what they are.”

 

“Even if they’re scary?” Zoe asks.

 

“Everything’s scary,” Alana points out.

 

Zoe sighs. “As cliche as it is to say this, I kind of have to - Alana, I’m not like other girls. I’m… when I say I’m different, I’m not kidding. I really am. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

All of a sudden Alana is kissing her.

 

And she knows it’s a dream but it feels more real than anything she’s ever felt.

 

“I know you couldn’t hurt me,” Alana says gently as she breaks off the kiss. “I know you wouldn’t.”

 

What else is there to say? “Okay.”

 

Zoe knows she should leave.

 

But she can’t resist dancing with Alana for just a little bit longer.

 

When she finally drags herself out of the dream, it takes her a while to get her bearings. She’s flustered and sweaty and hasn’t got all the answers she wanted, but at least she’s sure about one thing.

 

Alana Beck definitely has more than platonic feelings for her.

 

Zoe teleports into Connor’s room. He’s watching something on his laptop and startles when he sees her.

 

Connor scowls. “Jesus fuck Zoe, don’t fucking do that!”

 

“Alana likes me.”

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “The sky is blue and the government is fucked.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“What, are we not just stating facts here?” Connor looks at her, then smirks. “You visited her dreams, didn’t you? Were they NC-17?”

 

“No!” Zoe exclaims. She blushes. “They were… it was nice. We waltzed.”

 

“You _waltzed._ ”

 

“There was a ballroom,” Zoe explains. “I’m pretty sure you and Evan were there, too.”

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’d only happen in a dream. I don’t dance.”

 

“I don’t think she knows anything about the whole… alien thing,” Zoe says. “That’s what I actually came here to tell you.”

 

“It could have waited until morning,” Connor points out.

 

Zoe shrugs. “I knew you’d be awake.”

 

“If you’re going to teleport into my bedroom, at least text first,” Connor insists. “Just because you can come barging in whenever you want doesn’t mean you should.” He crosses his arms. “And what happened to not doing the whole teleporting thing anymore?”

 

It’s Zoe’s turn to roll her eyes. “If I’m teleporting from my room to yours, no one’s going to find out. If I’m teleporting from my room to, say, Ellison State Park, that’s a whole different story. It’s about risk.”

 

Connor just looks at her for a long moment, then speaks. “Speaking of risk… you can’t just tell Alana about us, you know.”

 

Zoe bristles. “I wasn’t going to,” she says.

 

It’s only after she’s said it that she realizes she might be lying. If she likes Alana and Alana likes her, then… surely Alana could be trusted with knowing the real her, right?

 

“I can tell what you’re thinking, you know.”

 

“What, you can read minds now?”

 

Connor looks frustrated. “No, I just know that you really like her and you think she can be trusted with this. Don’t say anything. The more people know, the more likely we are to get caught.”

 

“Maybe you should have thought of that before Evan fell out of a tree,” Zoe shoots back without thinking.

 

Connor narrows his eyes. “Really? You still think I should have just let him die? Jesus, Zoe.”

 

Zoe sighs. “Look, I didn’t mean that. Of course I don’t think you should have let him die. I just… this was simpler before, and now it’s more complicated, and…”

 

“You’re the one who wants to make it more complicated by involving some girl you have a crush on,” Connor warns. “Just because she likes you doesn’t mean she’s going to be completely cool with finding out you’re an alien.”

 

“I know,” Zoe mutters. “I know. It’s just… she likes me, but she doesn’t even know me. And… I want someone to like me for me. _You_ have someone who likes you for you. Who knows the whole ugly truth, and hasn’t run away screaming.”

 

Connor looks sympathetic. “I know it’s not fair,” he says quietly. “I know I fucked up with the whole thing with Evan. I know I broke the rules. And I’m not trying to be a dick. I just want you safe.” He sighs. “I’m not going to be a fucking hypocrite about this. But… don’t just blurt it out for no reason. If you get to know her and take it slow and then think she can handle it, then… maybe?”

 

Maybe is better than no, Zoe thinks.

 

When they arrive at school the next morning, Zoe starts looking for Alana. She’s got a plan and it’s pretty simple.

 

Step 1: Ask Alana out for coffee.

 

Step 2: Take Alana out for coffee.

 

Step 3: Tell Alana that she likes her in a more than platonic way over coffee.

 

That’s all completely thrown out the window when she actually finds Alana. She’s abnormally pale and looks very, very shaken.

 

“Are you okay?” Zoe asks.

 

“Have you seen Evan?” Alana replies, her tone hushed. “I really need to talk to him.”

 

“I think he’s with Connor,” says Zoe. She frowns. “What’s wrong?”

 

Alana takes in a shaky breath. “Okay. You know my biology project?”

 

Zoe’s heart starts to hammer in her chest. “I remember.”

 

“Evan gave me a new sample,” Alana explains, “but there’s something super weird about it. Like, really weird. It’s not… it’s not normal, and it’s flagged something in the system at the lab, and I got this email about it, and they want me to bring Evan in for testing. It just… it feels wrong, you know? I can’t tell you why, but it feels wrong.”

 

“What? But Evan is…” Zoe manages to stop herself from blurting out what she’s thinking.

 

Evan’s human.

 

And Zoe and Connor are not.

 

Zoe’s mind starts to buzz with possible situations.

 

Maybe the sample Evan gave Alana still had a trace of Connor’s alien DNA in it, and that’s what’s flagged in the system. If that’s the case, they’ll test Evan, it’ll come back normal, and everything will be fine.

 

But here’s something they haven’t considered: Connor literally brought Evan back from the brink of death. What if that did something to Evan’s cells?

 

What if Evan’s not really human anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeepers creepers.


	17. The Breakfast Muffin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan has breakfast with his mom and it's very nice. The day goes downhill from there.

Evan comes down to the kitchen to find his mother walking in with a brown paper bag and two takeaway cups in a carry tray. She beams at him and gestures wildly with the bag.

 

“Breakfast muffins and hot chocolate!” she announces. “I thought we’d treat ourselves this morning, have a bit of a catch up before school. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!”

 

Evan, to his credit, manages not to blurt out what he’s thinking, which is something along the lines of ‘of course you haven’t seen me in ages, you’re never home’. Instead, he takes the offered muffin and hot chocolate and smiles gratefully. “Thanks, Mom, this is nice.”

 

“So, how’s school going?” she asks cheerfully, unwrapping her muffin and leaning against the counter. “Made any new friends?” She gestures to his arm. “This Connor who signed your cast, what’s he like? You said you were hanging out?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Evan says, as it slowly dawns on him that he’s been so busy worrying about keeping the fact that his boyfriend is an alien a secret from everyone that he hasn’t had time to freak out about the fact that he needs to tell his mother he has a boyfriend. “Connor… Connor’s great.” He takes a bite of his muffin.

 

“Tell you what,” his mom says with a grin, “I’ll play hooky from class tonight and you can invite Connor round for dinner! That’ll be fun, right?”

 

“I’ll ask him?” Evan says, swallowing his muffin. “I mean, he might be busy, so…”

 

Evan looks down at his hot chocolate, and then back at his mother.

 

There are so many things he can’t tell her.

 

He can’t tell her what really happened when he broke his arm.

 

He can’t tell her that he nearly died and was brought back to life by an alien.

 

He can’t tell her that he’s now kissing said alien on a regular basis.

 

Except… well, if he doesn’t mention the alien bit, he can tell his mother he’s dating Connor.

 

Even though the prospect of telling her is… kind of terrifying.

 

But there’s a scale of terrifying these days, where there hadn’t been before. Evan’s anxiety had meant he was always scared, regardless of how stupid the fear was. He was scared of answering the door and making small talk with the pizza guy. He was scared of answering a question wrong in class. It had all seemed so overwhelming.

 

Now he’s scared that he’ll say the wrong thing and get his boyfriend dissected by the government. And in comparison, answering the door is... a whole lot less scary.

 

His therapist seems to think he’s making progress and he can’t exactly explain just what’s caused it, so there’s been a lot of bullshitting in his therapy sessions recently. But Evan seems to have a better handle on what to say to people these days. He’s better at understanding their reactions.

 

He’s never been good at predicting people before, so it’s kind of weird. And a little voice at the back of his head knows it’s not normal, but he’s not sure how to broach the subject.

 

The last thing Connor and Zoe need is another weird problem added to the mix. Evan’s disrupted the delicate balance of their lives enough.

 

Evan looks at his mother and is nearly knocked over by the overwhelming feeling of loss and isolation. He sees her and he knows, somehow, that she feels like he’s a million miles away from her - and it’s breaking her heart.

 

“Actually, Mom, I need to tell you something,” he says before he can think it over.

 

His mom looks at him warmly. “You can tell me anything, sweetie.”

 

He takes a deep breath. “Connor’s not just my friend. I mean, he is my friend, but he’s more than that. He’s my boyfriend. We’re, uh, we’re dating.” Evan gulps. “I wanted to tell you sooner, but we’ve kind of been… well, you’ve been working and at class, and I’ve been out with Connor, and I didn’t want to just, you know, text you this, because it’s a big deal to me and I wanted to tell you in person, so… here I am, telling you in person.”

 

Evan’s mom looks at him. She looks a little bit stunned, but not unhappy.

 

And then Evan feels the isolation melt away and warmth spread all over his body, like the first rays of the morning sun coming up over the hills. And he knows, without a doubt, that his mother loves him. That she loves him more than anything, more than he could possibly begin to understand.

 

He can feel himself starting to tear up. Heidi looks at him, her expression switching quickly to alarm, and there’s this wave of guilt and it’s all a bit too much.

 

“I’m so glad you told me,” his mom says warmly. “You know I love you no matter what, right? And I’m so proud of you for taking a chance and following your heart. This is a really big step for you and I am so, so, so proud.”

 

She pulls Evan into a hug and he manages to fight back tears, because if he starts crying now he might never stop, and he’s still got to get through an entire school day. “I love you too, Mom,” he says. Because it’s important that she knows.

 

His mom may not always be there but he knows that she loves him.

 

He’s always known.

 

Evan feels his phone buzz in his pocket. Reluctantly, he pulls away from his mother and checks his phone to see a text from Connor. “Connor’s going to pick me up in like 5 minutes,” he says.

 

Heidi smiles brightly. “I’ll finally get to put a face to the name!” Then she looks at her watch and frowns. “Or not. Sweetie, I have to go, I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. Text me about dinner, okay? If Connor’s free I’d love to properly meet him. You can invite your other friends too, if you want!”

 

Evan thinks back to video games at Jared’s and internally cringes. Nope, not going there.

 

His mom kisses him on the cheek and tells him how proud she is, then grabs her hot chocolate and scurries out the door.

 

A few minutes later, Evan gets a text from Connor saying they’re outside.

 

Connor’s in the driver’s seat and Zoe’s sitting in the back, staring out the window and not really paying much attention to anything as far as Evan can tell. He takes shotgun and looks at Connor, who smirks.

 

“Zoe went dream-walking last night,” Connor says, clearly amused. “Pretty sure Alana Beck is now on her to-do list.”

 

Zoe doesn’t respond. Evan tries not to laugh.

 

When they get to school, Zoe disappears almost immediately, leaving Connor and Evan standing by the car. Evan looks at Connor, who raises a quizzical eyebrow.

 

“So I told my mom about you.”

 

Connor freezes. “You what?”

 

At the wave of fear, Evan realizes he could have phrased that better. “That we were dating,” he clarifies. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. Of course, I wouldn’t tell her about… you know. But I did tell her you’re my boyfriend and she wants you to come around for dinner tonight.”

 

Connor looks relieved, but also a little freaked out. “Uh… are you sure you want me to meet your mom? I don’t know if… I can barely deal with my parents, I have no idea how I’d deal with anyone else’s.”

 

“My mom will basically love you for existing,” Evan assures him. “She told me how proud of me she was, and… she meant it, I know she did. She just wants me to be happy and not alone.”

 

There’s a pang of… something.

 

Evan ignores it.

 

They head into the school building, only to be immediately accosted by Zoe, who drags them into an empty classroom and locks the door behind them.

 

Evan immediately knows something’s wrong. He can practically feel the waves of panic coming off Zoe. Connor frowns at his sister. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

 

“Alana just told me that Evan’s sample for her biology experiment came back weird,” Zoe says shakily.

 

Connor looks at Evan, clearly concerned. “Didn’t you give Alana a new sample?” he demands.

 

Evan’s absolutely certain he’s going to pass out any second. “I did,” he assures them. “I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash, like, 4 times, and then I brushed my teeth again, and then I rinsed out my mouth again… I did everything right. There shouldn’t have been any trace of your DNA on my sample.”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “I don’t think it had anything to do with you making out with Connor,” she insists. “I… I think it’s you. I think that when Connor saved you, you… changed. Have you noticed anything weird since the fall?”

 

Connor’s pale as a sheet, staring at Evan like he’s seen a ghost. “What the fuck, Zoe?”

 

“I’m serious,” Zoe says to Evan, taking his arm. “Has there been anything unusual?”

 

It all starts to click. “Feelings,” he says softly. “I can… I know what people are feeling. It’s how I knew you were upset, it’s how I could tell Alana was alone… I’m getting all these overwhelming emotions and I know they’re not mine.”

 

“Why didn’t you say something?” Connor asks. Evan feels how hurt he is and it’s like a slap in the face.

 

“Because it didn’t make sense! I thought I was going crazy.”

 

Zoe’s shaking. The terror coming from her is overwhelming. Evan feels himself start to lose his balance and Connor’s there in a flash, steadying him.

 

“What did you say to Alana?” Connor demands.

 

“I said there was probably something wrong with the equipment,” she says. Evan sits down and puts his head between his knees. He’s dizzy. He’s breathless.

 

Connor’s arms are around him, and he’s murmuring something comforting, but Evan’s not listening. All he can feel are waves of overwhelming panic, fear and terror.

 

It’s too much.

 

It’s all too much.

 

Evan can hear Connor calling his name just before he blacks out. 

 


	18. The Couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is really freaking out right now.

As Evan goes limp in his arms, it takes everything in Connor to not start fucking screaming right then and there. 

 

This is all his fault. He did this. He made this happen. He brought Evan back and has probably just sentenced him to a fate worse than death. 

 

“Is he…” Zoe says shakily. 

 

“He’s breathing,” Connor assures her. “He’s… he blacked out, he’ll… fuck. FUCK.”

 

Zoe kneels down next to them at looks at her brother. “Connor. Hey. This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known this would happen.” 

 

“The white room. All that shit we saw, Zoe. That’s worse than being dead. If he has to go through that… then it will be my fucking fault.”

 

“We need to figure out what we’re going to do,” says Zoe, her voice still shaky. “We need a plan.”

 

“What did Alana say after you told her there was something wrong with the equipment?” Connor asks. “She wants to test Evan again, doesn’t she? She’s not going to just let this go.”

 

Zoe’s face is ashen. “I thought… I thought there might just be a mistake, but then Evan…” She takes a deep breath. “We need to… I don’t know, figure out what he can do. We need answers.”

 

“That can wait until we get this shitstorm sorted,” Connor insists. “We have to keep him safe.” He looks at Zoe intently. “Do you trust Alana?”

 

Zoe nods. “I do.”

 

Connor doesn’t want to say what he’s about to, but if it’ll keep Evan safe, he’ll do it. “I think the only way we’re getting out of this is by telling her the truth.”

 

Zoe’s eyes widen. “Connor, I…”

 

“She’s not an idiot,” Connor snaps. “No matter what bullshit excuse we come up with, she’s not going to let this go. She’s smart, and she’s resourceful, and she’ll probably be able to help us find a solution.” He sighs. “If she doesn’t run away screaming when you tell her the truth.”

 

Connor feels Evan move in his arms and loosens his grip slightly. 

 

“What…” Evan starts to say, then kind of trails off. Connor looks at him intently. He’s groggy and only just conscious. 

 

Connor has a horrible flashback to the dull look in Evan’s eyes as he bled out in the forest. 

 

“Hey,” Connor says gently. “Welcome back.”

 

“What’s happening?” Evan asks, his voice slow and quiet. “I don’t… I don’t feel right.”

 

“I’m taking you home,” Connor decides. “You need to rest.”

 

Zoe looks at them both, still pale. “I’ll talk to Alana. Keep your phone on, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

 

Together, Zoe and Connor get Evan on his feet and out of the classroom. Once Zoe’s satisfied that Connor can get Evan to the car without her, she leaves them to it. 

 

As Connor slowly helps a still dazed Evan across the carpark, he hears someone yelling behind him, then the sound of footsteps coming toward them. 

 

“What the fuck, is he okay?”

 

It’s Jared fucking Kleinman. 

 

Connor resists the urge to tell him to fuck off on principle. “Evan’s not well, so I’m taking him home,” Connor explains. “He kinda… blacked out.”

 

“Shit,” says Jared, all trace of his usual mocking tone gone. “Evan, you okay buddy?”

 

Evan frowns, looks at Connor, then looks at Jared and tries to smile. “I’m okay,” he says, unconvincingly. Then he kind of wobbles, and Connor grips on to him tighter, trying to stay calm. Because if Evan’s picking up on emotions and they’re affecting him like this, then Connor freaking out is really, really, really not helping. 

 

“Do you need a hand getting him into your car?” Jared asks Connor. 

 

Connor still wants to tell him to fuck off. But instead, he just nods. 

 

Jared takes Evan’s other side and the three of them head to Connor’s car. Connor doesn’t want to admit that it’s much easier with someone else helping. 

 

Jared and Connor manage to get Evan into the front seat and Connor puts his seatbelt on. Evan’s eyes are glazed over, and he looks exhausted. Connor’s heart is pounding and he still wants to scream. Instead, he kisses Evan on the forehead and closes the door. Jared grabs his arm before he heads to the driver’s side. 

 

“Are you sure he’s going to be okay?” Jared asks. 

 

Connor hesitates before he nods. “I’m going to look after him,” he says. 

 

Jared narrows his eyes. “That’s not what I asked.” 

 

Connor takes a deep breath. He’s wanted to fucking scream for the last fifteen minutes and he hasn’t. This is some kind of personal record. “I don’t know what’s going on,” Connor half-lies, “but hopefully he can just… sleep it off. If I need to, I’ll call his mom. She’s a nurse, right?”

 

Jared nods. “Yeah. Heidi’s the best.” He looks at his feet, then looks at Connor. “Listen, uh, can you… can you get Evan to text me or whatever and let me know how he’s doing? And if there’s anything I can do to help… just… yeah.”

 

“You actually give a shit about him, don’t you?” Connor says before he can stop himself. 

 

Jared bristles. “Of course I do.” 

 

“Okay,” says Connor, because what else is he going to say. “I’ll… I’ll make sure he texts you.”

 

“Thanks, Murphy.”

 

Connor doesn’t look at him. “Whatever.”

 

He gets in the car and drives to Evan’s house, anxiously looking over at Evan every five seconds to make sure he’s still fucking breathing. By the time they get to the house, Evan’s a little more with it, and they manage to get inside without too many issues. 

 

They curl up on the couch. 

 

Connor lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

 

“You brought me back from the dead,” Evan says suddenly, his voice still bleary. 

 

Connor swallows. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

 

“Did you… did you know this was going to happen?”

 

“No,” Connor promises. “No, I didn’t. I’m so sorry.”

 

“If you’d known this would happen, would you have still saved me?”

 

Connor swallows. Hard. “Yes,” he says before he can stop himself. “Yes, I would have. I… I can’t think of a single situation where I would have just let you die.”

 

Evan kisses him gently. Connor wants to cry. 

 

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” Evan says quietly, after a long pause. “If… if it all goes horribly, and they want to… you know… you and Zoe have to leave.”

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “Fuck that.”

 

Evan looks at him, his eyes clearer. “Connor, I’m serious.”

 

“So am I. Fuck. That.”

 

Evan smiles feebly. “We have got to do something about your self-preservation instincts.”

 

Connor just stares at him. “Look who’s fucking talking. Jesus, Evan.” Evan looks guilty. Connor sighs, and pulls him closer to him. “We’re going to sort this out,” he promises. 

 

“You’re going to tell Alana,” Evan says knowingly. Connor just kind of murmurs in agreement. Evan grabs his hand and squeezes it tight. Connor squeezes back. 

 

They sit on the couch in companionable silence for a long while. Connor thinks Evan might be falling asleep on him, and frankly, he’s content to let him. 

 

He’s not sure why he blurts out what he says next.

 

“Do you trust Jared?” 

 

Evan looks at him blearily. “What?”

 

“Jared,” Connor says intently. “Do you trust him?”

 

Evan takes a moment. “I trust him not to do anything to hurt me intentionally,” he says finally. “He can be a bit of a dick, but… if it came down to life or death, I trust him.” He looks at Connor. “Why?”

 

Connor shrugs. “Future reference.”

 

Evan looks at him, his expression almost unreadable. “What are you thinking?”

 

Connor sighs. “I’m thinking that I want you safe,” he says finally.

 

_ And that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, _ he doesn’t say. 

 


	19. The Textbook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe destroys school property. Alana finds out.

Zoe Murphy is waiting outside Alana’s English class. Alana can see her wringing her hands anxiously and frowns.

 

She doesn’t like seeing her like this. Twitchy. Anxious.

 

Afraid.

 

“Can we talk?” Zoe asks.

 

“Of course, what’s on your mind?”

 

Zoe looks around. “Not here. Can we… come with me.”

 

They end up in one of the band rehearsal rooms. Zoe locks the door then looks at Alana, her expression guarded.

 

“Zoe, what’s going on?”

 

Zoe takes a deep breath.

 

“Have you ever wanted to tell someone something, but not been sure about how they’d react?” she blurts out.

 

“Yes,” Alana replies immediately, wondering idly if her mind is being read.

 

Zoe blushes. “Right. Okay. So, I need to tell you something, and it’s important, but it’s not the whole truth. But… I also need to tell you the whole truth, which is… scary, but there’s also maybe a part of it that’s great? Like, really great? Except I don’t know if the part that’s great will stay great if you know the whole truth.” She sighs. “But it’s really important and it’s kind of weird and I’m actually completely terrified you’re going to freak out, so-”

 

“Zoe,” Alana interrupts, as calmly as she can manage given that her heart has started pounding and she’s starting to feel the way she did when they announced that she’d won the sophomore speech competition - nervous, but excited. “You can tell me anything. It’s okay.”

 

“We need to talk about your biology project.”

 

Alana blinks. That was not where she was expecting the conversation to go.

 

Is it weird to be disappointed?

 

“Did you talk to Evan about it?” she asks instead. “Is he okay to come in for some tests?”

 

Zoe’s quiet for a long moment then puts her bag down on the table. She pulls out a textbook - Alana thinks she recognizes it from the Junior Calculus class - and starts ripping out pages.

 

“What are you doing?” Alana demands. “That’s… that’s school property!”

 

“I need you to see something,” Zoe says, pointedly not looking at her. “And it kind of has to be a practical demonstration, because I really, really don’t know how to explain it and make you believe me.”

 

Zoe throws the textbook on the floor. Then she reaches out her hand.

 

Alana watches in amazement as the book begins to float and the missing pages reattach themselves.

 

Her heart starts pounding. This isn’t possible.

 

But she’s seeing it with her own two eyes.

 

“How… how are you doing this?” Alana asks, unable to take her eyes off the floating book.

 

The floating book.

 

The book, that is floating.

 

The book, that had been in pieces on the floor, now floating in front of her, as good as new.

 

What.

 

The.

 

Hell.

 

There’s something powerful in Zoe’s eyes as she stands there, her arm outstretched. But there’s fear in her eyes. “This is the reason I didn’t want you to sequence my genome,” Zoe says after a long pause. “Because of this.” She looks at Alana, her expression serious. “I’m not human, Alana.”

 

Alana has never ever ever touched recreational drugs. But if she had to imagine what an acid trip felt like, it would probably be quite similar to what she’s feeling right now.

 

“You’re not…” Alana shakes her head and tries to focus. “if you’re not human, then what are you?”

 

Zoe moves her hand, and the book floats back to land gently on the desk, completely back to normal. Zoe’s lips curl into an ironic smile.

 

“I’m not from around here,” Zoe quips.

 

Alana swallows. “Where are you from?”

 

Zoe points up.

 

Up to the roof.

 

Up to the sky.

 

Alana can barely hear her own voice over the sound of her heart pounding. She’s coming to a completely, utterly, insanely ridiculous conclusion and saying it out loud feels completely stupid, but…

 

“You’re… you’re not an alien, are you?”

 

Zoe smiles softly. “We prefer the term ‘not of this earth’.” At Alana’s stunned silence, her smile fads. “Sorry. I guess this isn’t the time for jokes. I just… I had to tell you, and I didn’t know how.” She gestures to the book. “I figured you’d want proof. Something you can see with your own two eyes.”

 

“How… how did you get here? How long have you been here?”

 

“We’re not sure,” Zoe admits. “There was a crash, that much we do know. We were in these pod things, and when we came out, we looked like regular 5 and 6-year-old human kids. Then someone found us and we were adopted by our parents… we’ve been living like humans ever since.”

 

“We?” Alana asks, before it clicks. “Connor’s an alien, too?”

 

“Yeah,” Zoe confirms. “We’ve been hiding for a long time.”

 

“That’s the real reason you didn’t want to give me a sample,” Alana guesses. “What about Evan? Is he… you know…”

 

Zoe’s face falls and she shakes her head. “This is where it gets complicated. Evan’s human. Or at least, he was.” She plays with the cuff of her jacket absently before looking at Alana again. “Just before school started, Evan… there was an accident, and he almost died, and Connor healed him.”

 

Alana’s head feels like it’s buzzing. “You can do that?”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “I can’t, but Connor can. Our… abilities are a little different. There are things that he can do that I can’t, and vice versa.” She frowns. “We didn’t think there’d be any issues with Evan giving you a sample, because he’s human, but now that it’s come back weird…”

 

“If Evan’s sample is unusual, then it could be due to the fact that he nearly died and Connor used an alien ability to bring him back,” Alana summises, seeing where Zoe’s logic is taking her. “He might not be fully human anymore.”

 

Zoe’s definitely staring at her now. Their eyes look for a long moment.

 

“Are you freaking out about this?” Zoe asks softly.

 

“I don’t know,” Alana answers honestly. “I mean, considering the expanse of the universe, it’s a little naive and a lot self-centred to think that we’re the only ones out there, but I… I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about life on other planets, and…” she trails off, a little lost for words for one of the first times in her life.

 

Alana is waiting to be completely terrified of the fact that the girl she’s had a crush on for ages isn’t human. That’s a normal reaction, right? Terror.

 

Alana thinks about what terror does to people. What it makes them do. What it makes them rationalize.

 

Alana thinks about how people treat other people who are different.

 

Alana thinks about how easy it is to be afraid of what you don’t understand.

 

Alana thinks about what it feels like to know you’re different and just want to belong.

 

“No one else knows about you and Connor?” Alana asks finally. “Just Evan?”

 

“Just Evan,” Zoe confirms. “But we think there’s someone out there who’s like us. Or at least there was. They sent us these… kind of like visions a few years back, warning us what would happen if anyone found out about us. There was this white room. Scalpels. Electrocution. If the wrong people find out what we really are, we’ll be tortured and experimented on. _So no one can know.”_  Zoe looks at Alana, her expression desperate. “You have to help us. Please.”

 

“Of course I’m going to help you,” Alana says, her voice surprisingly steady considered how her brain is running wild with the insanity that is this new reality she’s been plunged into.

 

But then again, that probably makes sense.

 

Even if Zoe’s not human, it doesn’t change the way Alana feels about her.

 

“Thank you,” says Zoe softly. “ _Thank you._ ”

 

“The sample’s already been tested and the results were flagged,” Alana says. “But my samples weren’t labelled with actual names in the system. Just numbers. I’m the only one with the key that links the samples to the people they come from.”

 

Zoe’s eyes light up. “So you could just say you lost your key and don’t know whose sample is the one that came out weird,” she suggests, looking hopeful.

 

“Or I could get someone else to come in and get tests done in Evan’s place,” Alana counters. “That way I’ll get to keep all my research.” She furrows her brow. “I had a hard enough time getting people to give me a sample in the first place. I don’t think I’m going to have much luck getting someone to come to the laboratory with me after school. Do you know anyone who’d help?

 

Zoe looks thoughtful. “Did you actually get a sample from Jared Kleinman?”

 

“No, he dropped the swab in his macaroni and then just… didn’t do another one.” Alana looks at Zoe. “Do you think he’d do it?”

 

“We can ask,” Zoe says, her tone almost deliberately casual. “Is there anyone at the lab you have to check in with after the email? Will we have to get Jared to go along with a story?”

 

“I don’t know,” Alana admits. “It still seems like there’s something… not right about it, you know? It felt weird when I got it and now that I know about you and Connor… it makes me think that someone’s looking for you.”

 

Zoe visibly tenses. Alana reaches out a tentative hand and puts it on her shoulder. Zoe smiles at her gratefully.

 

They stand there and Alana notices that Zoe is slowly but surely turning slightly pink. “When I got to school this morning, I’d planned to talk to you about something else,” Zoe blurts out suddenly.

 

Alana just looks at her. “Oh?”

 

Zoe goes even pinker. “I was going to ask you out.”

 

And here she was, thinking she’d gotten the surprises out of the way. “You were?”

 

“Yeah,” says Zoe, looking adorably nervous. “Would you have said yes?”

 

“Yes,” says Alana, without even having to think about it.

 

“Would you still say yes now if I asked you, even after… what I just told you?”

 

Alana remembers Zoe in a pale blue dress, spinning on a ballroom floor in her dreams and smiles. “Yes.”

 

Zoe’s smile is brilliant. “Okay. Good to know.” She picks up the textbook. “I’ll ask properly once we’re out of this mess. Okay?”

 

“Okay.”


	20. The Lab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of split perspective, kids. Hopefully it's clear!

Connor’s phone buzzes.

 

_From: Sis_

_Doin anything weird? need 2 talk 2u_

 

_To: Sis_

_ok_

 

Zoe appears in the Hansen’s living room. She looks around with interest.

 

“This is Evan’s place, right?”

 

“Brilliant deduction,” Connor says with a roll of the eyes. “Keep it down, would you? I don’t want to wake him up.”

 

Evan’s curled up against Connor, fast asleep. He’s been sleeping for most of the morning. Connor’s just been sitting, playing stupid games on his phone, enjoying the warmth and the fact that Evan’s just really damn cute when he’s asleep and relaxed and oh god, Connor is _so_ fucked.

 

Zoe tucks her hair behind her ear. “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

 

“Give me the news in an order that won’t make me lose my fucking mind.”

 

“I talked to Alana,” Zoe says quietly. “She didn’t run away screaming.”

 

Connor’s… not really surprised. If there’s anyone who can handle the knowledge that aliens exist without flying into some kind of panic, it’s Alana Beck. “She believed you, though?”

 

“After a practical demonstration.”

 

Connor just stares at her. “What did you do?”

 

“Nothing!” Zoe protests. “I just ripped up a textbook and put it back together. Nothing earth-shattering.”

 

Connor tries not to laugh for fear of waking Evan. “Let me guess - she told you off about destroying school property.”

 

“Yup.”

 

“What about Evan’s sample?” he asks. “What’s the plan? There’s a plan, right?”

 

“Alana’s samples in the system at the lab are labelled with numbers, not names,” Zoe informs him. “So basically, she’s the only one with the key that links the samples to actual people. Which means we can just get someone else to go and do the tests. Someone human.”

 

Connor frowns. “Who’s going to do that?”

 

“I was actually thinking of asking Jared,” Zoe admits.

 

Connor’s gut reaction is to argue. But then he thinks about Jared not being a complete asshole for a change and helping get Evan into Connor’s car. “What are you going to tell him?” he asks instead.

 

Zoe looks… unsure. “Alana’s willing to bribe him with extra tutoring to help pass English - he’s doing really, really badly because he has, like, no grasp on essay structure, apparently. And I guess we could say that Evan can’t do it because he’s sick and it’s… time sensitive, or something?”

 

“He helped me get Evan into the car,” Connor admits. “He’ll believe that Evan’s sick.”

 

Zoe nods. “So… I guess we’re doing this. Alana, Jared and I will go to the lab after school. Alana says probably just take hair and saliva samples. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Once they test them and find it’s normal, that should be the end of that. Right?”

 

“Are you sure you should be going?” Connor asks. “I mean… what if something happens?”

 

“It won’t,” Zoe promises. “It’s going to be fine. And if it’s not… I’m there as a failsafe, more or less. If I have to convince someone to let the whole thing go, then that’s what I’ll do.”

 

Connor gets it. He’s not thrilled, but he gets it. A thought occurs to him. “Did you tell Alana about the whole mind-warp thing?”

 

“It didn’t come up,” says Zoe sheepishly.

 

“Funny that,” Connor mutters. “That might be a conversation worth having in the future. But, like, the future where this whole mess has sorted itself out.”

 

Zoe nods. “I’d better go,” she says.

 

“Where’d you come from?”

 

“The bathroom at the far end of the third floor near my 5th period History class.”

 

Connor nods. “Good choice.”

 

Zoe disappears.

 

“Did Zoe just vanish into thin air?” Evan asks sleepily, half mumbled into Connor’s shoulder.

 

“Yeah,” Connor tells him. “She does that sometimes.”

 

“Okay.”

 

***

 

“I’d better pass English for this.”

 

Alana sighs. “I told you I would tutor you Jared, now would you just… try not to be yourself around our community’s finest scientific minds?”

 

They’re walking down the halls of the local university’s science department. It’s surprisingly high tec, given everything. Jared thinks he remembers someone saying something about wealthy donors interested in the sciences funding new labs. Everything is bright and shiny and kind of cold and a lot intimidating.

 

Alana’s walking around like she owns the place, but he can tell there’s something off in her posture.

 

Zoe is acting a little bit like a chick at the beginning of the spooky part of a horror film - all nervous and unsettled.

 

Jared’s not sure why he agreed to this.

 

Well, okay, he knows why he agreed to this. He agreed to this because he’s legitimately going to fail English if he doesn’t learn how to write a decent essay, and Alana Beck is not a quitter so if there’s anyone who can, like, beat proper essay format into him, it’s her.

 

And because Zoe assures him that he’s not just doing Alana a favor, he’s also helping Evan. They’re not totally forthcoming about all the details and it all does seem a little weird, but here’s what it’s boiled down to.

 

Evan gave Alana a sample for her project. It turned out weird because of contamination.

 

Alana needs a full set of data so they’re getting samples from Jared in the lab itself so she can finish her project - whatever it is. Jared doesn’t really care.

 

He’s still not sure why he can’t just give Alana samples straight out, but when he asked Alana, she’d just kind of glared at him and said something about macaroni and…

 

 _Oh yeah, that’s right,_ he thinks. _My bad._

 

Macaroni aside, this is weird and he kind of wants to stop Alana and demand answers, but he also… really doesn’t want to draw attention to himself.

 

They turn the corner and enter a small office. Alana frowns.

 

“I told my uncle we’d be here,” she says, her tone a bit concerned. “He’s usually very punctual.”

 

“Ms. Beck?”

 

There’s someone standing at the back of the office.

 

None of them had noticed.

 

This guy is standing there in a pristine white lab coat.

 

Quiet.

 

Unassuming.

 

This is some full-on jump scare shit.

 

“I’m looking for Doctor Warden-Beck,” Alana says confidently. “He said he’d meet me here to help retake some unusual samples.”

 

“He’s stepped out on an urgent matter,” the man says, his tone equally confident. “I’m Doctor Smith.”

 

“What, like Lost in Space?” Jared quips.

 

“Oh my god, shut up,” Zoe mutters.

 

“Now, who did these unusual samples belong to?” asks the man in the coat.

 

Alana glances at Jared. He tamps down on the weird feeling of panic he’s feeling. “That’d be me.”

 

The man nods. “Right. If you’d just come with me-”

 

“We’ll come with you,” Alana interrupts. “I’m interested in seeing these samples being taken. For my project.”

 

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible,” says the man. “It won’t be long.”

 

All of a sudden Jared’s being escorted down the hallway. He thinks he hears Alana yelling out to him, but he can’t be sure. His heart is thudding in his chest, making it hard to make out any other sounds.

 

He only remembers pieces of what happens next.

 

Jared’s pretty sure there were drugs involved, because when he finally comes back to what he’s sure is real, he’s in Alana’s car, he’s woozy and feels really sick, kind of like the time he got his tonsils out and had a really bad reaction to the anaesthesia.

 

But he remembers being poked and prodded, strapped down to a gurney.

 

Strands of hair being pulled out.

 

A small piece of skin being scraped off the tip of his finger.

 

A blood sample being drawn.

 

The beginnings of a small incision.

 

Then it stopped.

 

He could hear people talking but he couldn’t make out full sentences.

 

All he could hear were fragments, words that didn’t make any sense.

 

Words like ‘ability’ and ‘test’ and ‘human’ and ‘normal’.

 

And more than once, the word ‘mistake’.

 

Then all of a sudden he’s being helped up and ushered down a hallway and he feels super woozy but everything inside him is screaming getoutgetoutgetout and Zoe has one arm and Alana has the other and it feels like time to make a really stupid dirty joke but he can’t think of one and if he can’t think of a stupid dirty joke then is he really him and he checks his finger and the crook of his elbow and he can definitely see there’s skin missing, right, and he can definitely see the mark of a needle in his elbow, and he’s not going completely crazy but he feels like his head is spinning and he throws up in the parking lot.

 

“Fuck,” Zoe says, softly and with feeling. “Just… fuck.”

 

“Are you okay?” Alana demands, patting Jared on the back comfortingly. “I’m so sorry. I am so, so, so, sorry, I never… I didn’t…”

 

“Is someone going to tell me what the fuck that was all about?” Jared asks weakly. “Because… that was not fun. That was so not fun.”

 

“Do you want chocolate?” Zoe offers. “I have some in my bag. It’s, like, dark chocolate with chilli, though. I can get you better chocolate.”

 

“I just want to know what happened,” he says. “And why. Mostly why.”

 

Zoe sits in the back of the car with him. He’s still woozy as they drive, and at one point he’s sure he’s going to throw up, but he’s getting clearer-headed as time passes.

 

The more clear-headed he gets, the more pissed off he is.

 

And the more scared.

 

***  
  
Evan and Connor are watching something on Netflix when they hear knocking on the door. Connor looks at Evan, then goes to get it.

 

Zoe, Alana and Jared all pour into the room.

 

And Evan is nearly knocked over by a wave of pure panic and fear.

 

“So that didn’t go quite as smoothly as we hoped,” Zoe says to Connor, then glancing at Evan, who has begun to hyperventilate. “As you can probably tell, since Evan is completely freaking out.”

 

“I’m okay,” Evan manages to say, trying desperately to calm his breathing. “What happened?”

 

“I have no fucking idea,” Jared snaps, “but it was definitely not a high school biology project. Alana, what the actual fuck?”

 

“You have to tell him,” Alana says to Connor, ignoring Jared for the time being.

 

Connor looks terrified but also furious. “What. Happened.”

 

Jared shows off the needle mark in his elbow. “What happened was that some psycho in a lab coat decided to strap me to a gurney, poke and prod me, gas me up with something, take a blood sample, cut off part of the skin on my finger and then all of a sudden they’re yelling about how it’s a mistake and I’m being forcibly removed from the building. What. The. Fuck.”

_Connor’s in a white room, strapped down. Men in white lab coats slice at his flesh. Zoe’s in an electric chair. They shock her over and over again. PAINPainpainpainpainpain_

 

Evan runs out of the room and vomits profusely in the bathroom.

 

He takes a few moments and steadies himself before throwing up again.

 

Oh god.

 

That could have been Connor. Or Zoe. Or him.

 

They have _got_ to be more careful.

 

He rinses out his mouth, brushes his teeth and looks at his reflection in the mirror. Fuck, he looks like shit. Exhausted. Dark circles around his eyes. Like he’s been drained of all energy.

 

Slowly he makes his way back into the living room, where Jared is still ranting and Alana is frantically apologizing and Connor is standing there, looking like he’s about to explode and Zoe is so, so, so pale and the anger and the terror and the panic is so overwhelming he thinks he’s going to black out again but instead he sits down and takes a deep breath.

 

“Are you okay, Jared?” Evan asks.

 

Jared looks at him, stunned. “Of course I’m not fucking okay! I have no idea what just happened! I got, like, fucking drugged and bits taken out of me and… there’s no way they can just do that to people, right? I mean, that was all sorts of illegal. Completely and utterly illegal.”

 

“I’ll talk to my uncle,” Alana promises. “That wasn’t… that wasn’t what he said was going to happen.”

 

“All this for a fucking extra-credit biology project?” says Jared incredulously. “That’s bullshit! What the actual fuck, Alana - are you trying to, like, recreate Spider-Man or some shit in that lab?”

 

“This isn’t Alana’s fault,” Zoe says firmly.

 

“It sure looks like it from where I’m standing,” snaps Jared.

 

“It’s my fault.”

 

Everyone stops, including Evan.

 

They all turn to look at Connor, who is standing there looking defiant.

 

Jared narrows his eyes. “By all means, go ahead and explain how this is your fault.”

 

“Evan’s original sample got flagged as something out of the ordinary because something out of the ordinary happened to him just before school started,” Connor says, his voice shaky. “He… he fell out of a tree. He nearly died. And I saved his life.”

 

Jared’s gone pale at this. His glance flicks from Connor to Evan, then back to Connor again. “He broke his arm,” Jared says weakly. “That’s not exactly life or death.”

 

“No, but being impaled by a tree branch is,” Evan continues softly. “Connor healed me. Stopped me from bleeding out. Brought me back. Because…”

 

Evan doesn’t feel like he can say this next bit.

 

Connor looks at Evan, then at Jared. “You’ve always thought I was a freak, Kleinman. Well, you’re right. I am a freak. I’m not human. When Evan was dying, I healed him. I have healing abilities, because… I’m an alien.”

 

Jared just stares.

 

“That’s not fucking funny.”

 

“He’s not joking,” Evan says quietly. “Think about it. Those tests you’re describing in the lab… that sounds like someone who thinks they’re dealing with something that’s not human, right?”

 

“But it’s your samples that flagged the problem,” Jared says, frowning. “And you’re human. So why…” All of a sudden recognition sparks in his eyes. “I knew it. I knew Connor had done something to you. The silver handprint. I saw it, but I convinced myself it was just one of those weird things I saw online… I saw it on you.”

 

“We don’t know exactly why Evan’s samples flagged in the system,” says Zoe, “but we do know that we couldn’t let him just waltz in and get more samples taken if there was even the slightest chance it would expose Connor and I. And Evan, now.” Zoe looks horribly guilty for a moment. “We think that because he was saved, he’s been… changed somehow.”

 

“So you needed a human to be tested,” Jared says bitterly. “And you figured ‘hey, let’s ask Kleinman and just not tell him that aliens walk among us!’ Thanks guys, nice to know.”

 

“It’s not exactly news that I can barely fucking stand you,” Connor snaps. “So forgive me if trusting you with my biggest secret that could get me killed if anyone found out.”

 

“Fuck you, too.”

 

“We didn’t think anything would happen to you,” Alana promises. “I honestly thought it’d be hair and saliva and then out. Maybe blood. But I thought they’d do it properly instead of just… whisking you away and doing god knows what.” She inhales sharply. “I’m so sorry. That was… that wasn’t fair.”

 

“But they don’t know about the aliens,” Jared counters. “So… you’re welcome, I guess.”

 

“You can’t tell anyone about this,” Evan warns Jared. “You can’t even JOKE about telling anyone this. It’s life or death.” He looks at his oldest friend. Pleading with his eyes. “My life. And my death. Please, Jared.”

 

Jared looks at him for a long moment.

 

“If you think for a second that I’d spill something like this, just for shits and giggles, then… fuck, I am a bigger asshole than I ever thought possible.” His expression is serious, more serious than Evan has ever seen him. “I’ve got your back. Always.”

 

Evan begins to breathe again.

 

The front door knob moves. They all turn to look at Heidi Hansen, walking into the house in her hospital scrubs, looking exhausted. Her face brightens as she takes it all in.

 

Evan, and his friends.

 

Having just finished an incredibly intense conversation about aliens.

 

But his mom doesn’t need to know that.

 

“Hi Mom,” Evan says before anyone else can say or do anything. “How was work?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do your homework.


	21. The Pizza Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang eats pizza with Heidi.

“Work was busy, as usual,” says Evan’s mom. “It’s so nice to see you’re here with friends!” 

 

“Evan wasn’t feeling great, so we wanted to check up on him,” says Alana, her tone even and polite. Evan’s impressed. 

 

“That’s right,” Evan’s mom says, frowning. “You went home sick, I talked to the school and cleared it all up. Are you feeling alright now? You do look a little bit pale.”

 

“I’m fine,” he assures her. “Connor’s been keeping an eye on me.”

 

Evan’s mom turns to Connor, who’s doing his best impression of a deer in the headlights. It’s clear he’d completely forgotten their conversation about having dinner with Evan’s mom that night. 

 

Which, given the circumstances, is fair enough. 

 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Heidi gushes, smiling like a lunatic. “All of you. Are you hungry? I can order some pizza. It’s so nice to get a chance to meet Evan’s friends.”

 

Evan looks at Connor, who looks at Zoe. Zoe and Alana exchange a look. Jared sits down on an armchair. “If there’s pizza, I’m in,” he says confidently. “Thanks, Heidi.”

 

“That would be nice,” says Zoe. She goes over and reaches out her hand. “I’m Zoe, Connor’s sister, and this is Alana. It’s really nice to meet you, Mrs. Hansen.”

 

“Call me Heidi,” she insists, clearly delighted. “How about I call and get a couple of pizzas and some soda and we can all relax a bit. I know how Mondays can get at high school - you’re probably all exhausted.” 

 

Evan sees Jared nod in agreement. “Absolutely. All that not knowing about Calculus is really tiring.”

 

“You’re failing Calculus as well?” Alana asks incredulously. 

 

“I’m not failing,” Jared insists, “I’m just not doing well.” He grins at her. “But you’re going to help me out of the goodness of your heart, right?”

 

“Alana’s going to be valedictorian,” Zoe says to Evan’s mom, more than a hint of pride in her voice. 

 

“Nothing’s guaranteed,” Alana counters, though her cheeks are pink at the praise. “I’m definitely in the running, though.”

 

“That’s wonderful,” says Heidi. She’s smiling more than Evan’s seen in a long time and he wonders idly how they got to a stage where Evan hanging out with actual human beings his age was the source of so much delight. 

 

Well, okay, they weren’t all human beings, but that’s not something his mom has to know. 

 

“I’m just going to go get changed,” she announces, “then I’ll come down and order some pizzas. Have a think about what you want - we can get a couple of different kinds, I’ve seen Jared eat.”

 

“I feel like I should be offended,” Jared says with a smirk, “but she has known me since I was a toddler, so… eh.”

 

Evan’s mom leaves the room and the tension in the room ramps up a little. Evan resolves to address the extraterrestrial elephant in the room before his mom gets back. 

 

“Obviously, my mom doesn’t know about any of this,” Evan says to Jared quietly. “So… please don’t say anything.”

 

“I won’t,” Jared promises. He looks over at Connor and Zoe. “But I’ve got questions. Tons of them. And I do want them answered eventually.” He looks at the tip of his finger, which is still kind of bleeding. “This is going to be annoying.”

 

“There’s a first aid kit in here somewhere,” Evan says, getting up and looking around. 

 

“Don’t bother,” Connor says, his tone deceptively casual. “It’s just a little wound. I can fix it.”

 

Jared looks dubious. “It’s not going to… turn me into a weird half-alien freak, is it?”

 

Connor shrugs. “Only one way to find out.”

 

“On one hand, I actually really want to see these alien superpowers in action,” says Jared. “On the other hand… no, we’re cool. Do your alien thing.”

 

Connor sits down next to Jared, takes his hand and touches the tip of his finger. 

 

Jared giggles nervously. “ET, phone home.”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

When Connor lets go of Jared’s hand, the wound is healed up. Jared’s eyes are like saucers. “This is so fucked up. In, like, a cool way.” 

 

Connor  _ might _ be smiling? Evan’s not sure. It’s brief and it’s fleeting and is covered up by his usual scowl, but… yeah, that was definitely a bit of a smile. 

 

One of the many, many knots in Evan’s stomach unravels a bit. If Connor and Jared can get along for a hot second, then maybe everything’s going to be okay. 

 

“We can throw in some money for pizza,” Zoe says to Evan. “Mom’s still on this vegan gluten-free thing and I would literally murder someone for garlic bread. Do you have Tabasco?”

 

“I’ve got some in my bag,” Connor tells her. 

 

Jared crows with laughter. “Connor is Beyoncé!” At Evan’s blank look, he sighs. “Come on. Hot sauce in my bag? Connor. Is. Beyoncé.”

 

“I thought Hot Sauce was the name of her baseball bat,” Connor replies. 

 

Jared laughs even more. “Oh my god, we’ve found out Connor Murphy’s second biggest secret - he’s Beyoncé trash.”

 

“Let me live,” Connor grumbles, folding his arms and flopping down on the couch next to Evan. 

 

Evan pats his arm. “It’s okay,” he says soothingly. “You can be trash for whoever you want. I’ll support you.”

 

Zoe and Alana crack up laughing as Connor’s scowl deepens. Evan’s mom chooses that moment to come back into the room. 

 

The sheer happiness radiating off his mother is enough to make Evan smile. 

 

_ All she ever wanted was for you to be a normal teenager with normal friends _ , he thinks to himself.  _ If she knew what was actually going on here… _

 

“I’ll order those pizzas,” says Heidi with a brilliant smile. “Jared, are you still insisting that Hawaiian pizza isn’t a crime against humanity?”

 

“I will defend Hawaiian pizza to the death,” Jared says, putting his hand on his chest in a mock-serious gesture. 

 

“You’re wrong, but I’ll get you a small one anyway.” She looks around the room. “Unless anyone else wants to partake in the insanity?”

 

“I actually kind of like Hawaiian pizza,” says Zoe sheepishly. “As long as there’s plenty of hot sauce.”

 

“Sweet and spicy,” Evan points out. “You and Connor have that weird thing for sweet and spicy, right?”

 

“Don’t drag me into this,” Connor says, waving his hands in mock protest. “I’m on Team No Pineapple.”

 

“We’ll get along just fine,” says Heidi with a grin. “So, one Hawaiian, a couple of pepperoni - ooh, how about a cheese and mushroom? Everyone okay with mushrooms?”

 

“Mushrooms are great,” Alana says. 

 

“I’ll give them a call now,” says Heidi. 

 

“Can we get some garlic bread?” Evan asks. “Zoe is apparently craving it.”

 

“I can pay for it,” Zoe offers. 

 

“Garlic bread sounds great. And no, don’t worry about it sweetie, you’re a guest!”

 

Not even a few months ago the idea of his mom hanging out with him and his friends would have sounded like the most stressful thing that could ever happen to Evan. 

 

Also a completely fake thing because in what universe would he actually have friends. 

 

But here they are, all sitting on the couch, having a perfectly civil conversation. His mom is in the middle of a funny story from work, which Alana keeps interrupting to ask in-depth medical questions. Jared occasionally makes a dumb comment, which usually invites Heidi to respond with something that’s just slightly mocking, to Connor’s utter delight. 

 

It’s nice. 

 

It’s normal. 

 

No one would suspect that just a few hours ago, half of the room was involved in some kind of terrifying, high-stakes medical experimentation drama, because of aliens. 

 

Evan’s not actually sure what his life even is anymore.

 

When the pizza arrives, Zoe and Connor exchange a look. Zoe makes a beeline for the door and pays for the pizza, ignoring all Heidi’s protests. “We’re kind of invading your house,” Zoe points out. “And I guarantee that Connor and I will eat most of this because our mom doesn’t let pizza in the house.”

 

“She doesn’t let pizza in the house?” Heidi says with a laugh. She looks at Evan with sympathy. “If I decided to all of a sudden ban pizza, Evan here would probably starve to death.”

 

He can feel a wave of guilt coming from her at that comment, so tries to cheer her up. “I’d just order Chinese, Mom.”

 

She smiles and grabs a piece of pepperoni. 

 

Then her phone rings. 

 

It’s a familiar sound. Evan tries not to look disappointed as she answers it but he can tell from the look on her face that she’s being talked into taking another shift. 

 

“Sorry guys, that was work,” she announces once she’s off the phone. “There’s been an accident somewhere in town and they’re completely understaffed, so they’re calling me in to help with the emergency department.” 

 

Heidi sighs. Evan can’t help but notice she looks very, very tired all of a sudden. 

 

“Do you want us to save you some pizza for later?” Evan asks. 

 

She smiles wearily. “Nah, I can just eat on the run. Let me go get changed - Evan, could you put some pizza on a paper plate for me to take with me?”

 

Evan goes into the kitchen and gets a paper plate. When he comes back into the lounge to load the plate up with pizza for his mom, he can feel a wave of sympathy coming off his friends. “She works a lot,” Evan says by way of explanation. 

 

“That must mean you’re at home alone a lot,” Connor says with a frown. “You can always call us if you’re by yourself. Come over to ours, or we’ll come over here… being alone must suck.”

 

Evan nods. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks.”

 

Heidi comes back in, wearing a fresh pair of scrubs and tying her hair into a ponytail. She smiles at them all. “I’m sorry it’s been such a rush, but it’s been so lovely to meet you all,” she gushes. “It’s nice to see Evan spending time with people. And having such great people looking out for him.”

 

“Evan’s cool,” Zoe says, shooting Evan a grin. “It’s not a problem.”

 

Evan’s mom scurries out the door and the five teenagers eat pizza in silence for awhile. 

 

At least, until that silence is broken by Jared. 

 

“Okay, so I just want to clear this up,” Jared says conversationally. “Connor’s an alien. Zoe’s an alien. Evan’s a human, but he nearly died and Connor saved his life, so now he’s… a little bit of an alien. What about Alana?”

 

Alana looks at him quizzically. “I’m human, Jared.”

 

“See, if you’d asked me who at school is most likely to be an alien, I definitely would have said Alana,” says Jared with a wicked grin. 

 

Zoe throws a couch cushion at Jared and he yelps. 

 

“We should probably figure out what’s going on with Evan’s… not quite humanness,” says Zoe, frowning. “You said you could… feel emotions that weren’t yours, right?”

 

“Like an empath,” Jared and Connor say in unison, before sharing a look of utter disgust at having done so. 

 

“Well, what kind of abilities do you guys have?” Alana asks. “We should start collecting data on it. Obviously not data in the lab, just… you know, data. For example, Zoe, you said that Connor can heal but you can’t? And you can… teleport, but Connor can’t do that.” She looks at them all expectantly. “We should get Evan to try the various things Zoe and Connor can do, and then we’ll have a better idea as to what’s possible.”

 

“That’s… not the worst idea,” says Zoe, still frowning. “We just have to be careful. Really, really careful. As in, no one but the five of us can know about this.”

 

“What are we going to do about the shit that went down in the lab?” Connor asks. He’s clearly aiming for a casual tone but Evan can feel the fear coming off him in sharp, sickening bursts. “If they were willing to just grab Jared and do a whole bunch of invasive tests, they’re not just gonna let it go, right?”

 

Alana’s phone beeps. She looks at the screen and goes pale. 

 

“I think that’s the least of the lab’s problems right now,” says Alana, looking very concerned. “My uncle just texted me. Someone just blew up the entire laboratory complex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those of you with homework should definitely do it. 
> 
> Those of you who don't have homework - it's fun not having homework, huh? 
> 
> Also get enough sleep, hydrate, pet a dog, get some sun, eat a vegetable and generally be kind to yourself.


	22. The Big Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Alana go on a date.

The explosion at the laboratory is the talk of the school for the rest of the week, which kind of surprises Zoe. She hadn’t realized that so many people had links to it - some of the AP classes did regular field trips there and plenty of people’s parents worked there, so it had definitely made some kind of impact in the community. 

 

No one knew exactly what had caused the explosion. There were theories about sabotage, theories about there being something in the laboratory that had gone horribly wrong, but nothing official was being released. 

 

There were plans to rebuild, but in the meantime… it was all a bit of a mess. 

 

Once Alana got the text from her uncle, she’d gone to go visit him to talk to him about their visit to the lab and everything that had happened. 

 

She filled Zoe in over coffee after school. 

 

“He got a call from his boss just as we were about to arrive,” Alana explains, “and he has absolutely no idea who it is that took Jared in for testing. When I told him what happened, he seemed pretty freaked out.” She stirs her coffee. “Seriously, he was really mad. Testing like that without proper informed consent - it shouldn’t have happened. If it weren’t for the fact that the place just blew up, he’d have recommended Jared and his family take legal action.”

 

“So you think that whoever it was who did the testing was expecting to find something… unusual,” Zoe surmises. “And that’s why they just went ahead with a whole bunch of tests.” She looks at her own coffee. “Because if you’re looking for something that isn’t human, normal human rights don’t apply, right?”

 

“Zoe…”

 

“It just seems kind of weird,” Zoe continues, ignoring Alana’s sympathy and soldiering on. “That the lab just… explodes, on the same day we’re there. I mean, it can’t be a coincidence.”

 

“Unless you’re going to tell me that you somehow blew up the lab while eating pizza miles away, I’m not sure what you mean,” Alana says with a frown. “Although… wait, didn’t you say that you thought there might be others out there? What if someone’s been keeping tabs on you and… I don’t know, blew up the lab as a kind of revenge? Or to keep things contained?”

 

Zoe lets out a long breath. She hasn’t wanted to think about the fact that there might be others like her out there. Not for a while. When she was a kid, it was basically all she thought about - finding people like her. Finding others from her planet. 

 

Then when she and Connor had the dreams to warn them against using their powers… well, that had sparked a whole new level of speculation. The voice had said ‘we wish we could help you’ and Zoe immediately took that as confirmation that there was more than just one other alien out there. There were at least two and they were keeping tabs on Zoe and Connor in some way. 

 

There’d been a part of her that had wanted to be even more reckless after the dreams. Thought that if she kept exploring her powers, then eventually whoever was keeping tabs on her would have to come out of the woodwork and stop her themselves.

 

At least then she’d know. 

 

“It’s possible,” Zoe admits. “It’s possible there’s someone out there, trying to keep us safe.”

 

“They might have answers for you,” Alana suggests. 

 

Zoe tries not to snap at Alana in frustration, but it’s hard not to. “Then why haven’t they tried to contact us properly? Dreams don’t count. Why have they let us just keep thinking we’re alone, never really knowing who we are or where we’re from?”

 

She looks at Alana, who looks more than a little heartbroken on Zoe’s behalf. Zoe sighs. “I’m sorry. This, uh, this isn’t what I thought our first date would look like.”

 

“This is a date?” Alana asks, obviously surprised. 

 

Zoe blinks. “I asked you out for coffee and you said yes? And now we’re… drinking coffee.”

 

“Oh!” Alana blushes. “Sorry, I just thought… wow, you asked me out and I missed it? That’s… kind of disappointing. Next time you ask me out I promise I’ll be paying attention.”

 

They exchange a look and promptly burst out laughing. 

 

“I have literally no experience with this,” Alana confesses. “Like, none at all. I mean, I’ve known I liked girls since I was about eleven, and I’ve had crushes, but I’ve never even considered trying to talk to someone about my feelings, and I have absolutely no idea what you’re even supposed to do on a date.”

 

“Neither do I,” Zoe assures her. “Well, I’ve been on one date. With Gavin from jazz band? We had pizza in my sophomore year and it was fun, and then he kissed me and it was just… wet. It didn’t do anything for me, at all, and I think I might have laughed?” She cringes at the memory. “Oh my god. It was awful. We’re still friends, though. I think he’s, like, blocked the entire incident from his mind.”

 

“He’s the bass player, right?” Alana clarifies. 

 

“Yeeeeeep.”

 

“Well, I have no musical talent, so hopefully things will go a little better,” says Alana with a smile. 

 

They drink their coffee in companionable silence for awhile. Zoe sneaks looks at Alana whenever she can without making it too obvious that she’s staring. She really likes Alana. She likes that she’s smart and driven, she likes that she knows what she wants and goes for it, and she really likes that her reaction to the fact that Zoe’s from outer space wasn’t to run away screaming. 

 

“How are your college applications going?” Zoe asks. 

 

Alana raises an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

 

Zoe smiles. “We’ve just spent all this time talking about… my situation. I want to know what’s going on with you. You’re applying to Yale, right?”

 

“My grandfather went there,” Alana says with a nod. “Mom went to Harvard, Dad went to Princeton. I’m applying to all three, but I think Yale’s the one I’m the most interested in.”

 

“I can’t even begin to imagine how stressful it must be to be applying to Ivy League schools,” Zoe confesses. “I don’t know what I want to do for college.”

 

“Is Connor applying anywhere?”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “No. It’s… not exactly a safe topic at home, the whole college thing. My dad really wants Connor to go to college, but he’s really against it. All Connor wants to do is find out where we’re from.” She takes a sip of her coffee and smiles. “That’s his plan - graduate high school, then tell the folks he’s off on a road trip to ‘find himself’. I mean, I guess he will kind of be trying to find himself. He just… he wants answers.”

 

“It seems like you do, too,” Alana says gently. “Would you go with him?”

 

“I don’t know,” Zoe replies honestly. “I really, really don’t know. Connor knows he doesn’t belong here and wants to find out where he does, and I do want to know about our past, but… I don’t know if I just want to pack up and leave the planet, you know?”

 

“And you think Connor does?”

 

Zoe takes a moment to consider. “I would have said definitely just a few months ago,” she confesses, “but since he and Evan got together… I don’t know. I don’t know if he knows.”

 

Alana looks thoughtful for a moment, and then breaks into a smile. “It’s just so cool that we’re sitting here, discussing the possibility of going to another planet like it’s in the same league as picking a college. I mean, I know it’s not, and I know you guys have any solid way of getting home, but… isn’t it exciting? To know that one day, you might?”

 

“I never thought of it that way,” Zoe confesses. “To be honest, I’m terrified at the idea of finding out where I’m from is, like, super awful. What if my home planet is full of megalomaniacs who want to conquer the known universe and I’m supposed to, what, fall in line with taking over Earth? I don’t think I could do that.”

 

“At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what planet you’re from,” Alana says gently. “You’re still you. And I think you’re pretty great. As long as you keep doing what Zoe would do, rather than what… whatever species it turns out you are would do, then I think you’re going to be okay.”

 

There’s a tightness in Zoe’s chest at Alana’s words. “You’re pretty good at knowing what to say,” she says, trying to keep her tone light. 

 

Trying not to let on that it’s actually the best thing anyone has ever said to her. 

 

“I try,” says Alana, her smile soft. 

 

Zoe laughs. “Here I was, trying to redirect the conversation to something about you, and all of a sudden we’re back to my whole… space thing. I’m so sorry.”

 

“To be fair, your whole space thing is really interesting,” Alana points out. 

 

“So you only like me because I’m from space,” Zoe teases. “I get it now.”

 

Alana grins. “You caught me.” Her expression grows serious. “I’m kidding. I liked you before I knew who you really are and now that I know… I think I like you even more.”

 

Zoe’s pretty sure she’s 100% blush at this point. 

 

“How is this date going?” Zoe asks. 

 

Alana grins. “Best I’ve ever had.”


	23. The Rematch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jared have a nice time playing video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for stressing you all out. Have something a bit more light-hearted for the next little while.

Jared doesn’t exactly expect his life to change dramatically after being let in on a crazy alien conspiracy involving his best friend, his best friend’s boyfriend, his best friend’s boyfriend’s sister and his best friend’s boyfriend’s sister’s over-achieving girlfriend.

 

And it doesn’t exactly change dramatically. But there is change.

 

For example, the five of them all have the same lunch period so there’s always someone to sit with. That’s nice.

 

He’s actually passing both English and Calculus because Alana Beck does not run from a challenge. (Jared jokes that he is probably the most annoying person Alana has ever had to work with and she just raises an eyebrow and reminds him of the English report she did with Connor in… whatever year it was. And yeah, that was bad.)

 

And he seems to have reached some kind of weird stalemate with Connor. Which is a minor miracle in itself.

 

Of course, it’s all Evan’s fault.

 

Jared knows, beyond a doubt, that if he’d found out that Connor Murphy was an alien, he’d have been terrified out of his mind. And probably with good reason - the guy’s a little unhinged. There are anger issues. There are drug issues. There are… so, so many issues. So the idea of someone that volatile with extraterrestrial abilities… well, that’s pretty much nightmare fuel.

 

In his less charitable moments, Jared marvels at the fact that Connor hasn’t burned the whole damn town to the ground.

 

But then there’s Evan, and the fact that Connor saved his life. And Jared can’t be pissed off at someone who literally saved Evan’s life.

 

Jared doesn’t say it enough, but he knows, also beyond a doubt, that the world would be a darker place without people like Evan Hansen.

 

He does kind of worry about the fact that Evan and Connor got together after only really knowing each other for a couple of weeks. The whole “he saved my life and has been in love with me for years” thing makes the whole thing make… a lot more sense, but Jared does kind of worry sometimes that Evan’s in it because he feels obligated.

 

Jared tries to bring this up with Evan. The conversation goes about as well as expected.

 

“I genuinely like Connor,” Evan says, practically shooting daggers out of his eyes. “I’m not just settling for the nearest Murphy and I’m definitely not just giving him sexual favors for saving my life. And oh my god, never use the term ‘sexual favors’ concerning me and Connor ever, ever again, or I’ll get him to blow up your house.”

 

“Whoa. Getting some alien dick has made you _sassy._ I approve.”

 

“You know that I know you’re legitimately concerned and aren’t just trying to be a dick, right?” Evan points out. “Like, I can tell that you’re actually worried I’m just with Connor because I feel like I have to be. I’m not. I genuinely want to be with him.”

 

“Okay,” says Jared, trying to keep his tone light because he’s not sure he’s entirely on board with this whole ‘Evan can feel what I’m feeling so I probably can’t bullshit him anymore’ thing. “As long as he’s not holding you prisoner in his weird alien bondage chamber, we’re cool.”

 

Evan rolls his eyes. “Just because I know you’ve got good intentions doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a dick about it.”

 

“Or _does it_?”

 

“No, Jared.”

 

Other things that are kind of different about being part of a weird alien conspiracy: getting to see all sorts of awesome comic book shit in real life. He’s seen Connor blow up a lamp with his mind and then put it back together again, more or less completely intact (it kind of flickers a bit more than it did, but who cares?). He’s seen Zoe get her DJ on without any equipment - how cool is it to be able to play vinyl without a player? Unfortunately, she hasn’t quite figured out cassettes, but as soon as she does, she’s promised Jared a full-on dance party.

 

And then there was the time where Connor and Zoe tried to tell Jared that they couldn’t fly, but he argued that if they could make things levitate, then surely they could make a person _levitate,_  too?

 

That particular conversation ended with Jared floating from the ceiling in what was probably the coolest thing that has ever, ever happened to him.

 

They’re still trying to figure out what Evan can do. He’s given most things a go, but aside from the (still kind of creepy) empath thing, he doesn’t seem to have gotten any other weird powers, which is probably just as well. Evan doesn’t seem to be completely on board with the idea of having superpowers, which Jared doesn’t understand _at all,_  but - well, they’d always been different.

 

About a month after that fateful day at the lab, the time finally came for Evan to get his cast off. Heidi had taken the afternoon off to go with Evan and to spend some time with him, which Jared knew was a bit of a rarity.

 

Jared still has no idea why he invited Connor over to play Call of Duty. Unsupervised. Unchaperoned by Evan, or Zoe and Alana.

 

He’s not sure why Connor agreed, either.

 

But here they are, sitting in Jared’s living room, playing Call of Duty in more or less comfortable silence.

 

“How are you better at me than this?” Jared asks. “Does the whole alien thing give you, like, awesome reflexes or whatever?”

 

“Would you not use that word?” Connor hisses, looking at the doorway. “Your mom is here.”

 

“I’ve always thought we should have a better codeword,” Jared muses. “Whenever we’re discussing the whole… thing. What about Czechoslovakian?”

 

Connor just sort of looks at him weirdly. “Czechoslovakia hasn’t existed since 1993.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“I got really high one day and fell down a Wikipedia rabbit hole,” Connor admits. “I read everything about the history of Czechoslovakia.”

 

“Why?”

 

Connor shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe because it’s really fun to say Czechoslovakia?”

 

“It is,” Jared agrees with delight. “And that’s why it should be our codeword.”

 

Connor shakes his head. Jared thinks he might be trying to hide a smile. “Okay, sure, why not.”

 

They go back to the game. Jared smirks. “Got any fun facts about the history of Czechoslovakia?”

 

“Do you mean the real Czechoslovakia or my home planet?”

 

“The real Czechoslovakia.”

 

“This kind of defeats the purpose of a code name, doesn’t it?” Connor sighs. “But yeah, I do actually have fun facts about Czechoslovakia. Did you know it’s the only former socialist state to have an entirely peaceful breakup? Like, the Soviet Union and Yugoslavia, they were like, ripping each other to shreds, but the Czech Republic and Slovakia were just like ‘hey man, it’s cool, we’re gonna just go do our thing, catch you later’.”

 

“You’re not high now, are you?” Jared asks, frowning.

 

“Little bit. Don’t tell Evan. He doesn’t like me ‘smoking drugs’,” Connor says, holding the controller at a weird angle and making finger quotes, “so I don’t do it very often anymore, but since he’s ditching me for his mom this afternoon, I figured what the hell.”

 

“You know he like, never sees his mom, right?” Jared points out. “She works a fuckton. And Evan, like, loves his mom. They’re really close, ever since his dad walked out, so… spending time with his mom is important to him.”

 

“I know that,” Connor snaps defensively. “I just miss him.”

 

Jared laughs. “That’s adorable.” Connor’s player character shoots Jared in the face. “Okay, that’s not even slightly fair.”

 

“Whatever, you’re just pissed that I’m better than you, even when I’m kinda stoned.” Connor looks over at Jared. “I am kinda serious about not telling Evan, though. He worries. It’s just that I kinda… I don’t know, it’s easier to control my powers when I’m high, and since he wasn’t at school today I’ve just been kinda… on edge? I was in History and I swear I nearly blew out a lightbulb, it was so fucking boring. So I cut Calculus to get stoned under the bleachers.”

 

“It’s like 20 degrees outside,” Jared points out.

 

“Yeah, I noticed,” Connor says dryly. “I didn’t say it was a smart decision.”

 

“You should probably get some better coping mechanisms,” Jared suggests.

 

Connor raises an eyebrow. “Like what?”

 

Jared shrugs. “Fuck, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually seen a weed in real life. I know nothing about drugs.” He thinks for a moment. “Can you actually use your powers when you’re high?”

 

Connor thinks. “I was… kinda high when I saved Evan. But only, like, a very little bit, and I sobered up pretty quickly with the shock. Other than that… I don’t know.”

 

“So we should definitely try this out sometime?” Jared suggests. “For science or whatever? I can break your lamp again.”

 

“Fuck off, bring your own lamp to break.” Connor rolls his eyes. “But okay. Sure. Yeah. For science. Even though it’s more like science-fiction in my case.”

 

“Way to go steal my next joke,” Jared grumbles.

 

“You set yourself up.”

 

“You’re such a dick.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Hey, have you seen that video on YouTube where they outline the entire history of the Soviet Union to the tune of Tetris?” Jared asks, surprising himself. “It’s super old. I wonder if they talk about Czechoslovakia. Sing about Czechoslovakia.”

 

Connor perks up at that. “No, I haven’t.”

 

“We could watch it?”

 

“What, you sick of losing this game?”

 

“Kind of, yeah.”

 

Jared drags out his laptop and they spend the next seven minutes discovering that no, the video in question does not mention Czechoslovakia. Which then evolves into watching as many ridiculous things on YouTube as they can come up.

 

“Evan just texted,” Connor says halfway through The History of Japan. “He’s got his cast off but his mom has to go back to work.”

 

Jared frowns. “That sucks.”

 

“Yeah,” Connor agrees. “But I told him I was here and I’m pretty sure he thinks one of us is going to end up dead, so his mom’s dropping him off in like, 2 minutes. That’s cool, right?”

 

Barely any time later, Evan is in the doorway of the Kleinman’s living room, looking like he’s bracing himself to enter a murder scene. He visibly relaxes when he spots them both, clearly picking up on the… not about to murder each other energy in the room.

 

“Is your balance totally weird since you got the cast off?” Jared asks. “I mean, it would have been heavy, so, like, you’d have had to compensate for it. Just want to make sure you’re not going to keel over or something.”

 

“I’m fine,” Evan assures him.

 

Connor had made a beeline for Evan the minute he came into the room. Jared turns away because he’s completely sure they’re about to kiss and he doesn’t really want to see that because Evan is like a brother to him and it’s just a bit too weird.

 

“Let me get this straight,” Evan says. “You guys have been hanging out, voluntarily, and no one is dead, or injured, or scarred either physically or emotionally.”

 

“That’s about right,” Connor replies, his tone casual. “Jared’s also really bad at Call of Duty.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Oh, and we have a codeword now. When we’re talking about things that are… you know, out of the ordinary.”

 

“Really?” Evan asks, looking very, very confused. “What is it.”

 

“Czechoslovakia.”

 

Evan frowns. “Czechoslovakia hasn’t existed since 1993.”

 

Jared cracks up laughing. Connor looks over at Evan. “Wait, how do YOU know so much about the history of Czechoslovakia?”

 

“I don’t know anything about the history of Czechoslovakia except for the fact that it hasn’t existed since 1993,” Evan says. “It was in a pop quiz like 2 weeks ago.”

 

“Yeah, I definitely don’t remember that,” says Jared. He sits down on one of the armchairs and gestures to the sofa. Connor and Evan sit down.

 

They’re holding hands.

 

It’s disgustingly adorable.

 

“But I can tell you about the history of Japan!” Jared announces, and starts the YouTube video from the beginning, singing along as loudly as he can manage while Connor groans in frustration and Evan tries not to laugh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I think I'm doing: writing crossover fanfiction.
> 
> What I'm actually doing: guilting students on the other side of the world into doing their homework.


	24. The White Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares happen. Evan has a plan. It works.

About a week before Christmas, the dreams start.

 

They’re sickeningly familiar.

 

_Connor opens his eyes and he’s strapped to a gurney, unable to move. He can see Zoe, sitting in a chair, binds around her wrists, ankles and neck. There are electrodes all over her._

 

_Someone flicks a switch and she’s screaming in pain._

 

 _His_ sister _is screaming in pain._

 

_He tries to move. Tries to do something. Tries to help._

 

_But he can’t._

 

**_You need to see this. You need to understand._ **

 

**_You’ve been reckless._ **

 

**_There’s only so much I can do to help you._ **

 

**_You need to protect yourselves._ **

 

_Connor struggles, but he can’t get free._

 

_He feels cold metal on his chest._

 

_Then white-hot, searing pain - ripping through him like nothing he’s ever felt before._

 

_He can hear himself screaming._

 

_He can hear Zoe screaming._

 

_He can hear another voice screaming. One he thinks he recognizes, but can’t quite place through a haze of pain._

 

He wakes up.

 

Still screaming.

 

He can hear running in the hallway. His door slams open, his light is turned on and he sees his mother in the doorway, looking absolutely terrified.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asks urgently. “Are you hurt? What’s going on?”

 

“Dreams,” he tells her, trying to steady his breathing. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Is… is Zoe okay?”

 

“I’m fine.” Zoe’s in the doorway, a blanket around her shoulders, looking like she’s just run a marathon. Larry hovers in the background, stoic but still obviously concerned.

 

Cynthia frowns. “You guys haven’t had this happen for a few years now,” she says, voice full of worry. “We should talk to someone. Get you some help.”

 

“It’s fine, Mom,” Zoe says curtly.

 

“No, it’s not!” Cynthia says, tearing up. “When they found you… who knows what kind of trauma you must have been through to not remember anything? We need to get you back into counselling. It’s clearly… it clearly wasn’t enough.”

 

“We’re fine,” Connor tries to assure his mother. “It’s just a dream.”

 

“I wish you’d tell me about it.”

 

Yeah, that was never going to happen. “We’re okay, Mom. It’s fine.”

 

It very obviously isn't, and it looks like Cynthia wants to argue. Instead, she sighs. “I think this calls for hot chocolate, don’t you? We’ve still got some of that Mexican hot chocolate you kids like so much.”

 

Zoe and Connor exchange a look.

 

“That sounds great,” says Zoe, trying for a smile.

 

Sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate with his parents and sister makes the dream feel a whole lot less real, which is a mercy. At some point, Connor must have dozed off, because he wakes up on the couch the next morning, curled up with Zoe, to the smell of coffee and pancakes.

 

It’s a nice way to start the morning, despite the fact that he feels like he’s been hit by a truck.

 

They pick up Evan on the way to school, as per usual. The minute Evan walks out his front door, Connor can tell that his boyfriend’s had about as good a night as he had. He doesn’t think much of it until Evan gets into the car, freezes and stares at Connor in horror.

 

“That wasn’t just a dream, was it?”

 

Fuck.

 

Fucking shit.

 

Fucking, fucking shit.

 

“You had the dream, too?” Zoe asks, her tone confused. “I… I thought there was someone else, but I wasn’t sure and…”

 

“You were the other voice screaming,” Connor finishes, feeling like he might throw up at any moment.

 

Because this is not even slightly fair.

 

It’s not fair that Evan, of all people, has to deal with these horrific dreams. It’s bad enough that Zoe’s affected, but Evan…

 

_Oh god, this is all my fault._

 

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Zoe says, her tone grave. “That’s… it’s not fair. I’m so sorry.”

 

Connor doesn’t know what to say. All he can do is sit in his car and think about how, sure, he may have saved Evan’s life, but maybe he’s damned him to something even worse since.

 

“It wasn’t fun,” Evan says wryly. He looks at Connor. “You said that last time it lasted… about a week?”

 

Connor nods. “Yeah,” he says, the words coming out roughly because his throat has gone completely dry and he feels like the absolute scum of the universe. “About that.”

“Mom’s working nights,” Evan says. “That’s a relief. She would completely freak out if I woke up screaming every night for a week.”

 

Connor thinks back to the night before and his mother’s concern and hot chocolate. It had helped. It kind of broke his heart to realize that Evan had woken up after that kind of terror and been all alone.

 

“I’ll stay at your place this week,” Connor says suddenly. “You shouldn’t… you shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

 

 _You shouldn’t have to go through this at all,_  is what he wants to say, but he doesn’t.

 

Because he’s a fucking coward, that’s why.

 

“This is so fucked up,” Zoe says with barely contained fury. “If there’s someone out there looking out for us, then why can’t they just talk to us instead of sending us fucking nightmare fuel like this?”

 

“They want you to take it seriously, I guess,” says Evan, who’s looking at Connor like he can see right through him, which is… not what Connor needs right now.

 

“It’s all just scary and vague and not even slightly helpful,” Zoe continues, her voice growing angrier. “I just want… I just want some answers. There’s clearly someone out there who has those answers and they’re not giving them to us.”

 

Evan’s eyes widen. “Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out,” he says, his voice a little hesitant. “When you visit dreams, Zoe, you can kind of… control what’s happening, a little bit, right? Like, you were saying that when you’re stressed you visit the dreams of that guy from that band because he’s always dreaming about sunbathing in Hawaii?”

 

“Harry Styles is not just ‘that guy from that band’,” Zoe points out defensively, “but you’re right, he does dream about sunbathing a lot. And yeah, when I’m in a dream, I can… you know, interact. Get a beach towel. Wear a bikini. Drink something delicious out of a pineapple.”

 

“I’m telling Alana,” says Connor.

 

“You wouldn’t dare.”

 

“What if you went into Connor’s dream while he’s having the nightmare?” Evan suggests. “If you’re… you know, not the one being tortured, then, in theory, you’ll be able to… I don’t know, exist outside of the nightmare, and… maybe talk to whoever’s sending it?” At Connor and Zoe’s stares, Evan turns bright red and looks at his lap. “I’m sorry. This is a stupid idea.”

 

“No, it’s actually… that actually makes sense,” says Zoe, her eyes widening in excitement.

 

“Or it could make things a hundred times worse,” Connor points out with a frown.

 

“How could it be worse?” Zoe asks desperately. “If we spend the next week getting horrifying nightmares from some alien asshole, Mom’s going to flip and she’ll try to get us back into therapy and that’s just going to draw attention us. We could at least try Evan’s idea.”

 

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Connor confesses. “You said that sometimes people dream some intense shit and it’s hard not to get... lost in it.”

 

“It’s already intense,” Zoe points out. “It’s already fucking horrifying, it can’t get worse. I really think we should try this.”

 

Evan looks at Connor, then tentatively reaches out and takes his hand.

 

Connor holds on.

 

“Okay,” he agrees. “Fine. We’ll try it.”

 

The school day is long and boring. Connor feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin. Somehow, he makes it through without blowing anything up, or yelling at anyone, or destroying school property.

 

Which is mostly due to the fact that he knows Evan would be disappointed.

 

He is _so_ fucked.

 

Zoe and Alana have a date after school, so it’s just Connor and Evan on the ride home. Jared’s off with the flu so instead of heading to his place to play video games (it’s become a thing they do relatively often, it’s whatever), they go back to Evan’s.

 

Evan’s clearly picking up on Connor’s mood because he’s jittery and anxious, so they sit on the couch and watch nature documentaries on Netflix. Connor can take them or leave them but he knows they’re Evan’s favorite, so… he’ll deal.

 

The things he does for this boy.

 

“Do you think Zoe’s going to be able to get the dreams to stop?” Evan asks suddenly in the middle of… something about a rainforest.

 

Connor shrugs. “I have no idea.” He sighs. “It’s a good plan, and if it works, great. I just… it feels like playing with fire.”

 

“Because you don’t know what this other alien can do,” Evan surmises. “It’s the whole ‘unknown’ thing. I get it.”

 

Connor murmurs in agreement. “I’m so sorry,” he blurts out without meaning to. “It’s my fault you have to deal with this, and it kills me that you had to deal with it alone. You didn’t sign up for all this weird alien shit, it just kind of happened and it must suck for you.”

 

Evan looks at Connor with sympathy. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t make this happen.”

 

“But it wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me.”

 

“That’s not the same thing.”

 

Connor sighs. “Yeah, but… fuck, I’m just sorry.”

 

Evan kind of smiles. “I know you are. I don’t… love this whole situation, but… at least I’m not going through it alone again, you know?”

 

“You’re not alone,” Connor assures him.

 

Evan’s twin bed is simultaneously the most and least comfortable place on the planet. The least because Connor is very tall and doesn’t quite fit, and there’s always the danger of just… falling off. The most because… well… Evan.

 

Connor texts his sister as they’re trying to get some sleep and tries to calm his breathing as much as he can. He’s nervous about this. And if he’s nervous, Evan will pick up on it, and then he’ll be nervous, and Connor will be more nervous, and it’ll all just continue as some kind of terrifying cycle of nerves.

 

Unfortunately, telling yourself to stop being nervous… doesn’t work so well.

 

“I don’t want this to go horribly wrong,” Connor confesses to the dark room.

 

“Me neither,” Evan replies. “But we have to try, right?”

 

“Yeah. We have to try.”

 

_Connor opens his eyes and he’s strapped to a gurney, unable to move. He can see Zoe, sitting in a chair, binds around her wrists, ankles and neck. There are electrodes all over her._

 

_Someone flicks a switch and she’s screaming in pain._

 

 _His_ sister _is screaming in pain._

 

_He tries to move. Tries to do something. Tries to help._

 

_Then all of a sudden, he’s being dragged off the gurney. He looks over to the chair, which is now empty, and realizes it’s Zoe who’s pulling him away._

 

_Zoe, in her paw-print pyjama pants and a tank top, rather than in a hospital gown._

 

_“It’s me,” she says comfortingly. “It’s the real me. Come on, we’re getting out of here.”_

 

_“Evan,” he remembers._

 

_Evan is strapped to a gurney next to Connor, eyes glazed over in pain. Connor goes to undo the straps to let him out._

 

_His hands go right through._

 

_A man in a white coat comes toward them. Walks right past Connor._

 

_And begins to slice down the front of Evan’s chest._

 

_“No!”_

 

_Connor tries to stop it. He tries to stop it. He tries, he tries, he tries, but no matter what he does, he can’t stop Evan from being sliced open. He can’t touch him. He can’t touch the man in the white coat._

 

_He can’t stop it._

 

_He can’t stop it._

 

_“We have to go,” Zoe says urgently, tugging at Connor’s side and gesturing to the door._

 

_“I’m not leaving him.”_

 

_“Connor, it’s not real. It’s not really happening, it’s just a dream.”_

 

_“I’m. Not. Leaving. Him.”_

 

_The white room disappears. The man in the white coat disappears. Evan disappears._

 

_They’re standing next to the pods they came out of when they were children._

 

_The walls glow blue._

 

**_I didn’t expect this._ **

 

_Connor looks around wildly at the voice._

 

_“We want to talk to you,” Zoe shouts at the air. “We deserve some answers. After all this time.”_

 

**_You’re not ready._ **

 

_“Bullshit.”_

 

**_Right. Yes. Human vulgarity. I suppose it can’t be avoided, given your genetic material._ **

 

_“What do you mean our ‘genetic material’?” Zoe asks._

 

_“We want to see you,” Connor says firmly. “No more of this disembodied voice crap. Show yourself.”_

 

**_That’s... difficult._ **

 

_“Why?”_

 

**_I don’t exactly have a form. I can borrow one that might make you comfortable if you like? I know you’re quite fond of this one._ **

 

_“Fine, okay. Whatever.”_

 

_A form materializes in front of them._

 

_It’s Evan._

 

 _Except it’s definitely not Evan. It’s like someone took Evan, then scraped out everything that made Evan_ Evan _and left behind an Evan shell._

 

_This isn’t Evan._

 

_It’s just someone wearing his face._

 

_“Alright then,” says not-Evan. “Face to face it is. Connor, Zoe, it’s nice to finally meet you.”_

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... guys I'm sorry.


	25. The Pretender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Connor get some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, we're plot heavy with this one. Here's where I start to borrow heavily from Roswell's science-fiction mythology, although I'm putting a definite spin on it. 
> 
> Sorry for all the cliff-hangers. I'm... no, I don't have an excuse, I'm just terrible and like writing cliff-hangers. 
> 
> I probably would not enjoy actually hanging from a cliff so I should think about that more often.

_Nope._

 

_Nopenopenopenopenope._

 

 _Connor is_ not _okay with this._

 

_“This isn’t fucking funny,” he spits out. “Wear someone else’s face, asshole.”_

 

 _Not-Evan smiles mockingly. “I thought you liked this face, Connor. I mean, you risked_ everything _for this one. Dragged him into all of this.” Not-Evan looks himself up and down and kind of sneers in a way that Evan - the real Evan - never would. “Personally, I don’t quite see the appeal, but then again - genetic material.”_

 

_“You keep saying that,” Zoe points out. “Are you going to explain what you mean?”_

 

_Not-Evan sighs in frustration. “Obviously, you and your brother here aren’t entirely human. But you are partially human. Human-Antarian hybrids, to be exact. In order to give you a chance here on Earth, we had to engineer hybrid bodies. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have survived.”_

 

_Connor’s not here for a biology lesson. But there’s something that’s stuck in what Not-Evan is saying. “Antarian. That’s what we are?”_

 

_Not-Evan nods. “That’s what you and your sister are. I’m… something else.”_

 

_“So you’re not even the same species as us,” Zoe states with a frown. “Then… what are you to us?”_

 

_“A bodyguard,” says Not-Evan, almost bored. “Hired to get you here safely, to escape your planet’s civil war. To return you when the time comes.” Not-Evan fixes Connor with an intense gaze. It’s so different from Real-Evan that it makes Connor’s head spin. “Of course, things went a little… awry.”_

 

_“How so?”_

 

_“Our vessel was sabotaged upon leaving Antar and we had to make a crash landing,” Not-Evan explained. “Unfortunately, the Antarian adults who travelled with us all perished, leaving me and my other… associates.”_

 

_“Associates?” Zoe asks. “There are more of you?”_

 

_Not-Evan looks deeply, deeply sad for a split second. Then the too-familiar face melts into a neutral, passive expression that Connor kind of wants to scream at because it’s completely unreal, completely fake. “The government of this planet… well, let’s just say they are relentless. We were a team of three. I am all that remains.”_

 

_Zoe frowns. “So what you’re showing us in the white room… is it a warning, or is it what happened to your teammates?”_

 

_“Both,” replies Not-Evan simply. “The three of us… we were linked. I felt what they felt. You had to understand. You had to experience what was sacrificed for you.”_

 

_“We didn’t ask for any of this,” Connor practically hisses._

 

_“You did not,” Not-Evan agrees. “The decisions on your behalf were made long before you were born, Your Highness.”_

 

_Connor didn’t know what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t… that. “What the actual fuck?”_

 

_Not-Evan sighs. “Again with the vulgarities.” He gestures to Connor, then Zoe. “The two of you are part of the royal family of Antar. You were sent away for your own safety. The plan was, I believe, for you to return when the war was over and regain your place in society. Unfortunately, due to the aforementioned sabotage, we no longer have a way of contacting Antar.” Not-Evan looks at them both significantly. “Meaning that we have no way of knowing the outcome of the war and whether or not you can return. I have been searching for a way to contact Antar since our arrival, to no avail.”_

 

_“So what now?” asks Zoe. “Can we meet you in person? Preferably not looking like my brother’s boyfriend? There’s so much we need to know about where we come from.”_

 

_“I fear I have already said too much,” Not-Evan states matter-of-factly. “The original plan was to raise you entirely as human. It was… unforeseen that the hybrid DNA would result in abilities that are considered paranormal in humans.” Not-Evan looks at Connor, expression cold and calculating. “It was exceptionally unforeseen that bringing a human back from the brink of death would cause a mutation such as what’s occurred to the real owner of this form. Curious, and interesting in some respects, but ultimately something that could lead to very real disaster.”_

 

_“Evan’s not going to hurt anyone,” Connor says defensively. “And I’m not going to let you hurt him.”_

 

_Not-Evan chuckles, cold and humorless. “The one thing I do respect about humans is their innate need to know how things work. To ask questions. To explain away the unexplainable. In saving this human, you’ve created something unexplainable that demands explanation. And explanation demands experimentation, which in most cases, demands sacrifice.” Not-Evan brushes invisible dust off his polo shirt. “I have a commitment to protect the royal family of Antar. I have no such commitment to the protection of Evan Hansen.”_

 

_“Neither of us are going to let you hurt him, or any of our other friends,” says Zoe. She looks over at Connor, and he can tell by the look on her face that they’re in agreement._

 

_This guy may have given them more information than they’ve ever had about who they are, but he’s a total asshole._

 

_“Ah yes, the other two.” Not-Evan purses his lips in disapproval. “I’ll not interfere for now. Just be sure that they deserve your trust. I will not actively harm them, as I understand it would go against your wishes, but if it comes down to their safety or yours, I will choose yours.”_

 

_Connor just stares him down. “Good to know.”_

 

_“We’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t send us any more dreams about the white room,” Zoe says, obviously trying to keep her tone polite. “The humans who adopted us - they’ll ask questions if we keep waking up screaming.”_

 

_“You didn’t need to include Evan in the dreams,” Connor adds. “If you don’t care about his protection, then why include him in the warning?”_

 

_A look of shock and confusion passes over Not-Evan’s face. “He was not intentionally included in my message. I am… unsure as to why he received it.” The neutral, almost bored expression is back. “Nevertheless, we will find an alternative way of communicating in future. I will be in touch.”_

 

_There is a blinding blue light…_

 

And Connor wakes up to the sound of Evan screaming.

 

Connor springs into action, trying to snap Evan out of it. “Evan, hey, wake up, you’re okay. You’re okay. It’s not real!”

 

Evan sits bolt upright and reaches out to Connor. “Don’t hurt him!”

 

Connor puts his arm around him and tries to stay calm. Keep his breathing normal. Panicking and freaking out right now is not going to help. “We’re okay,” he says as calmly as he can. “Just a dream.”

 

Evan bursts into tears and Connor feels like his insides are being ripped out. “How did you survive this for a whole week?” Evan asks between sobs. “How did you guys survive this at all? Constantly being afraid of what could happen if anyone found out about you?”

 

“It sucks, I know,” Connor says, pulling him a little closer. “It fucking sucks. But it won’t be a week this time. Your plan worked.”

 

“It did?”

 

“We talked to them,” Connor admits. “We talked to another non-human.”

 

Evan pulls away, his tear-stained face pale with shock. “In the dream? Oh my god. What happened? What did you find out?”

 

“More than we bargained for,” Connor admits. “I need to talk to Zoe. Is it okay if she comes over?”

 

Evan frowns. “Sure, but how’s she going to sneak out of the house?”

 

Connor looks surprised. “Oh. I forgot you hadn’t actually seen her do the whole teleport thing.”

 

He flicks Zoe a text and she appears in Evan’s room a moment later, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, hair in a messy bun, still clad in paw-print pyjamas.

 

“That was fucking weird,” Zoe says immediately. “Not-Evan is such an asshole.”

 

Evan’s still looking a little startled at Zoe’s appearance in his bedroom and kind of flinches at Zoe’s words. “Wait, what?”

 

“Not you,” she assures him. “You’re fine. Our alien buddy just decided it’d be fun to wear your face.”

 

“It was fucked up,” Connor admits. “Super fucked up.”

 

Connor’s not sure what the appropriate reaction to being told that an alien stole your face in a dream, but it’s probably not Evan’s matter-of-fact response of, “Huh.”

 

“Also apparently we’re space royalty,” Zoe tells Evan. “What the fuck, right?”

 

“You’re what?”

 

“We’re part of the royal family of a planet called Antar,” Connor says, not quite believing the words that are coming out of his mouth. “According to some asshole who’s been giving us nightmarish visions and thinks it’s funny to wear my boyfriend’s face. He could be completely full of shit.”

 

“What reason would he have to lie to you?” Evan asks.

 

Connor scowls. “I don’t know. But… I’m not taking anything he says at face value.”

 

“Antar,” Zoe says carefully, as though trying out the way the word feels in her mouth. “That’s a weird name for a planet.”

 

Evan looks at Connor significantly. “Connor, you know the name of your home planet. That’s _amazing_.”

 

“If that asshole wearing your face is telling the truth,” Connor counters, feeling himself getting angrier by the minute.

 

Because fuck this.

 

Fuck that guy.

 

Fuck being told that you’re space royalty.

 

Because… what the fuck, he’s not Princess Leia or some shit.

 

What. The. Fuck.

 

“Hey,” Evan says gently, frowning and taking his hand. “You okay?”

 

“I’m just pissed off,” he confesses. “I’ve wanted to know where I’m from for so long. I’ve wanted some kind of answers. And now it’s just… ugh, that guy was a pompous asshole who was just trying to fuck with us by showing up looking like you and he’s saying all this shit about a civil war and us being royalty, and… it’s completely fucked up and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

 

“At least we have some answers,” Zoe says, and she sounds… kind of relieved? And Connor feels like an even bigger asshole, because he’s not the only one who’s been wanting answers about where they’re from, and just because he doesn’t exactly love the idea of being fucking space royalty doesn’t mean that Zoe wouldn’t be, like, totally into it.

 

“It’s a lot,” Evan says simply. “It’s a lot, all at once, and it’s… yeah, it’s kind of weird. We should probably just sleep on it and figure out what we’re going to do in the morning. Right?”

 

“I don’t think I’m going to be any less pissed off in the morning,” Connor grumbles.

 

“No,” Evan agrees, “but if you don’t sleep you’ll be more pissed off. So… can we just get some sleep and talk about this properly in the morning?”

 

Connor takes a moment to look at Evan, really _look_. Evan looks absolutely exhausted. He’s pale, he’s sweaty and there are heavy bags under his eyes, which are red from his earlier sobbing and just… shit. He looks rough. Really rough.

 

And it’s Connor’s fault.

 

“Okay,” he says, because what else is there to say. He looks over at Zoe, who’s hugging the blanket closer to her. “You gonna be okay, Zo?”

 

“I’ll be okay,” she promises. “Pick me up in the morning? We can go get coffee and donuts before school.”

 

Connor snorts. “There’s no fucking way I’m going to school tomorrow.”

  
Evan looks like he’s about to protest, but doesn’t say anything, which is proof that he’s exhausted as well.

 

“Fine,” Zoe says with an eye roll. “Then give me your keys and I’ll drive the car home.”

 

“Mom and Dad will hear you,” Connor points out.

 

“I’ll park it around the corner and teleport to my room,” she says, rolling her eyes again. “This isn’t my first rodeo, Connor.”

 

He’s got to learn to stop underestimating his sister.

 

Zoe takes the keys and heads out. Connor pulls Evan closer to him and tries to calm his racing heart, yet again.

 

It takes him far too long to get back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I don't update again before Christmas (which is entirely possible), then Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it. I'll be having a water fight and eating ham. It's gonna be great.


	26. The Dry Erase Board

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana Beck will rise to the occasion and organize your information.

“I have so many questions. First of all, where did you get that huge dry erase board?”

 

“I’ve had this since freshman year. It’s very useful when you’re trying to plan out what extracurriculars you’ll be focusing on throughout the year. It’s also been instrumental in putting together my five-year plan.”

 

It’s the day after Christmas, and Alana’s parents have flown out of town for a conference in Hawaii, so she has the house to herself. Some teenagers would have taken the opportunity to throw a raging party, but that’s not really Alana’s style.

 

She has, however, invited around her closest acquaintances, with a very specific goal in mind: collate all the information they have on Zoe and Connor’s home planet and see if they can make some sense of it all.

 

“A five-year plan sounds fucking exhausting,” says Connor, who is eating a bowl of M&Ms in hot sauce with a spoon. “I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow.”

 

“Sure you do,” Jared quips. “ _Evan_.”

 

Evan blushes bright red. Connor throws an M&M, which bounces impressively off Jared’s glasses.

 

“I think the dry erase board is a great idea,” Zoe says defensively. “There’s… a lot going on. Having a chance to try to make sense of things is good. Right?”

 

“I don’t disagree,” Connor says, equally defensively. “I’m just saying that I don’t have a five-year plan.”

 

“Forget the five-year plan,” says Alana. “Focus on the problem at hand.”

 

“The problem being that Connor and Zoe are space royalty?” Jared asks. “Because I don’t see how that’s a problem.”

 

“There are some really terrifying monarchs,” Alana points out. “Caligula. William the Conqueror. Ivan the Terrible. We’re talking mass murder, slaughtering billions of people for religious reasons, extreme paranoia… monarchies are a mess.”

 

“Yeah, you’ve got a point there,” Jared admits. “Also, Queen Victoria was a werewolf.”

 

Alana chooses to ignore Jared’s last comment and instead looks to Zoe, who still looks incredibly tired. It’s been a rough week - along with the whole alien drama, the last week before winter break was full of assignments and exams. The lack of sleep and general stress has left Zoe pretty hollowed out, to Alana’s dismay. Evan hasn’t fared much better, and the only reason Connor’s not quite as exhausted as the other two is due to his utter indifference to school in general.

 

Still, it’s Zoe who Alana is the most concerned about. Alana’s busy study schedule hasn’t left her with much time for her girlfriend, and she’s overwhelmed with guilt for having left Zoe to deal with this whole thing alone, despite Zoe’s assurances that she understands how important school is.

 

That’s why Alana’s gathered everyone who’s in on the alien situation to brainstorm. This is something Alana can do. Something concrete that might actually make a difference.

 

It might not, but at least she’ll have tried, and it’s better than doing nothing.

 

Alana turns back to the dry erase board. “Okay, so Zoe’s filled me on what we’ve learned from the alien she and Connor met in the dream. You guys said that he appeared looking like Evan?”

 

“It was fucking creepy,” Connor says darkly.

 

“We’ve just been calling him ‘Not-Evan’,” Zoe admits. “He said he’d be in touch but we haven’t heard from him in about a week.”

 

Alana turns to the dry erase board and writes.

 

**UNKNOWN ALIEN - appeared as Evan**

 

“He did say he didn’t have a form,” Connor remembers. “And that he was borrowing one to make us comfortable. I don’t know if that means that he’s, like, floating around or whatever, or that he… I don’t know, shape-shifts? Possesses people? He didn’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure he was the one who blew up the lab.”

 

“Okay then.”

 

 **Possible shape-shifter or possesses people - no real form?** **  
** **Potentially blew up lab**

 

“He’s an asshole,” Connor continues. “Write that down.”

 

Alana sighs. “Connor…”

 

“No, seriously, write it down.”

 

“Fine.”

 

**Is an a**hole (as per Connor)**

 

Connor snorts. “Censorship? Really, Alana?”

 

“He did call out Connor for his potty mouth a bunch of times,” Zoe says with a small smile. “Kept going on about ‘human vulgarity’.”

 

**Doesn’t like swearing**

 

Connor scowls.

 

Evan chuckles, then tentatively raises his hand. “Didn’t you also say that he’s not the same species as you and Zoe?” he says, looking at Connor.

 

“You don’t have to raise your hand, Evan,” Alana says.

 

“You’re standing in front of a dry erase board,” Evan points out. “It kind of feels like I should.”

 

**Not the same species as Zoe and Connor**

 

“Apparently we’re Antarian,” says Zoe, kind of tentatively. Like she’s still not sure about the word.

 

**Not the same species as Zoe and Connor (Antarian)**

 

“Did he say where he was from?” Alana asks. Zoe and Connor shake their heads. “Okay. How about we move on to what we know about your planet now? Antar, right?”

 

“Something like that,” Connor mumbles, leaning his head back against the sofa. Evan takes his hand and leans in against him.

 

**HOME PLANET - ANTAR**

 

“What do we know about Antar?” Alana asks.

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “Fuck all.”

 

Zoe sighs. “We know that there was a war, and we were sent away to keep safe and that someone sabotaged the ship and there’s no way of contacting Antar, so they don’t know if the war is still on.”

 

Jared starts humming the Star Wars theme, obnoxiously loud.

 

Connor throws another M&M. This time it hits Jared right in the middle of his forehead.

 

 **Z + C - part of royal family** ****  
**Sent away for safety** ****  
**Ship sabotaged** ****  
**No way to contact planet** **  
** **Not sure if war is still on**

 

“Okay,” says Alana, turning and looking at the room. “I think what we need to do is figure out a list of questions to ask this alien when he next gets in touch.”

 

“That’s a good idea,” Zoe says. “Writing it all down, I mean. I feel like if we just wing it, I’m going to freak out and completely forget everything I’ve been stressing about.”

 

“It’s good to be prepared,” Alana agrees. “This is a really big deal.”

 

“It’s so fucking cool,” Jared chimes in enthusiastically. “Not only do you guys have alien powers, you also have this super sweet backstory. Like, I would totally watch a movie about stranded alien space royals, trying to find their way in the world and get back to their home planet.”

 

“That’s if it’s safe to go back to our home planet,” Connor points out. “I have zero interest in fighting in a war.”

 

“Connor’s a lover, not a fighter - right Evan?”

 

This time Jared is prepared for Connor’s M&M launch and (rather impressively) catches it in his mouth. He grins in triumph and eats it, only for his eyes to widen. He swallows and starts coughing. Connor laughs maniacally.

 

Alana catches Zoe’s eye as Jared starts ranting at Connor about the insanity of Tabasco sauce and M&Ms. Zoe smiles softly. Alana feels her heart squeeze a little as it crosses her mind, not for the first time, that Zoe Murphy doesn’t belong here.

 

Not on this planet.

 

Not with Alana.

 

She might stay with Alana until it’s time to go, but eventually, she’ll leave.

 

This can’t last forever.

 

Zoe belongs to the stars.

 

All Alana can do is bask in their light for a little while.

 

“Questions for the alien that stole my face?” Evan reminds everyone tentatively, once Jared’s stopped complaining and Connor’s stopped laughing. Alana turns to the board and starts another column.

 

**QUESTIONS FOR ALIEN**

 

“Obviously, the most important question is ‘what the actual fuck?’”

 

“That’s kind of vague, Connor.”

 

“Is it? Cos I think it pretty much sums up this whole shit show. Write that down, Alana.”

 

“No.”

 

“Oh, come _on._ ”

 

“Where do we fit into the royal family?” Zoe suggests. “I mean, are we, like, second cousins, or are we… I don’t know, a prince and a princess or something?”

 

**Relation to the royal family - titles?**

 

“I think we should put Connor’s hair in Princess Leia buns.”

 

“I think you should shut the fuck up.”

 

“It would be good to know how far away Antar is from here,” Evan suggests. “And how long it took to get here and how it would work if there was a way to get back.”

 

**Distance from Earth to Antar**

 

“Not-Evan said something about us ‘regaining our place in society’,” says Zoe. “I guess I want to know what that means. What would our lives be like if we did go home? What would they expect?”

 

**Life on Antar - what is it like?**

 

Alana tries not to think about the idea of Zoe running off to a completely different planet and instead smiles brightly. “These are good questions. Connor, you must have something else to ask this alien?”

 

“I still maintain that ‘what the fuck’ covers it,” he says, rolling his eyes. Then he sits up a bit straighter. “No, actually, there is one thing I want to know. What has this guy been doing for the last, what, 11 years?”

 

“He said he was trying to find a way to contact home,” Zoe pointed out.

 

Connor’s eyes flash with anger. “Even so, he could have been like ‘hey confused kids, you’re not completely alone on this planet - I’m working on a plan to get you back where you belong’. No contact for this whole time? It’s fucked up.”

 

“He also said we were supposed to have been raised as humans,” said Zoe, clearly committed to the ‘voice of reason’ role. “Apparently they didn’t know that human-alien hybrids would end up with abilities.”

 

“I should write that down,” Alana muses, then goes back to ‘HOME PLANET’ column and makes some more notes.

 

**Human-alien hybrids - abilities were unexpected  
** **Z + C should have been raised as humans**

 

“Even if you don’t write it on your stupid board, I’m still going to ask the fucker where he was for 11 years,” Connor says darkly.

 

“Don’t be an asshole,” Zoe snaps. “Alana’s trying to help.”

 

“Sitting here and making notes about this isn’t going to get us more answers,” Connor snaps back. “I get that you’re just trying to help, but… 11 years, we’ve known nothing about our past, and now we get all this information and it’s making things even more confusing.”

 

“That’s what the notes are for,” Alana points out as gently as she can. “To try to make things less confusing.”

 

Connor stands up abruptly. “I’m going for a smoke.”

 

He storms out of Alana’s living room and out into the winter evening. Evan sits there for a moment, then frowns. “I’m gonna go check up on him,” he says to the group, then follows Connor out.

 

Jared, Zoe and Alana look at each other uneasily. Then Jared stands up. “Where’s your bathroom?”

 

“Second door on the right, down the hall.”

 

Then it’s just Zoe and Alana. Zoe stands up and walks over to where Alana’s standing by the dry erase board, takes her hand and pulls her in for a gentle kiss.

 

Kissing Zoe is like floating through the galaxy. It’s as incredible as it is peaceful, as completely _right_ as it is completely unbelievable.

 

“Thank you for doing this,” Zoe says softly. “I’m sorry Connor’s being a dick.”

 

“It’s not exactly a normal situation,” Alana points out. “It’s understandable that he’s on edge about it.”

 

“It does help to see it all laid out like this,” Zoe admits, turning to look at the board. “It’s all been kind of… spinning around in my head like a tornado. This way it makes a bit more sense. Even though none of it makes any sense at all.”

 

“Have you been sleeping enough?” Alana asks. “No more dreams?”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “No dreams from Not-Evan, no. But regular dreams. It’s been… it’s been hard. I’ve had to try so hard to act normal for Mom and Dad, especially with the big fancy Christmas dinner yesterday. Now that it’s over, I can hopefully just crash for the rest of the break and start feeling like a human being again.” She makes a face. “You know what I mean.”

 

“I know what you mean,” Alana replies with a smile. She squeezes Zoe’s hand. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to help you as much as I can with this.”

 

“You already are,” Zoe assures her. “I never thought I’d have someone I could actually talk to about this. Someone who’d see me for me - alien weirdness and all - and still want to be around. It’s… it’s a big deal. You’re a big deal. You’re so, so important to me, ‘Lana.”

 

Alana pulls her in for another kiss.

 

Around them, the galaxy softly spins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, babes.
> 
> Here's to happiness, freedom and life!
> 
> Hope you're all safe, well-fed and spending the day with people you care about.


	27. The Substitute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's having a bad day. There is a substitute teacher.

Going back to school after the holidays sucks.

 

It sucks even more when you’re barely sleeping because your life has just become at least a thousand times more confusing.

 

Connor feels like he’s about to vibrate out of his skin as he follows Evan toward the lockers. It’s this weird combination of feeling flat like a soda that’s been left open overnight, but also about to explode like an unopened can dropped on the floor.

 

(He’s got to find a better analogy than fucking _soda,_ for fuck’s sake.)

 

The worst part is that he knows that whatever he’s feeling, Evan’s feeling as well. (Which is, of course, Connor’s fault, because of course it is, of course he’d have to drag the nicest kid on the planet into his freaky alien drama.) It’s bad enough that he has to feel this way, Evan shouldn’t have to as well.

 

Not that Evan complains.

 

He would never do that.

 

He’s too nice.

 

It’s exhausting. Because Connor is many things, but nice is not one of them, and having his own awfulness amplified by the inherent niceness of his boyfriend is just… it’s a bit too much.

 

“You have History second period, right?”

 

Evan’s voice is soft and non-threatening and snaps him out of his negative thoughts, just for a moment.

 

Connor is _such an asshole, oh my god._

 

“Yup,” Connor replies flatly. “Carmichael pays, like, no attention, so I can get away with napping in the back row.”

 

“Carmichael’s off sick for the week,” Jared says. Connor didn’t even see him arrive, but there he is, in all his Kleinmanesque glory. “So we’ve got a substitute. I overheard some of the teachers talking about it when I walked past the faculty lounge. Apparently Coach Davison thinks she’s super hot.”

 

Connor makes a face. “Gross.”

 

“Just a heads up,” Jared says, slapping Connor on the shoulder in what’s probably supposed to be a friendly gesture but instead just makes Connor want to punch him in the face. “Although a sub probably won’t care if you nap, either.”

 

“Whatever,” Connor grumbles. Evan looks at him sympathetically.

 

Which makes him feel even worse.

 

Jesus _fuck_.

 

Evan’s giving him this look that makes Connor feel like he’s being seen right through and he really wants to punch someone for a long, blinding second, and then all of a sudden Evan is grabbing his hand, yelling out a hasty farewell to Jared and dragging Connor into the janitor’s closet.

 

Which.

 

Well.

 

Okay.

 

“Not a good day, huh,” Evan says carefully.

 

Connor snorts. “What gave you that impression?”

 

“My superpowers,” Evan deadpans. “Obviously.”

 

Connor sighs. “I just feel like shit. Which you know, because I’m a freak who ruins everything I touch, and I fucking ruined your life.”

 

Evan shakes his head. “You  _saved_ my life. You didn’t ruin anything.”

 

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

 

Then Evan’s lips are on his.

 

And all coherent thought flies out the window.

 

And he’s surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of warmth and safety and acceptance, and it’s like a warm cup of tea on a cold night, like the first rays of the sun hitting your face at dawn, the brightness of Evan’s smile, the softness of his hair as they drift off to sleep together in Evan’s way too small bed…

 

And it’s impossible, because Evan’s lips are definitely occupied, but he thinks he can hear Evan’s voice in the back of his mind, saying three words that break him and complete him all at once, over and over again...

 

_IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_

 

They break apart reluctantly. Connor looks at Evan, a little bewildered.

 

“That was…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Do you feel better?”

 

“... yeah.” Connor swallows. “Did you, uh, did you… that kind of felt like it was maybe a… Czechoslovakian thing, just then? Unless I’m just such a sap that kissing you immediately improved my mood, which… well, maybe. It’s just that I felt… well, I felt a lot, and it was kind of overwhelming, and… did you do something?”

 

Evan blinks. “I… don’t know, maybe?” Connor can see that he’s blushing a bit. “I just… I knew you weren’t in a great space, so I tried to… I don’t know, emote positively?” He’s really blushing now. “That sounds so stupid. I just figured that if I’m feeling other people’s emotions, then maybe I can… I don’t know, influence them a bit as well? So I tried to focus on… how you make me feel.”

 

Connor’s pretty sure he’s blushing, too. “Which is?” he asks, despite himself.

 

“Warm,” Evan says simply. “Safe. Accepted.”

 

He has no idea what to say, so he just goes for the truth. “It worked.”

 

Evan smiles. “Cool. Okay.”

 

“Were you, uh, saying something?” Connor asks hesitantly. “I thought I heard… fuck it, never mind.”

 

Before Evan can respond, Connor leans in and kisses him fiercely.

 

They both skip first period.

 

At Evan’s insistence, Connor doesn’t skip history second period. He sits at the back of the class in his usual place and Jared slips into the seat next to him, smirking.

 

“Got a bit of a bruise on your neck there, Murphy.”

 

Connor ignores him and instead looks to the front of the classroom, where there is indeed a substitute instead of the ever boring Mr. Carmichael. And yeah, he’s gay as fuck, but the substitute is objectively hot, in a kind of sexy librarian way - glasses, pencil skirt, nice legs, yadda yadda.

 

“Good morning,” she says, her voice clear and crisp. “I’m Ms. Vanderbilt, and I’ll be subbing for Mr. Carmichael for the next few weeks due to illness. He’s left me the lesson plan and we’ll be continuing on with our studies on the American Civil War.”

 

Connor puts his head down on his desk and tries to get some sleep.

 

He manages to doze for awhile and wakes up to the sound of the substitute, calling his name repeatedly in those clear, crisp tones.

 

“Mr. Murphy. Are we keeping you up?”

 

“Civil war,” he says blearily. “We won, right?”

 

The substitute looks at him, dark eyes piercing. For a moment he is deeply, deeply unsettled. She sighs. “See me after class, please.”

 

Connor puts his head back down on his desk.

 

When the bell rings, he’s about to do a runner when he catches her looking straight at him and standing by the door. He sighs. The room empties.

 

Ms. Vanderbilt goes to the door and locks it.

 

Alarm bells start ringing in Connor’s head. This is… not normal.

 

“Here we are, then,” she says, matter-of-factly. “I did say I would find an alternative method of communication. Apologies for the delay.”

 

“What the actual fuck?”

 

Ms. Vanderbilt raises an eyebrow. “Focus, Connor. I had hoped it would be obvious by now that I am not only a substitute teacher.” She tilts her head. “We met in your dream, remember?”

 

“You’re… you’re Not-Evan?”

 

“Obviously, I am not Evan, no.” It looks like Ms. Vanderbilt - or the alien wearing Ms. Vanderbilt’s face - is trying very, very hard not to roll her eyes.

 

“Do you have a name?” Connor asks. “We’ve just been calling you ‘Not-Evan’. It’s distracting.”

 

“You can call me Zel.”

 

“Okay, _Zel,_ ” Connor says, emphasising the weird as fuck alien name, “are you, like, possessing some random substitute teacher, or did you, like, lock her up and make yourself look like her or some shit? How does it work?”

 

“I adopt the forms I need when I need them,” Zel says simply. “This identity is one I acquired recently, when I tracked you and your sister down. I assumed I would eventually need it, and I was correct.”

 

“So were you ever going to actually show up and talk to us?” Connor demands.

 

“What does it look like I am doing now?”

 

“Before we forced your hand by hijacking your nightmare. Where the actual fuck have you been for the last 11 years?”

 

“Technically, it’s been forty years since we crashed,” says Zel, in that matter-of-fact tone Connor remembers from the dream that kind of makes him want to punch her. “We landed in 1977. You and your sister were in hibernation for some time. You hatched from your pods in 2005.”

 

Connor tries to take that in. “Okay, so does that mean we’re, like, forty or whatever? This is so fucked up.”

 

“Nothing went quite to plan with you and your sister,” Zel says. “Granted, the political climate was rather fraught. After you were murdered, the plans to send you away were put into motion rather hastily.”

 

“Back up,” Connor orders. “After we were what?”

 

“After you were murdered,” Zel repeats, her dark eyes looking almost bored. “Did I not explain that?”

 

Connor just stares at her. “I think I would remember if you’d told us we were fucking murdered.”

 

“You were murdered,” Zel explains, “but your consciousness, your essence was saved and you were reborn into a human-Antarian body. In your brain, all your memories from your life in Antar are locked away. You’re unlikely to gain access to them on Earth, but they’ll be ready for you when you return home.”

 

“You’re telling me I lived a whole other life on an alien planet that I don’t remember.”

 

Zel nods. “Indeed.”

 

Connor feels the anger from earlier in the morning rise up in him. “That’s bullshit. That’s completely and utterly fucked up.”

 

Zel just looks at him, the corner of her mouth turning up in what looks like amusement. It just makes Connor angrier.

 

It’s taking everything he has not to fucking scream at her.

 

“Occasionally I find difficult to imagine that Theron, the War Prince himself, is locked away inside the body of a human adolescent,” she says, in that same maddeningly even tone. “But then I see a glimpse of the rage in you. And I recognize it. That wild, unharnessed, blood-thirsty rage.”

 

“Theron,” Connor repeats dumbly. “That was my name?”

 

“Yes, it was,” Zel says. Her tone grows more confident. “I remember the first time I met you. The great War Prince Theron, commander of the seven armies, and his sister Vaylia, known across the five worlds for her beauty and music. I’d only just begun my training, and it was an honor to be invited to the royal court.” Zel looks at him, her gaze piercing. “I remember what I saw that day. You’d been raised to be royal. To be polite and charming and all the things a well-bred royal should be. But you had an appetite, a hunger for destruction. When I left, I knew that war was inevitable. Because you, your majesty, were born for blood.”

 

All the light bulbs in the room shatter, leaving glass all over them.

 

Connor closes his eyes and tries to get himself together.

 

“The anger you feel,” Zel continues, her voice back to matter-of-fact. “It’s not just you. It’s the War Prince inside you, struggling to get free. Fighting for a chance to destroy. If you’re to continue to survive, you need to learn to control it. Use it. That much destruction… it could save your life one day. But it could also end it. So be wise.”

 

Zel waves her hand idly. The pieces of shattered glass return to the light bulbs, repairing themselves in an instant. “I will be here for the next 2 weeks,” she says finally. “Tell your sister. I know she has questions for me. As do you. Right now, I have another class to teach.”

 

Her expression is one of distaste and Connor’s perversely pleased that she’s stuck teaching teenagers who don’t give a fuck.

 

“Whatever,” Connor mutters. “I’ll tell Zoe.”

 

“Try not to sleep through the rest of your classes,” Zel says, her tone almost teasing. “Your education is important.”

 

“Bite me.”

 

“That would be unwise. We will speak another time.”

 

Zel unlocks the door to the classroom and Connor practically sprints down the hallway.

 

Fuck this.

 

Fuck being an alien war prince.

  

He’s getting high under the bleachers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's had a lovely holiday break! Stay safe, stay happy and stay hydrated!


	28. The Macaroni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets high and eats macaroni. Evan's not thrilled.

Evan doesn’t think he’ll ever get the hang of this whole ‘empath’ thing. His entire life, he’s tried to get a handle on his emotions. Be less anxious. Less sensitive. Try and reign all those feelings in. So dealing with other people’s emotions on top of all that… well, they can be overwhelming.

 

Especially Connor’s emotions. Evan can always feel them, stronger than anyone else’s. (Part of him suspects it’s due to the whole life saving thing, but it’s not exactly a theory he can test.)

 

Connor just feels so much.

 

Sometimes, it’s all Evan can do to stop himself from drowning in it.

 

So figuring out a way to calm Connor down feels like a huge achievement. And yeah, kissing him to get him out of the storm in his head is romantic comedy cliche, but it worked and Evan’s kind of floating on air at the realization that there’s something he can do that will help.

 

Evan spends so much time feeling helpless.

 

It makes sense to hang on to the things that he can actually do right.

 

The day continues. Evan has a pop quiz in Spanish which he somehow manages to do pretty well in. He catches up with Jared and Alana in Calculus. Jared informs both him and Alana that Connor slept through second-period History and got in trouble with the substitute.

 

Jared also confirms that Coach Davison was correct about the History substitute’s hotness. Alana agrees, having spotted her in the hallway between classes.

 

Evan really doesn’t care if the History substitute is hot or not. He just hopes that Connor’s mood hasn’t gotten worse and he hasn’t blown her up or something like that.

 

The five of them meet up at lunch, as has become their habit. Zoe chats excitedly about the upcoming jazz band concert (“we’re doing a whole bunch of different themes from TV and movies and it’s going to be awesome”). Alana tells them about the winter formal the student council is planning. Jared is ranting about something he saw on the internet.

 

And Connor is… just sitting here, eating macaroni and cheese like someone’s going to take it away from him at any minute.

 

Evan looks at his boyfriend for a minute. Something feels off.

 

Feels really off.

 

It takes him awhile to place it.

 

The thing that feels off is that he has literally no idea what Connor is feeling right now.

 

He’s getting contentment and excitement off Zoe, Alana and Jared (along with a slight undercurrent of stress from Alana that’s kind of normal, and the ever-present undercurrent of not quite belonging that seems to follow Jared around). But he’s getting absolutely nothing off Connor.

 

Connor meets his gaze and kind of tilts his head questioningly.

 

Evan sees his eyes are bloodshot.

 

And figures it out.

 

He leans over and asks, quietly so as not to disturb the rest of the conversation. “Connor, are you high?”

 

Connor just kind of blinks. “No.”

 

Evan frowns.

 

Zoe’s paying attention now. She takes a look at Connor and sighs. “Seriously?”

 

Connor scowls into his macaroni. “Okay, so what if I am?”

 

“I mean, I just worry that it’s super dangerous, and you’re young and your brain is developing and it’s not good for it, and also it can affect your reflexes and stuff, so what if you get hit by a car or something,” Evan rambles, fully aware that he is rambling and that Connor is unmoved by his argument. “Also, I… um… I didn’t know, but I’m not getting emotions from you right now. So… I guess it’s because you’re, you know… high.”

 

Connor blinks a few times, then looks at Evan intensely. “Wait, seriously?” he asks after a pause. “You can’t tell what I’m feeling right now?”

 

“No. No, I can’t.”

 

Connor just kind of stares, then his face breaks into a smile. “Awesome.”

 

Evan feels like he’s been slapped. “Awesome?” he repeats, not really sure what else to say.

 

Connor picks up his fork and gestures as he talks. “We all know I’m an emo piece of shit. You don’t need that kind of negative shit in your head. If it goes away when I’m high… that’s awesome. I don’t have to worry about, you know, fucking your brain up with my fucked up brain.”

 

He starts digging into his macaroni with renewed vigor. Zoe and Evan exchange a concerned look. “Connor, I don’t think this should be, like, a long-term solution…”

 

Connor laughs, kind of bitterly. “Come on, Evan - you’ve got enough shit to deal with since I fucked up your life with this alien bullshit. Least I can do is spare you the bullshit in my head.” He looks at him, bloodshot eyes earnest. “This is good news. We could all do with some fucking good news.”

 

“Connor,” Zoe begins softly.

 

“Oh, I was supposed to tell you something,” Connor says suddenly. “Do you have Carmichael for History?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“The substitute is an alien.”

 

Jared sighs. “What’s the point in having a codeword if no one fucking uses it?”

 

Zoe narrows her eyes. “What do you mean, the substitute is an al-”

 

“Don’t say the a-word!” Jared interrupts.

 

“A Czechoslovakian,” Zoe finishes.

 

Connor has nearly finished his macaroni by this point. “Okay, so remember how we had that dream and our Czechoslovakian buddy stole Evan’s face? It’s not the only face he can steal. She can steal. I don’t know. Point is, Not-Evan is actually named Zel, but you should probably call her… Ms Vandergreen? Vander… something.”

 

“Vanderbilt,” Jared corrects him. “Thank you for actually using the codeword.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Ms. Vanderbilt is a Czechoslovakian?” Alana says, somewhat dubious. “Connor, how high _are_ you?”

 

Connor snorts. “I’m, like, super high, but that doesn’t mean that Ms. Vanderbilt isn’t a Czechoslovakian.” He looks at Zoe. “Do you have history today? She’ll probably find a way to hold you back after class to talk to her about shit.”

 

“What did she say?” Zoe asks.

 

“Bunch of shit about our home planet,” he says, frowning deeply. Evan can feel the tiniest, faintest stirrings of anger and a deep, deep sadness coming from Connor. He must be sobering up. “So apparently we were fucking murdered.”

 

The table goes dead silent for a moment.

 

Evan has no idea what to say.

 

“What do you mean we were murdered?” Zoe asks carefully, after a long pause.

 

Connor shrugs. “So, like, apparently our… consciousnesses were saved and we were, like, reincarnated into… whatever we are now.” He gestures wildly at his torso. “Our memories from our former lives are locked away or some shit.”

 

Alana’s eyes are wide with excitement. “This is so interesting. The technology to be able to do something like that must be insanely advanced. That’s so awesome.”

 

Jared nods in agreement. “So sci-fi. I love it.”

 

“So who were we?” Zoe asks, her voice betraying her eagerness.

 

Connor’s face falls. The faint feelings of anger and sadness are starting to increase.

 

(Evan doesn’t want to admit it but he’s relieved. Relieved he can feel this. Because if he can feel it, then that means Connor’s not alone.)

 

“My name was Theron,” he says flatly.

 

Jared raises an eyebrow. “Like Charlize Theron.”

 

“Fuck off.” He gestures to Zoe. “You were… Vaylia? I think. Double-check when you meet Not-Evan again.” He frowns. “I mean, Zel. Their name is Zel. I guess we say ‘they’. Gender doesn’t seem to be a thing for… whatever species Zel is. Then again, I didn’t exactly ask about preferred pronouns.”

 

“Vaylia,” Zoe says, trying the word out. “It’s weird.”

 

Connor snorts. “It’s alien.”

 

“Czechoslovakian.”

 

“Shut up, Kleinman.”

 

“Honestly, am I the only one here making at least a token effort to deal with this secret identity bullshit?”

 

“What else did Zel say?” Zoe asks.

 

“Something about music,” Connor says, clearly thinking back. “You were… known for music.”

 

“What about you?” Evan asks. “What did she say about… Theron?”

 

There is a sharp feeling of pain, just between Evan’s ribs. He winces. Connor sees, and goes pale. “Theron sounds like a fucking asshole, if you want my opinion,” he says, clearly trying to keep his voice steady. “Maniacal warlord type. Zel actually used the words ‘born for destruction’.”

 

An uncomfortable silence takes over the table.

 

“Who you were in the past doesn’t have to define who you are now,” Alana says softly. “And you’re on an entirely different planet. With a completely different life. You make your own choices.”

 

Connor looks down at his empty tray. “Whatever.”

 

Zoe sighs. “Connor-”

 

“Don’t act like it doesn’t make sense that I was this fucking rage-filled war machine who wanted to fucking burn down the world,” Connor snaps. “You know I’m an asshole. You know I… can’t always control how fucking angry I am. I try, but I can’t, and now I finally know why, and it’s just… fuck. Fuck this. Fuck the whole fucking thing, it’s fucking fucked.”

 

Connor’s lunch tray shatters into pieces.

 

Connor goes pale.

 

Then he picks up his bag and storms out of the cafeteria.

 

Evan picks up his own bag and follows, breaking into a jog so he can to catch up with Connor’s long strides.

 

He doesn’t catch up until they’re outside in the winter air. Once they’re clear of the school building, Connor spins around to face Evan. The all-familiar anger, fear and frustration are back, and as scary as they are, it’s a comfort.

 

It’s better than not feeling anything from Connor.

 

It has to be.

 

“Got something to say?” Connor snaps.

 

“Are you alright?” Evan asks.

 

Connor lets out a sharp laugh. “Shouldn’t you be able to tell me that? Seeing as you always know what I’m feeling and all.”

 

“Not if you’re high I don’t,” Evan points out. “But I can feel you now.”

 

“Well, I guess I’d better refill my stash, huh.”

 

Evan’s heart hurts. “Connor, no. I don’t… it’s okay, feeling what you’re feeling. If I feel what you’re feeling, then maybe I can help. It means you’re not alone.”

 

Connor shakes his head. The action is shockingly violent. “No. No, that’s fucked. You shouldn’t have to feel this. I don’t want to be feeling this. It’s bad enough that I have to feel like this, but dragging you into it… fuck. I don’t want this. I. Don’t. Want. This.”

 

Evan shoves his hands in his pockets. It’s really, really fucking cold. “So, what,” he says, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice, “you’re just going to be constantly high, every time we spend any time together?”

 

“If I have to,” Connor says stubbornly. “It’s better than exposing you to all my shit.”

 

“Connor, you found me at one of the lowest points of my life,” Evan says forcefully. “You saw the worst of me. You saw me give up. And you brought me back. You saved me. Let me _help_ you. Let me… you don’t have to be alone with this.”

 

The waves of anger and frustration coming off Connor are reaching critical levels. Evan reaches out and takes Connor’s hand in his.

 

And focuses.

 

Focuses on how he feels about Connor.

 

Trying to let those emotions seep through, cut through the anger and the frustration and bury themselves deep in Connor’s heart.

 

He focuses and finds himself thinking the words he’s wanted to say to Connor for weeks now.

 

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

 

Connor’s eyes widen, and he lets go of Evan’s hand like it’s burned him.

 

“Don’t do that.”

 

Evan blinks. “Do what? Try to help you?”

 

“Don’t do that,” Connor repeats. “Don’t say things like that, don’t _think_ things like that. It’s not… I’m not… _fuck,_  Evan.”

 

Then Connor bolts.

 

Leaving Evan with the sickening feeling that something is very, very wrong.

 


	29. The Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe doesn't want to do an extra-credit history assignment.

“And if you’d like to discuss an extra credit assignment to bring up your GPA, please stay and see me after class,” says Ms. Vanderbilt as the bell rings at the end of class.

 

There’s nothing quite as quick as a teenager leaving school at the end of the day.

 

Zoe is the only one to stay.

 

Ms. Vanderbilt locks the door once the classroom is empty and turns to Zoe. “I assume your brother informed you of my true business here,” she says evenly. “It is nice to finally meet you in person.”

 

“Jury’s still out on that one for me, sorry,” Zoe says breezily, folding her arms defensively.

 

Ms. Vanderbilt - sorry, Zel - looks faintly amused at Zoe’s comment. “You have every right to be concerned,” she says, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth. “This is not an easy situation for anyone.”

 

“Well, no,” says Zoe. She’s not sure why she’s pushing this - it’s probably got something to do with the look of devastation on Connor’s face at lunch - but she’s not about to give this alien an easy time of it. “It would have been easier if you’d maybe tried to talk to us before now. Like this, instead of through incredibly traumatizing nightmares.”

 

“Things are more complicated than you can imagine,” says Zel, her tone dark. “I’ll not bore you with the details, but let’s just say that there are forces at work that you cannot possibly comprehend.”

 

“How about you try me?”

 

Zel laughs. It’s unexpected and makes her seems almost human for a moment. “Oh Vaylia, you were never one for politics,” she says, her tone almost fond. “You did, however, throw some truly excellent dinner parties. An occasion never to be missed.”

 

“Right, so I was some kind of outer space socialite, then,” Zoe says, trying to take it in. “What’s the point of reincarnating me, then?”

 

“Balance,” says Zel simply. “You’re a creature of peace, Vaylia. Someone needs to keep the War Prince in check. That’s why you were sent together.”

 

The War Prince. It all comes back to the War Prince. Zoe knows that her brother has anger issues - that’s never been news to her. She knows his abilities get out of control when he’s angry. But she also knows when it comes down to it, he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

 

His destruction is always, _always_ followed by regret.

 

“Just because Connor was the War Prince in another life doesn’t mean he needs to be now,” Zoe says, echoing Alana’s sentiments from lunch. “Unless… you’re here because you need him to be, right?”

 

Zel just looks at her, poker face fully in place. “I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to contact Antar for nearly 40 years. I am entirely unaware of the situation there. But it is possible that Antar may need saving from itself. And for that… we will need the War Prince. We will need Theron, at his most brutal.” She leans in toward Zoe, her expression changing to something almost eager, almost rapturous. “I see that potential in your brother. He’s brimming with it - the very energy that made Theron so great. Terrifying, but great. War requires sacrifice. There have already been so many to guarantee your protection.”

 

“Connor’s _seventeen_ ,” Zoe says softly. “He’s seventeen, he has a life on Earth. He has a boyfriend that he really cares about. Things are better for him than they have been for a long time. And you want him to, what, lean into the worst parts of himself to save a planet he can’t even remember?”

 

“It isn’t about what I want,” Zel says, her tone still maddenly even. “It’s about what’s best for Antar.”

 

“I thought you weren’t from Antar,” Zoe pointed out. “You told us you were the same species as us. That looking after us was just a job.”

 

Zel’s eyes flash with anger and irritation for a moment, then her expression levels out. “A job I intend to complete,” she says evenly. “Regardless of how long it takes. Regardless of what it costs.”

 

“You were sent to protect us.”

 

“I was sent to protect you and return you to Antar when the time came,” Zel agrees.

 

“When there was peace,” says Zoe.

 

“No,” Zel counters, “when the war was over. There’s a difference between a war being over and peace. This planet’s history is testament to that very fact.” Zel smiles coldly. “Now that you’re aware of your nature and we have made contact, my objectives have changed. I am here to prepare you for your return home.”

 

“And if we don’t want to go home?” Zoe asks, without really thinking about it.

 

It hits her what she’s said as soon as it leaves her mouth.

 

She might not want to return to Antar.

 

She might not want to leave Earth.

 

She has a life here that’s full of all sorts of good things. Music. Laughter. Ice cream. Burgers with ghost pepper sauce. Driving down a winding country road and sitting in an apple orchard, feeling the sun on her face. Spending time with friends who know her, know who she is and accept her. Her parents, who took them in when they had no one and have given them the best life they could.

 

Alana Beck’s smile.

 

“Why would you not want to return to where you belong?” Zel asks. “Why would you want to stay here, on a planet full of people who would turn on you on an instant for being different? Who would rip you apart to find out how you can do such remarkable things? It isn’t safe for you here. If you go home, you can go back to your life of luxury. Bringing music and joy to the lives of your people.” There is something indescribable on Zel’s face as she continues. “You were a beloved Princess, Vaylia. A beacon of hope. Your death caused mourning in the streets. Were you to return… you would impact so many lives.”

 

“And Connor would be forced into a war,” Zoe counters.

 

“Sacrifices must be made.”

 

“I’ve heard enough,” says Zoe, heading toward the door. “I appreciate you talking to me, and I appreciate what you’re saying. It’s all moot right now, anyway - you said it yourself. There’s no way to contact Antar.”

 

“Not by myself,” Zel agrees. “But if I help the two of you hone your abilities… there could be.”

 

Zoe stops. “You need us to help get off this planet,” she says slowly. “That’s why you’ve finally decided to contact us. Because you’re sick of being here and _you_ want to go home.”

 

“I want to complete the job I was contracted to complete,” says Zel evenly. “But you are correct in that I require help. The rest of my team have all perished. I am… less efficient alone. You and your brother have similar abilities to my own on this planet. We have a better chance of finding what we need to contact Antar if we work together.”

 

“You can’t make us do anything,” Zoe says stubbornly.

 

“Perhaps not,” says Zel, her voice still so calm. “But it would be unwise to test that theory.”

 

“Connor and I will discuss it,” Zoe says finally. “Whether we’re going to help you find what we need to contact Antar.”

 

There is another flash of annoyance and anger in Zel’s eyes, but it smoothes over so quickly Zoe’s left wondering if she’s just imagining it. “Then I will await your decision.”

 

Zel extends her hand. The door unlocks.

 

Zoe sighs. “Okay. Good talk.”

 

Zel raises an eyebrow. “I assume you do not wish to complete an extra credit History assignment.”

 

“No shit.”

 

Connor’s leaning against Zoe’s car smoking a cigarette when Zoe gets out to the parking lot. She looks around. “Where’s Evan?”

 

“Got a ride home with Kleinman,” Connor murmurs, not looking at her. “I fucked up.”

 

Zoe tries not to sigh in frustration. “What did you do, Connor?”

 

“It’s complicated.” He puts the cigarette out between his fingers and Zoe winces. She wishes he wouldn’t do that. “Let’s go, it’s cold as balls out here.”

 

Once they’re halfway home, Zoe finally breaks the silence. “So I talked to Zel.”

 

Connor snorts. “I’m sure that was fun.”

 

“She wants us to help her find a way to contact Antar.”

 

“Huh.” Connor doesn’t comment further.

 

“Do you want to?” Zoe ventures. “After what she said about… who we were. Do you actually want to go home?”

 

“I don’t fucking know, Zo’.” Zoe chances a look at her brother and notices just how ashen his skin is. He looks exhausted. Shaken. And very, very young, all of a sudden.

 

This isn’t the face of a hardened war prince.

 

This is the face of a kid who just wants to belong somewhere.

 

Who’s found out that where he belongs might not be where he wants to be.

 

“I still have questions,” Zoe says hesitantly. “Questions that Zel probably can’t answer, since she’s not from Antar. We could… I don’t know, help her find a way to contact Antar, find out what’s going on there. Talk to someone from home. Maybe family. Get a better picture of what’s going on. Helping her contact Antar doesn’t mean you have to go fight a war.”

 

“That’ll be fun to explain to a planet that’s in some kind of peril or whatever,” Connor says darkly. “‘Hey, so you sent me to be reborn on Earth so I could come back and fuck shit up on your behalf later, but there’s a pretty boy on Earth I never want to leave, so you’re all shit out of luck, despite the fact that I was literally created to be a fucking war machine.’”

 

“Fuck that,” Zoe says fiercely. “They sent us away. Sure, it was supposed to be for our protection or something, but they sent us away. We grew up not knowing anything. We’ve made our own lives, here on Earth. We don’t owe them anything. We don’t have to give up anything for them.” She sighs. “We’re in charge of our lives. We can do what’s best for us. We don’t have to just… accept some kind of bullshit alien destiny.”

 

“I’m supposed to be some kind of fucking War Prince,” Connor says, his voice shaking. “All rage and destruction… what if me deciding to just stay on Earth and try to ignore that whole part of myself means that it’s all going to bottle up and I’m just going to be fucking angry all the time? What if I hurt people? What if I hurt _Evan?”_

 

“So you’ll go fight a war on an alien planet?” Zoe counters. “Connor, I know you wouldn’t hurt Evan. _You_ know you wouldn’t hurt him. Not intentionally. You saved his life.”

 

“I hurt him today,” Connor mutters. “He… fuck, it’s complicated. He said something and I freaked out. Except he didn’t actually say it. I just heard it. Because… of the whole fucked up alien abilities thing. It’s a mess, and I should talk to him, but I’m just… I’m everywhere. I’m a complete fucking mess and there’s this storm cloud in my head and since he knows what I’m feeling, going near him is just going to make him have to deal with all my shit, and that’s not fair.”

 

“You’re going to have to get over that,” Zoe says firmly. “Evan’s abilities aren’t just going to go away. I don’t think. I mean, maybe he can find a way to turn them off. I don’t know.”

 

“Maybe I should just stay away from him,” Connor says, so quietly Zoe almost doesn’t hear him.

 

“That’s bullshit.”

 

“Zoe-”

 

“That’s bullshit,” she snaps. “I get that learning about us having past lives or whatever is traumatic. Believe me, I get it. I’m in the same boat. But you just… self-destructing and punishing yourself is not the answer. Because if you hurt yourself, Evan’s going to get caught in the fallout. You know that. He cares about you so, so much.”

 

“I love him,” Connor says, his voice still quiet. “I love him so fucking much and I am ruining his life.”

 

“You’re not.”

 

“Zoe-”

 

“You’re not.” Zoe sighs. “I don’t know what else I can say to get through to you about this.”

 

“It’s a fucking mess.”

 

“Only because you’re making it a fucking mess, Connor. Just talk to him. Explain all of this. He’ll understand. Of all people, he’ll understand.”

 

Connor sighs. “The fact that he’ll understand? That’s the biggest problem of all.”


	30. The Calculus Study Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared, Alana and Evan study for their Calculus exam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning that we're entering the darkest timeline here. I thought you should be aware.

Jared’s known Evan long enough to know brooding when he sees it. As frustrating as it is to see his friend walking around like he’s got a literal stormcloud hanging over his head, Jared has to admit that there’s a pretty good reason for Evan’s bad mood.

 

Connor hasn’t been at school all week and has been completely out of contact with everyone but Zoe. His contact with Zoe has been brief at best - enough to assure the group of friends that he was still alive, at the very least.

 

Zoe mentioned that she’d had to do some quick talking to dissuade their parents from taking Connor to see a doctor.

 

(It kind of blows Jared’s mind that Zoe and Connor have managed to hide their species from their parents for the past 11 years. He can’t even hide his porn collection.)

 

Jared would never admit it, but not having Connor around is kind of disrupting the whole balance of their friend group, and he’s not a fan of the tension. It’s this weird limbo, and it kind of makes everything feel off-kilter and not quite real.

 

Unfortunately, it’s very real. So is the fact that they have a Calculus exam early next week that Jared is at least 80% sure he is going to dismally fail.

 

He mentions this to Alana and Evan and all of a sudden, he’s being dragged into an after-school study session at the public library. Which is… not how he meant to spend his afternoon, especially not on a Friday, but it’ll give him a chance to keep an eye on Evan. Plus, he really does need to pass Calculus.

 

“I should have taken Statistics,” Jared complains for the fifth time as he stares at his textbook with displeasure.

 

“It’s too late now,” Evan points out. “You should have thought of that back at the beginning of the year when you could have actually switched.”

 

“You’re not as bad as you think you are,” Alana adds. “If you do well in this test, you can probably pass with a relatively high C. Maybe a C+ if you really work at it.”

 

“I just don’t want to fail.”

 

“Does anyone really want to fail?” Alana asks.

 

“Some people don’t care,” Jared points out. “We all know Connor doesn’t give a single fuck.”

 

“Could we not talk about him, please,” Evan mutters.

 

Jared and Alana exchange a look.

 

“So he hasn’t been in touch?” Alana asks gently. “At all?”

 

“No,” Evan replies curtly. “And I… no, he hasn’t.”

 

“He did get some kind of rough news,” Jared says, feeling like he should at least make a token effort. “It’s not every day you find out you’re pretty much the alien version of Genghis Khan.”

 

Alana rolls her eyes. “How are you failing History when you’re so good at naming historical warlords?”

 

“Because Mr. Carmichael didn’t appreciate my essay about how Queen Victoria was a werewolf, that’s how.”

 

“I wonder what’s actually wrong with him,” Alana muses. “I mean, considering we have a substitute for the next few weeks.”

 

“A Czechoslovakian substitute,” Jared reminds them.

 

“Who has an astonishingly good grasp on the nuances of the American Civil War despite being from another planet.”

 

“Just stop,” Evan snaps. “I don’t want to talk about Connor, or the substitute, or Czechoslovakia, or… or an-anything. I just want to focus on this st-stupid Calculus exam so I don’t work myself into a complete state of panic that my boyfriend is avoiding me like the plague, okay?”

 

Jared and Alana exchange another look, this time more concerned. “In Connor’s defence, he’s avoiding everyone, not just you,” Jared points out.

 

Evan sighs. “I just said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Evan-”

 

“Calculus,” Evan says firmly. “What is the limit of f(x)=3x3+2x2f(x)=3x3+2x2 as xx approaches 5?”

 

Jared blinks. “Is that even English?”

 

“No, it’s Calculus.” Jared doesn’t think he’s ever seen Evan quite this irritated. “Can we focus on studying for this exam, please?”

 

“This doesn’t make any sense to me at all.”

 

Evan sighs. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

 

“I was talking about whatever the hell it is you just said about x approaching… 5?”

 

“Okay,” Alana says firmly. “Evan’s right, we should focus on the task at hand.” She looks over at Evan. “And we will. I promise we will. We will completely drop any talk of Connor or Czechoslovakia in just a minute. Just answer me one question first.”

 

Evan rolls his eyes. “Fine.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Evan just blinks. “What kind of question is that?”

 

“It’s a question to assess the wellbeing of one of my closest acquaintances,” Alana says gently. “This must be very difficult for you, worrying about Connor. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating properly? Taking your medication?”

 

Evan bristles. “I’m not _five_ , Alana.”

 

“No, you’re not,” Alana says reassuringly. “But I know what it’s like having an anxiety disorder, and it’s not always easy to do all those basic things. And I know that your mom works a lot. And that if Connor’s off the grid, you’re probably spending a lot of time alone. And that can be really hard. So I just want to make sure you’re looking after yourself. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

 

“Anything _we_ can do,” Jared chimes in, feeling like a complete ass for not having thought of any of the things Alana’s mentioning. Because, yeah, he knows this. He knows about Evan’s anxiety. He knows how hard it can be for him. He should be paying more attention.

 

Evan blinks again. This time, it’s clear he’s fighting back tears. Alana and Jared exchange a concerned look, then Alana reaches out and gently puts her hand on Evan’s.

 

Then Evan starts sobbing silently and Jared tries very, very hard not to join in, because this is fucking heartbreaking.

 

“It’s okay,” Alana says softly. “Just breathe.”

 

“I just feel really alone,” Evan says through tears, as quietly as he can. Because they’re still in the library. “And I know it’s hard for him, I do - it just feels like he’s pulling away, and I know he has his own things to deal with, but he’s not letting me help him, and I feel so _useless,_  and it’s just like summer and being so, so alone, except now I know what it feels like _not_ to feel that way, so it’s _worse_ , and… I’m sorry, we have to study. This is… this is completely unfair.”

 

“You’re saving me from studying Calculus,” Jared says, trying to lighten the mood. “I should be _thanking_ you for crying in the library.”

 

“Oh my god. We’re in the library. This is so embarrassing.”

 

They manage to get Evan calm enough to leave the library without attracting too much attention, and into Jared’s car. Evan and Alana sit in the back and Evan bursts out crying again, and Alana hugs him and pats his back and says comforting things and Jared sits there and feels completely useless.

 

“Okay,” Jared says finally. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re going to go to McDonald’s, and I’m gonna order us a bunch of shitty fast food through the drive-through, and then we’re going back to Evan’s, and we’re going to watch a shitty movie, and we’re just gonna hang out, because fuck this whole situation and fuck Calculus.”

 

“Does that sound okay?” Alana asks Evan.

 

Evan nods. “You’re going to stay, right?”

 

“Of course we’re staying,” Jared says firmly. “We’re not leaving you alone like this. You’re _not_ alone.”

 

Evan starts crying again. Jared’s eyes widen and he looks at Alana, trying to figure out what he said wrong.

 

“Thank you,” says Evan finally, and Jared feels a little bit better.

 

Once Evan’s calmed down a bit more, they drive to McDonald’s. Jared orders for the three of them, a little overenthusiastically, and by the time they leave they have nearly 4 bags of food, along with 3 milkshakes and way too many ketchup sachets.

 

“We are going to be so sick after eating all that,” Alana comments.

 

“Comfort food,” says Jared, picking up his milkshake and taking a sip. “Comfort for Evan because he’s sad, and comfort for me because I am going to fail Calculus.”

 

“Trust me, you’re not going to fail Calculus,” Alana assures him. “I’m way too stubborn to let that happen.”

 

“Alana Beck, my hero.”

 

He’s rewarded with a small laugh from Evan. Jared decides that his mission for the rest of the evening is to get Evan to laugh as much as possible. If that means he has to be a total idiot to accomplish it, so be it.

 

Jared pulls into the Hansens’ driveway and is immediately struck by the sense that something’s not right. Heidi’s car is there, the trunk open and bags of groceries sitting unattended. The front door is slightly ajar.

 

He turns around to see Evan has gone scarily pale.

 

He’s noticed, too.

 

Alana looks between the two of them and frowns. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Just… Mom never leaves groceries like that,” Evan says, undoing his seatbelt and getting out of the car.

 

Jared and Alana follow Evan to the front door. Evan pushes it open and Alana gasps at the sight.

 

The place is completely trashed. Ransacked. Broken glass is everywhere.

 

Evan breaks into a run and heads into the living room. Jared and Alana follow.

 

Jared’s been in the living room enough times to know that things are missing - lamps, books, the TV. The sofa is ripped up. And there’s blood on the carpet.

 

Evan’s shaking. Badly. He stumbles around the corner into the kitchen.

 

Just as Jared and Alana catch up with him, they hear Evan scream.

 

It takes a few moments for Jared to really process what he’s seeing. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like it’s something he can actually be seeing.

 

Heidi Hansen, bloody and bruised on the floor, surrounded by broken plates.

 

A woman he’s known all his life. His closest friend’s mom. His mom’s best friend.

 

Still and not moving on the kitchen floor.

 

“Call Zoe,” Evan says, his voice raw and shaking. “Tell her to bring Connor here. NOW.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gives everyone reading a soft blanket, some hot chocolate and a pillow*


	31. The Break-In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a break-in at the Hansen household. Things will never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gives you more blankets, more hot chocolate and more pillows, and also some tissues, because this is really angsty and also I'm sorry*

Connor is staring at the ceiling, much like he has for the past 6 hours, when Zoe teleports into his room. He sits up and scowls at her.

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snaps at her. “I told you to leave me the fuck alone.”

 

“I don’t have fucking time for this,” she says, walking over to him and grabbing his hand.

 

“Zoe, what the fuck…”

 

He trails off as he realizes where he is.

 

He’s in the Hansens’ living room.

 

And it’s a fucking disaster.

 

The TV is gone. The sofas are ripped. The lamps are gone. Pictures have fallen off the walls.

 

All anger at his sister melts away in the confusion.

 

He can hear sobbing.

 

 _Evan_.

 

He runs into the kitchen, Zoe hot on his heels.

 

And feels all the blood drain from his face at the sight of Evan sobbing over his mother’s unmoving form on the kitchen floor.

 

“Evan…”

 

The words escape his mouth before he realises he’s said them. Evan looks up at him, eyes red and barely focused. “Connor. Connor, _please._ ”

 

And then Connor is kneeling on the floor next to Evan and feeling for a pulse on Heidi Hansen, and not finding one and realizing with a sickening sensation why Zoe’s brought him here.

 

“You need to bring her back. Please, Connor. _You need to bring her back_.”

 

“She’s… Evan, I can’t.”

 

Evan is shaking his head. He’s shaking all over. He’s moving with nervous energy, eyes wide and unblinking, looking at Connor with this expression of heartbreak and desperation. “Please, Connor. _Please.”_ Evan takes a deep shaky breath. “I know you don’t want to see me and you never have to see me again if you just do this one thing for me, please, I’ll never ask anything from you ever again, I’ll never bother you again, I’ll stop sending you texts and emails and Facebook messages, I’ll leave you alone like you want, I just need you to _save her_. Please. You need to save her, I can’t… I can’t… _please,_ Connor.”

 

Connor’s heart has shattered into a million pieces.

 

“Evan, she’s gone,” he says, as gently as he can. “There’s… there’s nothing I can do.”

 

“No,” Evan counters, shaking his head with increasing force. “I was… I was _dying_ and you saved _me,_ you can save her. You can save her, Connor! Please, please, _please_ , just… just bring her back.”

 

“You were dying,” he repeats, trying to keep his voice as calm as he can, because the last thing Evan needs is to deal with him melting down. Evan looks dangerously close to blacking out from the sheer panic, but at the same time hyper-aware of everything around him. “You were dying but… your mom, I’m so sorry, but it’s too late. She’s gone and I can’t… I can’t… I’m so sorry.”

 

“Please, Connor.” His voice is hoarse and barely above a whisper. “Please. If you… if you care about me in any way, if you feel _anything_ for me, you’ll do this for me. _Please_. I promise I-”

 

“I can’t,” Connor cuts him off. “I’m sorry, I wish I could. I would if I could. I just _can’t._ ”

 

Evan blinks. “You can’t.”

 

“No,” he says gently. “I can’t.”

 

Evan is sobbing so hard Connor can barely hear his words.

 

“Then why are you here?”

 

Connor is lost.

 

“Zoe brought me-”

 

“I know Zoe brought you here,” Evan snaps. “I _asked_ her to. I asked her to bring you here so you could save my mother, but you can’t, so... you can go.”

 

“I’m not leaving you like this,” Connor insists. “Evan, I’m so sorry.” He looks up to the rest of the group. Jared’s expression is almost as devastated as Evan’s. When Connor meets his eyes, Jared kind of glares at him. Zoe and Alana are both softly weeping, holding onto each other for dear life. “Someone needs to call 911.”

 

“I’ll do it,” says Jared, his voice scratchy.

 

“No,” Evan says suddenly. “No, don’t call 911, because then it’s real, then it’s really happening. If we… this isn’t real, I can just… this isn’t real.”

 

Connor reaches out to touch Evan and Evan jerks away violently.

 

“Evan, we have to,” Alana says shakily. “Something… something terrible happened, and we need to alert the authorities. Your mom… oh god, I’m so sorry.”

 

“She knew I was having a bad week,” Evan says flatly. “We were going to have brunch tomorrow. She was going to take the day off.”

 

Connor desperately wants to touch him. But Evan has closed into himself, creating a hard shell that Connor can’t get to. He knows what it’s like to try to keep the world out - fuck knows he does it often enough himself. And he knows that Evan has every right to freeze him out, after nearly a week of no contact. After Connor ran away from him when he was just trying to help.

 

“Evan, I’m sorry,” he says shakily. “I’m so, so, so sorry. For everything. Please… please just let me help you…”

 

“You can’t help,” Evan snaps. “You said it yourself. It’s too late. There’s nothing you can do, why are you still _here_?”

 

“Because I…”

 

This is not how he wants to say it.

 

This is not where he wants to say it.

 

This is not a situation where saying it is going to help.

 

Evan looks at him, his face falling further with every moment of silence.

 

“Evan, what’s your house number?” Alana asks, thank god. “I’m calling 911 now.”

 

“103,” Jared fills in. “I’ll… we should call in the lounge.”

 

Jared, Alana and Zoe leave and it’s just Evan and Connor in the kitchen. Evan is curled up in a ball, holding his mother’s hand, and Connor has no idea what to do.

 

“Of course I’m still here,” Connor says softly. “I’m not letting you go through this alone.”

 

“You left me alone all week,” Evan says stubbornly.

 

“I know I did. I’m sorry. I… I was in a bad space, and I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

 

Evan laughs kind of hollowly. “You didn’t want to drag me down,” he repeats. “You did a great job there. I’ve been… god, this whole week, I’ve been so lost and so alone and you’ve been ignoring me and I’ve been just trying to hang on, waiting for you to just _talk_ to me and now… you’re here, and you can’t even… you’re here, and it doesn’t matter because my mother is _dead_ and you can’t save her.”

 

“I wish I could,” Connor says fiercely. “I wish I could. I really do. I would if I could. You _know_ that.” Evan doesn’t respond. And all of a sudden Connor needs to know. “Evan. Tell me that you know that.”

 

“This doesn’t feel real,” Evan says faintly. “Then again, maybe nothing is. Maybe I died when I fell out of that tree and this is all just some horrible nightmare.”

 

That stings. That stings a lot.

 

Connor tries to keep himself in check.

 

Evan is hurting. He’s hurting, and he’s lashing out, and if there’s anyone who can understand lashing out when they’re hurt, it’s Connor.

 

Evan bursts into a fresh round of sobs and Connor can’t fucking stand it. He crawls over and he takes Evan in his arms and Evan grabs onto him like he’s the only thing keeping him from drowning in the middle of a storm and Connor’s trying his best not to cry because this isn’t what Evan needs right now.

 

Evan sobs, and Connor looks at the still body of Heidi Hansen.

 

He didn’t spend enough time with her to really get to know her, but he’d liked her a lot.

 

He’d liked the smile on her face when Evan introduced them. Her easy humor, the way she’d tease Jared. The way she acted like she was everyone’s mom and not just Evan’s. The way she’d taken all of them under her wing.

 

He remembers them sitting eating pizza on the day Jared found out about them.

 

He remembers Heidi coming home one night and finding Evan and Connor kissing on the couch and just smiling at them, laughing a little bit at their obvious mortification.

 

He remembers waking up at the Hansen household one morning before Evan and Heidi making him a cup of coffee and asking him if he was planning to go to college, and not batting an eyelid when Connor told her he was planning to travel.

 

He remembers her telling him that she’d never seen Evan so happy.

 

That last memory hurts the most.

 

It feels like an eternity but not time at all has passed when the room is full of police and paramedics and they are peppering Evan with questions and Jared steps into answer and Connor has never felt so fucking grateful for the existence of Jared in his whole sad miserably life and Evan is shaking in his arms and still holding himself tight, tight, tightly, like he can’t properly relax, like he doesn’t trust Connor and it hurts, but it’s also completely justified, and eventually Evan is being carted into an ambulance and treated for shock and Connor’s not really sure what’s going on, he’s just sitting there, holding on to the broken pieces of the boy he loves who has had his world completely changed for the second time in so many months, except this time it’s so much worse.

 

This time there’s no coming back.

 

Things happen in a bit of a blur. The house is crawling with people. Somehow, Connor’s parents are here, and his mother comes up and pulls both Connor and Evan into a hug, and Evan shrinks even further into himself, and there are phone calls and hushed discussions and a whole lot of confusion and Evan won’t stop crying.

 

Then they’re piling into a car and Connor’s not sure how it’s happened or where they’re going or what’s happening but he and Evan are being guided into the Murphys’ guest room and Jared’s carrying a hastily packed bag of Evan’s things and Evan’s just not acknowledging anything, like he’s a million miles away, like he’s so locked in his head and in his grief that Connor can’t find his way to him at all.

 

And then they’re lying on the queen sized bed and it’s completely different to curling up on Evan’s twin bed, and Connor wraps himself around Evan protectively, and Evan’s breathing is starting to finally calm, or maybe he’s just sobbed so much he’s completely exhausted himself, and Connor is selfish and horrible because the smell of Evan’s hair is making him feel better than he has all week.

 

He’d stayed away from Evan for a _reason_ , damn it.

 

Evan dozes off. Connor doesn’t. He just lies there, holding Evan as tight as he can, and hoping to himself that maybe Evan was right. Maybe this isn’t really happening.

 

But he’s pretty sure it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really, really sorry for this, guys. We're in darkest timeline territory, and I feel absolutely horrible for having done this, but it's vital to the plot that's coming up. I promise that this story is going to have a happy ending. 
> 
> Bear with me on this! I'm so sorry for breaking everyone's hearts (especially Evan's) but I do have a plan and there is a reason for this, and... I'm just really sorry. It made me sad to write this. 
> 
> RIP Heidi. You're the best and I'm sorry I didn't get to write more with you.


	32. The Pink Carnations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone mourns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new few chapters are going to be a bit angsty for obvious reasons and I'm really sorry.

The morning of Heidi Hansen’s funeral dawns sunny and bright. 

 

Alana can’t help but feel like it’s not supposed to be this way. Funerals are supposed to be in the rain with black umbrellas and the sky is supposed to cry in solidarity with those who mourn. 

 

But no, it’s a beautiful crisp winter day. 

 

Alana had stayed over at the Murphys’ the night before to get ready with the family in the morning. Zoe zips her into a simple black dress she hasn’t worn since her grandmother’s funeral, then hands her a pink carnation without a word. 

 

“What’s this?” Alana asks. 

 

Zoe smiles sadly. “A pink carnation is a symbol of a mother’s love,” she explains. “I thought… I thought we could all wear one.” She blushes. “It’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not,” Alana assures her, giving her a hug. 

 

“This fucking sucks,” Zoe says into her shoulder. “Poor Evan. Oh my god.”

 

“How is he?” Alana asks quietly. She hadn’t seen him the previous day - when she arrived, Evan had already gone to bed in the guest room. 

 

“I don’t know,” Zoe admits. “He’s kind of just… existing, as far as I can tell.”

 

Alana hesitates. “Are he and Connor…”

 

Zoe sighs. “I don’t know. Evan’s just kind of locked himself in the guest room and isn’t talking to anyone. Connor’s tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t want to push, and… I don’t feel right just teleporting in there. Not right now.”

 

“It was nice of your parents to let him stay.”

 

“Jared’s parents offered, but they don’t have a spare room, and we all kind of agreed that right now some space to himself is kind of what he needs?” Zoe says, somewhat hesitantly. “When he’s around other people, he just… seizes up.”

 

“Are you sure it’s okay to leave him alone?”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “No. But… I don’t know. He’s just… I don’t know.”

 

“Is he going to be okay for the service? He’s not… he doesn’t have to speak, does he?”

 

Zoe frowns. “Apparently there’s like an uncle or something who’s speaking on behalf of the family. Evan hasn’t said much about his extended family - I don’t think they’re super close or anything. But they’re coming in for the funeral.” She gives Alana a pointed look. “Along with his dad, so… that could be interesting.”

 

Alana lets out a sigh. “I just wish there was something we could do.” She takes a deep breath and tries to make sure she’s phrasing what she wants to say in a way that’s not going to offend. “I… I don’t think he should be left alone, Zo’. I know you think he needs space, but… he feels so alone, all of the time, and now…”

 

Zoe’s expression falls. “I know,” she says quietly. “I know. It’s just… what do you say? I tried, I really did, and so did Connor.” She lets out a quiet laugh that sounds more like a sob. “Did you know that Connor’s been sleeping outside his door? Just to make sure he’s okay?” 

 

“Maybe the funeral will help him get a bit of closure,” Alana offers weakly. She’s not sure if she believes it. 

 

“Maybe,” Zoe repeats. It’s pretty clear she doesn’t believe it either. 

 

***

 

Jared’s mom hasn’t stopped crying since they arrived at the cemetery. 

 

It’s not surprising, considering how close she and Heidi were, but it’s making Jared a little on edge. He’s not great with intense displays of emotion at the best of times, and the pit at the bottom of his stomach at the enormity of what today means feels like it’s about to devour him. 

 

He looks around and spots Zoe waving him over, so quickly heads over to where she and Alana are standing, the Murphy parents not far behind them. Zoe gives him a hug and then pins a pink carnation to his shirt. 

 

“What’s this for?” he asks. 

 

Alana explains. And, yeah, it’s kind of perfect, but he can’t quite come up with the words to express how he feels about it. 

 

“Evan’s with his uncle,” Zoe says quietly. “He came to pick him up earlier to go over some of the funeral details. Connor’s with them.”

 

“Are Evan and Connor okay?” Jared asks hesitantly. 

 

Zoe looks very, very sad. “I don’t know. Connor just kind of… followed him. I don’t think Evan had the energy to argue with him.”

 

“How’s your mom?” Alana asks. “She was good friends with Heidi, right?”

 

“They went to high school together,” Jared says. “Worked together for a while. Got pregnant at the same time, so Evan and I have always kind of been in each other’s orbit.” He sighs. “She’s… not doing great. Obviously better than Evan, but… yeah.”

 

“This sucks,” Zoe says flatly. “Just… this  _ fucking _ sucks.”

 

“Language,” Zoe’s mom scolds from behind them. 

 

The look on Zoe’s face would have made Jared laugh if it were any other day. 

 

“There’s Evan and Connor,” Alana says suddenly. 

 

They all turn to look. Evan’s trailing behind a broad-shouldered, stocky man with hair who looks enough like Heidi and Evan for it to be obvious that he’s a relation. Connor’s trailing behind Evan, like he’s a bodyguard. 

 

“Never thought I’d see Connor in a suit,” Jared says, for lack of anything else to say.

 

“Mom went out and bought it yesterday,” Zoe replies. “She did the same for Evan. Evan tried to argue but she insisted.” 

 

“They look good,” Alana comments. “In the suits, that is.”

 

No one states the obvious, which is that neither of their friends actually look that good. 

 

Evan looks like a strong breeze would blow him over. He’s pale, there are dark circles under his eyes and he’s holding himself like he’s expecting someone to swoop in and attack him at any moment. Connor’s not faring much better - he looks like he hasn’t slept in days, the dark circles under his eyes a perfect match for Evan’s. His usually untidy hair is pulled back neatly in a ponytail. 

 

Alana takes Zoe’s hand and they head toward Evan and Connor. Jared follows. 

 

Evan’s uncle greets them politely, then leaves to talk to the celebrant. Jared remembers that Heidi had never been particularly religious, and idly notes that it’s a woman in a suit who seems to be in charge of the service, rather than a rabbi or a priest. That’s nice, he supposes.

 

Then again, he imagines that Heidi would probably have left some kind of instructions for her funeral. She’s organized when she needs to be. 

 

She was organized. 

 

Jared’s not getting used to that anytime soon. 

 

“We brought pink carnations,” Zoe says to Evan quietly. “For all of us. To wear for your mom.”

 

Evan’s eyes are dangerously watery but he manages a small smile. “Thank you, Zoe.” 

 

Zoe reaches over and pins the flower on the lapel of Evan’s suit, then turns to Connor and does the same. Connor looks deeply, deeply uncomfortable at the action but gives his sister a small smile, then pulls her into a hug. 

 

Jared takes the opportunity to give Evan a hug of his own. Evan leans into it, his posture still rigid but relaxing ever so slightly. “Thank you for being here,” Evan says quietly. “It means a lot.”

 

“I’ve got your back,” Jared promises. “Always.”

 

***

 

Zoe hasn’t been to many funerals. 

 

It’s not surprising, she guesses. She’s sixteen, and she’s only technically existed for eleven of those years, so it’s a kind of limited amount of time to be attending funerals. 

 

Unless you count her past life on another planet. But that’s a whole shit show that’s not worth thinking about as she watches the mother of one of her closest friends be lowered into the ground. 

 

She went to her grandmother’s funeral when she was 12. It was a beautiful service. They talked about how she’d lived a long and full life, talked about all of her accomplishments, all the lives she impacted. 

 

It’s very different to go to a funeral where a life has been cut short so brutally. 

 

The police still have no leads on what happened that day at the Hansen house. Destruction all around, but no traces of DNA or fingerprints. Nothing to go on. The theory is a home invasion, which is consistent with the fact that all the valuables in the house are gone, and they’re treating it as relatively cut and dry. 

 

The police haven’t said it outright but it doesn’t look like they’ll be keeping the investigation open much longer. 

 

It isn’t fair. 

 

Not in the slightest. 

 

It isn’t fair that a woman as kind and generous as Heidi Hansen gets violently murdered and there’s no way to bring the killer to justice. 

 

It’s just not fair. 

 

That’s the thought that goes through Zoe’s head throughout the entire service. 

 

_ It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair.  _

 

Evan is holding up better than they all expected. The five of them all sit together, Evan sandwiched between Connor and Jared, and Zoe on Connor’s other side with Alana next to her. 

 

Alana doesn’t let go of her hand the whole service. 

 

Evan very obviously keeps his hands on his lap, staunchly avoiding any physical contact from either Connor or Jared. 

 

Zoe can tell that her brother just wants to do something. He’s giving off this nervous, frustrated energy, and it crosses her mind that he might not be in the best position to control his abilities right now. 

 

She takes his hand with her free one. 

 

He looks at her, slightly taken aback, then squeezes her hand reassuringly and lets go. 

 

Evan’s uncle stands up and gives the eulogy. 

 

Zoe can hear Evan quietly sobbing. 

 

Connor reaches around and puts his arm around Evan. 

 

Evan doesn’t shy away. 

 

***

 

Connor’s not really sure how his parents ended up hosting the wake for Heidi but it’s not like he’s going to argue. 

 

He guesses it kind of makes sense. All of Evan’s family live out of town and there’s not a ton of space at the Kleinman’s place. Jared’s mom had insisted on helping Cynthia with the catering, which was… probably a very good idea, considering the fact that Cynthia was just a terrible, terrible cook. 

 

Evan is surrounded by well-meaning family. 

 

Every alien cell in Connor’s body wants to drag him away because he just looks so incredibly overwhelmed. 

 

But things have been tense with them and there’s a big part of him that feels like he doesn’t have the right. 

 

Zoe hands him a plate full of samosas, covered in sugar. He eats them without thinking. 

 

“How is he?” Zoe asks. 

 

Connor sighs. “I don’t know. Not good? I just wish he’d… never mind.”

 

“This is a shit show,” Zoe agrees. “But things will calm down. He just needs time.”

 

Connor doesn’t think that time is going to fix this. At all. 

 

“How are you holding up, sweetie?” 

 

Connor hadn’t even noticed his mom approaching. “I’m fine,” he says automatically. 

 

Cynthia frowns deeply. “You know you don’t have to be. What happened… it’s horrendous. It’s a real tragedy. I didn’t know Heidi well, but Evan’s been such an important part of your life these past few months, and… he’s such a lovely boy and doesn’t deserve this.”

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Connor finds himself saying, and oh god, he wishes he could take the words back, because he does not want to be having this conversation with his mother, of all people, because there’s no way he can explain to her the depths to which he has fucked up. 

 

He tries to imagine how that conversation would go. 

 

_ “Things are way more complicated than you know, Mom. Because I’m an alien, and Evan nearly died but I brought him back from the dead, and in doing so gave him weird alien powers like mine, which means he can sense emotions now. Oh, and then we met another alien who told us that - get this - Zoe and I are actually reincarnated from a prince and princess on a planet named Antar.” _

 

_ “Which would be fine, if it weren’t for the fact that apparently, I’m a warlord hellbent on destruction, which you probably don’t find surprising because I am  _ such an asshole _. Anyway, I found that out, Evan tried to make me feel better and I was… myself… and ignored him for a week and didn’t talk to him until his mother was murdered. So he’s pissed with me because I ignored him, and also because I couldn’t bring his mother back from the dead, so what’s the point in having these fucking alien abilities?” _

 

_ “So not only do I feel like shit because I was a fucking asshole, I also have to deal with the fact that he’s going to resent me forever for not healing his mom, even though I couldn’t have if I wanted to, which I did, and he’s in unspeakable pain right now and I’m too much of a coward to tell him that I’m completely, utterly, 100% in love with him and if there was anything I could do to take the pain away, I would, but I can’t, and he doesn’t deserve to be stuck with a genocidal maniac who can’t stop blowing shit up without meaning to. What’s your advice to help deal with  _ that _ , Mom?” _

 

Obviously, Connor does not say these things to his mother. 

 

“Just be there for him,” she says simply. “He needs you.”

 

Connor has never felt needed in his life. He’s never wanted to. But if it’s Evan… 

 

He takes a deep breath and heads toward him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gives more blankets and hot chocolate and pillows*


	33. The Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan makes a hard decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're still on the angst train for a little while longer, kiddos. Just a head's up.

Evan feels like he exists outside of his body and he’s just looking down at a very weird, very sad movie.

 

His uncle and aunt are talking about a holiday they took with Evan and his mom when Evan was eight, and he can’t remember it. He can’t remember anything. It’s like nothing in his life ever happened, because he’s slipped into some kind of weird alternate reality where nothing makes sense and his mom is dead.

 

His mom is dead.

 

He can’t deal with this.

 

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen to him.

 

There have been discussions. The Murphys have offered to have him stay until the end of senior year. The Kleinmans have offered to have him stay until the end of senior year. His uncle and aunt have offered to have him stay until the end of senior year. There’s been… another offer he can’t quite think about right now.

 

It’s assumed that once senior year is done, he’ll go to college.

 

Thanks to his mom’s life insurance, college isn’t a complete pipe dream anymore.

 

All that saving and scrimping, all those long hours his mom worked to provide for him… and now all of a sudden, she dies and there’s all this money.

 

He doesn’t want the money.

 

He wants his mom back.

 

He can see Connor watching him from the outskirts of the room. That’s the only thing that feels real at the moment - the weight of Connor’s eyes on him. Always looking. Always keeping an eye on him. Making sure he’s safe.

 

He knows Connor has been sleeping outside his door.

 

Following him around like a shadow.

 

Never quite approaching, never quite leaving. Just there.

 

A semi-comforting presence, but hard to figure out.

 

Connor feels guilty. Evan knows this. It’s coming off him in horrible, pulsing waves. He feels guilty, he feels helpless, he feels lost and he is so, so, so sad.

 

It’s hard for Evan to figure out where his own sadness begins and the sadness of the people around him begins.

 

It weighs on him like a ton of bricks.

 

He’s a mess right now. He’s weighed down, dragging against the ground, but at the same time, he’s not really here. He’s floating above it all.

 

Watching.

 

Trying to make some sense of this macabre mess his life has become.

 

All of a sudden Connor is coming toward him, flashing a polite smile at his uncle.

 

“Excuse me Mr. Hansen, I just want to borrow Evan for a few moments,” Connor says, overly polite in a way Evan never thought he’d see.

 

Then Evan is being gently guided out of the living room, up the stairs and into the guest room before he can really protest.

 

He hasn’t been alone with Connor since they found his mom.

 

He doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 

But he doesn’t feel like he can do anything right now. He’s just floating above everything, watching a depressing movie.

 

This isn’t really real.

 

“Evan.”

 

Evan blinks and looks at Connor. The world comes crashing back into focus for a moment, then spins out of control.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Connor says softly. “I’m so, so sorry. And I’m here. For whatever you need.”

 

“I don’t know what I need,” Evan says, feeling a bit lost.

 

Evan knows what he needs.

 

He needs a hug from his mom.

 

His beautiful, sad-eyed mom who would tear the world apart for him in a heartbeat. Who worked herself to the bone to give him what he needed.

 

Who worked herself to the bone for a mentally ill, anxious wreck of a boy who couldn’t even kill himself properly.

 

(These aren’t useful thoughts right now. He knows this. But it doesn’t mean they’re not happening.)

 

(None of this is real.)

 

(Maybe he’s not even real.)

 

“Can I…” Connor is hesitant in a way Evan’s never seen him before. “Can I hug you?”

 

Evan nods and Connor wraps his arms around him.

 

And it all comes flooding into focus.

 

Connor’s terrified, desperate eyes looking down at him as he placed his hand on his abdomen and did something completely outside the realm of possibility.

 

Connor waving his hand over Evan’s cast, leaving his name in big, blocky letters.

 

Connor pouring hot sauce into a chocolate milkshake and talking about his home planet.

 

Connor, holding him on the floor of his kitchen, next to his mother’s dead body.

 

_“Please. If you… if you care about me in any way, if you feel anything for me, you’ll do this for me. Please.”_

 

_“I can’t. I’m sorry, I wish I could. I would if I could. I just can’t.”_

 

It takes a moment for Evan to realize Connor’s talking.

 

“I wish I could make this better. I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could have… I wish I’d… I’m just so fucking _sorry._ ”

 

“It doesn’t feel real,” Evan says, his voice shaky. “It just doesn’t feel real at all.”

 

“I know,” Connor says soothingly. “I know. It doesn’t feel real to me, either. Your mom… she was awesome.”

 

“She was,” Evan agrees, sniffing. “She was… she was all I had for so long. Now there are all these… never mind.”

 

Connor pulls away slightly and looks at him carefully. “All these what?”

 

“I have to decide what I’m going to do,” Evan says, feeling even more lost. “What I’m going to do. Where I’m going to go.”

 

“Go?” Connor repeats, frowning. “Evan, you’re… you’re not going anywhere. You’re staying here. With me. I’m not… I’m here, I’m going to keep you safe.”

 

“Nothing’s safe, Connor,” he says, shaking his head. “Someone murdered my mother, and for what? Our shitty TV? It’s not… I don’t… I can’t go back there.”

 

“You’re not going back there,” Connor says fiercely. “My parents said they’d organize movers to pack down your house. They offered to let you stay here with us.”

 

“I don’t know if I can,” Evan admits, his voice small.

 

He can feel the confusion coming off Connor in waves. Confusion, and fear, and sadness, and frustration, and guilt, and… something. Kind of like a cold hand grabbing at his insides, except maybe that’s him. He doesn’t know. He can’t tell anymore.

 

“What do you mean?” Connor asks carefully.

 

“I just…” Evan takes a deep breath and tries to explain. “It’s too much. It’s… you shut me out and you shut down, and there’s all this… Czechoslovakian drama and it’s terrifying. It’s so _terrifying._ And you’ve got this chance to learn about your history and get some answers about your planet, and… that’s not something I can be a part of. And I can’t… I can’t watch it from this close, I just can’t.”

 

“You’re more important than that,” Connor says fiercely. “You’re… fuck, Evan, you mean so much more to me than all of that.”

 

“But it doesn’t make sense,” Evan replies. “You have this whole other life, and I… I’m not part of it. And I’m lost, and I’m… you found out this big thing about yourself, and you wouldn’t let me in, and maybe that’s… you don’t need me. Not like this.”

 

Connor pulls back like Evan slapped him. “Are you… are you breaking up with me?”

 

Evan’s not sure. Evan’s floating above the room, looking down on this. The movie is too sad. He’d change the channel if he could.

 

“I don’t think so,” Evan says, his voice very very quiet. “But… it’s… it’s all too much right now. The Czechoslovakian stuff. I thought… my dad wants me to come to Colorado for while. And I thought I’d maybe go.”

 

Connor staring at him with wide eyes.

 

Evan’s getting so much emotion from him that it would knock him over if he were really here.

 

Guilt. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Regret.

 

“I fucked it up,” Connor says.

 

Evan wants to shake his head and assure him that’s not the case. But he’s not sure he has the energy to lie.

 

He’s not sure if it is a complete lie.

 

But he’s not sure it isn’t, either.

 

“I don’t really know my dad,” Evan says slowly. “But… maybe a break from all of… _this_ is what I need. Just for a little while.”

 

Connor’s blinking a lot. Evan realizes dimly that he’s trying not to cry.

 

“Will you come back?”

 

“I don’t know,” Evan says honestly. “I don’t know anything. I don’t… I can’t… this is all… my dad and my stepmom want me to stay for awhile, and I’ve never really had that, and… it could be… at least I won’t have to be alone.”

 

“You wouldn’t be alone if you stayed here,” Connor says, his voice shaky. “With us. With me, and Zoe, and Jared and Alana. You’ve got… you’ve got people, you’re not… fuck, I’m so sorry, I hate that I made you feel this way, like you’re-”

 

“This isn’t about you,” Evan interrupts.

 

He’s not sure if he’s lying.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save her. I… I wish I could have.”

 

“It’s… it happened and we can’t change that.”

 

“I love you.”

 

The words nearly drag Evan back from where he’s hovering on the ceiling.

 

Nearly.

 

They would, if they were true.

 

They would, if they weren’t just a desperate attempt to get him to stay.

 

“I love you, too,” Evan says simply, because what else is there to say. “I do. I really do. I’ve wanted to tell you for ages. But… we always said there was a time limit on this-”

 

“Stop,” Connor says, his voice ragged. “Just stop. I don’t give a fucking fuck about some planet that wants me to go to war for it. I don’t. It’s not _real_. It’s a fucking universe away. _You’re_ what’s real. I am so _fucking in love with you_ and I can’t lose you. I can’t. Please don’t… please don’t go.”

 

“Just for a while,” Evan says, not sure why he’s arguing.

 

He wants to change the channel.

 

He’s not enjoying this movie anymore.

 

“You’ll come back?”

 

Evan nods. “I’ll come back. I just… need to _try_ for a while. A few weeks, maybe? A month? I don’t know. Just… I can’t deal with the Czechoslovakian stuff right now.”

 

“Fuck the Czechoslovakian stuff,” Connor says heatedly. “We’ll tell Zel to fuck the fuck off. We’ll be normal. I won’t use my powers, we’ll find a way to turn yours off, we’ll be fucking _normal_. We’ll get burgers and go see movies and skip class and hang out at the apple orchard and… it’ll be fine. I promise it’ll be _fine_.”

 

“You can’t promise that.”

 

Connor is definitely crying now.

 

Evan wants to hold him and tell him it’s going to be okay.

 

But it’s not real.

 

None of it is real.

 

So what’s the point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am very sorry for causing you all this distress. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me. 
> 
> I promise things are going to get better eventually. 
> 
> This story will have a happy ending, and it will keep being very regularly updated until it's complete.


	34. The Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan gets on a plane.

Evan’s dad kind of looks like a taller version of him.

 

That’s all that Zoe can think as she sits awkwardly in the living room with Alana, Jared, her parents and Evan’s dad.

 

She thinks his name is Dan but she can’t really remember. Dan Smith, maybe?

 

Clearly, Evan has his mom’s last name.

 

Oh god, Evan’s _mom._

 

“How long is the flight?” Alana asks Evan’s dad quietly. “Maybe we could visit. If he decides to stay long term.”

 

“About five hours,” replies Evan’s dad. “And that would be nice. You’re all very welcome to visit if he does decide to stay.”

 

“Did he say what he was planning?” Jared asks. His voice is quiet, too.

 

It’s like they’re all talking at this weird low volume because talking at a normal volume is just going to break everything.

 

Evan’s dad shakes his head. “I’ve contacted your high school. For the next couple of weeks at least, he’ll be completing all his school work from home. My sister-in-law is a teacher, she’s willing to help if there’s anything he needs.” He gives them a soft smile that’s so reminiscent of Evan it kind of hurts. “I didn’t think it would be great for him to go straight to a new school. I know he gets anxious.”

 

The uncharitable part of Zoe, who knows that Evan’s dad has been completely out of his life since he was seven, wants to ask how he knows that.

 

There’s also a big part of Zoe who wants to run upstairs and shake Evan and ask him what the hell he’s thinking, going halfway across the country with a man who’s basically a stranger.

 

When Evan told the rest of the group what he was planning, there’d been… mixed reactions. No one was thrilled with the idea he was leaving, but both Jared and Alana seemed to think that maybe some space from the alien bullshit would make things easier for him in the long run.

 

Zoe’s worried.

 

She’s very, very worried.

 

She’s worried that he won’t be able to deal with his abilities alone.

 

She’s worried that he’ll get sick and his dad will try to take him to the doctor and they’ll find out he’s not human.

 

She’s worried that he’ll hurt himself.

 

She’s very, very, very worried that he’ll hurt himself.

 

She doesn’t know how to explain this to Evan’s dad.

 

“He’s been seeing a therapist,” Jared says suddenly. “Have you talked to his therapist about this? Is there a plan for him to see someone in Colorado?”

 

Evan’s dad nods. “Yes, I’ve spoken with his therapist about… what happened. Another family friend of mine is a therapist, funnily enough. A good friend of my wife’s.” He looks apologetic. “She wanted to be here but couldn’t get off work, unfortunately.”

 

Zoe thinks that Evan once mentioned his dad ran off with a cocktail waitress and refrains from commenting something sarcastic. It’s not going to help right now.

 

“Shall we see if Evan and Connor need any help?” Alana says to Zoe and Jared quietly.

 

“Give them a bit more time,” Zoe replies quietly. “Just a bit more time alone together.”

 

Evan’s dad looks at his watch then frowns. “We’ll need to head off in about 10 minutes,” he says, his tone apologetic. “If you… if you wouldn’t mind checking in with Evan and saying your goodbyes.”

 

Alana, Zoe and Jared file upstairs quietly. The door to the guest room is wide open. Connor and Evan are sitting on the bed holding hands. They’re not saying anything.

 

“Your dad says you’ll need to get going soon,” Alana says to Evan softly. “Are we coming with you to the airport?”

 

Evan shakes his head. “No. I… I’m sorry, I just can’t. Not in public like that.”

 

“That’s okay,” Jared assures him. “It’s fine.”

 

“We’re really going to miss you,” Zoe says, choking back a sob. “Come back to us, okay?”

 

Evan nods. “I will. I just… I will.”

 

Evan stands up and Zoe pulls him into a tight hug. “Be safe,” she says quietly. “Be safe, and look after yourself, and don’t do anything fucking stupid or I swear to god, I’ll… just please look after yourself. Promise.”

 

“I promise.” Evan’s words are muffled.

 

Zoe pulls back. “When you get to your room in Colorado, take a picture of it and message it to me,” she instructs. “If I can see it, I can get there in an emergency. If you need anything. I mean it.”

 

“Okay. I will.”

 

“The folks and I are gonna help pack up your place,” Jared tells Evan. “I promise to guard of all your weird tree books with my life.”

 

Evan kind of laughs. “Thanks, Jared.”

 

They hug for a long time.

 

Then it’s Alana’s turn, and she’s already crying. “Evan, I’m so sorry. I really hope you get the break you need in Colorado and come back to us feeling better, okay? And if you need us, we’re just a phone call away. And we can Skype, and there’s Facebook, and there’s just… you’re not alone, and even if we’re not in the same place, we’re still all here for you. We all love you and want you to be okay.”

 

Evan reaches over and pulls Alana into a hug. “Thank you,” he says quietly. “I’m glad we’re friends.”

 

Evan turns to Connor.

 

Zoe takes Alana’s hand.

 

“I’m coming back,” Evan says, his voice hesitant. “I wish I could tell you when, but… I am, so don’t worry.”

 

“Okay,” Connor replies, his voice tight and clipped. “Just… please be safe. Please. Don’t… just, don’t do anything… I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“Can I…” Connor trails off. “Text me when you arrive safely.”

 

The five of them end up in an awkward group hug. It’s messy and it’s soggy because, by this stage, they’re all kind of crying, but it’s cathartic in the best kind of way.

 

The five of them are a team.

 

No matter what happens.

 

Jared picks up Evan’s bag. It’s encouragingly small, and Zoe lets herself hope that this separation is going to be short.

 

She’s not sure when she started considering Evan family but she knows that she does.

 

They head to the living room.

 

There are more hugs and more tears. Promises to keep in touch. Zoe’s dad and Evan’s dad are discussing something in hushed tones that Zoe doesn’t really care about - she hears the words ‘estate’ and ‘shipping’ thrown around, but doesn’t want to think about it.

 

She’s giving Evan one last hug before she realizes it. “Remember,” she whispers into his ear, “photo of your room. As soon as you’re settled.”

 

Then Evan and his dad are out the door.

 

Connor stares at the door for a long moment, before turning around and heading upstairs without a word.

 

The rest of the day passes in a bit of a blur. Zoe, Alana and Jared watch TV and eat pizza and periodically check on Connor, who refuses to join them, and Zoe tries very hard not to let that worry her.

 

It’s late in the evening when she gets a text from Evan.

 

It’s a photo of a room - blue walls, a double bed, a small desk. There’s a bookshelf and a cactus on the windowsill.

 

It looks like somewhere Evan could belong.

 

That hurts.

 

Zoe makes a decision. She teleports into Connor’s room.

 

Connor’s lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and doesn’t even react when she arrives.

 

“We’re going to see Evan,” she announces. “He just sent me a picture. I can teleport us there right now.”

 

“No.”

 

Zoe blinks. “What do you mean, no.”

 

“No,” he repeats. “Fuck off.”

 

“I thought you’d want to see him,” Zoe ventures.

 

“Yeah, well, you thought wrong.”

 

Connor rolls over and buries his face in his pillow.

 

Zoe sighs. “Connor, come on.”

 

“He needs space,” comes the muffled reply. “He moved to another fucking state because he needs space. So I’m giving it to him.”

 

Zoe sighs again. “He wouldn’t have sent me a photo if he didn’t want us to visit.”

 

“You can visit. Tell him hey from me.”

 

“Hey? Really?”

 

“Fuck offffffff.”

 

Zoe looks at the photo on her phone and concentrates.

 

Then she’s in Colorado, face to face with a slightly stunned Evan.

 

“I didn’t think you’d come straight away,” he says quietly.

 

She looks at him closely. His eyes are very, very red.

 

He’s been crying.

 

“How was the flight?” she asks.

 

“Long.”

 

“Connor says hey.”

 

Evan nods. “Say hey back.” He looks down. “He didn’t want to come with you, did he.”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “No. He… wanted to give you space.”

 

“That’s probably best,” Evan agrees. “Just for a while.”

 

Zoe sits down next to Evan on the bed. “Are you going to be okay?” she asks. “Really, I mean. There’s just… you’re so far away, and I know I can get here as quick as anything, but I worry. About your abilities, and you being alone, and you not really knowing your dad and your stepmom… it just feels _wrong,_  you being here.”

 

“It’s something I need to do,” Evan says simply.

 

Zoe just looks at him. “Okay,” she says finally. “But you keep in touch, okay? Text us, and call us, and Skype us, and let me visit… you’re family, Evan.”

 

“Look after Connor for me, okay?” Evan says quietly. “He’s… I know I hurt him, and I’m sorry, and I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.”

 

“I know,” Zoe replies. “And I will. We’re a team. The five of us. We’re going to get through this. You just do what you need to do and soon we’ll be together again, and we’ll eat burgers and Connor will trick Jared into trying some of his milkshake with ghost pepper sauce and it’ll be fucking hilarious.”

 

That gets a small smile from Evan. “You guys mean so much to me,” he says finally. “I’m sorry I… it’s not… I’m just…”

 

“It’s okay,” Zoe says when it’s clear that Evan can’t quite finish a thought. “I’d better go home. The last thing we need is for your dad to walk in or something.”

 

“He’s giving me space,” Evan says.

 

Zoe’s not sure if that’s a good thing but doesn’t comment. “What’s your stepmom like?”

 

“Scarily beautiful,” Evan replies. “Like, full on ice queen beautiful. But she’s nice. She’s… a little on edge about me being here and I’m not sure why. Apparently tomorrow I’m going to meet some family friends. There’s a cousin or something my age or a little older.”

 

Zoe nods. “That could be cool?”

 

Evan nods back. “Yeah. It could be.”

 

They hug for what feels like the hundredth time that day. “Be safe,” Zoe says, for what also feels like the hundredth time that day.

 

“Thank you for coming,” Evan replies.

 

Zoe goes home.

 

And teleports directly into Connor’s room.

 

He hasn’t moved.

 

“Evan’s okay,” she announces. “Thought you’d want to know.”

 

Connor doesn’t reply for a long moment. Then finally, a response.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Zoe sits on the end of Connor’s bed. Connor turns over and sits up. His hair is greasy and a complete mess. He looks like someone’s washed all of the color out of him. “Are you okay?” she ventures.

 

Connor shakes his head. “Fuck no.”

 

“Will you be?”

 

“Probably?” Connor takes a deep breath. “I think we should help Zel contact Antar.”

 

Zoe frowns. “Do you really want to think about that right now?”

 

“It’s better than thinking about Evan,” Connor points out. “We can help them contact Antar, get you your answers. Figure things out.”

 

“What about…” Zoe trails off. “Connor, I don’t want you to go back and fight a war. I don’t… regardless of how skilled you were in some past life, I can’t… I won’t see you put yourself in danger like that.”

 

“I’ve got nothing to lose,” he says wryly.

 

“Yes you _do_ ,” Zoe snaps. “Don’t be an idiot.”

 

“We’ll just help Zel contact Antar,” Connor offers. “Just contact. We do that, and then we figure it out from there. If you don’t want me to go back, I won’t.”

 

Zoe sighs. “Just… don’t do anything fucking stupid because Evan’s not here.”

 

Connor flops back onto his bed. “Whatever.”

 

“Connor, I’m serious.”

 

“Just contact,” he repeats. “For now.”

 

“Just contact,” Zoe replies. “That’s it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a brand new day, folks. Things are going to get a lot less angsty from here on. We've passed the darkest part of this story, and things aren't going to be the same. But they're going to continue. 
> 
> I would say we're about 2/3 of the way through this story, for those of you wanting to keep track. 
> 
> Strap in for less angst and more alien shenanigans.


	35. The Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor goes back to school and learns something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt the conga line of angst to bring you alien shenanigans.

Connor does not want to go back to school.

 

No, that’s too light a sentiment to really express what he’s thinking.

 

Connor would rather have his eyes ripped out by a giant fucking chicken than go back to school.

 

Because school is a cesspool of idiotic humans who think he’s some kind of psycho and the one good thing about it just moved to fucking Colorado, for god knows how long, so… yeah. He does not want to go back to school.

 

But Monday rolls around and he finds himself going anyway.

 

Because he hasn’t got the energy to fight with his mother over it.

 

Or his father.

 

Or his sister.

 

And… well… at least at school, he can talk to Zel.

 

Get the ball rolling on this whole ‘contacting Antar’ thing.

 

He’d be doing something useful, at least. Better than just sitting around and waiting for Evan to come back.

 

(There’s a voice in his head that’s telling him that Evan isn’t coming back. Not ever. He’s trying not to listen to it, but it gets louder every day.)

 

He lets Zoe drive, because his concentration is practically non-existent, and avoids all of her attempts at talking to him and pretends he’s not listening when she tries to tell him that she hasn’t heard from Evan in a few days and she’s not sure whether she should check in physically or just leave him be.

 

Connor hopes Evan’s okay.

 

He hopes it’s not too weird with his dad.

 

He hopes Evan’s stepmother is nice.

 

He hopes that Evan’s dad and stepmother make sure he’s sleeping, and eating, and keep a really close eye on him, because…

 

Connor’s not going to think about that.

 

He’s not going to think about the park.

 

He’s not going to think about Evan jumping out of a tree.

 

Because if he thinks about that, then he is going to lose his damn mind.

 

Instead of going to first period, he sits in the janitor’s closet and thinks about Evan. Thinks about their second kiss, right here in this janitor’s closet. And so many other kisses, in this janitor’s closet.

 

He thinks about Evan’s lips on his, Evan’s hands in his hair, Evan’s smile…

 

Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

 

Not helping.

 

Then it’s time for history, which was the whole damn reason he bothered going to school. Zel barely looks at him when he comes into the classroom. Connor puts his head down on the desk and pretends to nap, just to give the alien an excuse to hold him after class.

 

It works.

 

The door locks, as per usual, and Zel looks straight at Connor. Looks him up and down.

 

“Have you and your sister reached a decision?” she asks.

 

“We’ll help you contact Antar,” Connor says. “We can’t promise we’ll go back, but we’ll help you make contact.”

 

Zel blinks. “That will have to suffice,” she says finally. She is looking at Connor in an appraising manner, taking in his appearance. He knows he looks like shit. Zel’s expression seems to soften for a moment. “I was… made aware of your… of Evan Hansen’s circumstances,” she says. “The staff of the school were informed.”

 

“So you know that his mother was murdered and he’s gone to Colorado for god knows how long,” Connor says flatly. “Awesome.”

 

Zel looks… almost sympathetic. “Perhaps this is not the best time to focus on contacting Antar,” she says. “Not while you are emotionally compromised.”

 

“This is the best time to focus on contacting Antar,” Connor argues. “I need… fuck, I need something to distract me. Fuck being emotionally compromised.”

 

Zel just looks at him for a long moment. “I was under the impression that you do not always have the best control of your abilities,” she says finally.

 

It takes all the self-control Connor has to not reply with a vicious “no shit”. Instead, he just rolls his eyes.

 

“I could perhaps assist,” Zel offers tentatively. “I have had more time to come to terms with how my physiology has changed on this planet. I could train you. Teach you how to control what you can do. It would help us both if you had more control.”

 

Connor just stares.

 

Because… yeah, not being afraid he’s going to blow shit up if he’s in a bad mood would be… fucking awesome.

 

Knowing how to control what’s happening.

 

God, having some kind of control sounds… amazing.

 

He’s felt so out of control his entire life.

 

 _Everything_ has been out of his control. His whole life.

 

But if he could… if he could make sense of things, if he could control what he could do, then he wouldn’t hurt people by accident anymore.

 

He could make sure everyone around him was safe.

 

He could make sure _Evan_ was safe.

 

It’s…

 

It’s the best damn offer he could hope for.

 

“I’d like that,” he says finally.

 

Zel smiles. “We can start as soon as you’re ready.”

 

Connor blinks. “You mean, as soon as you’ve finished teaching. You’re still the substitute, you know.”

 

Zel laughs. “I assure you, I would much rather be training you than teaching classes of insipid teenagers. Give me half an hour to effectively end this engagement. I will meet you in the parking lot.”

 

“Um, okay.”

 

Zel goes to unlock the door, then turns around. “Obviously I will be wearing a different face,” she says matter-of-factly. “Do not be alarmed.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Half an hour later, Connor’s smoking in the parking lot. It’s still really fucking cold, and he should have brought a better jacket, but whatever.

 

A guy about Connor’s age and height approaches him, hands in his pockets. He’s got kind of shaggy ginger hair and glasses. Connor narrows his eyes.

 

“Shall we depart?” says the ginger guy.

 

Ah. Okay. Right.

 

Connor stubs his cigarette out between his fingers. “This your new look?”

 

“I would assume that were obvious.”

 

“Yup, it’s definitely you, Zel.” Connor puts his own hands in his pockets because it’s really, really fucking cold. “Zoe drove today, so I don’t have keys.”

 

“I have a vehicle,” Zel says. “Follow me.”

 

Turns out Zel’s vehicle is… not what Connor’s expecting. He doesn’t know shit about cars, but he’s pretty sure Larry would lose his mind over this thing. It’s clearly vintage or whatever, and it’s just… really nice. “This is yours?” Connor asks.

 

Zel smiles. It’s a weird thing to watch. It makes him look as young as his face. “I have lived on this planet for 40 years,” he points out. “I am not immune to its simple pleasures.”

 

They get in the car and drive.

 

And drive.

 

And drive.

 

Connor has no fucking clue where they’re going.

 

It idly crosses his mind that Zel could be dragging him out to the middle of nowhere to kill him or some shit. That thought doesn’t really bother him that much, which is… probably something he should be bothered about, but… fuck, he’s tired. He’s tired and he’s sad and he’s lost, so whatever happens to him is just… whatever.

 

Nearly half an hour later, they’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.

 

Which also looks… weirdly familiar.

 

It’s, like, fucking deserted out here. There are trees, which remind Connor of Evan, and there’s lots of dust and some rocks and… it’s like some kind of wasteland.

 

Zel gets out of the car.

 

Connor follows.

 

They walk for nearly twenty minutes.

 

Connor kind of feels like complaining but also doesn’t really think he cares enough to actually do it, so… yeah, he’s just going to walk to the scene of his eventual murder, it’s chill.

 

Except that this place is kind of shaking something loose in the back of his mind.

 

Then there’s a rock in front of them.

 

Zel places his hand on it and it starts to _glow._

 

And then there’s a fucking _door_ in the fucking _rock_ and what the _actual fuck_ -

 

The interior glows blue.

 

Connor follows Zel in.

 

And he knows.

 

He knows where this is.

 

This is where he and Zoe came out of the pods.

 

There’s a deceptively large amount of room in here. It’s well lit, somehow, and the walls are kind of pulsing. Zel looks around for a moment, then takes something from the wall.

 

It’s a kind of blue crystal.

 

He hands it to Connor.

 

“What the fuck do I do with this?”

 

“It should help you focus your energy,” Zel says simply. “Hold onto it and focus. Focus on something that calms you.”

 

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that if I’m some kind of warmongering freak?” Connor asks.

 

Zel raises his eyebrows. “I assure you, there is a way. Focus.”

 

Feeling like a fucking idiot, Connor closes his eyes and focuses on the crystal in his hand.

 

And thinks about Evan.

 

Thinks about his smile and his laugh and the way his nose crinkles and his freckles and his hair. About eating pizza with Evan. About watching sunsets with Evan. About standing outside in the snow with Evan, watching him catch a snowflake on his tongue.

 

He can feel this kind of weird… energy flow through him.

 

The crystal starts to hover in his hand.

 

“Good,” Zel says, sounding at least a little bit proud. “Now focus the crystal back into the wall.”

 

Connor does.

 

The crystal slots back into place. The whole room begins to glow a little brighter.

 

“Good,” Zel says again. “Now call it back to you.”

 

Connor extends his hand.

 

And nothing happens.

 

Zel frowns. “You can do this, Connor. Just… focus on something calming.”

 

He thinks about Evan wearing his hoodie, napping on the couch.

 

The crystal floats back to him.

 

Zel nods in approval. “Good. Very good. That’s… it’s smoother, is it not? With practice, you can improve your speed. Accuracy. It’s all about practice and staying calm, and peace of mind.” Zel smiles. “You have so much power, Connor. Once you learn to control it… you have limitless potential.”

 

For the first time in a week, Connor smiles.

 

Maybe he’s not such a fucking waste of space after all.

 

He slots the crystal back into place in the wall. Then starts the process over again.

 

He’s going to get this right.


	36. The Cactus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan meets the family in Colorado.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said this was kind of a crossover?
> 
> Yeah, now it's definitely a crossover.

Evan’s first few days in Colorado pass by like a blur. He sleeps a lot of the time. Zoe, Jared and Alana text constantly. So constantly that he just… turns off his phone and stays in bed.

 

He doesn’t check his phone again so he doesn’t know if Connor is trying to contact him, but he suspects that he isn’t.

 

His stepmom, Isabel, checks on him sporadically. She brings him food every now and then, but doesn’t force conversation, or force him to eat. She doesn’t say much, but she does seem nice.

 

The emotions he gets from her are strong, he notices. There’s sadness and sympathy, but there’s also an undercurrent of fear he can’t quite get his head around.

 

If he were feeling better, he might actually wonder why, but he doesn’t think he has the energy.

 

It’s on his third day in Colorado that there’s a knock on the door and an unfamiliar face pokes its head in.

 

“Evan?”

 

Evan looks up. He’s just been… sitting. Thinking about reading a book, but not really having the energy to go to his bag and take it out.

 

“Uh, hi?” Evan says, kind of stupidly.

 

The guy is tall, muscular and blonde, maybe a year or so older than Evan. He waves kind of goofily and smiles wide.

 

“I just wanted to introduce myself,” he says. “I’m Zan. I’m your…. step-cousin?”

 

“Zan?” Evan repeats. “That’s, uh…”

 

“Weird, I know,” he agrees, still smiling. “It’s weird. It’s a long story.” He looks a bit uncertain all of a sudden. “Do you mind if I come in?”

 

Evan doesn’t really know, but he doesn’t want to be rude, so… “It’s fine, come in.”

 

Zan comes through the door and closes it quietly behind him. He looks around, then fixates on the cactus on the windowsill. “Oh hey, there’s Fluffy.”

 

“Fluffy?” Evan echoes.

 

Zan goes a little pink. “Sorry. I helped Uncle Dan pick it out. He was on your Instagram and saw that you really like trees and nature and plants, so we figured that something green in your room could be cool.” Zan points at the cactus. “I named him Fluffy because he’s a prickly mother-fucker and I thought it was funny.”

 

Evan is painfully reminded of Connor. Something must have shown on his face because Zan frowns. “You okay, man?” he asks. Then he shakes his head. “Sorry, that’s the dumbest question, of _course_ you’re not okay. I know why you’re here. The Dead Mom Club is, like, the worst thing to be a member of. I’m sorry to welcome you into our ranks.”

 

Evan’s not sure what to say. Then he latches on to the last thing Zan said. “Your mom’s dead?”

 

Zan nods. “When I was, like, 1? It was… same as my name, super long story, but I was in foster care for awhile, then eventually when I was… 4, I think, my dad found me and I’ve been with him and Liz every since.” He stops. “Liz is my stepmom. My dad is Max, and he’s Isabel’s brother. And Isabel’s married to Dan, so… that’s how we’re cousins. Or step-cousins. I don’t really know how it works.”

 

“I don’t, either,” Evan says quietly. “Uh, thanks for the cactus. You’re right, I… I do like nature.”

 

“Uncle Dan’s always saying that,” Zan says fondly. “He started a garden over the summer. Kept saying he should invite you to stay and help with it, but Aunt Isabel was…” Zan goes a bit pale. “Never mind, I shouldn’t… just ignore me.”

 

“Let me guess,” Evan says bitterly. “Isabel doesn’t want me here.”

 

“It’s not that,” Zan assures him. “It’s really not. Aunt Isabel is cool, she just worries. There’s… I don’t really have a way to explain it, but my family’s always been kind of… insular. Like, there’s Dad and Liz, there’s Uncle Michael and Aunt Maria - basically my parents’ best friends - and then there’s Aunt Isabel, and then when she met Dan, he kind of became part of the group. I had, like, another uncle, but there was an accident when I was… eleven, I think? And… this is way too much information, you didn’t sign up for this, I’m really sorry.”

 

Zan rambles, Evan notices. It’s kind of comforting, knowing his own tendency to do the same. “It’s okay,” Evan says. “You don’t… families are weird. I get it. It’s only ever just been me and my mom, ever since my dad… well, I get that they’re all different.”

 

Evan gets a very strong wave of guilt off Zan at that moment. He blinks and tries to work through it. Zan frowns.

 

It’s almost like he’s…

 

Evan doesn’t want to think about alien conspiracies right now.

 

“Uncle Dan was thinking about inviting the family around for dinner tonight,” Zan says after a moment’s silence. “I said I’d check in with you and introduce myself and… I don’t know, I thought it might be better for you to have someone closer to your age, seeing as the rest of the family is, like, adults.”

 

“That could be okay,” Evan says. He’s not completely sure if it will be, but… well, he’s here, and he may as well get used to these people.

 

Zan smiles. “Cool. You’re not a vegetarian, are you? Uncle Michael usually does the cooking and he’s basically… he just cooks fast food. Burgers. So many burgers. Oh my god.”

 

“I’m not,” Evan assures him. “It sounds nice. Having a big extended family.”

 

“It’s not really big,” Zan replies. “It’s just… well, it’s just the 6 of them and me. We all kind of live in each other’s pockets, weirdly.” He smiles. “They can be a bit much, but they’re cool.”

 

Evan nods. “Okay.”

 

Maybe this will be okay.

 

Dinner is… loud. Or maybe Evan’s life has just been so, so, so quiet for the last… god, has it only been a week… that it feels loud in comparison.

 

Zan kind of sticks by his side, though, which is good, because, despite the fact that Zan basically looks like he should be the star quarterback, he’s way nicer than any athlete has ever been to Evan and seems to genuinely want him around.

 

It takes him a while to get a decent impression of everyone because he just can’t focus on this many people, but eventually, he starts to get the hang of things.

 

Zan’s dad Max is basically a brunette version of Zan, only older and quieter. He, Michael and Evan’s dad all work in security of some description. Evan isn’t quite sure exactly what, but he knows they all work together. When Zan introduces him, his lips kind of quirk up like there’s a joke Evan’s not quite getting. Max doesn’t say a lot, but he has a dry sense of humor that has Evan laughing more than once, despite himself.

 

Liz is also brunette, with big dark eyes that look worlds older than she does, somehow. She’s a teacher, she explains to Evan, and is happy to help him with anything he needs to keep up with his schooling. It’s agreed she’ll come around every couple of days to work with him. She’s kind, Evan decides. He could eventually quite like spending time with Liz.

 

Maria’s all blonde hair and curves and full lips and she and Michael are constantly, _constantly_ at each other’s throats, but in an affectionate way, and Zan explains that they are literally always like this. It seems absolutely exhausting to Evan. At some point in the evening, Maria takes Evan aside and very calmly tells him that she’s a therapist, and despite the fact that she can ‘talk the hind end off a horse’, she’s actually a very good listener and is here for anything he needs. (Her words, not Evan’s.)

 

He hasn’t quite got a handle on Michael. Michael, very weirdly, reminds Evan of Connor - defensive attitude, sarcastic and a little shut off. He’s watching Evan like a hawk throughout the meal, like there’s something he’s trying to figure out, and it’s so reminiscent of the way Connor watched him all through his mother’s funeral that it kind of makes Evan’s heart hurt. Michael doesn’t say a lot, but he’s definitely paying attention, and that’s enough to make Evan feel a little on edge every time their eyes meet.

 

The biggest wild card is, of course, Isabel. His stepmom is perfectly nice to him and seems sincere, but Zan’s comments earlier had left Evan feeling wary. Isabel spent the most time checking in on him - making sure he was eating, making sure he had everything he needed, asking him about his life back home, asking him about his friends and his interests. He stammered his way through as many responses as he could until Zan took pity on him and told Isabel to “chill with the questions, can’t you see he’s overwhelmed?”

 

The entire room is giving off different emotional energies and Evan can’t put his finger on it. There’s fear - a lot of fear. More than there should be for a room full of adults meeting a completely harmless teenager for the first time. Then again, it could be Evan’s fear. He doesn’t know. Everything is so messed up at the moment, he can’t be sure if he can trust what he’s feeling.

 

And it’s not like he can explain to these people what’s going on with him, anyway.

 

Not for the first time, he wishes he was at home.

 

In his house. With his mom. Eating pizza.

 

Not here, surrounded by strangers, his stomach sinking with fear for reasons he can’t explain.

 

“How are you holding up?”

 

Evan turns to see his dad standing next to him, hanging him a soda. Evan takes it. “I’m okay,” he lies.

 

His dad smiles a little sadly. “You don’t have to be okay,” he tells him softly. “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”

 

“I don’t think…” Evan trails off. “I don’t think there’s anything. Sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” his dad replies, sounding a little stunned. “Look, I know I haven’t been around. I’m the one who needs to be sorry for that. There was… there’s no excuse for it, and I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. I haven’t been a dad to you. But you’re still my son and I love you so much and whatever you need, I’ll do my best to make it happen for you.”

 

His dad rambles a bit, too. Evan kind of finds that comforting.

 

Later that night, after the ‘extended family’ has all gone home, Evan’s doing the dishes (despite being told repeatedly that he doesn’t have to, he feels like he should, and at least it’s something to do) and hears the sounds of raised voices in the next room.

 

He’s not sure what possesses him to stand closer to the door and listen in.

 

“His mother just _died_ , Isabel. She was _murdered_. I want him here, with me, at least for a little while. To get away from those memories. You know all about getting away from memories.”

 

“There’s something… I can’t explain it, but I know there’s _something_ strange about him, Dan!”

 

“He’s my _son_.”

 

“I know he’s your son, but you need to _trust me_ on this. I’ve spent my whole life hiding. I’ve developed a pretty good radar for things that are out of the ordinary. And things that are out of the ordinary? They’re usually dangerous.”

 

“You can’t possibly be telling me you think that _Evan_ is going to hurt you.”

 

“That’s not what I said! But there’s something not _normal_ about him.”

 

“ _He’s a normal kid,_ Isabel. I stayed away to give him the chance to be a normal kid. I left him, I left _Heidi,_  to give them a chance at a normal life. You know that. You _know_ what I gave up. For you. For… all of this.”

 

“I know you did, and I’m grateful-”

 

“I don’t need you to be _grateful,_  Isabel, I need you to let me help my son get through what just happened to him. I need you to let go of your paranoia and let me be a _father._ ”

 

“My _paranoia_ is what’s kept you alive, Dan.”

 

“I’m done talking about this.”

 

“You’re done talking about this? Like hell you are!”

 

“He’ll hear you if you don’t stop yelling!”

 

They stop abruptly.

 

Evan’s heart is pounding so hard he thinks he’s going to black out.

 

“I don’t want to fight about this, Dan.”

 

“I’m not loving it either.”

 

“Of course I think you should be there for your son. Of _course_ I do. I just… look, it’s been us for so long. Having someone else here… it’s putting me on edge.”

 

“I agree.”

 

“I could… investigate.”

 

“No. _No_ , Isabel.”

 

“He wouldn’t know.”

 

“I won’t let you do that.”

 

“Like you could stop me!”

 

“Okay, so I couldn’t stop you. But I can ask you to leave him alone. _Leave my son alone._ He’s been through enough.”

 

It’s quiet for a while. Evan can barely make out Isabel’s reply.

 

“Alright.”

 

Evan slinks back to the sink and finishes the dishes. His mind is a million miles away.

 

He doesn’t know what he’s stumbled onto here in Colorado, but whatever it is, it’s all gotten a lot more complicated than he originally anticipated.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are officially in crossover territory, kiddos. It's only taken 36 chapters. 
> 
> For those of who've actually watched Roswell, I'm playing fast and loose with canon, but we're set well after the series finale now, and I'm ignoring any inconsistencies with the Roswell narrative by saying that this is an alternate universe. 
> 
> For those of you who haven't watched Roswell, there'll be some spoilers, but not huge amounts. If you so desire to watch the show, you'll get to know all the characters who've shown up here, but a good 16 years younger. 
> 
> They are great characters and I love them. I hope you do, too. But rest assured, this is primarily a DEH fic, and the main focus will be on Evan and the gang.


	37. The Skype Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang talk to Evan via Skype.

Jared starts spending a lot of time with Alana and Zoe. It definitely wasn’t how he saw the year going when it started, that’s for sure.

 

But with Evan gone and Connor… more or less constantly AWOL, it made sense for the three of them to stick together.

 

It takes about a week to get into a routine. They’re still meeting outside Evan’s locker, for some stupid reason, and they catch up between most classes, and they eat lunch together. Connor’s there whenever he deigns to show up to school, except it’s pretty obvious he’s not really _there._ He’s just kind of… drifting.

 

It’s fucking unnerving.

 

Jared asks Zoe what Connor’s been doing at lunch a few days into their new routine.

 

“Apparently he’s working on… Czechoslovakian things,” she explains, poking at her macaroni with distaste. “Improving. Getting better control over his… abilities. It’s, like, an obsession.”

 

“I guess it’s better than just getting super high,” Alana points out. Zoe shrugs.

 

“Doesn’t he kind of have, like, a habit of blowing shit up?” Jared asks.

 

“Yup.” Zoe pops the final p and continues to stare down her macaroni.

 

Jared can tell she’s pissed, for whatever reason, but keeps going nonetheless. “Well, if he can… you know, stop that, then that’s probably a good thing.”

 

“I just…” Zoe sighs. “I don’t trust it, you know? He’s working to get better control, which means he’s like, constantly with Zel, and that’s fine and all, but Zel wants him to go back to… Czechoslovakia and fight a war. And I feel like… the more time he spends with Zel, the more likely he is to do something fucking stupid. Like leave the planet.”

 

Alana and Jared exchange a look. “Do you think he would?” Jared asks finally.

 

“I don’t fucking know,” Zoe says, clearly frustrated. “I just want him to talk to me. But he’s either out, or just not talking, or… I knew it was going to be bad with Evan gone, but I didn’t think it was going to be _this_ bad, you know?”

 

“I think that there are worse things he could be dealing with this, babe,” Alana says carefully. “On the scale of ‘unhealthy coping mechanisms’, this is… well, it’s definitely not the worst.”

 

“I guess,” Zoe replies. She pushes her macaroni toward Jared. “Do you want this?”

 

“Not particularly.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“We should Skype Evan after school,” Jared suggests, as the thought occurs to him. “He finally texted me back this morning. Says things are going okay. Something about a cousin?”

 

“He said something about a cousin when I talked to him last,” Zoe says, visibly brightening. “I’ll try to find Connor. Maybe Skyping Evan will knock a bit of sense into him.”

 

Zoe goes to throw her lunch tray into the trash. Alana looks at Jared.

 

“Do you think she’s overreacting about the Connor thing?” Jared asks.

 

Alana frowns. “I’m not sure. Zoe worries about Connor a lot, but she also knows him better than anyone except Evan, and I feel like if she’s worried we shouldn’t just… completely ignore it.” Alana sighs. “Maybe we can talk to Evan about it when we Skype?”

 

“I don’t know if that’s really fair,” Jared points out. “He’s dealing with his mom dying. He literally left to get away from all the Czechoslovakian shit. All we’re going to do is worry him unnecessarily. I… I don’t think we should.”

 

“Zoe doesn’t think Evan should have left,” Alana says quietly. “She thinks he would have been better off here, with us.”

 

“I don’t think we could have changed his mind,” says Jared with a sigh. “Even if we’d tried, or said something to his dad… at the end of the day, his mom is dead and his dad is who he has now. It makes sense that he’s there.”

 

Zoe comes back, so Alana and Jared stop the conversation there.

 

Jared texts Evan and asks if they can Skype that afternoon.

 

Evan replies almost instantly and asks if they can wait until the weekend. He’s trying to get through school work and has a tutoring session in the afternoon.

 

He lets the rest of the group know. Zoe and Alana are disappointed, but Alana points out that they’re more likely to get Connor to come along with a bit more notice.

 

The week goes by. Jared’s a constant visitor at the Murphy household, along with Alana, where the three of them spend a lot of time revising and watching movies and generally spending time together.

 

It’s better than being at home. Dealing with Jared’s mother is like trying to navigate through broken glass. The littlest things set her off crying and Jared’s just… he doesn’t know how to deal with it, so he leaves her alone as much as he can.

 

He’s not great with emotions.

 

He’s aware he’s being a bit of a coward, but he doesn’t really know how he can help.

 

Friday night Zoe invites him around for a movie marathon, and they manage to drag Connor along for the first few movies. For a while, it’s almost like the group is back to normal again.

 

They’re just missing one important piece.

 

Eventually, they settle on watching the original Star Wars trilogy. Connor bows out somewhere in the middle of Empire Strikes Back, claiming he’s off to bed. Zoe doesn’t look convinced, but she doesn’t push it.

 

By the time the end credits roll on Return of the Jedi, it’s late. Too late for Jared to safely drive home. Zoe offers up the spare room for Jared to use, which he gladly accepts. He sends his mom a text and Zoe escorts him upstairs. Since Alana is also staying over, she suggests they all Skype Evan from her computer in the morning.

 

There are still some of Evan’s things in the Murphys' spare room.

 

The sheets and pillowcases are freshly laundered, but the room still smells faintly of Evan.

 

It’s kind of comforting.

 

Jared really didn’t think he’d miss Evan quite this much.

 

The door opens quietly and there’s Connor, staring at Jared. Looking embarrassed.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in here,” Connor mutters. “I was just gonna…”

 

“Hang out with Evan’s stuff he left behind?” Jared guesses.

 

Connor scowls. “Fuck you.”

 

“I’m not judging,” Jared assures him. “I… I miss him, too. Not like you do, obviously, but… I didn’t think it was gonna suck this much.”

 

Connor just stands there for a long while, then sighs. “Yeah.”

 

“We’re gonna Skype him in the morning,” Jared says. “You in?”

 

Connor looks away. “I don’t know. I guess?”

 

“Have you talked to him since he left?”

 

“Not really.” Connor sighs. “I… I fucked everything up, it’s why he left.”

 

“He left because he needed to get away from all the memories for a bit,” Jared counters. “It’s not your fault his mom died.”

 

“I should have… I should have been able to save her,” Connor mumbles. “If it had just been a bit earlier-”

 

“Do you think we don’t all think that?” Jared almost snaps. “There have been so many nights where I’ve just laid awake, kicking myself that we decided to study at the library that day and not at Evan’s place. Or what if I hadn’t decided we had to stop for McDonald’s? Maybe we’d have gotten there in time. I don’t know. No one knows. And we’re all going to drive ourselves fucking crazy if we think like that.”

 

Connor’s pale. More than usual.

 

He looks so fucking sad.

 

It’s kind of breaking Jared’s heart.

 

“You’re right,” Connor admits. “It’s just… this really sucks.”

 

“It does,” Jared agrees. “It really fucking does.”

 

Against all odds, Jared gets a decent night’s sleep that night. The next morning, Zoe insists on making pancakes, and for some reason she’s putting jalapenos in hers, which Alana finds absolutely horrifying. Jared agrees to try a jalapeno pancakes and immediately regrets it.

 

Zoe goes to wake up Connor.

 

To find that Connor’s left the house.

 

“Shall I go find him?” Zoe asks Alana and Jared. “I can teleport to wherever he is and drag his scrawny ass back here to Skype his boyfriend.”

 

“Maybe just give him a bit of a break,” Jared finds himself suggesting. “We’ll all Skype Evan now and you can maybe drag him to Colorado sometime later in the weekend. Give them some face to face time.”

 

Zoe doesn’t look completely convinced, but agrees with Jared and goes to get her laptop.

 

A few minutes later, Evan’s waving at them from the screen.

 

“Hey guys,” Evan greets them.

 

He looks very, very tired.

 

“Nice cactus,” Jared says by way of greeting.

 

Evan gestures to the cactus on the windowsill. “This is Fluffy.”

 

“Did you name it?”

 

“My cousin did. He thought it was funny.”

 

“It’s a good name for a cactus,” Alana says firmly. “How are you, Evan?”

 

“I’m okay,” he says immediately.

 

“How are you really?” Zoe asks.

 

Evan smiles a little sadly. “I miss you all.” His face falls when he sees them all in frame. “No Connor?”

 

“He’s out,” Zoe says curtly. “But I promise to make him talk to you sometime this weekend, okay? I’ll do whatever it takes.”

 

“I appreciate that,” Evan replies softly. “Thank you, Zoe. I’m sorry I haven’t been great at being in touch… it’s just been kind of overwhelming.”

 

“Just focus on yourself,” Alana insists. “You and your wellbeing are what’s important right now.”

 

“What’s Colorado like?” Jared asks. “Is it Colo-RAD-o?”

 

There’s a collective groan. “Oh my god, Jared, _stop._ ”

 

“Tell us about your cousin!” Zoe exclaims. “You said he was nice?”

 

“He is,” Evan assures them. “He basically looks like a football player - like, he’s a big guy - but he’s kind of a goofball. He’s funny, and he’s nice to me. He’s… well, he’s a lot nicer to me than my stepmom, that’s for sure.”

 

“Is your stepmom a bitch?” Jared asks.

 

Evan frowns. “No, she’s perfectly nice to my face. It’s just… I overheard some things, and they were… weird.”

 

“What kind of weird?” Zoe asks.

 

Evan’s frown deepens. “She, uh, she said something about investigating me? My dad wouldn’t let her, but it was really weird, and she said something about me not being… normal? So… I don’t know what any of it means, and it’s confusing, and… I kind of feel like maybe she… maybe she kind of knows about things she’s… not supposed to know about? But I’m not… I haven’t done anything and it doesn’t make sense, and…”

 

Jared’s heart is seized by the cold hand of panic. “Evan,” he says firmly. “You should have told us about this.”

 

“I haven’t…” Evan sounds lost. “I don’t know what she could know, I haven’t… I’m… I just wanted to get away from all of this.”

 

“Send me her photo,” Zoe says suddenly.

 

Evan blinks. “What?”

 

“Send me her photo,” Zoe repeats. “If I have a photo, then I can… look into things.”

 

Evan kind of stares at them for a while, and then sighs and lowers his head. “It’s never going to be over, is it.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Evan,” Zoe says softly.

 

“I have to go,” Evan says quickly. “I’ll… I’ll text you all later, okay?”

 

The video disappears as Evan hangs up the call.

 

Jared looks over to Zoe, who is very pale. She looks so much like her brother in this moment it’s almost scary.

 

Zoe’s phone beeps.

 

She pulls it out of her pocket and checks it.

 

“He sent the picture.” Zoe looks determined. “I guess I know how I’m spending my Saturday night.”


	38. The Dream Duel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe goes dream-walking and gets a whole lot more than she bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, kids. This one's plot heavy.

Zoe spends the rest of the day mindlessly watching television, waiting for it to get late enough that she can dream-walk Evan’s stepmom.

 

Apparently, her name is Isabel and she used to be a cocktail waitress, but is now doing some kind of reception job, and that’s really all Evan has to say about her.

 

Except that she thinks there’s something weird about Evan.

 

Which is fucking terrifying.

 

Her heart _hurts_ for Evan. He’s just lost his mom. He left to go spend time with the only family he has left. And now there’s this threat hanging over him.

 

Zoe doesn’t care if she has to teleport Evan back home to keep him safe. She’ll fucking do it. Consequences be damned, she just wants him safe.

 

She wants all her friends and family safe.

 

She wants Connor safe.

 

Fuck…

 

The laugh track on whatever stupid TV show she’s watching is starting to grate on her. Alana offered to stay over, but Zoe kind of feels like she’s about to explode and doesn’t really want Alana to have to deal with the mess of emotions she’s feeling.

 

To top it all off, Connor’s not replying to her texts. It doesn’t even look like he’s seen them. Zoe doesn’t know where he is, or how to contact him aside from just teleporting to wherever he is.

 

No matter where Connor is, Zoe will always find him. It’s the one thing she knows.

 

She’s not going to teleport to wherever he is and drag his ass home, though. Not because she’s not worried - she definitely is - but because she’s pissed at him and she can only focus on one crisis at a time right now.

 

One thing is for sure.

 

Isabel Smith better be prepared for her dreams tonight because Zoe Murphy is about to _throw down_.

 

When it’s about 2am in Colorado, Zoe decides she’s waited long enough. Isabel Smith has to be asleep now.

 

She looks at the picture on her phone and grits her teeth in determination.

 

Zoe closes her eyes and touches the photo.

 

She opens her eyes and she’s in a diner.

 

An alien-themed diner.

 

She’s sitting in a booth in her pajamas at an alien-themed diner. Waitresses in green and silver uniforms wearing fake antennae walk past, carrying plates of onion rings and burgers. There’s even a menu on the table.

 

Zoe picks it up and reads it. There’s something called a ‘Will Smith Innocent Bystander Burger’, which you can have with an ‘Unidentified French Frying Object’ and ‘Interplanetary Pickles’.

 

It’s so completely ridiculous, she laughs out loud.

 

And then the room stops.

 

And she can hear a voice.

 

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

 

Zoe stands up, just as the booth dissolves around her. The whole room dissolves around her. It’s dark, except for a spotlight illuminating her.

 

Her heart’s pounding. This isn’t how this is supposed to go.

 

“Who are you? What do you want?”

 

“I want to talk to you about Evan Hansen,” Zoe says, hoping that her voice sounds braver than she feels. “You need to stop. You need to leave him alone.”

 

Another spotlight appears a small distance away.

 

Isabel Smith steps into the light.

 

Zoe Murphy braces herself.

 

“You sent him here to find us, is that it?” Isabel says accusingly. “After all this time.”

 

“I didn’t send him anywhere,” Zoe replies. “He wanted to come. To spend time with his dad. You’re the one who’s threatening him.”

 

Isabel frowns. “I never… who _are_ you?”

 

Isabel extends her hand.

 

Zoe finds herself being pushed back.

 

And falls on the floor of a familiar ballroom, in a familiar blue dress. Dancers swirl around them. Isabel’s dressed for the occasion as well, in something slinky and form-fitting in black. She looks… confused.

 

“You… this isn’t for you to see,” Zoe snaps. “This is mine.”

 

Alana walks toward her and extends her hand to help Zoe up. Zoe, reluctantly, allows this imaginary Alana to help her up. Alana curtseys then is whisked into the dancing crowd. Isabel’s eyes follow Alana with curiosity.

 

“If you lay a hand on her I will _destroy_ you,” Zoe growls. “If you lay a hand on _anyone_ I care about. And that includes Evan.”

 

“You haven’t answered my question,” Isabel says, beginning to extend her hand.

 

But she hasn’t counted on Zoe getting there first.

 

They fly through the air together.

 

Zoe lands on her feet.

 

They’re in a… classroom? But there’s a chandelier. And candles. And wine glasses. And a live band.

 

There’s a man in a suit.

 

No, not a man… just a kid. A kind of geeky looking kid, maybe Zoe’s age. He’s in a suit, and he reaches out his hand to Isabel.

 

Who’s in a black dress and looks decades younger.

 

Isabel just stares at him. Then turns to Zoe, her expression furious.

 

“No!” she yells. “You don’t get to see this. I won’t let you.”

 

Isabel extends her hand toward Zoe at the exact same time as Zoe does the same.

 

And somehow, they’re pulled toward each other.

 

There’s a bright light.

 

And then they’re sitting by a lake. Or, what looks like a lake. The water is red, and it’s moving slower than water should. Zoe looks at Isabel. Who looks back at her, equally bewildered.

 

Then another Isabel appears. Followed by a little girl with soft brown hair. They’re laughing and talking. Isabel tousles the little girl’s hair affectionately.

 

“When I’m big like you, Vilandra, I’ll be able to stay late at all the parties,” says the little girl.

 

The other Isabel - Vilandra? - smiles. “I’m sure you’ll be the prettiest one there, Vaylia.”

 

It takes Zoe a moment to recognize the little girl.

 

It’s _her._

 

Isabel - the one who came into the dream with her - narrows her eyes. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” she asks Zoe. “Why would you show me this?”

 

Isabel extends her hand to attack and Zoe grabs it instinctively.

 

The light engulfs them.

 

Then they’re standing in a cave. Is it a cave? There are glowing walls. There are… pods.

 

Zoe inhales sharply.

 

She knows these pods.

 

Except… in her memory, there were 2. Not 4.

 

She watches a little dark-haired boy step out of a pod, followed by a blonde girl and a boy with unruly brown hair. The fourth pod isn’t ready yet. Somehow she knows that.

 

Somehow she knows that the blonde girl is _Isabel_.

 

There is something in her brain that is starting to slot things into place and it’s making her heart hurt.

 

“These aren’t ours,” Zoe finds herself saying.

 

“What do you mean?” Isabel asks.

 

“Connor and I… we had pods just like this.”

 

Isabel’s eyes widen. “This doesn’t make sense. They wouldn’t… no. We thought… we thought you were… we didn’t know there were others. You’re… you’re Antarian.”

 

Zoe doesn’t know what to say so she just agrees. “We are.”

 

Isabel looks confused, then nods. “Right, they sent you both. I… I can’t believe they sent you both. We thought… we thought you were _dead_.”

 

“We?” Zoe asks. “Who’s we?”

 

“Max and I,” Isabel explains. “Max is my brother. And if you’re who I think you are, he’s your brother, too.” She waves her hand over Zoe’s hand and Zoe’s eyes widen as she sees a V formation in stars appear on her hand. Isabel lets out a choked laugh. “You are. You are who I think you are. That’s it. That’s the royal seal, you can’t fake that.”

 

“The royal seal of Antar,” Zoe realizes. “Holy shit. So you’re…”

 

“Family,” Isabel finishes. “We’re family. You’re Vaylia, my little sister Vaylia, and… they sent Theron, too, didn’t they? I can’t… we never thought we’d see you again.”

 

“You couldn’t find a way back to Antar?” Zoe guesses. “We have… someone’s helping us work on a way to contact Antar, right now. We can… if you want to go home, we can help.”

 

Isabel is shaking her head, and going pale. “No. No, you can’t go back. None of us can go back. Not now, not ever.” Her eyes start to well up with tears. “Everyone’s dead, Vaylia. The whole planet was destroyed. There’s no going back.”

 

The words hit Zoe like a punch to the gut.

 

The whole planet, destroyed?

 

It means she’ll never go home. It means she’ll never have the answers she wants.

 

But… it means that Connor will never have to fight a war.

 

It means she won’t have to leave Alana.

 

It means…

 

What does it mean?

 

“I’m not going to hurt Evan,” Isabel says softly. “I just… I felt something off about him and I panicked. We’ve… we’ve fought. We’ve fought alien rebels and people trying to kill us and the government and… we left our home in Roswell and moved around for years until we finally settled in Colorado and… I panicked, when I sensed something… things that are out of the ordinary usually want to kill us.”

 

“Evan nearly died,” Zoe explains. “But Connor brought him back. And now he’s… different.”

 

Isabel’s eyes widen. There’s a look of pain on her face. “Oh, Dan…” she whispers softly. “Let me show you something,” she says to Zoe.

 

Isabel takes Zoe’s hand.

 

Then they’re in a bar. It’s loud, it’s messy and it reeks of alcohol. Zoe spots Isabel, carrying a plate of cocktails in a too short skirt.

 

The Isabel who brought her here points toward a table. “This is where it happened,” she says. At the table are four men - three brunettes and a sandy blond. Zoe recognizes the blond as Evan’s dad, only about a decade younger.

 

Cocktail waitress Isabel walks over to their table. Isabel and Zoe follow them.

 

“I don’t like the way those guys are looking at you,” says one of the brunettes. He’s got very dark hair, dark eyes and ears that kind of stick out.

 

“Max, it’s fine,” Cocktail Waitress Isabel says, irritated. Then she looks at Evan’s dad. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

 

“Dan Smith,” says Evan’s dad, smiling warmly. “You must be Max’s sister.”

 

“Let me guess,” Cocktail Waitress Isabel says with a roll of her eyes. “Max said I could get you cheap drinks.”

 

“He may have said something along those lines,” Evan’s dad replies, laughing a little.

 

Things go wrong very suddenly.

 

Someone has a gun.

 

They point it at Isabel.

 

Dan Smith jumps in front of the bullet for a woman he just met.

 

Max puts his hand over the bullet wound and Dan walks away without a scratch on him.

 

The room dissolves, and all of a sudden, they’re in someone’s living room. Dan is sitting on the couch, sickeningly pale. Cocktail Waitress Isabel is pacing. Max is hanging his head. The other two men are there, along with a brunette woman and a blonde woman.

 

“You need to tell me what’s going on,” Dan says shakingly. “I… I was dead, and then I wasn’t, and then I woke up the next morning and I could make things float.”

 

He extends his hand and the vase on the table hovers in the air.

 

“We’re aliens,” Cocktail Waitress Isabel says. “We’ve been hiding for so long, but now… someone’s going to find us. We have to go. We have to get out of town.” She stares at Dan. “You need to come with us.”

 

Dan just stares back. “I’m not going anywhere with you,” he replies. “I have a wife. And a son. I’m not just leaving them.”

 

“When Max saved your life, he changed you,” the brunette woman explains, her voice soft. “And that means someone could find you and hurt you. They don’t care who they have to go through to get to you. If you want to protect your family, you need to leave with us.”

 

Dan is shaking his head, his eyes wide and scared. “No. No, this isn’t real.”

 

He looks so much like Evan in that moment that Zoe thinks her heart might break.

 

The brunette woman extends her hand and green sparks dance around her fingers. “I know what you’re going through,” she says, her voice still calm. “This happened to me, too. Me, and Kyle. We’ve been on the run for years. Police are looking into what happened at the bar. We have to get out of town.”

 

“There were dozens of people there that night,” Dan argues. “How are they going to find one person? I’m not going to tell anyone what happened. I promise.”

 

“I believe you,” Max says, his eyes sad. “But… it took Liz a few years for her powers to manifest after I healed her. Kyle didn't get his for nearly six years. Yours appeared straight away. I don’t know why - it affects people differently, I guess. But now that your abilities have manifested, you need to learn how to control them. You need us.”

 

“What am I going to tell my wife?” Dan asks, his voice full of pain. “Sorry, I’m leaving town with an alien cocktail waitress and my buddies from work?”

 

“Tell her you’re leaving her for a cocktail waitress,” the blonde woman says suddenly. “Oldest line in the book. She’ll definitely believe you.”

 

Dan looks horrified at the prospect. “No. No Maria, I’m not doing that.”

 

“You’ve got a kid, right?” says one of the dark haired kids. “Evan, you said?”

 

Dan kind of smiles at the name. “He’s seven. He likes trucks.”

 

“You’d do anything to keep him safe, wouldn’t you?”

 

Dan swallows nervously. “Of course I would.”

 

“Then you have to come with us.”

 

Zoe looks at the Isabel who brought her here. “Evan needs to know this,” she says firmly. “I’m coming to Colorado.”

 

Isabel sighs. “Okay. Let us know when you’re arriving, we can pick you up-”

 

“No,” Zoe interrupts. “I mean wake up. I’ll see you in Evan’s room in 2 minutes.”

 

She pulls herself out of the dream and catches her breath.

 

Then she focuses on a blue bedroom with a cactus on the windowsill.  


	39. The Chamber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets super high in an alien pod chamber.

Connor had every intention of joining the rest of the group to Skype Evan on Saturday morning.

 

Emphasis on had.

 

When he hears Zoe and Alana making pancakes downstairs, he just kind of… panics and climbs out the window.

 

Then he gets into his car and starts driving.

 

Before he knows it, he’s in the middle of fucking nowhere again.

 

So he starts walking.

 

It takes him a few times to find the right rock because all rocks look the fucking same and he doesn’t have Zel here to guide him, but… whatever, he gets there in the end.

 

The cave or whatever is comforting, with all its blue pulsing lights.

 

It’d probably look cool if he were high.

 

Connor reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of weed.

 

Fuck it.

 

He’s getting stoned in an alien cave.

 

His life is that fucked up.

 

A joint later and he’s feeling a bit less like he’s about to explode or shatter into a million pieces, which is… a relief, because if he explodes or shatters into a million pieces, that would be bad. Or something. It’d be bad because if he explodes or shatters into a million pieces, it would take far too long to put him back together again, and no one cares enough about him to deal with his jigsaw shit.

 

Except that Zoe does.

 

And Evan does, too.

 

Probably.

 

Evan probably hates him, Connor decides.

 

Evan probably blames him for killing his mom.

 

Connor knows he didn’t kill Heidi but sometimes he feels like he did, just by not saving her.

 

He rolls another joint.

 

He wonders if he could actually fly now. Now that he’s got the hang of making a whole bunch of shit float. He’s been working on his abilities almost every day for the past week, here in this chamber or whatever, and the crystals can now all float and make some kind of weird sequence, and it’s… kind of pretty, in a way. Like music.

 

Didn’t Zel say that Zoe was a princess of music or some shit?

 

Yeah, that made sense that Zoe’s music talent was, like, otherworldly. Connor likes listening to Zoe play the guitar. She’s really, really good.

 

It’s like all the shit that comes with being a teenage alien goes away when Zoe plays the guitar.

 

Connor wonders if he could ever have something that’d make all the shit that comes with being a teenage alien go away.

 

And then he remembers that he did, but he fucked it up.

 

Evan’s in Colorado and Connor is super high in an alien cave.

 

This is how life is, he supposes.

 

Connor takes his phone out of his pocket and clicks on Evan’s contact.

 

Evan hates answering the phone and he doesn’t like checking his messages either.

 

So Connor’s probably in the clear here.

 

“Hey Evan,” he says. “It’s Connor. Which you know, because it’ll show up as my name on your phone, unless you’ve, like, changed my name to “that mother-fucking alien asshole”, in which case it’ll show up as “that mother-fucking alien asshole”, but I don’t think it would, because you’re too nice for that. Anyway, I just wanted to call you and tell you that I’m really fucking sorry I’m such a mother-fucking alien asshole and also to tell you that I miss you and I wish you were here because things are really shit without you.”

 

Connor takes a deep breath. “Also, I’ve been trying to, like, get better at using the alien powers and shit, so I don’t… keep blowing shit up and maybe I don’t have to, like, fight a war or some shit. Because… I don’t want to fight a war. Even if it’s, like, all I’m supposed to be good for. I just want to hang out with you and kiss you, and maybe climb a tree or something? We could climb a tree. Do you want to climb a tree? I know you really like trees, Evan. I guess they’re cool.”

 

“It’s just really fucking sad that you jumped out of a tree this summer, not just because you wanted to die, but also because you, just, really fucking like trees? So, it’s like, using a thing that you really like to _die_ , and that’s so fucked up. It’s so fucked up you tried to kill yourself, Evan. It’s just so, so, so fucked up and I fucking hate that you felt like that and you felt alone and then when I saved you, it was like… I don’t know, I’d been hiding how I felt about you for ages and then you saw and you fell for me, somehow, even though I knew you liked Zoe.”

 

“You don’t still like Zoe, do you? Everyone likes her more than they like me. I like her more than I like me. But not more than I like you.”

 

“All this shit happened because I saved you, and even though there’s been all this bullshit and alien nightmares and that time someone tried to fucking dissect Jared cos they thought he was you, it’s all been worth it because I got to have you in my life. And that’s… fuck, that’s so fucking messed up? Because I, like, ruined your life. I brought all this crazy alien bullshit to your life and it’s not fair and I’m… I’m a fucking mess, like this massive beacon of destruction, and no wonder I fought all sorts of alien wars on a distant planet.”

 

“I kind of feel like I’m this weird black hole and I just kind of suck all the good stuff out of other people’s lives? Like, there’s legitimately one thing I’ve done in my life that I’m proud of, and that’s saving you. And you didn’t even want to be saved. Like, I didn’t even fucking ask. And I’m not saying that I would have just let you die, because I could never… I couldn’t do that, but I just… I fucking ran in there with some hero complex bullshit, and it’s all a total mess and I didn’t know it was going to get this fucked up. I didn’t. I didn’t know it was going to be like this.”

 

Connor feels like he’s hyperventilating but also really, really slow and is the room spinning? He doesn’t know. It’s all weird and alien and glowing and shit.

 

This is legit the weirdest place he’s gotten super high.

 

“Anyway, I’m calling you because I’m high in an alien pod chamber - like, the one I was hatched from, seriously, it’s so fucking trippy -  and pretty soon I’m gonna float some crystals around or some shit, because I’ve gotten really fucking good at floating crystals around, Evan. I’m like, _so fucking good at floating crystals around_. I wish you were here to so I could show you how good I am floating crystals around.”

 

“I love you. I don’t think I say that enough. Like, legit, I think I told you for the first time that I loved you just before you left, and it’s… such a bullshit way to do that? I wanted to tell you way before that, but I didn’t want to freak you out. Because, like, I’ve been creepily watching you for years, which you know, because you saw inside my head, and I just… I’ve always loved you. I can’t remember _not_ loving you. It’s kind of like right up there on the list of things I know. Like, I know that I can’t lick my elbow and I know that I love you.”

 

Connor thinks he should double check to see if he can, in fact, lick his elbow.

 

He tries and it doesn’t work.

 

His phone clatters to the floor.

 

He looks at the screen and realizes that he didn’t actually call Evan at all.

 

He just kinda… tapped the photo of Evan he has on his lock screen.

 

“Fuck.”

 

It’s probably a good thing he didn’t rant about aliens over voicemail. Men in white coats and all.

 

Getting dissected probably hurts.

 

Like, in theory. Probably not if you’re as high as Connor is right now. Connor’s not sure he can even feel his face.

 

He decides then and there that if it ever looks like he’s going to get dissected, he’s just gonna get super stoned. And it’ll be like, “whatever man, you have a scalpel? You do you.”

 

Connor pulls out the bag of weed, rolls another joint and takes a long drag.

 

He lies on the ground, staring at the roof of the weird alien cave.

 

It’s kind of cool.

 

It’s kind of messed up, though.

 

Like, it’s… it’s fucking alien. It’s from another planet.

 

Then again, so’s Connor.

 

Fuck.

 

The rest of the day passes in a haze. He thinks he sleeps for a while.

 

Maybe.

 

When he’s kind of more aware of what’s going on, it’s a bit darker than it was.

 

He rolls up the last of his weed.

 

Then he puts the joint in the bag and puts the bag in his pocket.

 

He’s probably had enough. He should be kinda sober if he’s gonna try fucking around with his powers or something.

 

Which seems like a great idea right now.

 

Connor reaches up and wills all the alien crystals to him.

 

They float to his hand and hover around him.

 

Zel’s been trying to unlock some kind of… key, apparently. Putting the crystals in different places in different orders, to get some kind of communication going. Connor isn’t sure about the details. But he knows that what he’s learning ties into it somehow.

 

So he tries shit.

 

He floats crystals around, and idly thinks about Evan.

 

He thinks about how he tried to convince Evan to stay.

 

 _“We’ll be normal. I won’t use my powers, we’ll find a way to turn yours off, we’ll be fucking_ normal _. We’ll get burgers and go see movies and skip class and hang out at the apple orchard and… it’ll be_ fine. _I promise, it’ll be fine.”_

 

Connor snorts. He’s floating crystals around in an alien cave he’s smoked so much weed in it’d probably give anyone walking in one hell of a contact high.

 

So much for fucking _normal._

 

“Please do not tell me you are smoking cannabis in the remains of an Antarian spacecraft.”

 

Connor hadn’t even heard Zel come in. He turns around to greet the alien, who is still wearing the face of that ginger kid. “Alright, I won’t tell you.” He moves the crystals around. “Look, I’m doing useful alien shit!”

 

Zel storms toward Connor and looks absolutely thunderous. “This is serious, Connor. These crystals are not something to be trifled with. They’ll respond to you as Antarian royalty, so you are uniquely situated to unlock the sequence.” He sighs. “Which you cannot be trusted to do so if you are compromised by illegal substances.”

 

“You’re trying to tell me there’s no way of getting super high on Antar?” Connor asks, frowning. “Fuck that. I definitely don’t want to go there.”

 

“I would prefer you took this seriously.”

 

“I take everything seriously,” Connor snaps. “Fuck you. I grew up on a planet fucking light years away from home. I hooked up the guy of my dreams after he tried to fucking kill himself and I’m like, 90% sure that he only likes me because of some weird hero worship bullshit. There are people out there who want to chop me into bits and find out what makes me tick. And to top it off, apparently, the reason I’m a huge asshole is that I’m a genocidal warlord, so forgive me for getting slightly high to take my mind off it all!” Connor blinks. “Okay, so make that really fucking high, not just slightly high. But my point still stands.”

 

There’s a melodic humming coming from the walls.

 

Zel looks at Connor with wide eyes. “You activated it. I don’t know how, but you did.” There’s a real, genuine smile on the alien’s borrowed face. “It may take some time to create a link, but we’ve sent a signal. We have a way to contact Antar.”

 

“We do?” Connor replies dumbly. He reaches for his phone. “I have to call Zoe.”

 

Suddenly, he’s pinned to the wall, completely immobilized.

 

“Sorry, your highness,” says Zel, hand outstretched, his eyes icy. “You’re on your own for this one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well done to those of you who called it.


	40. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan gets a late night visitor.

Someone turns on Evan’s bedside lamp at two in the morning.

 

Unsurprisingly, it wakes him up.

 

“Evan!” hisses Zoe in a loud whisper. “You need to get up.”

 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, completely confused. “Is Connor okay?”

 

“As far as I know,” she says, and Evan feels like she might be half-lying, but that doesn’t seem to be the problem at hand, so… “Your stepmom and dad should be in here any minute.”

 

Evan just stares at her. “What? What if they see you?”

 

“Evan, it’s-”

 

“I’m pretty sure there’s no normal explanation for a girl who should be halfway across the country being in my bedroom at two in the morning,” Evan continues, feeling himself working into a state of panic. “Quick, hide in the closet.”

 

“ _You’re_ telling _me_ to hide in the closet? _Really_ , Evan?”

 

“Zoe, come on-”

 

Evan’s bedroom door opens. He’s pretty sure he’s going to black out from fear. Isabel walks in, looks at Zoe and kind of smiles.

 

“You weren’t kidding.”

 

Evan is totally lost. “Wait, what?”

 

“We met earlier,” Zoe explains.

 

“How?”

 

“Dream-walking.”

 

Evan’s eyes widen even further. “Zoe… what are you…”

 

“Turns out we’re not the only aliens around,” Zoe says quickly. “Evan, it’s okay. Isabel’s from Antar. Like Connor and I.” She smiles. “She’s our sister.”

 

“What?”

 

Surprisingly, that last ‘what’ isn’t Evan. It’s Evan’s dad, who is standing behind Isabel and looking… confused, but nowhere near as confused as he could be considering the subject matter.

 

“Connor and Zoe must have been sent to Earth later than us,” Isabel explains. “We didn’t know. We assumed… when Antar was destroyed-”

 

“Wait, Antar was destroyed?” Evan interrupts.

 

There’s a painful feeling around his heart.

 

All Connor ever wanted was to know where he belonged.

 

And now it’s gone.

 

“Why isn’t Connor here?” Evan asks Zoe. “Why didn’t you bring him with you?”

 

“I don’t know where he is,” she says feebly.

 

Evan glares. “Like hell you don’t. You can always find him, Zoe. That’s the whole thing. He complains about it all the time.” He sighs. “I know he’s… he needs to be here for this. He needs to meet his family.”

 

Zoe nods. “You’re right, I… I’ll be right back.”

 

Zoe disappears.

 

Isabel and Evan’s dad both look startled. “That’s not a trick we have,” Isabel admits. “It could have been useful in high school, though.”

 

“For getting out of class?” Evan’s dad teases.

 

“For escaping from the FBI.”

 

“Our high school experiences were very different.”

 

Zoe reappears and almost immediately collapses. Evan rushes to steady her. “I don’t know where he is,” she says wildly. “I don’t. I’ve never… I don’t know where he is, I can’t find him.”

 

“Do you know where he might be?” Evan’s dad ventures.

 

Zoe shakes her head. “You don’t understand. I can always find him. We… I can always find him, no matter where he is or what he’s doing. Believe me, it’s made for some super awkward moments between us, but… this has never happened before. I have always known how to find him.”

 

Isabel goes pale. “You said you had someone working on a way to contact Antar. Is Connor with them?”

 

“I think so,” Zoe says shakily. “Fuck, I knew it, I knew there was… could they be stopping me from getting to him somehow?”

 

“If you’ve always been able to find him but you can’t now, then it’s not a good sign,” says Isabel. She frowns. “I’ll call Max.”

 

“Are you gonna be okay?” Evan asks Zoe, who is shaking and pale. “Dad, could you get her like a hot chocolate or something?”

 

“Of course,” Evan’s dad says, looking like he’s just glad to be doing something useful. “Do you like it with Tabasco or with cayenne pepper, Zoe?” At Evan’s look, he kind of grins. “I’ve been living with an alien since you were eight, Evan. I know about the sweet and spicy thing.”

 

“Tabasco. Thank you.”

 

Then it’s just Zoe and Evan in the room. Evan wraps his arm around Zoe’s shoulder to try and steady her a bit. She’s still shaking. “There’s something you need to know about your dad,” Zoe says quietly. “He’s like you. He was brought back from the dead after he took a bullet for Isabel. He only left you and Heidi because of his abilities. To protect you.”

 

His entire life, Evan has known that his dad left.

 

He’s never known why - he’s just known that he _left_.

 

He’s always thought it was his fault.

 

He’s always thought if he’d just been less of a mess, his dad wouldn’t have gone.

 

He’s lived the past decade without hearing from him regularly, without having him in his life, with this huge distance between them, both physical and emotional, and he’s always just assumed that his dad just… didn’t care.

 

But… now he’s found out something else.

 

Something completely insane, but still something he understands, and…

 

He understands his father.

 

At the same time wishing he didn’t.

 

Because if his father really did care about him, then...

 

Evan tries to shake himself out of the thoughts. “I… can we think about that later, please, I just… there’s too much all at once. We need to… we need to find Connor. Find a way to find Connor.”

 

“Okay,” Zoe agrees. “You’re right.”

 

When Zoe’s a bit less shaky, she and Evan move downstairs to the living room and Evan’s dad presents her with a giant mug of hot chocolate, which she assures him is the perfect level of spicy. Evan notices that she’s still in her pajamas, and feels a bit better that he’s still in his pajamas as well.

 

The rest of the family arrive almost immediately after, all dressed and looking ready for action. It hits Evan that this is their normal. Maybe not all the time, but they’re always prepared for something to go wrong.

 

“Want to explain what’s going on?” Maria says, crossing her arms. She gestures to Zoe. “Who’s this?”

 

“Our little sister,” Isabel explains.

 

“Wait, seriously?” Michael says.

 

Max just stares at Zoe, dawning recognition on his face. “Vaylia,” he says quietly. “I never thought we’d see you again.”

 

“You remember me?” Zoe asks, eagerly. “And our life on Antar? I only remember bits and pieces, like vague impressions. I didn’t even know about your or Isabel until I dream-walked Isabel tonight.”

 

“Once we got past the smackdown portion of the evening,” Isabel adds dryly. “No offence.”

 

“None taken.”

 

“So there are, like, more Antarians?” Maria says, a little confused. “I thought the planet blew up. Didn’t we find out that the planet blew up?”

 

“You hatched from pods like the others,” Liz guesses. “They would have been sent long before Antar was destroyed.”

 

Max nods. “That makes sense.” He turns back to Zoe. “Did they just send you, or-”

 

“They sent Theron, too,” Isabel says. “Connor. That’s what they call him here. But we can’t find him. Zoe can usually teleport to where he is and find him, but it’s not working for some reason. We need to find another way to contact him.”

 

“Who’s Zoe?” Michael asks, frowning.

 

Zoe raises her hand. “I’m Zoe. Vaylia.” She looks confused. “Do you go by Antarian or human names, usually?”

 

“Human,” Max and Isabel say in unison. They exchange a look.

 

“We don’t… there are things from our life on Antar we’d like to move past,” Isabel says.

 

“You can teleport?” Liz asks, clearly interested. “None of us have that ability. Then again, I don’t know if we’ve tried.”

 

“How does Evan fit into all of this?” Maria asks.

 

Everyone’s eyes focus on Evan and he kind of wishes he could melt into the sofa.

 

“Evan had an accident and Connor saved his life,” Zoe explains. “So he’s…”

 

“Like us,” Evan’s dad says, gesturing to himself and to Liz. “Human, but with a bit of weird Antarian DNA in the mix to make life interesting.”

 

“Part of me feels weird being the only human in the room,” Maria comments matter-of-factly. “But part of me is also, like, super proud that I’ve managed to avoid near-death experiences, so it evens out.”

 

“Connor could be in danger,” Evan blurts out. “He’s with… this alien who told us there was a way to contact Antar. But now that we know Antar doesn’t exist, it could be… I don’t know, a trap or something? And if Zoe can’t find him… we need to do something.” He looks at Max and Isabel. “If you guys are older, then you’ve got more control over your powers, right? So maybe you can… I don’t know, boost Zoe somehow?”

 

“It’s a theory,” Max replies, looking at Liz. “What do you think, hon?”

 

“Remember when I found you in New York?” Liz says to Max. “How I appeared to you to warn you? It was because of our bond from you healing me.” She looks at Evan. “I think Evan’s the key to finding Connor.”

 

Everyone looks at Evan again. “I can’t do anything cool with my abilities,” he protests. “I can just… get emotions from people.”

 

“Like an empath?” Evan’s dad asks.

 

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me.” He looks at Zoe, feeling dizzy and kind of reckless. “I… I don’t know if I can do this, but maybe together we can… I don’t know, combine it and just… find him. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do this but I have to try.”

 

Zoe smiles at him a little sadly. “We can both do this, right?”

 

Evan nods, feeling a bit more convinced. Then he looks over at Liz. “How do we do this, exactly?”

 

“It’s not an exact science,” Liz says apologetically. “Focus on Connor. Focus on how you feel about him. Try to… trust it.” She kind of laughs. “It doesn’t sound like a great plan, does it. I know it’s airy-fairy. I’m a scientist and there’s so much about what we can do that I’ll never be able to explain empirically.”

 

Zoe takes Evan’s hand.

 

Evan closes his eyes.

 

And thinks about Connor.

 

Connor, chasing him down the street then dragging him to get burgers and then to a jazz band concert, not wearing any shoes the entire time.

 

Connor, getting him home safely after he blacked out at school, holding him on the couch for hours while he slept, making sure he was safe.

 

Connor, playing video games with Jared, making terrible jokes and watching stupid YouTube videos.

 

Connor, spread across a couch eating a bowl of M&Ms in a pile of Tabasco sauce with a spoon.

 

Connor, dragging him into the janitor’s closet to kiss him like the world was about to end and they were the only people that mattered.

 

Connor, asleep outside the door of the Murphys’ guest room, making sure Evan was safe.

 

Connor’s eyes, wide with fear, as he did the impossible at the base of the tallest tree in Ellison State Park.

 

 _Where are you?_ Evan thinks.

 

_Let me in._

 

_Let me find you._

 

_Come back to me._

 

His eyes open with a shudder and he looks around. He and Zoe are in the middle of nowhere, next to a rock.

 

His heart sinks. “It didn’t work,” he says.

 

Zoe’s frowning. “No,” she says. “No, there’s something… this place looks familiar.”

 

The night sky is brilliant with stars.

 

Dawn is peeking through.

 

He’d forgotten about the time difference.

 

Zoe takes his hand and they’re back in Colorado on the couch.

 

“I think I’ve found him,” Zoe says. “Can I… if he’s where I think he is, and if he’s with who I think he is, then I… I don’t want to do this alone. I can’t do this alone.”

 

“You don’t have to do this alone,” Max assures her. “We’ve got your back.”

 

“I don’t know if I can teleport this many people,” Zoe warns. “But we can try. Grab on to each other.”

 

“We shouldn't take everyone,” Isabel counters. “Dan, Evan, you should stay behind.”

 

Evan bristles. “That’s not happening. I’m not leaving him alone.”

 

“Evan, you can’t defend yourself if the other alien attacks,” Evan’s dad says, clearly worried. “You said it yourself, you’ve got empath abilities. Nothing that’s going to help you defend yourself.”

 

“Well it’s lucky I’m surrounded by super competent alien/human hybrids, isn’t it?” Evan replies quickly, shooting his dad a determined look. “I’m doing this.”

 

Evan’s dad sighs. “I… I wanted to keep you safe from all of this.”

 

“You did,” Evan assures him. “You did, but I got involved anyway. It’s… it is what it is, and there’s no point arguing about it now because Connor’s in trouble and he’s what matters right now.”

 

Evan’s dad looks at him and Evan is hit with an almost overwhelming wave of emotions. Pride. Regret. Shame. Fear. Love. So, so, so much love. "If you insist on going, I'm not letting you go alone," Evan's dad says firmly. "We're all going."

 

Zoe takes Evan’s hand. “Are you ready?”

 

Evan nods.


	41. The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We reach a thrilling climax.

“Okay, so is the part where you tell me your evil plan?”

 

Connor still can’t move and it’s starting to piss him off. Being stuck against a wall is uncomfortable and annoying and he’s got a feeling that he’s not getting out of this chamber alive. 

 

Jury’s still out on how he feels about that. 

 

“I would prefer it if you stopped talking,” Zel says, slightly mockingly. “Then again, with your human DNA I suppose you’d find it difficult to stop running your mouth.”

 

“Humans are fun like that,” Connor agrees. 

 

Maybe he’s still kind of high from the sheer amount of weed he smoked that’s still kind of lingering, but for some reason, he’s starting to find this situation… kind of funny. 

 

He starts laughing. 

 

“I fail to see what you find amusing,” Zel says, frowning deeply. 

 

“Fuck, I don’t know either,” Connor says with a smile. “It’s just… I have no fucking clue what’s going on, except that you don’t want me to talk to Zoe, and we’re contacting Antar or some shit. It’s all just kind of weird. You wouldn’t be pinning me against a wall if you didn’t have some kind of bullshit villain plan, so let’s hear it.”

 

“Heroes and villains are too simplistic a concept,” Zel counters. “There are things you don’t understand.”

 

“Are you going to kill me?” 

 

“Am I personally going to kill you? No. Will you eventually be killed? It is likely.”

 

“Dude, leading someone to their death is pretty much the same as killing them,” Connor argues. “So, what, you’re… on the side of the rebels or something? Bringing me back to Antar to pay for my war crimes or some shit?”

 

Zel starts laughing. 

 

It’s cold and unnatural and fuck is it scary, which isn’t fucking fair when it’s coming from what looks like a scrawny ginger kid.

 

“War crimes,” Zel says mockingly. “Do you really think  _ you _ of all people were some kind of warlord? You were a  _ child _ when you met your end on Antar, and you are a child now. You never saw war. Zan would have never allowed it.” 

 

“Who the fuck is Zan?” Connor asks. 

 

“Your older brother.” Zel smiles cruelly. “The King of Antar. He’s on this planet somewhere. They’ll find him eventually. Now that we’ve made contact, we can bring the Antarian royal family back in chains. Execute them in the streets. Liberate the people.”

 

“Right,” Connor says, because what else is there to say. 

 

His brain is kind of overwhelmed right now. 

 

For weeks he’s been terrified of himself. 

 

Terrified of who he was. 

 

Terrified of who he might become. 

 

Terrified of bringing death and destruction to the people he cares about. 

 

Terrified that he was doomed to a life he’d never, ever wanted. 

 

And it was all a lie. 

 

“So what was the fucking point of making me believe I was a fucking warlord?” Connor blurts out, despite himself. “Like, what possible reason you could have to tell me that shit?”

 

Zel smiles again. “You’re here alone, aren’t you?”

 

Connor frowns. “So it was… just to fuck with me?”

 

“You’re soft-hearted, Theron,” Zel says cruelly. “You always have been. I made you question your very nature and you did what I thought you would - pulled yourself away from the people you care about, for their protection. You are a stupid, predictable child.” Zel’s smile widens. “Of course, I hadn’t factored in the tenacity of the people you care about. Evan would have gotten through to you eventually. I had to take drastic action.”

 

Connor sees red. 

 

He lunges toward Zel. 

 

For a moment, it almost works. 

 

He’s almost free. 

 

Then Zel slams him back to the wall with renewed force. 

 

“You killed her,” Connor seethes. “You killed Evan’s mom, didn’t you.”

 

“At least you’re not too stupid to have figured that out.”

 

Connor doesn’t care if he’s a reincarnated alien war prince or not. He is going to fucking destroy this alien fucker for murdering Heidi Hansen. 

 

He lunges again. 

 

And is slammed back again. 

 

“Really?” asks Zel mockingly. “You really think you can beat me? You?”

 

“Maybe not,” Connor admits. “But I’m not alone. Zoe’s going to figure out something’s wrong and she’s going to find me. She always does.”

 

“I’m aware of her abilities,” Zel counters. “I’ve cloaked us. It would take a lot more power than your sister has to locate us now.”

 

“Good thing I’m not on my own, then.”

 

Then Zel is flying through the air. 

 

And Connor is thrown to the floor. 

 

Zoe is standing with her arm outstretched. Behind her are two men and a woman, about their parents’ age. 

 

Behind them are a blonde and a brunette woman and… Evan’s dad?

 

And  _ Evan _ . 

 

Connor’s heart stops. 

 

Because he doesn’t know what’s going on, but he knows it’s dangerous, and Evan should not be here for it. 

 

Zel is still pinned to the wall but the expression on his face is delighted. Absolutely, one hundred percent delighted. 

 

“You’re all here!” he says with glee. “All of you. All except… no, neither of you two are Queen Ava. Never mind. Five out of six isn’t bad, as they say here on Earth.” He starts laughing hysterically. 

 

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Zoe asks Connor. 

 

Connor gestures to the other people in the chamber. “I could ask you the same question.”

 

“This place reeks of weed,” says the blonde woman standing near Evan’s dad. “I swear I’m getting buzzed just breathing in here.”

 

“Let it go, Maria,” one of the dark-haired men says. He looks at Connor with an expression of concern. “You okay, kid?”

 

“Who the fuck are you?” 

 

“Vulgar little shit, aren’t you,” the guy says with a roll of the eyes. “Name’s Michael. Think we’ll get along fine.”

 

“Who are  _ you _ ?” the other dark-haired man says to Zel. “And what do you want?” 

 

“Nice to see you again, your majesty,” Zel says with a sneer. 

 

“Wish I could say the same,” the man replies, “but I have no idea who you are.”

 

“I don’t suppose you would. You were never good at keeping tabs on the little people.”

 

The man reaches out his hand and touches Zel’s forehead. His hand begins to glow. 

 

Connor realizes then that his limbs are aching from being immobilized for so long. He winces at the sudden sensation of pins and needles all over his body. 

 

Evan is at his side in an instant. 

 

“Are you okay?” Evan demands, taking Connor’s hand in his and looking at him intently. 

 

“I’m fine,” Connor assures him. “Just… pins and needles.”

 

Evan doesn’t acknowledge his words. Instead, he starts checking Connor over for injuries, his face tight with worry. “Did he do anything to you? Did he hurt you?” 

 

“Evan,” Connor says, grabbing Evan’s other hand and holding him still. “I’m fine. It’s not safe for you to be here.”

 

“Not you, too,” Evan says with a look of frustration. “I’m here. We’re here to make sure you’re safe.”

 

The moment is interrupted by the dark-haired man collapsing to the floor and Zel stumbling forward. The other dark-haired man - Michael, his name is Michael - extends his hand and Zel is pinned to the wall again. “What the hell did you do?” he asks heatedly. 

 

“Gave him a history lesson,” Zel sneers. 

 

“He’s... broken,” the dark-haired man on the floor mumbles. “He’s… he’s from Crayos. A planet where their species exist in groups of three. That’s why I didn’t recognize him - because he’s not supposed to be alone. He and his partners were diplomats on Antar. They lived in the palace with us. And they were against us the whole time.”

 

“I thought that if one of a set of three died, they all would,” the taller blonde-haired woman says with a frown. “I remember that. How are you still alive?”

 

“This wretched planet,” Zel says, looking pale and sick. “The humans… took my partners and ripped them apart. And I felt all of it. I  _ lived through _ all of it. But if I can complete my mission, then it’ll be worth it. Even if I die returning to Antar.”

 

“There’s no returning to Antar,” Michael snaps. “It’s gone.”

 

Connor feels his blood turn cold. 

 

“It’s gone?” he repeats. 

 

“It tore itself apart,” Michael continues. “The rebels tore into the core of the planet for power and lost control. The planet’s core was unstable and it blew up. Billions of people, dead. And what for? Some stupid struggle for power?”

 

“You’re lying!” Zel is furious now, lunging toward them. Michael pins him back. 

 

“We’re not,” says the man on the floor, getting up shakily. “I  _ showed _ you. You know we’re not lying.”

 

“I’ve activated this vessel,” Zel says with a sneer. “Or rather, young Theron here has. Someone from Antar will come for me. Failing that, someone from Crayos. Either way, I’ll be off this rock.”

 

“You’re not making any sense,” the dark-haired man says with a shake of his head. “You’re… this is insanity. You’re completely unstable. I saw inside your head. The things you saw. The things you did. And for what? Your plan to get home isn’t going to work and it doesn’t even make sense.”

 

“He killed Heidi,” Connor says, his throat dry. 

 

Evan freezes. 

 

Then all of a sudden, Evan is on his feet before Connor can even think of stopping him. 

 

All Connor can do is watch as Evan punches Zel right in the nose. 

 

There is blood pouring down Zel’s face but he looks positively gleeful. Connor fights his way to his feet because he knows in his gut something is about to go horribly wrong. 

 

Zel grabs Evan by the neck and throws him across the room. Evan hits the ceiling - hard - and then falls heavily to the floor in a heap.

 

Connor’s not sure who’s screaming louder - him, or Evan’s dad. 

 

As Connor rushes to Evan, he sees a ball of green lightning appear in the corner of his eye. 

 

Connor kneels down next to Evan’s unconscious form and touches his head gently. 

 

His hand comes away bloody. 

 

Connor takes Evan’s head in his hands and focuses everything he has left on healing him. 

 

_ Evan reaches under the table in the cafeteria to hold Connor’s hand.  _

 

_ Evan sees Connor waiting by his locker and can’t stop the smile from taking over his face.  _

 

_ Evan wakes up, feels Connor’s arms around him and feels safer than he ever has.  _

 

_ Evan watches the way the light catches Connor’s hair in biology class and thinks he’s never seen anything more beautiful.  _

 

_ Evan sees the hurt and anger on Connor’s face and tries to communicate without words just how much he loves him.  _

 

_ Evan loves Connor.  _

 

_ So much.  _

 

_ So much he can barely stand it sometimes.  _

 

Connor pulls his hand back and blinks back tears. Evan opens his eyes groggily. “Are you okay?” Evan asks Connor, his voice scratchy. 

 

“I should be asking you that,” Connor replies, his voice shaky. “That was so stupid, Evan. It was so, so, so stupid, please don’t do that again.”

 

“He… he killed my mom,” Evan says weakly, struggling to sit up. Connor rushes to help him. 

 

“Take it easy,” he says gently. “He won’t get away with it.”

 

Connor looks to the center of the room. Zel is hovering in the middle of the room, in an orb of green lightning. Connor instinctively goes to defend himself, then realizes that it’s not Zel’s lightning. 

 

It’s the brunette woman. 

 

She’s got him trapped. 

 

“He won’t,” says the brunette woman darkly. “He won’t get away with it.” She turns to the dark-haired man. Zan? Connor’s brother? (He’s still not sure). “This... monster needs to be destroyed.”

 

“I don’t know who  _ you _ are,” says Zel, his voice mocking, “but I know that the great King Zan would never outright murder a defenceless opponent.”

 

“Good thing I’m not the great King Zan, then,” says Connor fiercely, standing to his feet and extending his arm. “You are going to pay for what you did.”

 

“He is,” Michael agrees, going to stand next to Connor, “but you’re not going to kill him.”

 

Connor scowls. “Like hell I’m not. He deserves to die.”

 

“He does,” Michael says simply. “But you don’t deserve to carry the weight of that, Connor. When I was your age, I killed someone for the first time. It still haunts me. I did it because I had to. I did it in self-defence. If I hadn’t, everyone I care about would have been killed or worse. But it doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me. You don’t deserve that.”

 

“You’re not a warlord,” Zoe says softly. “Max explained it to me. Zel was lying. You’re not a killer. You never were.”

 

Connor lowers his hand and nods at Michael. 

 

As the brunette drops the lightning orb, Michael extends his hand. 

 

Zel screams as his body dissolves into ash. 

 

Connor lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

 

Zoe takes his hand and squeezes it gently. 

 

Connor squeezes back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're winding down to the end of this roller-coaster, kiddos. There are still things to wrap up, so we're a way off being completely over, but a big congratulations to all of you - you've survived the angst and come out the other side.


	42. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's safe, let's go get breakfast.

“You were right,” Zoe says to Maria conversationally as they stand awkwardly in the alien chamber. “This place really does reek of weed.” She turns to Connor. “How high did you get?”

 

Connor kind of half grins. “High enough that apparently, I managed to get a spaceship working?” He turns to Max, a little uncertain. “That dickhead said something about a beacon? If Antar’s… gone, does that mean that there’s, like, a fucking space beacon going nowhere? Cos that doesn’t sound great. We don’t want, like, half the galaxy coming here to fuck with us.”

 

Max looks at Isabel. “Did we swear this much when we were teenagers?”

 

Isabel rolls her eyes. “Honestly Max, when did you get so old?”

 

“Look who’s talking.”

 

“Stop it, you two,” says Liz, with a good-natured smile. She turns to Connor. “You’ve got a point, Connor. Do you remember what you did to make it work?”

 

“I, uh, floated some crystals.”

 

“Alright. Do you want to maybe… unfloat them?”

 

Connor extends his hand. The group watch as a set of five crystals fly toward him. “What do I do with these?” he asks. “They’re from Antar, right? Should we… I don’t know, destroy them? Hide them somewhere? Or do you want to keep them?”

 

“We have somewhere safe we keep… other alien artefacts,” Michael says. “I can put these with them.” Michael looks around the chamber. “This place, though… I think it needs to be destroyed.”

 

Connor hands Michael the crystals. Zoe frowns. “Are you sure? I mean, it’s… kind of big. We can’t just… blow it up, right?”

 

Michael smirks. “Oh, we can definitely blow it up.”

 

“We can seal it off permanently,” Max suggests. “Move the rocks outside in front of the entrance. Get rid of the entrance seal. If we do it properly, no one will know it was ever here, but if we ever need it, we’ll be able to find it.”

 

That seems to settle the debate. Connor and Evan’s dad help a still kind of woozy Evan out of the chamber and the rest of them follow. The night sky is just beginning to brighten. 

 

It’s a new day. 

 

“How are you holding up?” Zoe asks Evan. “That asshole really sent you flying.”

 

“Connor healed me,” Evan assures her. “Again.”

 

“It’s beginning to become a habit,” Connor says dryly. “I’d appreciate it if you’d maybe  _ stop _ nearly getting yourself killed.”

 

“In my defence...” Evan begins, then trails off, looking at Zoe and Connor with wide eyes. He glances at his dad for a second, and Zoe gets it. 

 

Evan’s dad doesn’t need to know what really happened at Ellison State Park. 

 

Not yet, anyway. 

 

“So how are we getting out of here?” Maria asks as Max, Michael, Isabel, Liz and Evan’s dad focus on stacking rocks in front of the entrance to seal off the chamber. “No offence, Zoe, but you look kind of drained. Are you going to be able to take us home or shall I get us some flights?”

 

Zoe blinks. She hadn’t thought about it. “I… I don’t know,” she admits. “I feel like I could probably take you home, but I might need to recharge first.”

 

“We could get breakfast,” Evan suggests. 

 

“It’s 5 in the morning,” Connor points out. 

 

Evan rolls his eyes at Connor. “Like that’s stopped you from dragging me to get McDonald’s before.” 

 

Connor grins and takes Evan’s hand. “Point taken.” He gestures in the distance. “Okay, it’s like a twenty-minute walk to my car. You think you can handle it, Evan?”

 

“If we take it slow, then sure,” he agrees. 

 

Nearly half an hour later, the sun still hasn’t quite risen but they’ve arrived at Connor’s car. There’s another car parked next to it. 

 

Evan’s dad lets out an audible gasp when he sees it. “That’s a  1968 Ford Mustang GT Fastback,” he says, his voice young and excited and so much like Evan. 

 

“That’s Zel’s,” Connor says, his voice shaking at the alien’s name. “Since we just destroyed him, I guess someone better hotwire to get us back to the city.”

 

“As a parent, I feel like I should be arguing with you,” Evan’s dad says, clearly conflicted. “But as a red-blooded American who wants to drive this beautiful car…”

 

“Well, you’re not all going to fit in my car,” Connor points out. 

 

“Whoa, a Mustang!” Michael exclaims from behind them. “Let me guess - it’s how that asshole got here? I killed him, I get dibs on his car.”

 

“Oh my god,” Maria mutters. “Do not let him drive that thing. I’m still scarred by what he did to my Jetta in high school.”

 

“I think Dad should get to drive it,” Evan says firmly. 

 

“I agree with Evan,” Evan’s dad says immediately. 

 

“I call shotgun,” Michael counters immediately. 

 

After some arguing, they agree on who’s going in what car. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze, but they manage to fit everyone in the two vehicles. 

 

As they’re on their way, Zoe calls Alana. 

 

She answers after 4 rings, her voice thick with sleep. “Zoe? Sweetie, what’s going on?”

 

“You up for breakfast?”

 

“Um, okay?”

 

“See you in McDonald’s in like half an hour?”

 

“Okay?”

 

Zoe ends the call. Maria, who’s sitting next to her, kind of tilts her head in curiosity. “Who was that?” she asks. 

 

“My girlfriend,” Zoe says defensively. “She knows about this whole… alien thing.”

 

“It feels weird to say alien,” Evan muses, “especially since Jared keeps making us use the codeword.”

 

“You have a codeword?” Liz asks from the other side of Maria. “What is it?”

 

“Czechoslovakian.”

 

Maria and Liz exchange a look then burst into hysterical laughter. 

 

“It’s not really that funny,” Connor points out from the driver’s seat. 

 

“No, it’s not that,” Liz says, trying to get her laughter under control. “It’s just… we used the same codeword, like, 16 years ago. Oh my god.”

 

“Speaking of Jared, should we call him?” Evan says.

 

“How many people know about you?” Maria asks curiously. 

 

“There are five of us in our group,” Zoe explains. “My girlfriend Alana, and Evan’s friend Jared. Who I guess is everyone’s friend now.”

 

“We trust them,” Evan assures Maria and Liz. 

 

“We get it,” Liz replies. “We had… there were other humans in our group as well. Our friends Alex and Kyle. They… they’re both dead now.”

 

There’s an uncomfortable silence. 

 

Connor eventually breaks it. “Call Kleinman,” he says to Evan. “It’s like 6 in the fucking morning, he’ll  _ hate _ it. It’ll be hilarious.”

 

Evan calls Jared. Zoe can hear his displeasure at being woken up even from the backseat. Connor cracks up laughing. 

 

McDonald’s is completely empty and Zoe supposes they must look pretty ridiculous - she and Evan are still in their pajamas, everyone’s kind of dusty and they’re all very, very tired. 

 

Alana and Jared are both there by the time they arrive. Their eyes widen at the sight of Evan. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Jared demands, pulling Evan into a hug. “You missed us so much you had to come back?”

 

“Of course I missed you,” Evan assures him with a smile. “It’s kind of a weird story. I need hash browns before I explain.”

 

Alana gives Zoe a quick kiss and takes her hand. “Everything okay?” she asks quietly. 

 

“Let’s just say it’s been an eventful night,” Zoe replies with a small smile. “But I think it’s going to be.”

 

They manage to find a table for the eleven of them upstairs. It’s a flurry of activity and there are literal piles of food. 

 

“Alien metabolism,” Michael explains as he eats his fourth McMuffin. “We always get super hungry after using our powers. Something about energy expenditure? Ask Liz, she’s the science geek.”

 

Alana turns to Liz with wide eyes. “That sounds really interesting.”

 

Zoe snorts as Liz launches into an animated discussion about energy. “And they’re away.”

 

“So Max and Isabel are your older siblings?” Jared asks Connor, looking very confused. “They look like they’re old enough to be your parents.”

 

“Hey!” both Max and Isabel exclaim.

 

“To be fair, you have a kid my age,” Evan points out to Max. He turns back to Connor and Jared. “My cousin Zan. He’s cool. Hey wait, is he… like you guys?”

 

“He’s fully human, actually,” Max replies. “The child of two alien/human hybrids. I guess human is the dominant gene. Scientists across the globe will be so pleased.” Max pulls out his phone. “I should probably call him. I didn’t even tell him we were leaving.”

 

“It’s still 4 am in Colorado,” Isabel points out. “Let the poor kid sleep. Just text him.”

 

“I thought your name was Zan?” Connor says to Max, frowning a bit. “Like, back on Antar?”

 

“It was,” Max agrees. “His mom named him.” His expression darkens a little. “It’s complicated. I’ll explain it properly some other time.” He looks down at his hotcakes. “These would be better with jalapeños.”

 

“That’s what I was thinking!” Zoe exclaims. “Connor makes the best jalapeño pancakes. But he only makes them when he’s screwed something up.”

 

“That’s not true,” Evan argues. “He makes me pancakes all the time. Without the jalapeños.”

 

Zoe grins. “Well, that’s because he’s grossly in love with you.”

 

Connor rolls his eyes. “That’s because when I make Evan pancakes, I don’t have to dice jalapeños.” He looks over at Evan. “But yeah, I am. Kind of. Grossly in love with you. It’s embarrassing.” 

 

Zoe sees the two exchange a look. 

 

It’s hesitant, but it’s soft and it’s hopeful. 

 

They have a lot to talk about. Zoe vows to make sure they get a chance to do so properly before Evan goes back to Colorado. 

 

Zoe feels her mood sink at the thought of Evan going back to Colorado. After everything that’s happened, putting distance between the five of them again seems… wrong. 

 

Then again, she’s got a whole new family. Another older brother, and an older sister, who is also weirdly Evan’s stepmom. 

 

It’s all a lot for Zoe to deal with on zero sleep at 6 in the morning at a nearly abandoned McDonald’s. 

 

“So does this mean you’re coming home?” Jared asks Evan. 

 

Connor snaps to attention at that. So does Evan’s dad. Evan kind of looks like a deer in the headlights. “Not today?” he says hesitantly. “I mean, I’ve got to go back to Colorado, I guess. With these guys. But then…” he looks at Zoe and Connor. “Maybe next week, I could… if your parents were still okay with me staying?”

 

“It’ll be fine,” Zoe assures him, trying to fight the urge to smile like an idiot because Evan’s dad looks… kind of disappointed, but also resigned. 

 

Evan turns to his dad. “I thought that maybe Connor and I could spend spring break in Colorado with you and Isabel,” he says hesitantly. “You and I can spend some proper time together and Connor can get to know Max and Isabel and the others a bit better.” He looks over at Zoe, a little apologetically. “I don’t know how we could convince your parents to let you come as well - it’s not like we can explain the whole relative thing.”

 

“You were adopted as well,” Isabel guesses, looking at Zoe and Connor. “So were we. Our parents… they found out eventually and they protected us.” 

 

“I don’t know if Cynthia and Larry are ready for the knowledge that their kids are aliens,” Connor says kind of dryly. “Larry’s still kind of getting his head around the fact that his kids are both super gay.”

 

Zoe raises her eyebrows at her brother. “Super bisexual, actually.”

 

“He’s homophobic?” Evan’s dad asks, clearly concerned. 

 

Zoe shakes her head. “Not really,” she assures them. “I think he just wasn’t expecting it. He likes Evan. Mostly because since they got together, Connor’s smoked way less pot.”

 

“Aside from today,” Maria points out. “Dude,  _ seriously _ . If we ever have to use that chamber again, it’s still going to smell like the wacky backy.”

 

Jared just stares at Connor. “Connor, did you hotbox a spaceship?”

 

Connor blinks. “Kind of?”

 

Jared howls with laughter. 

 

From where they’re sitting upstairs in a nearly empty McDonald’s, they can see the sunrise. 

 

Zoe smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There'll be a few more chapters yet, but we really are winding down here. Thanks for sticking with me, kids.


	43. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan goes back to Colorado and has a nap.

The rest of breakfast passes in a blur. Zoe and Liz discuss logistics to get everyone home - Evan’s still surprised that Zoe’s still standing after all that she’s done today with her abilities. Somehow, the whole group gets involved and before Evan knows it, Michael and his dad are once again arguing about Zel’s car. 

 

“It’s too beautiful to be left with a teenager,” Michael points. “Let me take her home. I’ll love her. Cherish her. Protect her with my life.”

 

“I’m getting flashbacks to our wedding ceremony,” Maria says with a roll of her eyes. “But you were nowhere near as sincere back then.”

 

“You’re going to drive her across the country?” Evan’s dad says pointedly. “Really? You? You’ll drive her into a ditch.”

 

“Compromise,” says Maria firmly. “I will drive this car to Colorado. Michael will ride shotgun.”

 

“And then we share custody when we’re home,” Evan’s dad says firmly. 

 

“Agreed,” Maria says with a nod. “So that’s settled.” She turns to Zoe. “So we’re sorted. Shall I get a flight for the rest of you?”

 

Zoe shakes her head. “No, I can do it. Not here, though. We need to find somewhere more isolated.”

 

People are starting to arrive at the McDonald’s so they all leave. Evan is deeply, deeply uncomfortable as he realizes he’s still in his pajamas. Connor notices and hands over his hoodie, which reeks of weed but makes Evan feel a little less self-conscious. 

 

They end up at the old abandoned apple orchard. 

 

There’s no one around, which makes it the perfect place to teleport to a different state. 

 

After saying goodbye to Alana and Jared, and Maria and Michael who are about to embark on what will probably be a good few days of driving, Evan takes Zoe’s hand. And Connor’s. 

 

The group reappear in the living room in Isabel and Evan’s dad’s house in Colorado. 

 

Where Zan is sitting on the sofa eating dry cereal and watching something on Netflix. 

 

He startles when they arrive and spills cereal all over himself. “Holy shit!”

 

“Language,” says Max mildly. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I woke up, you guys were gone,” Zan says with a shrug. “Got your text. Figured I’d wait for you here. Aunt Isabel buys better cereal.”

 

“Which you will be cleaning off my couch, thank you very much.”

 

Zan looks at the group with interest. His eyes land on Connor. He waves. “Hi, I’m Zan. Who are you?”

 

“Connor.” Evan can see his boyfriend kind of fold in on himself at the attention. “I’m, uh, Evan’s boyfriend.”

 

“Also your uncle,” Isabel says helpfully. 

 

“Huh,” Zan replies. “Well, that’s neat.”

 

The moment is interrupted by Zoe fainting. Max manages to catch her before she hits the ground. “Okay, I think someone’s overdone it,” he says with a frown. “I’ll put her in the guest room.”

 

Evan shrugs off Connor’s hoodie and hands it to him. “I’ll come with you, I need to grab some clothes from there anyway.”

 

Evan’s dad looks at Evan with a weird expression. “Evan, you’re not staying in the guest room,” he says. “You’re staying in your room. We have another guest room for guests. You’re family.”

 

Evan doesn’t know how to respond to that. 

 

Connor takes his hand. 

 

Evan gives his dad a nod and a smile and suddenly feels very, very tired. 

 

They follow Max upstairs as he carries Zoe to the guest room Evan hadn’t even noticed was there, then head to his room. Connor closes the door behind them. 

 

They’re alone together for the first time since Evan left the Murphys the day after his mother’s funeral.

 

They sit on the bed. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Connor says, breaking the silence. “I fucked it up. I fucked it all up.”

 

Evan shakes his head. “You didn’t. You really didn’t.”

 

“Your mom… if you’d never met me, she’d still be alive.”

 

“And I’d be dead,” Evan points out. “You keep forgetting that you saved my life.”

 

Connor kind of smiles. “It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done,” he confesses. “Saving you, that is.” 

 

“What happened to my mom,” Evan says, trying to keep himself from crying at the thought but feeling tears well up anyway, “it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your responsibility. It was just that alien asshole. And now… at least I know. At least I can get some kind of closure. It wasn’t just some random person who I’ll never find, it was an alien who doesn’t exist anymore. Because they paid for what they did to her.”

 

Connor takes Evan’s hand gently. “How’s your fist?” he asks, turning the hand over gently. 

 

Evan hadn’t even noticed the slight bruising on his knuckles. “Oh,” he says dumbly. 

 

“That was one hell of a punch,” Connor says with a real smile this time. “Here, let me…”

 

There’s a warm feeling in his hand and the bruising and pain both disappear. 

 

“You’re always here to fix me,” Evan jokes. 

 

“Even when I’m the reason you need fixing?”

 

“Stop that.” Connor looks up, clearly surprised at the firmness of Evan’s tone. “You need to stop with that, okay? You need to stop beating yourself up. You… you are so amazing and you’re just so hard on yourself, and I wish you could see you the way I see you.”

 

Connor’s starting to tear up. “When I healed you today,” he says softly. “I got it. I got how much you love me.” He blinks, and kind of coughs, obviously embarrassed. “I, uh… I know you’ve said it, and I wanted to believe you, really, it’s just that there’s always this… anyway, I healed you, and I saw… I saw how you see me, and… I’m so sorry I’ve been pushing you away.”

 

Evan is definitely crying now, but he thinks it’s a good thing. “I’m sorry I left.”

 

“We’ve kind of been idiots, huh?”

 

There’s an outburst of kind of soggy laughter from both of them. 

 

“So you’re coming back?” Connor says hopefully. 

 

Evan nods. “Yeah. I’ll talk to Dad and we’ll organize a flight home for the weekend, maybe?” He hesitates. “I’d go now, it’s just… I thought I might spend some time with my dad this week. Hear his side of the story.” He squeezes Connor’s hand. “What happened to me -  being healed by an alien and getting abilities - it’s what happened to him, too.” At Connor’s nod, Evan kind of blushes. “I didn’t know if you got that. There’s been… a lot of information in the last 24 hours or so.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Connor agrees. 

 

It feels like an understatement. There’s just so much. Evan’s head is swimming with all of it. Learning the truth about his mother’s death. Learning the truth about his father leaving. Learning that Connor and Zoe had family here in Colorado, against all odds. Learning that Antar no longer existed, so Zoe and Connor could never go home, even if they wanted to. 

 

“Do you remember when we got burgers after I kissed you in the janitor’s closet then ignored you for like three days?” Connor asks suddenly. 

 

“When you chased me down the road without any shoes on?” Evan replies. 

 

“That’s the one.”

 

“Do you remember what you said to me?” Connor asks, his voice hesitant. 

 

“I said a lot of things,” Evan reminds him.

 

“You said,” Connor begins, looking nervous, “that whatever it is between us eventually has an expiration date. Because I was trying to find a way to go home.”

 

Evan nods. “I remember.” He squeezes Connor’s hand. “I’m sorry there’s no home to go to.”

 

“I’m not,” Connor confesses. “I mean, I am, a little bit, but… I’m not going to have to make a choice that’ll tear me apart now. I can stay here. With you. Without having to wonder if every time we kiss, it’s one step closer to eventually leaving you.” 

 

Evan’s tearing up again. He’s painfully aware that he is a blotchy, tear-soaked mess. 

 

But he also knows that Connor loves him. 

 

That Connor’s not going anywhere. 

 

He realizes, somewhere deep inside him, that he feels more secure than he ever has. Because he’s not going to lose Connor to a distant planet. 

 

“I would never have asked you to stay for me,” Evan says quietly. “But I’m selfish, so I would have wanted to.”

 

Connor’s lips quirk into a kind of ironic smile. “That’s funny. I thought that staying would have been selfish, too.” He drags his hand through his hair. “Fuck, it’s so messed up that I thought… I don’t know, that I had to save people. That I had to go fight a war. That it was all I was good for.”

 

“Zel lied to you,” Evan assures him. “And do you know how I know it’s a lie?”

 

Connor lets out a shaky laugh. “How?”

 

“Because if you had been the person he said you were, you wouldn’t have cared.” Evan reaches out and puts a loose strand of Connor’s hair behind his ear, then gently touches his face. “Thinking you were something built for destruction… it ate you up, didn’t it? Because you’re  _ not _ . Sure, you get angry, and you don’t always find the best ways of dealing with it, but it’s not  _ all _ you are.”

 

Connor closes the distance between them. 

 

Their lips meet and Evan feels like they’re flying. 

 

Not the way the plane ride to Colorado was flying. It’s not bumpy, it’s not turbulent, it’s just soft and floaty and safe. And warm. And home.

 

Maybe home isn’t a place. 

 

Maybe home is where his heart is, as the cliche goes. 

 

Evan knows, without a fraction of doubt, that Connor has his heart. 

 

And that he’ll keep it safe. 

 

“I’m so tired,” Connor confesses when they pull apart. “It’s been… a lot.”

 

“Your sister woke me up at 2 in the morning by teleporting into my bedroom,” Evan counters. “It’s definitely been a lot.”

 

Connor raises his eyebrows. “I’m going to have to have words with my sister about teleporting into my boyfriend’s bedroom in the middle of the night,” he teases. He lies back on Evan’s bed and gestures to him. “Come here. Let’s nap.”

 

“We’re going to completely mess up our sleep cycles,” Evan warns, but he lies back anyway and lets Connor wrap himself around him. 

 

He’s missed this. 

 

He’s missed Connor. 

 

“Don’t care,” Connor mumbles into Evan’s neck. “Haven’t slept well without you.”

 

“Me neither,” Evan admits. 

 

He drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face. 


	44. The Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Alana eat some fries.

_ From: Zoe <3 _

_ Meet me @ apple orchard in 30min? _

 

_ To: Zoe <3 _

_ K, see you there!!! _

 

When Alana pulls into the parking lot of the apple orchard, she spots Zoe and Connor sitting on the bonnet of Connor’s car. Alana gets out of the car and Zoe smiles, gesturing for her to join them. She wriggles over and Alana hikes herself up. 

 

The sky is full of color. 

 

“I love sunsets,” Zoe says, her voice soft and reverent. 

 

“They’re cool,” Connor agrees. “Even if we’re freezing our asses off out here.”

 

“How was Colorado?” Alana asks. “Everyone get home okay?” She looks at Zoe and notices the dark circles still under her eyes. “It wasn’t too much?”

 

“She totally fainted,” Connor points out. “She was out cold for like, a full hour.”

 

Alana’s eyes widen. “Zoe, oh my god, we have to get you home to rest!”

 

Zoe kind of rolls her eyes. “I don’t need you fussing over me as well. It’s bad enough I’ve now got 3 older siblings.”

 

“She got some proper rest in Colorado,” Connor assures Alana, clearly picking up that she was still concerned. “And some more food. Michael does this thing where he gets a jalapeno, stuffs it with crushed Oreos and cream cheese and then deep fries it. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever eaten.”

 

“It’s amazing,” Zoe confirms. “Like, completely amazing.”

 

Alana can’t think of anything more unappealing but decides not to comment. She takes Zoe’s hand. Zoe smiles. “So you just wanted to watch the sunset?” Alana asks. 

 

“I wanted to hang out with you,” Zoe replies with a smile. “It’s been a hell of a day. I needed some Alana time.”

 

Connor rolls his eyes but is definitely smiling. “Gross.” He climbs off the car in a decisive, quick movement, then gestures to the two of them to do the same. “Go be disgusting on Alana’s car. I’m going home.”

 

“You going to be alright?” Zoe asks. “Can you tell Mom and Dad I’m out with Alana?”

 

“Sure,” Connor says with a smile, shoving his hands in his pockets. “And yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“How’s Evan?” Alana asks. 

 

Connor’s smile softens into something heartbreakingly fond. “He’s good. He’s… still coming to terms with everything, and there’s some shit he needs to sort out with his dad, but… we’re good. We’re really good.”

 

Alana helps Zoe off the car. Zoe turns to look at her brother. “I won’t be out late,” she assures him. “I’m kind of exhausted. I’m just not quite ready to go home yet.”

 

Connor nods. “It’s cool. You kids have fun.”

 

“I’m a week older than you,” Alana reminds him. 

 

“According to my fake birthday, sure,” Connor says with a roll of his eyes. He waves, then gets into the driver’s seat. “Make good decisions!” he calls out the window. 

 

That comment results in Zoe flipping him off, which results in Connor cracking up laughing. As he leaves the parking lot, his laugh kind of lingers. 

 

Zoe smiles fondly. “It’s nice to hear him laugh.”

 

They watch Connor’s car disappear into the distance, then kind of stand there looking at each other for a while. 

 

Alana is the one to break the silence. “It’s really cold.”

 

“Yeah,” Zoe agrees. “Want to go get some fries?”

 

“It really is a fried potato kind of day,” Alana concedes. “I ate like, three hash browns at breakfast.” 

 

“Well, you know what they say - the best way to deal with extraterrestrial shenanigans is with fried potatoes.”

 

They drive around aimlessly for a while, not completely sure where they’re going. There’s talk about going to McDonald’s again, but they both agree that twice in a day is a bit much, even on a day that’s involved so much alien weirdness. Eventually, they end up at Burger Burger Burger, order a large plate of fries to share and sit in their usual spot, which is outside but under a giant heater. 

 

The heater is emitting an impressive amount of heat, so while they don’t take off their jackets, it’s warm enough to be sitting outside. And Alana’s not going to complain if Zoe sits closer to her than necessarily necessary. 

 

“So how are you feeling about everything?” Alana asks once she’s sure they can’t be overheard. The place is pretty empty. The fries are delicious. “I mean, it’s… a lot.”

 

“Is it weird to say I’m kind of relieved?” Zoe says, expression conflicted. “All my life there’s been this… push and pull. Between Earth and home. I’ve kind of always thought that eventually, I’d have to make a decision between the two. And now that decision has been taken out of my hands. Because there’s no home to go to.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Alana says softly, taking her hand and squeezing it. “There must be so many questions. So many things you want to know that you’re never going to get a chance to.”

 

“There are,” Zoe agrees, “but then there’s Max and Isabel. They know a lot more about Antar than Connor and I and remember more about our past. It’s… going to take awhile, but I think eventually I’ll get all the information I need. And it’s going to be okay. Because Connor and I aren’t alone anymore. We have a family. That… that means everything.” Zoe kind of smiles. “It was always Connor and me against the world, ever since we were kids. Then when we were teenagers… we drifted apart. Not completely - we still always had each other’s backs - but we weren’t as close because we were just so different. I wanted to fit in and have a life on Earth and it was easier for me than it was for him. Connor just wanted out.”

 

“Is Connor going to be okay that he can’t go home?” Alana asks, slightly concerned. “He seems okay, but… you’ve said it before. Finding a way home was more important to him than it was to you.”

 

“It was,” Zoe agrees, dipping a fry in the puddle of hot sauce she’s poured onto her side of the plate because Alana flat out refused to let her cover the whole serving. “But… he doesn’t feel as alone anymore.”

 

“Because of Evan,” Alana agrees. 

 

“Because of a whole lot of things,” Zoe counters. She looks at Alana, her expression serious. “I don’t know if you and Jared really get how big a deal it is that you know about us.”

 

Alana thinks back to that day in the empty classroom. 

 

Seeing Zoe rip up a textbook and then put it back together with a wave of her hand. 

 

The shake in her voice as she explained that she wasn’t human. 

 

The sheer desperation in her voice as she pleaded with Alana to help them. Because no one could know. 

 

God, what must it have been like to live with that terror, that isolation, when you were just a child? 

 

What must it have been like to grow up fearing that anyone who knew who you really were might hurt you for it?

 

“I’m never going to know what it was like for you,” Alana says quietly. “But… I get that it’s a big deal. And I’m… I’m honored. I’m honored that you trusted me with this.”

 

Zoe kind of smiles. “I was so scared,” she admits. “I didn’t… I knew that no matter what lies I spun, it wasn’t going to convince you. I knew that there was no way you’d believe any excuse I came up with, no matter how much effort I put into it.” She frowns. “And I couldn’t… I couldn’t use my abilities to  _ make _ you believe a lie a second time, because… I just couldn’t. So all I could do was… hope. Hope that my gut was right. Hope that if you saw me for who I really was, you wouldn’t run away. Even though you had every right to.”

 

Alana’s heart squeezes in her chest. 

 

It hits her just how much of a leap of faith Zoe took that day. 

 

“Zoe,” she says seriously. “The chance to see you for who you really are… it’s been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. So… thank you for taking that risk.”

 

“Thank you for being worth it.”

 

They sit in companionable silence for a long moment. 

 

The rays of the setting sun light up Zoe’s hair. Alana doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything more beautiful. 

 

“When I say that Connor and I have family on Earth,” Zoe says quietly, “I don’t just mean Max and Isabel. I also mean you and Jared and Evan.” She kind of laughs. “I remember when Zel told me that they were trying to find a way home. And I just blurted out ‘what if I don’t want to go back to Antar?’ and it just hit me that… I didn’t want to leave you.” Zoe’s cheeks are pink. Alana’s not sure if it’s the slight chill in the air or from something else. “I, uh, I don’t want to freak you out that I seriously considered just blowing off my whole planet for you, but… that’s kind of a thing, so…”

 

Alana doesn’t know what to say. 

 

It’s not a problem she usually has, so she’s not sure what to do. 

 

So she kisses Zoe, and hopes that the kiss will say the things she can’t quite put into words. 

 

“So I didn’t freak you out?” Zoe asks as they break apart. 

 

“Not really.” Alana smiles. “I’m glad you’re not going to space.”

 

“I’m glad I’m not going to space, too.”

 

“I have to admit, though, the idea of going to space is just… so cool. Maybe when we’re older we could… I don’t know, build a spaceship. Run around the galaxy. Discover new planets?” Alana suggests, not even trying to hide her amusement. 

 

“Hitchhike across the galaxy,” Zoe quips with a grin. “I’ll bring my guitar.”

 

“We’ll get you a gig in a cute cafe on Alpha Centauri.”

 

“Sold out concerts on the moon.”

 

“Zoe Murphy, live from the rings of Saturn.”

 

“You’re such a nerd, oh my god.”

 

“You love it.”

 

Zoe grins. “Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 more chapters to go! They'll probably be done tomorrow, thanks to my self-imposed "get this fic completed by the 8th for reasons of symmetry" deadline.


	45. The Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Evan’s last week in Colorado. For now.

Evan’s last week in Colorado passes quicker than he expects. Liz is over almost constantly, helping him catch up with all the school work he’d missed, and he’s feeling like he’s really got a handle on everything by the time she’s finished with him. She’s also started him working on college applications, and Evan finds that her calm, practical manner is just what he needs to get things done.

 

Most of the colleges Liz suggests are in Colorado, which Evan is more than okay with.

 

“What’s Connor interested in?” Liz asks as they’re looking through colleges. “There might be something in Colorado that appeals to him as well.”

 

“He’s always said he wasn’t interested in college,” Evan admits, “but that’s because he was planning on… I don’t know, road tripping the country to try and find out more about where he was from.”

 

Liz just kind of nods. “That makes sense, funnily enough. Tell him he can always talk to me if he changes his mind about colleges - I’m happy to help.”

 

Evan promises he will. He’s fairly certain that whatever happens, Evan and Connor will both end up in Colorado after graduation, whether it be for college or just to give Connor a chance to learn more about his past.

 

He still wants to see out his senior year back home, but Colorado has become a second home of its own. Now that everything’s out in the open, he’s finding it comforting to have other people who understand the whole alien business.

 

And here Evan was, trying to get away from the extraterrestrial by moving here.

 

He’d had no idea what he was getting himself into.

 

“Where was Connor going to start his grand road trip of alien exploration?” Liz asks, a teasing lilt to her voice.

 

Evan grins. “Roswell, New Mexico.”

 

Liz just shakes her head with a smile. “Of course.” Her expression softens a bit. “That’s home for me. That’s where it all began. Sure, I’m a badass now, but back then I was just a small town girl, working at an alien-themed diner wearing ridiculous antenna and serving fast food with cheesy alien themed names. And then I got shot and all of a sudden, Max Evans brought me back from nearly dying and my whole life changed.”

 

Evan doesn’t know why he says what he does next, but somehow it comes out. “I jumped out of a tree and impaled myself on a tree branch,” he confesses. “I should have bled out at the base of that tree. Connor was there and he saved me.”

 

Liz just kind of looks at him. Her dark eyes are wide. Evan can feel the moment she understands hit him, like someone is pouring ice water down his spine. And then it’s just… immense, immense sorrow. “I’m so sorry you felt like that,” Liz says gently.

 

“You can’t tell my dad,” Evan blurts out. “I don’t know why I told you that, it’s not really fair-”

 

“It’s okay,” Liz assures him. “I won’t tell him. But… I think you should talk to Maria about it. She’s a very, very good therapist, and she’s a therapist you won’t have to hide anything from. Because this… this is a lot. All of the secrets you need to keep… it’s a lot. We…” Liz sighs, then continues determinedly. “We were your age when all our alien drama started, and we had to keep so much from our parents. We went through so much. And we were just kids. So if there’s anything that we can do to make things easier for you… all of us will do what we can.”

 

Evan thinks about his mom.

 

His beautiful, kind-hearted, hard-working mom.

 

She never knew about all of this.

 

There were so many things he couldn’t tell her.

 

There are so many things he wishes he could have told her.

 

“Thank you,” Evan says sincerely. “Just… thank you.”

 

“Any time,” Liz replies, equally as sincere.

 

Something occurs to Evan. “Wait, Max and Isabel’s adopted last name is Evans?” Liz nods with a smile. It dawns on Evan. “Right. Okay. That’s why Max seemed kind of amused when I introduced myself.”

 

“He hasn’t gone by Evans in a long time,” Liz confesses. “All our official IDs have the two of us as Maxwell and Elizabeth Jones. We’re still hiding.”

 

Evan doesn’t want to think about how long they’ve been hiding.

 

Or what they’re hiding from.

 

He’s starting to come to terms with the fact that this is what his life will be like. Constantly looking over his shoulder.

 

But he also knows he won’t be alone.

 

Evan’s dad books him a flight home on the Saturday, to give him time to settle in and go back to school on the Monday. On Friday, he takes the day off work to spend with Evan.

 

Evan’s dad takes him to visit a hydroponic garden.

 

“There’s a really cool botanic garden nearby,” Evan’s dad tells him, “but seeing as it’s still technically winter, I thought this could be a good alternative. Because you like plants.”

 

Evan grins. “Yeah, I like plants,” he repeats.

 

“I check your Instagram almost every day,” Evan’s dad confesses. “There were so many pictures of plants and trees and… I kind of decided that I wanted to know more about them, so I did a little research. Did you know there are trees in Hawaii that have rainbow bark? I thought that was neat.”

 

“Eucalyptus trees,” Evan confirms. “They’re really cool, yeah. I’d love to see one someday.”

 

“We could go to Hawaii and look at trees once you graduate?” Evan’s dad offers. Evan’s getting a wild mix of emotions from his dad right now. Shame. Hope. Uncertainty. But mostly hope.

 

“That could be cool,” Evan agrees. “We’ll, uh, we’ll see how we go?”

 

Evan’s dad nods and smiles. “It’s fine. There’s no pressure. It’s, uh…” he stops and looks at Evan carefully. “Look, I know I haven’t been the best dad to you. And I know that you know why now. But I also know that it’s… not really an excuse.”

 

“You did what you had to do,” Evan replies, equally carefully. Because it still hurts, of course it does, but he kind of gets it, and he intimately knows just how confusing and difficult things get when aliens come bowling into your life.

 

“I hated it,” Dan says with a deep sigh. “I hated it so much. I had to… do you remember when I left? You were so excited about the moving truck, and we let you sit behind the wheel, and I just… wanted you to have something happy to remember, and then I left. And your mom… she was so mad, but she was so determined that she could do it on her own, and I knew she could because she was… so strong.” He takes in another deep breath. “I wanted to send more money. I knew it was going to be hard. But we spent years on the run before we finally settled here. It was… those were some rough years, and I went through my savings like water, because we had to get fake IDs and new jobs and we always had to be ready to run, because the government was after us, and…”

 

“Dad, you don’t have to tell me about this,” Evan says when it looks like his dad is about to cry any moment. “I don’t… I know. I know that this stuff is… it’s complicated. It’s so complicated, and I get it. I really do.”

 

“My dad was a jerk,” he says forcefully. “He was drunk all the time, he was never there, and the day you were born I swore that wasn’t going to be me. I swore I was going to provide for my family, I was going to give my son a better life than I had. And then… I ruined it.”

 

“If you’d died that night,” Evan says carefully, quietly, because they’re still in a semi-public place, even though there’s no one around, “it would have been just as bad. And… I… I get to know you now, and I get to… I get it.”

 

“I never wanted you to be a part of this,” Evan’s dad confesses. “It breaks my heart that you are. But at the same time, it gives me a chance to… explain myself. To help you understand that… I know to a kid it must have felt like I just left. That I… stopped loving you. But I never did.” He kind of laughs a little there and a fresh wave of sadness washes over Evan. “I never stopped loving your mother, either.”

 

“When did you and Isabel…”

 

“Get married?” Dan confirms. He kind of smiles. “It didn’t happen for quite a few years. We ended up in Texas for awhile when you were about...10? The Special Unit of the FBI caught up with us. There was… our friend Kyle was captured. We managed to rescue him but… he’d been tortured so much that we couldn’t… he died.” Evan’s Dad’s voice is shaky. “After that, we moved to Colorado to start over and… we haven’t seen the FBI since. I hope we never do.”

 

“Were Kyle and Isabel…”

 

“Never officially, but there was… something. Isabel was married to someone else when she was 19, and before that was Alex, who was murdered by an alien, and… let’s just say that love has not been kind to her.” Dan kind of smiles. “We danced around the thing between us for another year but eventually gave in. We got married when you were 12. I wanted to invite you but Isabel didn’t think it was a great idea.”

 

Evan tries to think back to what his reaction would have been at 12. “She was probably right,” he admits. “I wouldn’t have coped so well.”

 

“Liz says you’re looking at colleges here?” The subject change is a little dramatic, but not unexpected.

 

“Yeah,” Evan says with a small smile. “I figured.. since I’m going home for senior year, college could be a good time for us to… get to know each other.”

 

“Better late than never,” his dad says with a sad smile.

 

Evan doesn’t think his dad is ever going to stop being sorry.

 

That guilt isn’t going to go anywhere.

 

But maybe they can all learn to live with it. Let go of the past and make a future together.

 

It’s a nice thought.

 


	46. The Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan comes home. Jared drinks a milkshake.

Connor has never been a morning person. Yet here he is, awake at 7am on Saturday. Half of him is questioning all the life decisions that have led him to this point because it is just… way too fucking early. The other half doesn’t care what time it is - he’s buzzing that Evan’s coming home.

 

He’s coming _home_.

 

And he’s going to be living with Connor for the rest of senior year.

 

Connor’s still not sure he’s got his head around that fact.

 

The night before, Larry had sat him down after dinner for A Serious Talk, which is definitely up there as one of the most embarrassing things he’s ever had to go through. The only thing that had made it slightly bearable was the fact that Larry was clearly just as uncomfortable as Connor during the whole experience. It had gone a little something like this:

 

“I wanted to make sure that we were clear on a few ground rules, seeing as your boyfriend will be living with us for the next six months,” Larry had said, his jaw set determinedly.

 

“Okay, we don’t really have to-”

 

“Before we start, I want to be clear that these are the same rules I would have if you had a girlfriend,” Larry interrupted. This was clearly a pre-rehearsed speech that he was more or less fighting to get through without dying of embarrassment, so Connor had wisely shut up and let him continue. “I don’t have a problem with the gay thing.”

 

It took every ounce of self-control Connor had not to comment on ‘the gay thing’.

 

“Now, I understand that you’re a teenage boy, and I also understand that it’s not like you can get Evan pregnant-”

 

“I will literally _pay_ you if we can stop having this conversation-”

 

“You will be staying in your room and Evan will stay in the guest room, and that is how it’s going to be.”

 

“Okay,” Connor had responded. “Are we done?”

 

“All I want is for you to be safe and respectful under my roof, Connor. Both of you. Evan’s dad is trusting us to keep Evan safe, and we’re happy to have him staying with us, but you need to be respectful.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Anything else?”

 

“Just…” Larry had taken a deep breath and then kind of sighed and not quite been able to look at Connor in the eye. “Your mother and I think that Evan is good for you. He’s a good kid. He’s gone through a lot, and we’re happy to have him staying with us. We just want you both to be safe.”

 

Connor had felt himself kind of deflate at that. “Thanks, Dad.”

 

Larry had muttered something about having work to do and left the kitchen at that point, which had clearly signalled the end of the conversation, much to Connor’s relief.

 

He supposes that it could have been a lot worse.

 

Scratch that - he _knows_ it could have been a lot worse.

 

“Coffee?”

 

He comes back to the present to see his mother smiling at him, warm and sincere.

 

“Sure,” he agrees. “Thanks.”

 

“Are you excited?” she asks as she pours him a cup. “It’s great that Evan’s coming back. I know you’ve missed him.”

 

“I am,” Connor agrees, pulling the milk out of the fridge and handing it to her.

 

“Your father had to go to the office this morning,” she explains with a slight frown, “but I’ll be taking you to the airport to meet Evan.” She takes the milk and then gives Connor a cautious look. “Did, um, your dad said he had a talk with you last-”

 

“Yes,” Connor interrupts, “and if we can never talk about that again that would be great.”

 

“We just want you to be safe.”

 

Connor supposes he gets where his parents are coming from. It’s just kind of ridiculous for them to be telling him that he’s not allowed to sleep in the same bed as his boyfriend when last weekend he very nearly got murdered by a crazy alien who threw his boyfriend at the ceiling.

 

His parents have a very different definition of ‘safe’.

 

Zoe comes down the stairs at that moment, thankfully stopping the conversation in its tracks before it can get any weirder. “Is that coffee?” Zoe asks with an appreciative grin. “Yes please.”

 

Twenty minutes later, they’re on the road, thermoses in hand. Zoe informs them as they’re driving that Alana’s picking up Jared and meeting them there. Traffic isn’t too bad, and they’re at the airport in plenty of time.

 

There’s a Starbucks at the airport, and despite having already had a coffee, Zoe insists they all get a drink while they wait, arguing that Starbucks isn’t really coffee. Connor relents and soon they’ve ordered ridiculous frothy, sugary concoctions.

 

Zoe pulls a bottle of Tabasco sauce out of her bag, pours a liberal amount into her drink then hands it to Connor. Cynthia just shakes her head. “I’ll never understand why you kids like Tabasco sauce so much,” she says with a fond smile. “Honestly, it’s like you’re from outer space.”

 

Zoe and Connor exchange a glance at that, then promptly burst out laughing. Cynthia joins in.

 

Maybe one day it’ll be safe to tell Cynthia and Larry the truth.

 

But not right now.

 

“Alana!” Zoe calls out, clearly having spotted her girlfriend. “Over here!”

 

Alana and Jared approach and both decide to get drinks before heading to the gate where Evan’s flight has apparently just landed. Pretty soon they’re standing waiting as people slowly file out into the terminal.

 

Connor spots him first.

 

He looks tired but happy. He’s carrying his laptop bag and Connor can tell the minute he sees him, because his face lights up.

 

It’s the most fucking beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

 

Evan’s pace quickens, and Connor’s moving toward the gate, and pretty soon they’re in the middle of what’s probably a super cinematic airport reunion hug.

 

Then Evan kisses him.

 

And Connor sees the universe.

 

They’re surrounded by stars. It’s warm, it’s safe, and it’s a world of contradictions - soft and welcoming, but kind of like being struck by lightning, all at the same time. He can feel Evan’s heartbeat, the warmth of him.

 

He doesn’t think he’s ever going to get sick of this.

 

“Get a room!”

 

Evan breaks off the kiss and turns to flip Jared off.

 

Connor cracks up laughing. “Oh my god, I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” Evan replies with a smile. He kind of licks his lips, which is unfairly hot, then smirks. “Sweet and spicy.”

 

“Fuck, sorry, I had something sugary at Starbucks.”

 

“And of course you added Tabasco.”

 

“What do you take me for, a human being?”

 

“Get over here, you idiots!” Zoe yells, waving at them frantically. “You can’t keep Evan all to yourself, Connor!”

 

“Watch me!”

 

It’s a swarm of activity as they head toward the baggage claim - hugs and animated conversations and questions about the flight and it’s all… really nice. Evan takes Connor’s hand and doesn’t let go, even when he gets his bag. It’s awkward, but Connor appreciates it nonetheless.

 

“I’ve got some things I need to do in town,” Cynthia says as they approach the car. “Evan sweetie, I can take your bag back to the house if the five of you want to spend some time together? Can you all fit in Alana’s car if I head off?”

 

“That sounds great, Mrs. Murphy,” Alana replies with a smile. “I can definitely fit everyone. My dad let me borrow his minivan.”

 

“We were actually hoping to take Evan out for brunch,” Zoe confesses, “so that works really well.”

 

“Have fun!” Cynthia says with a wave, taking Evan’s bag despite his protests. “Don’t stay out all day, though. Evan’s just spent 6 hours on a plane, he must be exhausted.”

 

“You sure you’re good for brunch?” Connor asks, just to confirm. “If you just want to go home and sleep…”

 

“I’m starving,” Evan confesses. “Waffles?”

 

“Waffles!” Jared cheers.

 

They end up at some cute brunch place that’s a bit twee for Connor’s tastes, but he has to admit that the waffles are fucking spectacular. He also gets a chocolate milkshake, because why the fuck not, and after pouring the rest of the Tabasco sauce in Zoe’s purse in, Jared gets it into his head that he wants to try it.

 

“Why would you drink that?” Alana asks, clearly disturbed. “You nearly threw up when you had the jalapeno pancake.”

 

“I am determined to learn the ways of the Czechoslovakians,” Jared says determinedly as the waitress delivers Alana’s plate of eggs and bacon.

 

“Czechoslovakia hasn’t existed since 1993,” the waitress says calmly. “Who ordered the hash browns and sausage with a blueberry pancakes on the side?”

 

Zoe waves and grabs her meal eagerly. Connor hands Jared his milkshake with a sigh.

 

Jared takes a sip and looks thoughtful.

 

“That’s…” Jared kind of tilts his head and continues, “kind of… okay? Better than the pancakes, that’s for sure.” Then his eyes widen. “Oh god. The aftertaste on this is just fucking _fire_ , how do you _handle_ this?”

 

Jared then grabs Evan’s strawberry milkshake and takes a sip to wash down the taste, much to Evan’s displeasure. He downs the entire thing.

 

“You’re buying me a new milkshake,” Evan grumbles.

 

“Fine,” Jared replies with a roll of his eyes. “Your boyfriend tried to poison me.”

 

“You were the one who said you wanted to try it.”

 

“And I was wrong, okay? I can admit that. The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman is big enough to admit it when he’s wrong.” Jared smirks. “It happens so rarely.”

 

Once they’ve eaten, it becomes pretty obvious that Evan’s flagging. He kind of leans on Connor’s shoulder affectionately, and Connor’s pretty sure that if they leave it too long, he’ll probably fall asleep. He nudges him gently. “You still awake there?”

 

“Long flight,” Evan mumbles. “I slept through some of it, but I still left Colorado at, like, midnight, so… yeah, long flight.”

 

“You could have just gotten a flight at a normal time,” Jared points out.

 

“Yeah, but I wanted to spend some time with you guys and get settled before Monday,” Evan counters. The sentence is punctuated with a yawn.

 

“Okay, we’re taking you home,” Connor says decisively. “That okay, Alana?”

 

Alana, of course, agrees immediately and pretty soon they’re bundled into her minivan, then back at the Murphys’. Alana, Jared and Zoe head into the living room to watch movies, and Evan and Connor head to the guest room.

 

“So, I had a super awkward chat with Larry last night,” Connor says with a slight grimace. “He did the whole ‘just because your boyfriend lives with us doesn’t mean you’re allowed to sleep together’ thing and it was just a fucking delight.”

 

Evan kind of chuckles but frowns a little. “I get it, but it sucks. I always sleep better when I’m with you.”

 

“We can nap now,” Connor offers. “He’s at the office for the day, Mom’s out and you definitely need a proper rest.”

 

“Who needs a decent sleep cycle?” Evan quips. He kind of frowns a little. “You sure it’ll be okay?”

 

“Larry just wants us to be ‘safe and respectful’,” Connor says, using air quotes. “I think if we’re just… sleeping, then we’re technically not breaking the rules.”

 

“Okay,” Evan says, a little uncertain. “I mean, I don’t want to piss your parents off on my first day here, but… I missed you and I really need some sleep.”

 

“We can set an alarm,” Connor offers. “Just like a 2-hour nap or something.”

 

“Deal,” Evan replies, reaching for his phone and setting the alarm. He kicks off his shoes and flops onto the bed. “I’m exhausted. I swear, I’m teleporting next time.”

 

“If you can find a way to explain that to my parents without them totally freaking out, then go ahead.”

 

Connor kicks off his own shoes and wraps himself around Evan, trying not to grin like an idiot as he did so. Fuck, he missed him.

 

They manage to doze for a few hours before being rudely interrupted by Evan’s alarm. Connor sits up and watches blearily as Evan tries to reach for the phone, then drops it on the floor.

 

“Damn it,” Evan mutters, then reaches toward the phone.

 

They’re suddenly both very awake when the phone flies into Evan’s hand.

 

Evan just kind of looks at Connor in amazement. “Whoa.”

 

Connor can only stare back. “Guess you’ve got a new trick.”

 

“I guess I have.”

 

“Well, fuck.”

 

Let it never be said that life was going to be boring for Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left!


	47. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our story comes to an end.

Senior year continues without major incident. No sign of rogue extraterrestrials, no sign of shady government organizations - just the usual academic stress and college preparation. Evan’s on the phone to his dad every weekend, is in regular contact with Liz about his college applications and gets ridiculous memes texted to him by Zan nearly constantly.

 

Somewhere along the line, Evan ends up in a group chat with both Zan and Jared, who hit it off instantly. It takes them nearly a month to realize that Evan has actually muted notifications and they’re just sending stupid memes to each other.

 

About a week later, Jared practically begs Zoe to teleport him to Colorado for the day so they can meet in person.

 

Evan doesn’t completely get it but apparently, his cousin and Jared are now firm friends.

 

Liz has been a huge help with the college applications and has suggested a college in Colorado, about three-quarters of an hour away from where they all live. It’s got a great environmental science program. Evan applies and is accepted without hesitation. Liz is thrilled and shares her news - she’s been offered a position lecturing on molecular biology, so it’s entirely possible that Evan might end up in some of her classes.

 

After a long, harrowing conversation soon after Evan’s return home, Connor decides that maybe he would like to go to college after all. It takes a bit of time for him to come around to the idea, considering that he’d been so against it, but he doesn’t want to be separated from Evan and he does like the idea of studying English literature.

 

Despite Connor’s poor attendance and general lack of caring, his grades are above average, and he manages to get into the same college Evan was accepted to, which happens to have a decent English literature program. Larry and Cynthia are so happy that he’s actually decided to go to college that they almost don’t mind that it’s going to be hours away.

 

Alana gets into Harvard, Princeton and Yale. No one is particularly surprised. She ends up picking Yale. Jared makes jokes about Gilmore Girls the entire time.

 

Jared is going to college somewhere in New York and is excitedly planning all sorts of trips for the group to come visit him. He’s vowed to get everyone wearing those foam Statue of Liberty hats. Connor is absolutely, 100% against this idea with every fibre of his being.

 

Spring break rolls around and Connor and Evan head to Colorado for a week. Zoe visits nearly every day, sometimes bringing Alana but mostly just spending one on one time with Isabel. They’ve become quite close, which makes Evan a little jealous - he hasn’t quite managed to connect with his stepmother. At the same time, though, it’s always going to be a little awkward, given the circumstances. He’s sure that Isabel doesn’t hate him - being able to feel people’s emotions has really helped his general paranoia about what people are thinking about him - but they haven’t quite clicked. Evan doesn’t actually think they’ve ever had a one on one conversation.

 

This changes about four days into their Colorado visit. For some reason, Michael decides that he, Connor and Max need to go bowling, for male alien bonding reasons. Despite Connor’s insistence that Evan comes, too, Evan declines, figuring it was probably a good idea for Connor to actually get to know his older brother and… apparently back on Antar, Isabel and Michael were married, so technically Michael is Connor’s brother-in-law, and it’s all just a little too complicated for Evan to really get his head around.

 

Dan is working late so it’s just Isabel and Evan.

 

“How about I order Chinese?” Isabel suggests. “Do you like Chinese?”

 

“I like Chinese,” Evan assures her.

 

“I tend to get a sweet and sour with extra hot sauce,” she admits, “but I’ll order you whatever you want. My treat.”

 

Evan goes for a chicken chow mein. The food’s there quicker than Evan expected and they sit at the kitchen table in a slightly awkward, yet companionable silence. Evan can tell that Isabel wants to say something and waits patiently until she’s ready.

 

“It’s okay if you don’t like me,” she says finally.

 

Evan blinks. “I like you,” he replies. “I mean, I don’t really know you, but I don’t… not like you.”

 

Isabel smiles a little sadly. “You’re a good kid,” she says fondly. “I don’t think you hate me or anything, I’m not trying to give you a hard time. I’m just saying that you have every right to see me as the homewrecker who stole your dad away.”

 

“It’s not that simple, though,” Evan points out. “I know that now.”

 

“He was devastated when he left you guys,” Isabel confesses. “We barely knew each other and he had to leave everything he cared about to keep you guys safe. And to keep us safe. We were… it wasn’t fair of us to drag him into it, but Max acted on instinct.” Isabel kind of smiles. “He’s got a saving people thing.”

 

“I’m glad he did,” Evan replies. “Save my dad, that is.” He pokes at his chow mein. “It’s… none of it is your fault so you don’t have to feel bad about it. But… I also know that just because you don’t have to feel bad about something doesn’t mean that you don’t, you know? So… I don’t hate you. I just don’t know you very well. But I’d like to?”

 

Isabel smiles. “I’m glad you’re going to college here,” she admits. “It’s going to be good for Dan, too. He’s always wanted to be in your life. And now he’s got the chance.” Her face softens. “I am so, so, so sorry about your mom. I only met Heidi once, and she… well, she definitely hated me, but she seemed like a nice woman. Your dad… he loved her so much. He was a mess when he had to leave. And then when she died… I just wish we could have explained it all to her. She died thinking your dad didn’t care, but that was never true.”

 

Evan doesn’t know what to say to that, so he keeps eating his chow mein in silence. Thinking about his mom still hurts. It’s always going to hurt, he realizes. But eventually, it will start to hurt less, and he’ll be able to think about the good things without the horror of her death sending him into a panic.

 

He spends a lot of time with Maria during his trip to Colorado as well, talking things through. Maria, it turns out, is an excellent therapist. The fact that he doesn’t have to hide anything makes everything a lot easier and he finishes conversations with her drained, but feeling a lot better.

 

Evan also spends a lot of time in the garden at the back of Isabel and Dan’s house, which is small but beautifully maintained. It’s his dad’s pride and joy and it kind of warms Evan’s heart to know that the whole reason his dad even got into gardening was because of how much Evan likes nature.

 

Evan knows that he and his dad are going to be okay.

 

Their last night in Colorado, Isabel invites the whole family around. Zoe teleports in to join them and, after Zan pleads, teleports back home to bring Jared along (and also Alana, for obvious reasons). It’s a loud, energetic affair, and Evan marvels at just how normal it’s starting to feel.

 

Six adults, six teenagers, all drawn together by a connection to a destroyed alien planet.

 

That’s totally normal.

 

Sometime during the evening, Max challenges Evan to a game of hands-free Connect Four, which is… exactly what it sounds like. Evan hasn’t spent too much time honing his newfound ability to move things with his mind, but he manages to get the hang of moving the Connect Four pieces relatively quickly, and eventually starts beating Max once he manages to get his speed up.

 

“We played a lot of this when I was first getting a handle on my powers,” Evan’s dad explains. “It’s stupid, but somehow it makes a difference.”

 

“We have Connect Four at home, I think,” Zoe muses. “We’ll give it a go sometime.” At Connor’s incredulous look, she rolls her eyes. “In a locked room away from the parents, obviously.”

 

“Normal teenagers lock their doors to get high or rub one out, not to play Connect Four with their telekinetic powers,” Maria says with a roll of her eyes.

 

“Since when did we say we were normal teenagers?” Connor points out, while Evan kind of just closes his eyes and hopes that the ground will swallow him whole.

 

“We weren’t exactly normal teenagers, either,” Maria counters with a shrug. “Getting involved with an alien conspiracy kind of does that.”

 

“I feel you,” Jared says with a nod. He looks at the Connect Four game with envy. “Man, I wish I had superpowers.”

 

“Me too,” says Zan. “I can’t believe I have two alien parents and no alien powers. It’s not even slightly fair.”

 

“Dude, that _sucks._ ”

 

“I know, right?”

 

Connor sits at the table. “I’m playing the winner of the next game,” he announces. The winner of the next game turns out to be Evan, who manages to thoroughly beat Connor, much to Connor’s annoyance and amusement.

 

Michael’s made his weird Oreo jalapeño poppers again, which everyone with alien tastebuds polishes off in five minutes flat. Jared, like an idiot, tries one and immediately spits it out, to absolutely no one’s surprise. Zoe laments the waste of a perfectly good Oreo jalapeño popper.

 

It’s a night Evan will remember for a long time.

 

***

  
  
Connor keeps in regular contact with Michael once they return home. Connor likes Max well enough, but he’s always more comfortable with Michael for some reason, and as he gets to know them a bit better, he realizes it’s because they’ve got an awful lot in common.

 

Even though Connor’s never going to understand why Michael’s so damn obsessed with Snapple.

 

Plans for college start happening in earnest, and the year starts to wind to a close. There are exams and assignments and all of those things to get sorted, and a part of Connor really resents having to spend so much time studying when he’s already been accepted into a college, but he works hard at it anyway. Harder than he ever has at school throughout most of his academic career. Mostly because he doesn’t want anything to jeopardize his eventual move to Colorado. The start of the rest of his life.

 

With Evan.

 

At the beginning of the year, he would never have expected this is where he’d end up. All he’d wanted was to get through the year and then jump in his car and try to find some answers.

 

Things have changed.

 

He knows what planet he’s from, for one thing.

 

He has more family than just Zoe - two older siblings who’ve been through so much, who know so much more than he does about his history.

 

He knows he can never really go home.

 

Not to a physical planet, at any rate.

 

But Earth is starting to feel less like a prison and more like somewhere he can carve a space out for himself.

 

A place to belong.

 

And then there’s Evan, who has also come so far. Connor’s heart breaks when he thinks about his broken, bloody body at the base of the tallest tree in Ellison State Park.

 

About how he must have felt to let go of that branch.

 

Some nights he wakes up in a panic, terrified that Evan had died that day.

 

Some nights he wakes up convinced that when Zel threw Evan to the ceiling of the chamber, Evan had never woken up.

 

Some nights he can’t get the image of Heidi Hansen’s dead body out of his head.

 

On those nights, he gets out of bed and walks across the hall. For all Larry and Cynthia’s ‘rules’, they really do sleep like the dead, so as long as Connor sets an alarm and is in his own bed before they wake up, he can sneak into Evan’s room on nights when his brain decides to be a dick and freak him out.

 

On nights like those, he can crawl into Evan’s bed and wrap himself around him tightly.

 

On nights like those, Evan wakes up, kisses him and assures him they’re safe, then goes back to sleep almost immediately.

 

It’s nice.

 

Graduation approaches and Evan’s dad asks if he can come. Then Michael texts and asks if he can come. Pretty soon, the entire group from Colorado have decided they’re coming, much to Evan’s delight. Connor makes the mistake of mentioning it to his mother, who immediately decides that of course, she’ll throw a party to celebrate. As the event dawns closer, the guest list spins more and more wildly out of control and Connor spends a considerable amount of time trying to convince Evan not to freak out.

 

“What if something weird happens?” Evan frets. “There are going to be so many people and also five aliens and three humans who have alien abilities and it just seems like a really dangerous plan and-”

 

“Breathe, Evan,” Connor interrupts as calmly as he can. “Max, Isabel, Michael, Liz and your dad all have tons of experience keeping their abilities a secret. So do we. So does Zoe. We’re going to be fine for one night. As long as no one spikes the punch or anything.”

 

Evan’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, what happens if someone spikes the punch?”

 

“Alien physiology or whatever does not react well with alcohol,” Connor explains. “One sip and they’re absolutely smashed.”

 

Evan’s eyes narrow. “Do you know this from personal experience?”

 

Connor sighs. “Yes,” he admits. “Also, Max told me a hilarious story involving turning parking meters into fireworks and Liz winning a radio show. Make him tell you next time you see him, it’s great.”

 

“I just don’t want anything to go wrong,” Evan confesses. “Your parents have been so nice letting me stay, and I’d hate for the FBI to show up at our graduation party and try to kill everyone.”

 

“The FBI totally showed up at Max’s graduation,” Connor says matter-of-factly. “They were going to flat out murder them all. Michael saved the day with a motorcycle. Well, actually, Liz saved the day by getting a vision of the future.”

 

Evan’s eyes widen in horror. “Why would you tell me this? It’s not making me feel any better!”

 

“They had just blown up a military base,” Connor points out. “As long as you don’t do that before graduation, we should be fine.”

 

Sure enough, graduation goes without a hitch. No one trips, everyone actually gets their diplomas and the FBI does not show up to murder anyone. Alana gives a beautiful valedictorian speech. It’s nice.

 

Connor’s still not sure how he got here, but he’s glad that he is.

 

The party is also a success, for the most part. There really are a lot of people - relatives, family friends and neighbors. Alana and Jared’s families come along as well. Both Zoe and Connor are pleased to find that Cynthia’s actually organized a caterer so the food is actually good.

 

Michael, Max and Evan’s dad kind of keep to themselves, but Liz is talking animatedly with Alana’s parents, Maria’s drinking a martini with Jared’s mother and somehow, Isabel and Cynthia get along like a house on fire. Jared and Zan disappear to play X-Box in the basement and when Connor and Evan are sent to go get them for dessert, they walk in on them making out, to Evan’s slight horror and Connor’s amusement.

 

“That’s my cousin,” Evan says, closing his eyes firmly. “I do not need to see that.”

 

“You think that’s bad,” Connor says gleefully, “that’s my _nephew_. Oh my god.”

 

“I’ve put up with your PDA for the better half of a year,” a slightly dishevelled Jared says with a pout. “You two have nothing to complain about.”

 

“Yeah, you guys are worse,” Zan agrees good-naturedly. He doesn’t seem to be fazed in the slightest by being caught making out, whereas Jared is definitely blushing.

 

They head back into the kitchen, where Zoe is pouring almost an entire bottle of Tabasco sauce onto a cheesecake. “This one’s ours,” she says with a grin. “I’m hiding it from Mom and taking it outside. Tell anyone with compatible tastebuds to meet me there.”

 

Pretty soon after, Connor finds himself sitting cross-legged on the grass with his fellow extraterrestrials, eating forkfuls of Tabasco-soaked cheesecake.

 

The night air is warm.

 

So is the grass.

 

It’s a nice night.

 

The next morning, he and Evan head to Ellison State Park. Connor’s dug up a picnic basket and filled it with leftovers. The two of them walk through the park in companionable silence until they find the tallest tree.

 

The tree where it all began.

 

They stand and look up at it together for a long moment.

 

Then they sit at the base of the tree and eat club sandwiches.

 

For a while, all Connor can hear is the sound of rustling leaves and the sounds of eating.

 

“I never said thank you properly,” says Evan suddenly.

 

Connor thinks about it for a minute. “No, I don’t think you did.”

 

“Thank you.” Evan kind of laughs. “I don’t know if I really wanted to thank you at the time. I… things were bad and I wanted… I don’t feel that way anymore, I promise. It just… kind of hit me that I’d never properly thanked you, so… thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Connor says. He’s not sure what else to say.

 

“If you hadn’t been here, I would have died,” Evan says softly. “Even if you had been here and just… hadn’t healed me, I would have died, and you would never have exposed your abilities. And no one would have known you were there. You didn’t… you didn’t have to, is what I’m saying. You didn’t have to save me that day. But you did.”

 

“I couldn’t have just let you die. I couldn’t.”

 

“I know,” Evan agrees. “That’s what makes you wonderful.”

 

Connor kind of snorts at that. “You’re giving me too much credit here.”

 

“I’m not giving you enough,” he insists. “You saved my life. Twice, probably. I know sometimes you feel guilty because you brought all this alien drama into my life. I know you feel guilty about… my mom. But at the end of the day… I owe you my life. And not only that, but my life is better because you’re in it.”

 

“Yeah, well… same here,” Connor replies, a little embarrassed. “My life is a lot better with you in it, too.”

 

Evan smiles softly. He looks up.

 

“Want to climb this tree?” he asks.

 

Connor looks up, too. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah,” Evan says reverently. “I’m not going to let go this time. And even if a branch breaks… well, turns out I’ve got telekinetic powers now. I think I’m safe.”

 

“What a coincidence,” Connor says with a grin. “Me too.”

 

Moments later, they’re at the top of the tallest tree in Ellison State Park.

 

Connor looks up at the sky.

 

The sky he fell out, nearly twelve years ago.

 

Then he looks at Evan and smiles.

 

He’s where he’s supposed to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH THIS STORY. 
> 
> I have had such a good time writing, and I'm really pleased with how it's turned out. The comments from all you lovely people have really encouraged me to keep going and I'm sad to see it end, but also glad it's done and dusted so I can get stuck into other projects. I wrote so much Roswell fanfiction back in the day that it's been nostalgic as all heck to hang out with these characters again, only older and wiser (to an extent), and I've had a great time playing in the DEH sandbox. 
> 
> Sadly, I don't think I'll be writing any more DEH fanfiction, but to all of you who are also writing fics of your own, I encourage you to keep going! This is a fandom that skews relatively young, which makes sense given the content, and I think it's really, really important for younger fans that if you like writing, you should write. Writing, like any other creative skill, is something you get better at with practice. Fanfiction is an excellent way to get into writing - I've been writing fanfiction on and off for many moons now, and I honestly do think it's made me a better writer. So keep at it!
> 
> To everyone who's commented - thank you, thank you, thank you. It's been a wild, soapy, melodramatic ride and I've had a blast hanging with you all throughout the month. 
> 
> AND FINALLY:
> 
> Drink some water  
> Eat some food  
> Get some sleep  
> And always, always, always be kind, especially to yourself
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Vinegar-and-Glitter


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